Single, Depressed, and in Despair

[Lybrah]

I am over forty and have never been married. This never really bothered me that much, but recently, I am starting to feel really sad and suffer anxiety about it. I feel like God 1. either has no one to pair me up with, or 2. He has sent them but I rejected them for stupid reasons, like not being attractive, etc. It is hard for me to get interested in a man very quickly. I never jump into relationships, ever. But I often don't get time to know the guy because 1. I'm either not really interested, or 2. I don't want to have sex with him, and he moves on to someone who will. I also think a lot lately of having babies. Lately I feel like I have wasted my life, and that now it is too late.

 

[timewerx]

I too made equally big or even bigger mistakes in life. Also wasted many years of what could have been so at 35, I still live with parents.

But it's not too late I guess if you do your best in whatever miserable situation we are in. Like I'm working really hard and God Willing, I'll make enough soon to afford moving out and have my own place.

You got to thank God still. not everyone is given this opportunity. To have a taste of it all, from rock bottom to mountain high, now that's food for character. Never gonna learn that from school!

No years are wasted for you anyway. This really isn't what God called us to do

 

[Kenny'sID]

1. either has no one to pair me up with, or 2. He has sent them but I rejected them for stupid reasons, like not being attractive, etc. It is hard for me to get interested in a man very quickly.

It's true, God brought people together at times in the Bible, but I never got the idea he always has his hand directly on that with every Christian. If he wanted to pair you, he'd have whoever he wanted, so I don't think that's the problem. On you rejecting potentials, I suppose that could be a problem, but it's no sin to be picky, however it could be costly as you may have found out.

At least you're questioning the why's of your situation, and that may help. I've never been married either, and it bothers me at times, as I know I'd be happier with the right person. And it's not because I haven't had the opportunity, I just always seem to push it away for whatever reason.

 

[Truly1999]

I am over forty and have never been married. This never really bothered me that much, but recently, I am starting to feel really sad and suffer anxiety about it. I feel like God 1. either has no one to pair me up with, or 2. He has sent them but I rejected them for stupid reasons, like not being attractive, etc. It is hard for me to get interested in a man very quickly. I never jump into relationships, ever. But I often don't get time to know the guy because 1. I'm either not really interested, or 2. I don't want to have sex with him, and he moves on to someone who will. I also think a lot lately of having babies. Lately I feel like I have wasted my life, and that now it is too late.

Jackie Pullinger, the missionary to Hong Kong, was 48 when she married.

 

[dayhiker]

Relationships are risks ... so at some point we have to go for them I think.
The first woman I asked for date seriously I felt God really wanted us to get married. She never felt that.

The 2nd woman I went for I didn't spend as much time seeking God will, I went more with God will give us the desires of our heart. It worked really well for many years. But we changed over time and didn't communicate about it well and that ended.

I've had many great relationships with GFs since my divorce. No desire to get married again. Only one of those women and I are not friends now and its because she had a personality disorder that I didn't understand at the time.

Sometimes the way we interpret the messages we hear preached don't serve us I think. I had to let God teach me a wider way to understand relationships before I had the best relationships.

 

[Bluerose31]

I am over forty and have never been married. This never really bothered me that much, but recently, I am starting to feel really sad and suffer anxiety about it. I feel like God 1. either has no one to pair me up with, or 2. He has sent them but I rejected them for stupid reasons, like not being attractive, etc. It is hard for me to get interested in a man very quickly. I never jump into relationships, ever. But I often don't get time to know the guy because 1. I'm either not really interested, or 2. I don't want to have sex with him, and he moves on to someone who will. I also think a lot lately of having babies. Lately I feel like I have wasted my life, and that now it is too late.

Being single is an okay thing. I have chosen to be single for life. I feel that is what God is calling me to do. I feel content with it. I also know in spirit I am married to my soulmate even though I may never meet him. I wear a necklace or bracelet to signify being married to my soulmate in spirit. If you desire to be married there is a soulmate for you. Trust God and let him guide your steps.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

I am over forty and have never been married. This never really bothered me that much, but recently, I am starting to feel really sad and suffer anxiety about it. [...]

May I suggest you read the thread "Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of dysfunction." It may give you a different point of view on your situation. I mean, look, what do you really know about a person? Only what he chooses to reveal.

 

[blackribbon]

I would like to have a romantic partner again but I am under no delusions that would solve my problems or that he would be able to "fix" my life. He would most likely improve some areas and make other areas harder. Same goes for kids. I got two. They are both the joy of my life and the cause of my non-stop anxiety attacks.

 

[Ubuntu]

@Lybrah

Let me first say that I understand your feelings… I’ve never been married either, and yes, it’s easy to become discouraged as one gets older.

However, I think you made some very good decisions when it comes to love and dating. Avoiding premarital sex and not wanting to jump into relationships that you aren’t ready for, is something that I bet has saved you from a lot of heartbreak and anguish.

Keep in mind that a godly spouse is a gift from God. It’s not our good looks or our charm that is supposed make people fall in love with us, it’s the deeper character traits that creates an emotional bond between people. Don’t worry that you’re getting older, keep close to God and he will provide everything you need; including a husband if God sees that you will benefit from having one.

 

[pdudgeon]

I am over forty and have never been married. This never really bothered me that much, but recently, I am starting to feel really sad and suffer anxiety about it. I feel like God 1. either has no one to pair me up with, or 2. He has sent them but I rejected them for stupid reasons, like not being attractive, etc. It is hard for me to get interested in a man very quickly. I never jump into relationships, ever. But I often don't get time to know the guy because 1. I'm either not really interested, or 2. I don't want to have sex with him, and he moves on to someone who will. I also think a lot lately of having babies. Lately I feel like I have wasted my life, and that now it is too late.

I can relate, boy can I relate!
I wonder too if there's really no man that God can bring into my life as a mate. On the other hand I also know that there's nothing impossible for God (or at least I keep telling myself that) but honestly the odds are just not stacking up in my favor these days for finding a man who loves God, and I keep alternating between wondering what it will take and how long I will have to wait.

 

[Servant68]

I also think a lot lately of having babies. Lately I feel like I have wasted my life, and that now it is too late.

That is a tough one...

I'm in my forties and I have a grandson. I have absolutely no desire to father any more children and have been snipped, so I won't.

My brother is 41, no kids, married once to a woman who was bi-polar. Marriage ended eight years ago and he thought he would never have kids. All the women he dated his age had no desire to start families this late in life.

He finally met a girl who absolutely fell for him and he for her. But, she was 25. They are engaged and she is pregnant.

So, I suppose there are some men out there who want to be 60 when their kids finally leave the house.

The funny thing about getting older and wiser is that we get narrower and narrower in what traits and desires we want in a mate. Then eventually, those criteria loosen up again.

When I met my wife at age 24, she was pretty and went to church. Bingo! Good enough for me...

Then, when I got divorced and started to date again, I wanted someone younger and prettier than my ex(childish, I know), Christian, no kids at home, politically conservative, rural upbringing, physically fit, outdoorsy, stable job, non-smoker but a light drinker, etc, etc...

Now, after four years of trying to date; just pretty and goes to church is sounding pretty good, again...

 

[delila145]

Right now, I could have written this post myself. I keep praying that God will bring the right person to me. I always wanted the husband and family, but now in my late 40's I am pretty sure children will not happen, unless they come in the form of stepchildren. I get frustrated, because I do feel like I have a lot to offer. I'm not the prettiest woman, but I'm not ugly either(!). But I am very caring, have had to be independent but just want to share the adventure of life with someone. This is a conversation I have with God pretty much daily right now.....

 

[Servant68]

Welcome Delila!

This is a great place to vent your frustrations and get Godly and kind advice. Just not from me; I'm not very good at it and sometimes come across as not how I intended.

But there are a few other very sweet and wise folks who can offer constructive and Godly feedback...

If you don't mind me asking, what kept you from starting a family until so late in life? Lybrah stated she wasn't really interested in doing so and was a bit picky in the past. How about you?

 

[exitstageright]

I can relate, boy can I relate!
I wonder too if there's really no man that God can bring into my life as a mate. On the other hand I also know that there's nothing impossible for God (or at least I keep telling myself that) but honestly the odds are just not stacking up in my favor these days for finding a man who loves God, and I keep alternating between wondering what it will take and how long I will have to wait.

By reading some of these posts,about faithful christians, over 40 and 50 years old,who have never been married,never had premarital sex,by keeping,and saving themselves for marriage,I just wonder that
maybe,just maybe that GOD does not do miracles,when it comes to finding a godly romantic partner.

I have no problem believing that God saved Daniel from the lion's den. I had no problem believing that God parted the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites to cross over on dry land. However,when it comes praying for a woman ,whom her and I can get along mutually,it seems like an exercise in futility.
Well,besides,women are more complex than lions,and bodies of water.

 

[pdudgeon]

By reading some of these posts,about faithful christians, over 40 and 50 years old,who have never been married,never had premarital sex,by keeping,and saving themselves for marriage,I just wonder that
maybe,just maybe that GOD does not do miracles,when it comes to finding a godly romantic partner.

I have no problem believing that God saved Daniel from the lion's den. I had no problem believing that God parted the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites to cross over on dry land. However,when it comes praying for a woman ,whom her and I can get along mutually,it seems like an exercise in futility.
Well,besides,women are more complex than lions,and bodies of water.

I hear you, I really do.
The good side to all this searching is that I've become more courageous and daring when coming up against obstacles, so lions and tigers, brick walls and high buildings don't scare or impede me like they used to.

Unfortunately the result is the same, however, and all I have to show for it is no results but plenty of courage and stubborn optimism.
so my only choice is to believe that all these experiences will come in handy somewhere down the line...and to believe that the impossible dream gets one step closer to fulfillment.

 

[pdudgeon]

I can relate, boy can I relate!
I wonder too if there's really no man that God can bring into my life as a mate. On the other hand I also know that there's nothing impossible for God (or at least I keep telling myself that) but honestly the odds are just not stacking up in my favor these days for finding a man who loves God, and I keep alternating between wondering what it will take and how long I will have to wait.

lol had to put a post script to my above post.
the answer is yes, it is entirely possible for God to bring a Godly man into my life, because He has. And yes, I am overjoyed at His choice, and am daily finding more reasons to be grateful and amazed at the man that He selected for me....and said man has said the same thing about me.
So yes, it is still possible for God to bring a person into your life who will both compliment it and complete it at the same time.

 

[dayhiker]

That is great to hear, pdudgeon. Enjoy.

 

[pdudgeon]

That is great to hear, pdudgeon. Enjoy.

I will indeed enjoy it. we've got one more hurdle to go through--a contract at his work to finalize-- and if it goes through (God willing) that will set the stage for us to begin a new chapter in both our lives.

 

[pdudgeon]

p.s. God is soooo good. One of those wonderful things is that I'm a member of St. Mary's Catholic Church, and He's a member of St. Joseph's Catholic Church. YES! even in those small things, God is there.
I was a buried treasure---he's a geologist! How good is that! Who else but a geologist would know to look for buried treasure? And have the patience and foresight to do so! Our lives have both changed and we couldn't be happier.

 

[Servant68]

So great to hear! May God bless your relationship and light your path on your walk together through life! Thanks for sharing this wonderful news!