Smacking Children

[Blackbird]

I wonder whether anyone can give me their opinion about smacking children. I never slap my children and until recently I had a no-slapping rule in my household.

However, my wife does slap the children occasionally and was very upset recently when a social worker saw her slapping one of our children. The social worker made a huge issue out of it and tried to prosecute.

Luckily my wife foresaw the furore which would ensue and took our child to the doctor immediately. The doctor examined our child and could find no mark on him. The social worker was therefore unable to take the matter further.

This incident has had a very stressful effect on us, as a family. Does anyone else have any similar experiences?

 

[LVdesigns]

Well, and this is just my opinion (and it may change if I actually have kids), some kids need to be smacked (lightly on the rear or hand) every now and then; just to scare them straight. If the slap actually hurts the child physically, it's too much. Parents, and society, are becoming too over protective of children. It is best if bad behavior can be changed by talking firmly to the child, but it doesn't seem like many children respond to that. When I was growing up, the threat of being spanked was enough to make me rethink my previous actions.

 

[quatona]

I feel that spanking kids would be counterproductive in regards to what and how I would like them to learn.

 

[Chrystabelle]

I was called a 'child abuser' for slapping my 9 year old autistic daughter lightly on the cheek, once. A nurse saw me slapping my daughter, who was having an hysterical fit. The nurse reported me to the doctor and the doctor was about to report me to a social worker but, fortunately, he asked to see my daughter first and was unable to find any red mark or bruising on her face.

I think that it is absolutely disgusting that hard-working parents are threatened like this for a light slap in a very stressful situation. I was not even aware that I was doing it. I just did it without thinking because she was screaming and throwing herself around. These were extenuating circumstances.

 

[Lynden1000]

I was spanked as a child, and 99.9% of the time I deserved it and learned my lesson.

There's a fine line between discipline and abuse. Fortunately my parents fully understood the difference. I suspect many don't.

And smacking a kid in public is just asking for trouble.

 

[quatona]

I was spanked as a child, and 99.9% of the time I deserved it and learned my lesson.

Could you explain your standards as to when a child deserves spanking?

 

[ebia]

I have reported someone for smacking their child (in public) - the smacking was repeated and (after the first one) for crying (and why was the kid crying - because she was being smacked).

I wouldn't dream of telling someone that they can't use smacking as a means of discipline providing it is used very sparingly and "appropriately". However, I am convinced it is never necessary or the best approach, and I suspect those who use it effectively are exactly the people with the control necessary to find better alternatives given the imagination and impetus to do so.

 

[non-religious]

I was never smacked as a child nor would I ever smack my 10 year old daughter. My daughter can learn right from wrong without the need to smack her. She is well mannered, respectful and very confident. As a young child we used the time out step (she sat on the step for a couple of minutes) and spoke to her in a calm and non-threatening manner.

Having said that, I know parents who do resort to smacking and they use it as a very last resort. It's important for parents not to use this form of discipline when they are angry becos this invariably leads to more than just a light smack.

 

[quatona]

Having said that, I know parents who do resort to smacking and they use it as a very last resort.

Don´t get me wrong: I understand how parents can lose patience and contenance once in a while, and I´m not gonna point fingers at them.
Yet, - leaving aside feelings like fear, frustration or anger - I seem to have a problem understanding from what smacking children could possibly be a resort, or the last resort.

 

[non-religious]

[quatona] I seem to have a problem understanding from what smacking children could possibly be a resort, or the last resort.

I would assume that it gets across a message that words and other actions have failed to achieve. Obviously doesn't make it right, but who am I to judge?

 

[Spinrad]

I wonder whether anyone can give me their opinion about smacking children. I never slap my children and until recently I had a no-slapping rule in my household.

However, my wife does slap the children occasionally and was very upset recently when a social worker saw her slapping one of our children. The social worker made a huge issue out of it and tried to prosecute.

Luckily my wife foresaw the furore which would ensue and took our child to the doctor immediately. The doctor examined our child and could find no mark on him. The social worker was therefore unable to take the matter further.

This incident has had a very stressful effect on us, as a family. Does anyone else have any similar experiences?

If you can slap children you should be able to slap adults. If you can't do both do neither. Frankly, slapping a child is like kicking a puppy. It's easy, it's fun and if I saw you doing it you might end up in an actual fight with someone who could possibly break your legs and kick you in the kidneys until the police came and took me away.

Imagine the stress on your family then, huh?

 

[levi501]

Children are very different. What is effective for some isn't for others. I think at a young age a controlled swat on the behind could be called for as long as it's preceded and followed with an explanation. Honestly, I probably needed the small physical reprimands I received. My parents disaproval would not have been enough to curb my behavior. With that said, I do think parents use physical punishment far too often out of frustration and laziness to the detriment of the child.

 

[levi501]

It's easy, it's fun and if I saw you doing it you might end up in an actual fight with someone who could possibly break your legs and kick you in the kidneys until the police came and took me away.

Imagine the stress on your family then, huh?

might being the operative word there tough guy.

 

[non-religious]

[Spinrad]Frankly, slapping a child is like kicking a puppy. It's easy, it's fun

It's fun? No.... Unless your a seriously cruel, vindictive and nasty individual, slapping children is not fun and I don't know a single parent that would even contemplate such a ridiculous notion.

 

[Spinrad]

might being the operative word there tough guy.

Someone pathetic enough to slap a child would run like a *****, and there is a chance I might not catch them, so yeah.

 

[Spinrad]

It's fun? No.... Unless your a seriously cruel, vindictive and nasty individual, slapping children is not fun and I don't know a single parent that would even contemplate such a ridiculous notion.

'Course it's fun. Causing suffering's a hoot. It's all about sin nature, baby. Haven't you heard?

 

[Lynden1000]

Could you explain your standards as to when a child deserves spanking?

Well, in *my* case, I think I deserved it the time I ditched my parents in the mall to go to a store I wanted to go to (even after they said no) when they weren't looking, and then an hour later when I came out and discovered my parents crying and police everywhere, I tried to cover my butt by saying a black man had grabbed me and tried to carry me off.

I got the spanking of my life for that, and I thank my parents for it.

 

[Lokisdottir]

Every child is different. Not every child responds the same way. I've met some children who are well-mannered and polite; even when they act up, telling them firmly to stop is usually enough to make them act sensibly.

However, as much as some people will insist that children aren't capable of things like spite, some of them most definitely are. For some, ordinary discipline (a firm "no," a time-out in the corner, things like that) only makes them act worse. I have a niece who used to respond to being told to stand in the corner by tearing around the room knocking breakable objects off of shelves and trying to yank people's jewelry off. (She succeeded, once, with one of my earrings. Ouch!) She was five years old at the time -- more than old enough to understand that this sort of behavior is not appropriate.

My poor sister tried everything to keep her little hothead under control. If she was made to sit in a corner, she'd get up and start running around. If she was told to put away her toys for the night, she'd act like she didn't even hear and go on playing with them. My niece was and is an intelligent child (already starting to read and write at that age), but when it came to discipline, she could only respond to physical acts: physically holding her down in the time-out chair, physically removing her toys from the room. (Not to mention physically carrying her out of her friend's house when it's time to go home, otherwise she'd scream and dig in her heels and refuse to leave.)

So, not surprisingly, my sister discovered that a quick smack on the butt did wonders for a child who absolutely would not respond to any other form of discipline. My niece has gone from an unholy terror to... well... maybe not a perfect angel, but at least she mostly behaves herself now.

The thought that some people are such interfering busybodies that they would have my sister arrested (or break her legs and kick her in the kidneys ) for this really burns me up.

 

[Spinrad]

Nevermind. Jokes can go too far.

 

[llDayo]

I would assume that it gets across a message that words and other actions have failed to achieve. Obviously doesn't make it right, but who am I to judge?

my sister discovered that a quick smack on the butt did wonders for a child who absolutely would not respond to any other form of discipline.

Those two pounded it (no pun intended). I'm a very patient person and I do my best not to use physical punishment but sometimes that's all that works. Just last night my daughter didn't want to go to sleep and while I was laying there with her hoping she would follow my lead she started kicking. One shot got a little close to the nethers so I gave her a quick smack on her thigh and told her to stop. She cried for about a minute for it but soon settled down and fell asleep.

Basically, she was testing me to see what I'd do if she didn't go to sleep. She went to far and got a result she didn't like. Lesson learned.