Single and in my forties- confession- please don't judge

ToBeLoved · Dec 11, 2017

Lybrah said:
I have the same problem! I no longer feel attractive. Further more, lately I've been wishing I had a baby. However, I really don't want to go on dating sites anymore. I can't feel an instant spark with any man, and they want sex too early and make sexual overtures too early, which I don't like. I really feel like I have no way to meet anyone otherwise. I used to get a lot more emails too.

As far as the sex part, who cares if they want sex or not. Just say no and if they don't like it move along.

Truthfully, I expect people to want to try and people want to satisfy themselves in whatever way they can. That is the world.

I would brush that off and hold my ground.

dude99 · Jun 4, 2018

slp40 said:
Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

I can relate however I don't really like dating online sites. I wish you all the best

Desires Light · Jun 4, 2018

slp40 said:
Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

Growing up I felt ugly, later in life I saw myself as plain, but now in my 40's I'm looking fine after seeing what I've done to myself for 40+ year's.

JAM2b · Jun 4, 2018

Attraction and being attractive is all superficial. No one should get too hung up on being visually attracted to some or feeling they are attractive themselves.

It's all just a matter of opinion anyway, and says nothing about who a person is or the life choices they make or how they treat others.

People's perception on what is attractive often changes with time and age. Plus people's appearance changes. If you choose or reject someone based on attraction, what are you going to do when their appearance changes? What are you going to do when your's does? How do you want to be treated by others, based on who you are or what you look like?

Stacyjo Hamlin · Jun 28, 2018

My first thought is to ask you if you've prayed about it? I truly believe that God knows our desires and listens to our prayers when we ask according to His word. I met my husband on a dating site... but I had strict rules, and I stuck to them. Even wrote a book about it. When I first started dating, I wouldn't spend much time chatting and such without meeting in person face to face. I found it was a waste of time, because some people tend to hide behind a computer or phone, and my perspective wasn't as accurate. I let them know that I would only have about 30 minutes for a coffee, and that I would buy my own, (that way, I didn't feel obligated to stay if it wasn't a good choice). I was candid, and explained all of my dating rules, including the fact that I don't sleep around, and refuse to kiss a million frogs trying to find my prince. I prayed constantly about it, before and after every "meet and greet" I prayed, then I was still and waited. I never asked God to find me a match that I was attracted to physically; not even once. That was just me. I had been through so much already in life, and had huge self worth issues, that I wanted a match for my heart. Speaking of self worth... it's different than confidence in yourself. Knowing your self worth is super important. You are a child of God, and you are worthy, period. This all probably doesn't make much sense, and I wish I could explain it all better for you. =(
I would suggest that you pray for God to lead your way, pray for Him to give you strength, and discernment in this process, and pray for His will in your life regarding finding a relationship that will be blessed. FYI, I'm totally attracted to my husband, and I wasn't really to his picture. In person, things are so different, and I was immediately attracted to him. That was just the gravy that God poured out of it all.

Lybrah · Jun 28, 2018

It's pretty clear that God is not going to answer my prayers for a husband. Or, he does, but I reject the guy because I just don't develop romantic feelings for him. I do have sexual desires for males, but I just can't get into the guys I date. The last guy was incredibly immature, and the others were okay, but they wanted sex quickly and I didn't feel anything when we kissed. Should I just give up? I've kind of stopped asking, because of this.

Stacyjo Hamlin · Jun 28, 2018

I'm so sorry you are feeling discouraged. Please don't give up, unless you hear that God's plan is different in your life. If/When God sends someone to you, you will know. It sounds like you're using wisdom and not settling, good for you that's a lot more difficult than it seems. Think of Sarah in the Bible... she lost hope, and took things into her own hands. Wait on Him sister, He's got your back. Try reading Isaiah 58:8-11, and Romans 12:12. My prayer for you is that you find hope and joy in Christ, and reading His word and spending time with Him will give you the peace about this that you deserve.

Stacyjo Hamlin · Jun 28, 2018

Oh and FYI I turned 44 the month after I met my husband, and became a granny the next month!

Streetwise · Jul 23, 2018

slp40 said:
Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

I wish I could help you but I'm asexual ,so I don't have that yearning to be married .
I have a label high functioning autism ,which autistic people don't agree with ,it appears to be common with autistic people to be asexual.
I'm in my 40s and I'm just Waiting to be passed menopause

usexpat97 · Aug 10, 2018

You know what--find a man you care about. All this looking for attraction and hormonal feelings and stuff...not only is it secondary...it's selfish. Marriage and selfishness don't go together. Parenting, even less so. You might as well get in the habit now.

RageOfAngels · Aug 13, 2018

JAM said

"Attraction and being attractive is all superficial. No one should get too hung up on being visually attracted to some or feeling they are attractive themselves."

I kind of think that is a very good point. Someone once said don't go for looks, go for compatibility. If it's just down to looks, then try and pick someone in an Old Peoples home, because that's what we're all heading for. Look for a companion, then sex isn't about what you look like, but rather how you feel about each other as a person/companion.

Whilst sex is important (more for the man than the woman) it isn't everything, in fact it's much less important than some are led to believe.

royal priest · Aug 13, 2018

Lybrah said:
It's pretty clear that God is not going to answer my prayers for a husband. Or, he does, but I reject the guy because I just don't develop romantic feelings for him. I do have sexual desires for males, but I just can't get into the guys I date. The last guy was incredibly immature, and the others were okay, but they wanted sex quickly and I didn't feel anything when we kissed. Should I just give up? I've kind of stopped asking, because of this.

Never. Stop. Asking
God has His purposes and one obvious purpose (made clear by your post here) is to test your resolve to persevere in prayer to Him. May He Grant you the desires of your heart!

royal priest · Aug 13, 2018

One thing to recognize is that God never promised a spouse to anyone. Or children. I mention children because though my wife and I covet children, God has yet to open her womb. We've been married 17 years. Even so, Thy will be done, O Lord!

usexpat97 · Aug 13, 2018

Whilst sex is important (more for the man than the woman)

This stereotype is not true.

Note · Sep 4, 2018

I hate being single, and I am too picky.
Screwed am I, hmmmm.
I can understand the original question, which was two years ago but this thread is still going. As humans get older (have you ever looked at your lifespans, it is hilarious), time starts running out.

Note · Sep 4, 2018

usexpat97 said:
You know what--find a man you care about. All this looking for attraction and hormonal feelings and stuff...not only is it secondary...it's selfish. Marriage and selfishness don't go together. Parenting, even less so. You might as well get in the habit now.

I disagree. You want to be attracted in some way to someone. You want to be compatible. Yes, human physical attributes are not forever, but it is at times nice. But if you not "feeling it" for someone on the inside (and let me tell you, them internal organs are really sexy) then you may end up having to force yourself to be with someone who may not make you happy to be with in the first place.

God wants you and your mate to enjoy being with one another. That is where intimacy lies.

Roseonathorn · Dec 9, 2018

I think it is normal to feel unattractive when we get older, probable because we are perhaps less attractive in some aspects physically. Hard cold truth maybe. But on the other hand some parts might look better. If we were very slim when we were young maybe a welltrained or a rounder figure is not too bad now when we are 40 and then the breasts does not hang either. Besides one can train them so they look perkier. Common chest excersizes and weightlifting does the job. But even the most beautiful mom or woman can be abandoned by her man and her kids can say that She looks ugly and that her breasts are too ugly no matter how good they look because in this world kids and men can be so cruel at times. Even if One had the best body in the world one would have to struggle to keep it fit and beautyful and have little time with love, besides it would be superficial. If You want to be loved get a kitten. If You show that kitten affection it will love You but people are usually rather cruel. Still we love people but we might not always get loved back if we have demanding families. Often we are taken for granted. I am married and I suppose my husband is well kept. But He does not even sleep in the same room as me.

Roseonathorn · Dec 9, 2018

I should send my husband an airbrushed picture of myself, after all His mail rubbish bin and the internet that He is so occupied with is filled with stuff like that but of other women... I could text Him, if You think I am too ugly today then please come visit me after 50 years, maybe I have learned my lesson and look like a queen.

Roseonathorn · Dec 9, 2018

ToBeLoved said:
As far as the sex part, who cares if they want sex or not. Just say no and if they don't like it move along.

Truthfully, I expect people to want to try and people want to satisfy themselves in whatever way they can. That is the world.

I would brush that off and hold my ground.

I think that topic is a very sensitive question. If one has set boundaries like no sex before marriage it is wise to write it out so people does not make a fool out of themselves and ruin their genuin attempts to make the relationship work although they are often both lovestarved and sexstarved and temptation can take overhand if not boundaries are in black and white from the start. At least it helps to know what One wishes and wants in order to build a genuin relationship and not just crash and burn and regret it and know You had it together with so and so and You get vicious rumour spread about You sooner or later. But sometimes we might meet someone that is and feels so right but we discover something that make us believe it is wrong, then we need to be brave enough to ask. It might be a silly reason and not as bad as we thought.

Roseonathorn · Dec 15, 2018

Oh actually I sent my husband a chrismas card greeting with only my ”jinglebells”on it, well lighted and in a nice warm tone. What happen, He quit sharing His placeinfo with me... guess He is not wanting me to find out what murky clubholes He might be visiting and with who. - Actually I only sent that to Him and noone else so He should feel priviledged and not offended. But I guess I am over forty so my own husband want to exchange me to 2000000 x 20 year olds upstairs. At the same time 20 year old guys tries to send me romantic invitations and I have to keep telling them to find someone else because I am married. It seems that the only thing some people are interested in is chasing a harem on internet, not actually spending quality time with their family or spouse anymore. Sure we all can look like moviestars with airbrushapps and photoshop and some work but being a nice generous and kindhearted person evidently is not ok for my husband. Being angry or rude or sexy or prude is not right either nor ignorant, so no matter what I do it is wrong. So ok He has his world and then I have whatever is left, I think he wants to be like president Trump. Allright now I got to go since some hunter shoots in our forest again and our cats are out. Don’t want the cats to get scared.

Single and in my forties- confession- please don't judge

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