Struggling Homosexual

[Neostarwcc]

Hey everyone, this is my first time writing in any type of forum, my name is Charlie and I just came here because I need to let something out that has been welling up in me for some time. I am someone who has same sex attraction and it sucks so much when you're also a Christian. Yes, that's my big problem! No, I do not partake in any homosexual activity, it is simply an attraction, an attraction that has been affecting me since I was in elementary school. All my life I have been a Christian, and I always will be one no matter the struggle, and I feel overzealous now more than ever, but something that is at the back of my mind is the loneliness of being a celibate. I am a virgin, planning on always being celibate because of my same sex attraction, haven't had as much as a peck on the cheek. This is why I am struggling. It feels so painful to be living like this, and every time I imagine the future, I just think of the ensuing loneliness, the pain of a life lacking in affection, touch and love. Sometimes I counter this with, God is infinite love, I don't need anyone else, but then I start comparing myself with the happy straight Christian couple and think, they have infinity plus one in terms of love and they are allowed to have that. I try not to get filled with jealousy every time I see straight couples and how in love and filled they seem, but the envy is inevitable, who in their right mind would not want that!? It sucks because for someone like me, there is only the option of being celibate. You know what sucks more than seeing happy straight couples? Happy gay couples. I see them and sometimes just want to throw this whole celibacy in the trash and find some random gay person to have sex with, but my obedience to Christ is too grand and I never do it. I'm in college, keep in mind, so my hormones are everywhere and they are making things worst for me. Homosexuality, unlike many sins, takes so much; it takes away the priceless touch of another person. I know that I could never disobey God like this, but there are times where I feel like I am going to explode! I'm getting exhausted and I think the Holy Spirit guided me here for a reason. But yeah, sorry for my little rant, I just had to let this out instead of steering opposite to Christ, which is tempting but not an option for me. It just sucks, but God made me like this for a reason and I will obey, forever and always.

Trust me, marriage is not all cake and frosting. Sometimes I think I was better off alone even though I believe God gave me my wife and everything. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife there are good times on top of the bad, but marriage is chuck full of arguments, differences, and threats of divorce. If somebody comes at you with marriage is perfect and their relationship is perfect, they're lying. Marriage is NOT perfect. Marriage is a gift from God, like our children are. But, would we also say our children are perfect? Of course not! But yet, we love them and they're a gift from God. There are no perfect children, or marriage, or anything in this world.


Satan likes to blind our eyes that there are better things out there and perfection is possible but in reality there's not, what God gives to you is what is best in life. My advice to you is to forget about dating, couples, and marriage and to look forward to the future time when Christ exalts you for your celibacy and dedication and service to him. He WILL reward you beyond your wildest dreams for that. You ARE a child of God and loved by God more than anything. We all go through suffering, but we all have the same hope. An eternity being highly exalted by God and an eternity serving him. God loves you very much and he is very pleased that you aren't giving into your sinful urges. Trust me, he will reward you and not only will he reward you but, he will reward you beyond your wildest dreams. Look towards that, not your present suffering and lonliness. You aren't you alone, you have God himself. Remember that.

 

[CeBe]

Hey everyone, this is my first time writing in any type of forum, my name is Charlie and I just came here because I need to let something out that has been welling up in me for some time. I am someone who has same sex attraction and it sucks so much when you're also a Christian. Yes, that's my big problem! No, I do not partake in any homosexual activity, it is simply an attraction, an attraction that has been affecting me since I was in elementary school. All my life I have been a Christian, and I always will be one no matter the struggle, and I feel overzealous now more than ever, but something that is at the back of my mind is the loneliness of being a celibate. I am a virgin, planning on always being celibate because of my same sex attraction, haven't had as much as a peck on the cheek. This is why I am struggling. It feels so painful to be living like this, and every time I imagine the future, I just think of the ensuing loneliness, the pain of a life lacking in affection, touch and love. Sometimes I counter this with, God is infinite love, I don't need anyone else, but then I start comparing myself with the happy straight Christian couple and think, they have infinity plus one in terms of love and they are allowed to have that. I try not to get filled with jealousy every time I see straight couples and how in love and filled they seem, but the envy is inevitable, who in their right mind would not want that!? It sucks because for someone like me, there is only the option of being celibate. You know what sucks more than seeing happy straight couples? Happy gay couples. I see them and sometimes just want to throw this whole celibacy in the trash and find some random gay person to have sex with, but my obedience to Christ is too grand and I never do it. I'm in college, keep in mind, so my hormones are everywhere and they are making things worst for me. Homosexuality, unlike many sins, takes so much; it takes away the priceless touch of another person. I know that I could never disobey God like this, but there are times where I feel like I am going to explode! I'm getting exhausted and I think the Holy Spirit guided me here for a reason. But yeah, sorry for my little rant, I just had to let this out instead of steering opposite to Christ, which is tempting but not an option for me. It just sucks, but God made me like this for a reason and I will obey, forever and always.

Hey Charlie

This struggle is one of the most difficult as far as I know.

But I would like to ask you: Do you just feel a sexual attraction or also a non-physical attraction to the same sex? It is very different. If you just seek for the intercurse, it is simply coming from desire, not love. If it would be love, it is possible to restrain - in the other way it is just lack of restrain and sinful. Still all the same, it is important for your mental health to talk about your feelings and not only repress them, because that's whats always building negative feelings up and lowers your self-perception.

 

[IntriKate]

Welcome Charlie

 

[Fervent]

Charlie-
Welcome to the forum. I pray that you find peace, and know that you are loved. I won't comment on your situation because I do not want to risk encouraging sin, but we are called to an abundant life now. Every one of us deals with a war that no one else is truly privy to. For myself, I live with a constant fear and feeling of inadequacy and paranoid thoughts that suspect anyone who expresses affection toward me has ulterior motives. I feel this situation allows me to empathize with your struggles with being denied a loving partnership since your sexuality is "wrong." Rest in the hope that when Christ returns all will be set right, our obedience is not a price we pay to earn a reward and needs to be celebrated in its own right. You are a victory, yet Satan is stealing your joy through covetousness. Repent and believe the gospel.