Struggling with parents' anniversary of invalid marriage

[Lady Bug]

Hi, this is not meant to make my parents look bad. However, I feel that as the child of such a marriage, I don't want to have to smother my true feelings about this. They married 53 years ago today.

It's more my mom's fault

It was an invalid marriage because she married a non-baptized non-Christian without a dispensation, the priest refused to do the marriage, she married in a Lutheran Church, she did not agree to raise us Catholic, and actively (purposefully) tried to get me to reject the Catholic ideals that the local Catholic school tried to instill in me (she valued the educational aspect of it otherwise). I was only in Catholic school until (and including) third grade. When I was at my late great uncle's home and he started to say grace, she motioned for me to not say it. I'm worried and distressed about this. I did manage to get her anointed about a year and a half before she died and I'm thankful for that, but I don't feel that it guarantees that she was forgiven, because she was mentally incapacitated for years before that and never made a declaration of repentance and desire to return to the faith.

While I remember this day as their anniversary, it pains me that I can't really celebrate it because of the invalidity of the marriage. I hope this isn't airing dirty laundry. I feel like my point of view (in real life) doesn't even cross people's minds.

I feel that the relatives on either side of my family probably do not like me very much because of this marriage. I could be paranoid about that, but it's hard not to be.

 

[Michie]

Hi, this is not meant to make my parents look bad. However, I feel that as the child of such a marriage, I don't want to have to smother my true feelings about this. They married 53 years ago today.

It's more my mom's fault

It was an invalid marriage because she married a non-baptized non-Christian without a dispensation, the priest refused to do the marriage, she married in a Lutheran Church, she did not agree to raise us Catholic, and actively (purposefully) tried to get me to reject the Catholic ideals that the local Catholic school tried to instill in me (she valued the educational aspect of it otherwise). I was only in Catholic school until (and including) third grade. When I was at my late great uncle's home and he started to say grace, she motioned for me to not say it. I'm worried and distressed about this. I did manage to get her anointed about a year and a half before she died and I'm thankful for that, but I don't feel that it guarantees that she was forgiven, because she was mentally incapacitated for years before that and never made a declaration of repentance and desire to return to the faith.

While I remember this day as their anniversary, it pains me that I can't really celebrate it because of the invalidity of the marriage. I hope this isn't airing dirty laundry. I feel like my point of view (in real life) doesn't even cross people's minds.

I feel that the relatives on either side of my family probably do not like me very much because of this marriage. I could be paranoid about that, but it's hard not to be.

You had nothing to do with it. An invalid marriage in the eyes of the RCC does not make you illegitimate. The Church still recognizes legal marriage. I doubt any of your relatives on either side hold you responsible for you parent’s choices or dislike you because of it. Prayers the Lord grants you comfort and peace.

 

[Lady Bug]

You had nothing to do with it. An invalid marriage in the eyes of the RCC does not make you illegitimate. The Church still recognizes legal marriage. I doubt any of your relatives on either side hold you responsible for you parent’s choices or dislike you because of it. Prayers the Lord grants you comfort and peace.

Oh I know I had nothing to do with it, lol. There's nothing unclear about that.

I do wish to try to contact some estranged relatives from my mom's side, but I think that a couple of them are at odds with my brother right now (on FB).

 

[Michie]

Oh I know I had nothing to do with it, lol. There's nothing unclear about that.

I do wish to try to contact some estranged relatives from my mom's side, but I think that a couple of them are at odds with my brother right now (on FB).

Well you could always reach out. You won’t know unless you try.

 

[Lady Bug]

Well you could always reach out. You won’t know unless you try.

I tried about a decade ago and no response, and I'm not sure I have the courage to do that again. I contemplate it every day though.

 

[Valletta]

Hi, this is not meant to make my parents look bad. However, I feel that as the child of such a marriage, I don't want to have to smother my true feelings about this. They married 53 years ago today.

It's more my mom's fault

It was an invalid marriage because she married a non-baptized non-Christian without a dispensation, the priest refused to do the marriage, she married in a Lutheran Church, she did not agree to raise us Catholic, and actively (purposefully) tried to get me to reject the Catholic ideals that the local Catholic school tried to instill in me (she valued the educational aspect of it otherwise). I was only in Catholic school until (and including) third grade. When I was at my late great uncle's home and he started to say grace, she motioned for me to not say it. I'm worried and distressed about this. I did manage to get her anointed about a year and a half before she died and I'm thankful for that, but I don't feel that it guarantees that she was forgiven, because she was mentally incapacitated for years before that and never made a declaration of repentance and desire to return to the faith.

While I remember this day as their anniversary, it pains me that I can't really celebrate it because of the invalidity of the marriage. I hope this isn't airing dirty laundry. I feel like my point of view (in real life) doesn't even cross people's minds.

I feel that the relatives on either side of my family probably do not like me very much because of this marriage. I could be paranoid about that, but it's hard not to be.

Father Padre Pio, the great confessor, kept telling people to “pray, hope and don’t worry.” I understand completely about the anniversary and you certainly should not feel any obligation to celebrate it. There are so many in families that have gone down different religious paths, at least on the Christian side, that I would not expect someone to dislike you for the acts of your parents. Finally, although it is private revelation, I take comfort in what Sister Faustina said, that Jesus calls to each soul three times at death.

 

[Lady Bug]

Finally, although it is private revelation, I take comfort in what Sister Faustina said, that Jesus calls to each soul three times at death.

I'm going to find out more about this.

 

[Michie]

I tried about a decade ago and no response, and I'm not sure I have the courage to do that again. I contemplate it every day though.

Was there no contact when your mom passed? It may just be a case of too much water under the bridge at this point. But I’d pray about it and if it is still something you ponder…try again. Even if it’s just a private message on FB or a phone call. I tend to lean towards a phone call. That is not as easy to ignore. Prayers for your wisdom and discernment.

 

[Valletta]

I'm going to find out more about this.

I happen to have her diary here on my computer desk. In #1486 Sister Faustina goes into detail. Now remember this is private revelation, so it is not official Church teaching but it is perfectly allowable to believe so.

 

[Michie]

Her diary is online here in the chapel.

 

[Michie]

Yes, according to the Diary of Saint Faustina, Jesus offers every soul a final opportunity for mercy three times at the moment of death. He calls to the soul in an interior, mystical way, offering a special light of understanding God's efforts to save them. If the soul spurns this final grace, it remains in its self-chosen state of rejection for eternity.

The Three Calls

1. 1. First Call:
   In this first encounter, the soul hesitates, sometimes due to fear or shame.
   
   
2. 2. Second Call:
   Jesus makes a second appeal, which the soul may recognize through the prayers it has heard or uttered.
   
   
3. 3. Third Call:
   This is a final grace, and the soul is fully aware of the opportunity to accept God's mercy.
   

The Soul's Choice

• Acceptance:
  If the soul shows even a flicker of good will and accepts Jesus's mercy, the rest is accomplished by God's grace.
  
  
• Rejection:
  If the soul rejects the mercy all three times, God allows the soul to remain in its state of eternal rejection, leaving the soul to itself.
  

The Significance
This vision shows that God's mercy is persistent, pursuing souls even to the very last moments of life. It highlights the importance of the prayers of others, which can provide graces to help a soul respond positively to Jesus's final appeals.

Key Takeaway
The vision from the Diary of Saint Faustina serves as a powerful reminder of God's unending mercy and a warning against the eternal consequences of rejecting that mercy at the very end of life.

Death, Judgment, Heaven, and Hell

By focusing on our ultimate end, we have the opportunity to prepare ourselves for our ultimate goal.

www.thedivinemercy.org

 

[RileyG]

May God grant your parents eternal rest and peace in his kingdom, and may he bring comfort and healing to you! Amen!