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I don't think spiritual abuse in the home is much different - it's still the same arbitrary "authoritarian don't-question-me" type of spirit at work. I think it's very easy to fall prey to it, and believers need to stay alert that they don't commit it, and they don't allow others to commit it.
Parents have authority over a child, but a child should be allowed to question and discuss their decisions, as long as it's reasonable. The verse came to mind from Timothy: Rightly handling the word of truth. I have experienced that those who commit spiritual abuse do not correctly handle the word of truth.
I think a word of warning is in order, as I have seen the damage this abuse of authority inflicts. Those new in the faith, or who haven't developed discernment can fall prey to believe the assertions made by these people, that "they" are "the one" who is "guided by the Holy Spirit" or "God put them in their position" - and they violate their own conscience because these people assert they speak for God. That's dangerous.
How many people went to that abusive church after my friend and us left, and were sucked into inflicting harm on someone, who now is disgusted with "Christians?" How many people are going onto that busy forum, not knowing the evil lurking there?
I'm sorry to learn that this happened in your home Padiske. Did it leave any lasting scars? Did you find a way to overcome it?
I see your point about about boundaries, and telling a member to not come to church drunk - that is legitimate. But it's the crossing over, the intimidation, the assertion that your word is sacrosanct, that scares me.
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