Single and in my forties- confession- please don't judge

[slp40]

Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

 

[faith33]

I feel exactly as you do, but I am married. Now I worry that my husband will not love me anymore when I was once pretty hot (although had lower esteem and didn't realize it) and now I feel I'm not. Physical beauty can be both a blessing and a curse. It can lead to shallowness, vanity, and unrealistic expectations. At least those are some sins I have been involved in.

Aging is something all of us have to figure out as we go along. And it is only going to get worse! In 10 years we will look back at today and say what on earth were we complaining about!

I think we just have to face our bodies are temporary, they will age and die, but our spirit is eternal, and we can focus on being a beautiful spirit, and let our spirit shine through us to show our beauty now, not our bodies.

For that reason I would maybe try to be in meet-up situations where you can meet people in person, to right away see personalities and interests, versus online dating sights that might put more of a focus on physical attraction to photos.

I understand what you are saying about not being attracted to men your age now. But I think that is because you are seeing more of the whole man now, when before it was hidden to you by his physique. I'm not sure of your faith but have you considering searching for someone in Christian based circles?

 

[Mydnyte]

You can't lie to yourself though. You want what you want and if you settle for less, you are going to end up disappointed. And if you settle for someone you really aren't attracted to just out of loneliness, then the relationship is probably doomed.

I'm not too happy being single, but I'm not about to settle. I'll go to my grave alone before I settle for less just out of loneliness.

 

[Lybrah]

Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

My problem is that part of me doesn't want to put forth the energy in finding someone, at least online. Finding someone online is hard because even though I begin talking with a guy, it doesn't mean I am interested, just that I am willing to see if. However, they all seem to think that I'm giving them the green light. It's like they expect a relationship by the second date, and sex on the third. Like the OP, I am very visually oriented. Guys with huge bald spots or bald on top, do not appeal to me at all. I kind of wish I had met someone in college. Since I am 41, I feel like my looks are fading. I don't think I am as attractive now as I was 10 years ago, so it will be harder to find a man.

 

[Lybrah]

I also feel like having children is off the table for me.

 

[JAM2b]

I have found that when you're dealing with people on the internet, things move much more quickly than they would in person. This can be very unhealthy.

The internet seems to give everyone a sense of safety, anonymity, and bravery that they might not have in person. This causes people to open up sooner than they maybe should. It causes people to feel attached and even possessive sooner than they should. Also on the internet there is an expectation for many that meeting people online is an easy and cheap way to find someone for sex. I found this to be true even on Christian dating sights. I gave up meeting people online a really long time ago.

I just blocked a guy on Facebook that I just accepted a friend request from the week before. Without even really knowing each other and having a very few short conversations, he felt a "connection." I told him he didn't know me yet, and that this happens online sometimes. We have no relationship for him to base that feeling on, and I didn't want one. He still continued to try talking to me a lot. I tried ignoring him first, thinking he would get the hint especially after I had explained things to him. He did not. So now he is blocked.

You get to decide if you feel like you have talked with a person long enough to establish a real relationship with them. If you want to go slow, you tell them that at first. Tell them the phases you would like to go through before moving forward. If they aren't respectful of that, then they are not safe or healthy enough to have a relationship with.

Or refrain from online relationship with people you don't know in real life, like facebook friends you really do know, or friends of friends who are trustworthy.

 

[Khalliqa]

Insecurities occur at every age.. How much control do you have over improving your health? A fit figure always improves looks.. An energetic spirit is attractive as well.. How much control do you have over engaging people and engaging in things that genuinely make you happy? A light spirit is attractive..

I could continue but I think you get the point..

 

[Lybrah]

Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

I have the same problem! I no longer feel attractive. Further more, lately I've been wishing I had a baby. However, I really don't want to go on dating sites anymore. I can't feel an instant spark with any man, and they want sex too early and make sexual overtures too early, which I don't like. I really feel like I have no way to meet anyone otherwise. I used to get a lot more emails too.

 

[Miss Tardis Blue]

No judging here.....I understand the turning 40 and wondering where the "youth" went.....
and the looking in the mirror....
and the struggle....
I put "celibate" to describe myself because I would rather be alone than with someone who was not compatible....
be by myself instead of wondering how to get out of a bad relationship (been there/done that)....
rather find a "friend" who is genuine instead of a "mate" who has always let me down....
I don't want that path again....
is it easy every day?.....
NO WAY.......
some days are easier than others.....
it just seems more prominent now that I'm in my forties.....
I will pray for you and for those on this thread.....
God bless =)

 

[byhisgrace7]

 

[Servant68]

Hey girls,

Like the OP I am not usually attracted to men my age either if they are not in shape or trying to be.

Are you saying you're attracted to younger men that are out of shape?

 

[byhisgrace7]

 

[Servant68]

 

[mercyfollowsme]

sounds like a modern complex, having a one sided wish list that cant be fullfilled and rather having nothing.

 

[Loser82070]

Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

 

[Loser82070]

My wife was in her 50s when she met me. That was 5 years ago. You may still find someone, but you have to lower your standards and take what you can get. I'm 47 and my wife is 56. Sounds like she did great, but she got a horrible deal with me. I'm worthless, I make minimum wage and will my whole life. I'm stupid, ugly, and I have ED but she was desperate and since I don't hit, she tolerates me as being "better than being alone" although I expect her to bolt at the first time a REAL man makes her an offer, so it could happen for you.

 

[hopesum]

Hi everyone

I know this probably isn't right to feel this way and I could use prayer for this..i know this is wrong thinking, but I'm wondering if others struggle with this. Btw I'm female just in case you wanted to know for your replies.

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me. I beginning to have a midsection I never previously had, in gaining weight in my face, and the creases on my face after becoming more prominent.

Sadly, I hate to say it. But I find myself not physically attracted to candidates in my age range for the same reasons. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here because I'm not happy with my own refection either. I was hoping I would have been married by now.

I have a hard time seeing past some of these inevitable things, we spent most of our lives on the other end, where these things were not an issue.

I don't want to be single forever. I've actually posted a casual more recent photo of myself on this Christian dating site. I get hardly any replies where as just under five years ago, when my face was more youthful I would get a higher number.

Please pray that I can look past the physical. I wonder how much physical attraction matters sometimes and I know it all fades, but I'm hoping that can be a component in the future.

Hope I don't sound vain....

Anybody else feel this way at this age?

I can relate. But we have to be realistic.
Either get yourself fit so you feel more in equal to what you are attracted to or you'll have to be open to others who have the SAME physical dilemma you do. That might not be so bad. Maybe you can inspire each other to be more healthy.

If you stay where you are in the dilemma, time will continue to pass by

 

[SouthernChristian]

You're low self esteem will show and will be unattractive. But you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Let God shine through.

You can better yourself.

Online dating is tricky. Don't be too trusting and know that actions do truly speak louder than words.

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

This may be a bad analogy, but I would venture to guess that many if not most take the wrong approach. Like looking for an automobile, how does it look, condition, mileage, comfortable, and most importantly price. People like me cannot afford a new car, so it comes down to the best umm...down to what a person can afford while taking into consideration looks, condition, mileage mostly and prioritizing them. Anytime I've had to search for an automobile, mileage is probably most important, however the past couple of automobiles we've owned, both had to have entirely new engines dropped in.

To be more direct and serious though, if a person wants a lasting relationship, a beautiful heart, mind, and soul is infinitely of more value than a picture perfect model lacking in those areas. Lust is fleeting, will not last or keep a marriage together, especially when times get rough.

 

[Babe Ruth]

Being 43, obviously, aging is beginning to take a toll on me.
Please pray that I can look past the physical. Hope I don't sound vain....

Slp, hi.. I don't think you sound vain. I actually appreciate the candor (& humility) in this post.
Aging isn't fun y'know.. We're all trying to navigate it gracefully. Hoping & praying you find what you want. Keep us posted..