Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (4)

[Soulwings]

ARGH double posting!! so annoying.

 

[Soulwings]

(((Lisa))) I hope that things start looking up for you... sounds like you are going through a lot right now!! and things do get better, I think... sometime. Not sure when, haha, but I think that they will start getting better in time. Hopefully, right? Heh.

I'm sorry my reply isn't much good right now... things have been pretty ick for me and it's hard for me to focus on much of anything right now if it's not in a book... books keep me from going crazy... bc right now I am pretty close to going nuts. If I'm not already. Blah!! I would talk more about it but whenever I do people get very confused... let's just keep it at "irrational, illogical, psychotic thinking." Paranoid. Very.

I should shut up. Take care of you all. Bec, Katey, how are you doing now? and is Sabrina still around?

 

[katey]

aaarrgghh, i'm such a mess right now. i've had a really bad week but the last two days have been awful. apparently i now pose a risk to children/young people and vulneable adults or according to my CRB (wich is a criminal records check!!!) it means that it looks like i'm not going to be on this course much longer wich hasnt helped how i was feeling at all. ME i pose a risk!!! the only person that i'm a danger/risk to when i'm ill is me no-one else at all. but i was feeling really really bad and yeah i've had major thoughts of hurting myself and theyr not getting better at all. and i cant talk to anyone about it because unfortunalty its likely to cause more problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to curl up its too much for me now.

 

[Soulwings]

*hugs Katey* What makes "them" think that you pose a threat to children(ish)? bc I think that is quite silly... :-( I'm sorry that you feel so rubbishy. Wish that I could do something more to help than just be here to listen... but I am here and will try to be here more often.

 

[katey]

Thankyou, i dont know where its coem from i've never and never would hurt a child/young person or anyonne else for that matter its only myself that i can be a risk to know one else. listeneing help because at the minute no-one seems to have time to and people dont wanna kno so theres no point.

i had a therapy appointment this morning i was going to tell him but i couldnt, i feel so worthless right now i hate myself so much its my fault i'm trying to fight the thoughts in my head that are telling me to hurt myself so much right now, but at the same time cant see he point of trying to fight them, why should i. evrythings knocking me down anyway might aswell do it for them right??!!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

awww hun... know that i am ALWAYS here for you to talk to/ i will listen to you whenever you need someone to listen... i will even stay up all night for you if you need me to... (if i ever say im going to bed and you need me to say just let me know!)
i may not be much help but i will listen anytime...

 

[MyaShane]

I'm glad to see you again April. Are you nearly done with your semester and how's that going?

Katey, lots of hugs hun; I have no wisdom right now.

Bec - are you having a better day?


**I'm in a ^$%# mood, sorry.**

 

[beckybooiloveu]

no im not... but im done talking about it.../ will stop bugging all you about it... if i happen to do something then it happens... the only thing stopping me atm is how it would effect all my friends and family...

 

[katey]

thanks for the hugs, theyr a great help right now. and thanks bec, knowing people are willing to lsiten to me rant on helps a lot aswell. hope your ok too and you know where we are xx you can talk to us any time. xxx

 

[Soulwings]

Bec, sweetie, please keep us updated on how things are going. You need to let it out somewhere, and here is a better place than nowhere. We care, you know that (I hope). *hugs* If you need me, PM me or message me on MSN (I'm going to try to be on more frequently now that it's summer), okay?

Katey *hugs* I'm sorry that things are rubbishy right now; I am sure that you would never hurt anyone... except yourself, and you deserve better treatment than what you are giving yourself. Hang in there, and remember that we're here for you - the same goes for you as Bec - if you need me I am here.

Kerin, what's up??

I am done with my semester! hoorah. Things are going okay I suppose, although my counselor cancelled my appointment this week, which is pretty rubbishy as I needed to talk. She understands the stuff that's in my head now, and while Jarrod will listen, he doesn't get it fully, and doesn't really know what to say in response. And sometimes I need a woman's empathy and understanding, and since I can't tell my mum, then that's out.

Blah.

 

[MyaShane]

Blah! Had a slight tiff with my husband this morning and had to have the call at my desk of all places and it started the morning off poorly to say the least! But I called him over my lunch hour and we were able to get it straightened out. I don't like having things like that hanging over me with no closure.

It's awful when no one understand April, I know. I don't talk to anyone outside of this board about it to be honest. Sometimes I wish I had other resources, but I've always done it alone so...

When's the wedding btw?

 

[Soulwings]

The wedding is 13 June 2009. I'm looking forward to it, but am scared about leaving my parents' place, which is where I've always lived. An old friend told me that I shouldn't get married til I'm 25, bc then I'll be through grad school and will have lived on my own... but I think that living on my own would be a bad idea, even now... bc I am still close to stumbling pretty badly. But yeah.

I wish that you could talk with someone about these things... it may make things easier for you. *hugs* But I am glad that you have this board!! it helps me a lot as well... support groups online tend to do that. In real life, it's more difficult.

And I completely understand tiffs with SOs... Jarrod & I rarely do, but when we do, it is very very uncomfortable and I have a difficult time getting over it. Especially when we argue at night and don't resolve it and go to our respective beds (we don't live together)... (usually) neither of us sleeps well. Heh.

 

[katey]

AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGH

sorry needed to scream. just ignore me
(passes out earplugs!)

Kerin glad you managed to straightn things out with hubby.

Your so right about it beign different in real life April, i can talk on here and let things out but then wen it comes down to it i cant.

 

[Soulwings]

*hug* What's up, beautiful?

...oh, and is Sabrina around here anymore?

 

[katey]

my thoughts are getting stronger n i dont know if i want to fight them nay more

dont think have seen her for a little while. theres been a few people not been in for a while x

 

[Soulwings]

What thoughts? Blahh it all out over the screen if that helps at all. I'm here and will be popping in and out all evening (yey for summer).

Hmmm, who else hasn't been around lately?

 

[katey]

i iwsh i could make sense of them all, all thats going on right now are thoughts of hurting myself, but theyr starting n to get more than just thoughts and its not just selfharm sort of hurting me either. if that makes any sense.

erm most people i think. it seems to go really quiet then busy again might just be the time of year or soemthing.

 

[Soulwings]

It does make sense. Please try and take care of you... can you distract yourself at all? Have you tried that tonight? (Sorry if I sound like a dunce :o) Read, or write, or try and do something artsy. I don't know if any of that will help at all, hopefully? at least give it a go? I don't know if you're much into writing but it is very cathartic for me to just get it out, whatever "it" may be. (This is why I have 3 online journals ... )

Take care of you. I don't know if I will be on again tonight but I may. It's pretty late there too, isn't it? Oof. It's only a bit past eight here and I'm sleepy!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

i was naughty today and bought a pack of razor blades...

 

[Soulwings]

Bec I know how tempting it is to use them... and how dangerous it can be to use them... so please, please be careful. Throw them out if you can... I know it may seem like money "wasted" but it really isn't.

I can't really tell you not to use them... bc I know that I would have a hard time following that advice too, had I just bought some... but if you can, please, please get rid of them. I'm worried about you and with the thoughts that you have been having lately, it's best if you don't have access to stuff like that.