Should I wait till marriage?

[UnprofitableServant]

So I stumbled on an article online about the statistics on young Christians waiting till marriage I was hoping to find someone that has upheld gods word and well let’s just say my hope is pretty much gone.

http://www.exministries.com/christi...tians-singles-are-willing-to-have-casual-sex/

Yes, you should wait until marriage.

Second, are you open to remain celibate for God?
Jesus teaches and Paul backs up the idea that remaining single for Christ, is the preferred option. Matthew 19:12," For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

1 Corinthians 7:7-9, "
For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

This is an option. It is not a commandment, nevertheless, Jesus and Paul says that this is the preferred option.

Something worth praying about being open to doing.

In peace

 

[royal priest]

how old were you when you married?

I was 25, she was 23. We courted for 3 years before tying the knot. It wasn't an easy wait, but we had lots of support from church and family.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

In one church--even a megachurch--the pool is small. But there are Christians all over the country and even the world, and the means exists to find them.

in every church the pickings are slim, especially if it's true that most bible studies and prayer meetings are just venues for sex hookups as you say.

same can be said for online "Christian" sites.

 

[DamianWarS]

I was 25, she was 23. We courted for 3 years before tying the knot. It wasn't an easy wait, but we had lots of support from church and family.

I met my wife when I was 26, then married when I was 29, most of that was long distance. We knew we would married early and I proposed officially a year after we were together. Getting "stuff" together was part of our excuse for waiting so long but it was too long and if I did it again I would have married a lot sooner. Waiting is over rating and no one counts the years before marriage... why this need to wait so long after you have found the one you will marry?

Western thinking I find is always caught up in planning and making sure everything is set up right because it's "the rest of your life" so we need to make sure it's done right... but on the other hand "it's the rest your life" so stop trying to figure it out and start doing it already.

 

[RDKirk]

I met my wife when I was 26, then married when I was 29, most of that was long distance. We knew we would married early and I proposed officially a year after we were together. Getting "stuff" together was part of our excuse for waiting so long but it was too long and if I did it again I would have married a lot sooner. Waiting is over rating and no one counts the years before marriage... why this need to wait so long after you have found the one you will marry?

Western thinking I find is always caught up in planning and making sure everything is set up right because it's "the rest of your life" so we need to make sure it's done right... but on the other hand "it's the rest your life" so stop trying to figure it out and start doing it already.

I'll point my agreement with this back to the OP.

If the advice to "wait" was given for spiritual reasons, maybe there'd be a grounding for it.

But all the reasons for "wait" are financial, not spiritual. The only reason given for waiting is "mo' money, mo' money, mo' money."

For sure, financial difficulty is an issue, but that's more the reason to recognize marriage as a family and community concern and thus each marriage is worthy of family and community support.

 

[Blade]

So far everyone has told you what THEY would do..what THEY believe you should do.

So.. what do you want? Whats love? Love is not "she/he didnt wait for me so I wont". Love does not think of self 1st. No matter what the other does.. you waited because YOU loved them so much.. what a awesome beautiful gift.

We know what the world does.... you would be SHOCKED at how many STILL wait.. me and my wife did.

 

[RDKirk]

So far everyone has told you what THEY would do..what THEY believe you should do.

So.. what do you want? Whats love? Love is not "she/he didnt wait for me so I wont". Love does not think of self 1st. No matter what the other does.. you waited because YOU loved them so much.. what a awesome beautiful gift.

We know what the world does.... you would be SHOCKED at how many STILL wait.. me and my wife did.

That is, btw, the same advice some others have given the OP.

 

[Chance7]

How will you feel if you don't wait ... and, yet, the marriage doesn't happen ?

That’s actually a really good point, thank you

 

[DamianWarS]

I'll point my agreement with this back to the OP.

If the advice to "wait" was given for spiritual reasons, maybe there'd be a grounding for it.

But all the reasons for "wait" are financial, not spiritual. The only reason given for waiting is "mo' money, mo' money, mo' money."

For sure, financial difficulty is an issue, but that's more the reason to recognize marriage as a family and community concern and thus each marriage is worthy of family and community support.

I agree community support is the answer and the western obsession of independence is irresponsible and the byproduct are these casual relationships.

But I'm not so sure if the "it takes a village" platitude will ever be accepted because it's difficult to go against the grain. Parents plan as well and they would rather invest their money than give it to their kids because when they are old and feeble there is no community for them and they need the money to keep on going. The idea is they can have the money when I die, so it can be stored up and repeated all over again.

The kids want independence from their parents, the parents want their kids to move out, the kids don't want to care for their parents in their old age and the parents want to be independent until the day they die, never needing help. The culture screams independence from every moment but it has caused a lot of the problems we have today that community based problem solving would answer. Probably the best way of doing it is moving out of culture.

 

[dms1972]

.

 

[RDKirk]

I agree community support is the answer and the western obsession of independence is irresponsible and the byproduct are these casual relationships.

But I'm not so sure if the "it takes a village" platitude will ever be accepted because it's difficult to go against the grain. Parents plan as well and they would rather invest their money than give it to their kids because when they are old and feeble there is no community for them and they need the money to keep on going. The idea is they can have the money when I die, so it can be stored up and repeated all over again.

The kids want independence from their parents, the parents want their kids to move out, the kids don't want to care for their parents in their old age and the parents want to be independent until the day they die, never needing help. The culture screams independence from every moment but it has caused a lot of the problems we have today that community based problem solving would answer. Probably the best way of doing it is moving out of culture.

Y'know, though, the "1 Percenters" don't think that way.

Who are Trump's kids working for? Daddy. Who owns the homes they live in? Daddy. And I'll bet Trump still owns his own father's home. That's how they accumulate and maintain wealth, instead of each generation spending everything its earned and forcing the next to start all over.

So that "kids want independence from their parents, the parents want their kids to move out...." is just for families who will never have anything.

Now, of course, Jesus offers more than what anyone was born with:

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields...."

Our churches are robbing us! Our cult of individuality is robbing us!

Yes, that is a different culture.

 

[DamianWarS]

Y'know, though, the "1 Percenters" don't think that way.

Who are Trump's kids working for? Daddy. Who owns the homes they live in? Daddy. And I'll bet Trump still owns his own father's home. That's how they accumulate and maintain wealth, instead of each generation spending everything its earned and forcing the next to start all over.

So that "kids want independence from their parents, the parents want their kids to move out...." is just for families who will never have anything.

Now, of course, Jesus offers more than what anyone was born with:

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields...."

Our churches are robbing us! Our cult of individuality is robbing us!

Yes, that is a different culture.

money's the motivation for those people and they have the disposable income to support their lifestyles and there is still enough to go around. A lot of people don't have those options and it often is one or the other; often they can't actually help support their kids when they get married and the kids probably aren't that interested in cohabitation with their parents.

I live and work in SEA and people here just have different expectations when it comes to their living space. often the entire family will sleep in the same room regardless of age and those you can will contribute income back into the home. It's just not a thing to go out and make it on your own and most people would think it is odd to think that way... why when you have your family to help you here?

Westerns don't think that way and it is unrealistic to expect them to adopt communal lifestyles like what I described but it certainly is practical living and it has a lot of benefits. So rather than everyone bunk in the same room there still can be some practical solutions that we can learn and adopt from these more communal-centric cultures.

 

[RDKirk]

money's the motivation for those people and they have the disposable income to support their lifestyles and there is still enough to go around. A lot of people don't have those options and it often is one or the other; often they can't actually help support their kids when they get married and the kids probably aren't that interested in cohabitation with their parents.

I live and work in SEA and people here just have different expectations when it comes to their living space. often the entire family will sleep in the same room regardless of age and those you can will contribute income back into the home. It's just not a thing to go out and make it on your own and most people would think it is odd to think that way... why when you have your family to help you here?

Westerns don't think that way and it is unrealistic to expect them to adopt communal lifestyles like what I described but it certainly is practical living and it has a lot of benefits. So rather than everyone bunk in the same room there still can be some practical solutions that we can learn and adopt from these more communal-centric cultures.

I've spent a few years in SEA myself, and fellowshipped with Christians there.

But you contradicted yourself.

I gave an example of the wealthiest people in the US maintaining their wealth by inter-generational cooperation.

You said, "A lot of people [in the US] don't have those options...."

But then you gave the example of even poorer people doing it in South East Asia.

If the wealthiest people in the world are doing it and the poorest people in the world are doing it, then the people in the middle have obviously been bamboozled into thinking they can't do it.

And I'll say "bamboozled" because when a middle-class man dies and leaves his home to his widow, then when she dies in a nursing home, the value of the house they worked their lives to pay off does not go up in smoke--a healthcare company gets it. It goes into the pocket of the 1%.

The wealthy have a vested interest in making sure the middle class is taught to eat up whatever they've earned during their own lifetimes, like Sisyphus rolling that rock up the hill over and over, because they gather what we burn up.

And as Christians, we have the Lord telling us not to live that way. But we'd rather follow the dictates of the 1% and claim we can't do what richer and poorer people are doing.

 

[DamianWarS]

I've spent a few years in SEA myself, and fellowshipped with Christians there.

But you contradicted yourself.

I gave an example of the wealthiest people in the US maintaining their wealth by inter-generational cooperation.

You said, "A lot of people [in the US] don't have those options...."

But then you gave the example of even poorer people doing it in South East Asia.

If the wealthiest people in the world are doing it and the poorest people in the world are doing it, then the people in the middle have obviously been bamboozled into thinking they can't do it.

And I'll say "bamboozled" because when a middle-class man dies and leaves his home to his widow, then when she dies in a nursing home, the value of the house they worked their lives to pay off does not go up in smoke--a healthcare company gets it. It goes into the pocket of the 1%.

The wealthy have a vested interest in making sure the middle class is taught to eat up whatever they've earned during their own lifetimes, like Sisyphus rolling that rock up the hill over and over, because they gather what we burn up.

And as Christians, we have the Lord telling us not to live that way. But we'd rather follow the dictates of the 1% and claim we can't do what richer and poorer people are doing.

The poor do it out of compulsion and the rich do it out of comfort. For the middle class cohabitation is neither a compulsion nor a comfort.

 

[RDKirk]

The poor do it out of compulsion and the rich do it out of comfort. For the middle class cohabitation is neither a compulsion nor a comfort.

But it is a comfort.

 

[DamianWarS]

But it is a comfort.

That's where the culture part plays in. The western mind says it's not a comfort because it shows that we are week and dependant. The rich use it as power moves and the poor use it for survival but the giant mass of people in the middle need to flex their independence.

 

[RDKirk]

That's where the culture part plays in. The western mind says it's not a comfort because it shows that we are week and dependant. The rich use it as power moves and the poor use it for survival but the giant mass of people in the middle need to flex their independence.

Jesus calls us to join a group with a different culture.

 

[Saricharity]

undo all the nonsense purity culture indoctrinated us with.

What does this even mean?


To the OP: yes, you should wait for marriage. That is pretty clearly stated in the bible. If you meet someone who has stumbled in this, I believe there is forgiveness. The person should be honest with you and if you love them and feel like God is leading you to marry then you should do so.
The problem with not waiting is you bring that experience with you into your marriage which could possibly set the other person up for failure because of expectation.
If both of you are virgins on your wedding night, neither of you have any expectations and you can learn together. The first time is awkward enough without adding undue expectations and experience to the mix. It's something you can enjoy and laugh at together.

 

[Tetra]

What does this even mean?


To the OP: yes, you should wait for marriage. That is pretty clearly stated in the bible. If you meet someone who has stumbled in this, I believe there is forgiveness. The person should be honest with you and if you love them and feel like God is leading you to marry then you should do so.
The problem with not waiting is you bring that experience with you into your marriage which could possibly set the other person up for failure because of expectation.
If both of you are virgins on your wedding night, neither of you have any expectations and you can learn together. The first time is awkward enough without adding undue expectations and experience to the mix. It's something you can enjoy and laugh at together.

Google purity culture??

Here is a thread I made on the topic as well:
The Negative Impact of Purity Culture

 

[DamianWarS]

Jesus calls us to join a group with a different culture.

the gospel transcends culture but we are called to be a light amongst the culture which is our mission. If the gospel is a culture it takes on the culture around it and makes it christ-like through cultural forms, values and expressions that are reconcilable to following Christ.

Paul tells us we should identify our mission then become a part of that culture so that they may receive the gospel, concluding "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings." For most our home culture is our mission and should be slaves to our mission. "...all for the sake of the gospel".

If we are too counter-cultural people think we are weird and keep away and the gospel suffers because they don't hear the gospel all they hear the hippy family that do weird things. So we need to be intentional when we reject cultural values in favour for another knowing that it may negatively affect our influences with others. High value for education and career can be reconcilable cultural values, but low value for marriage and relationships are not. The line we was balance on is the "becoming all things" part while rejecting cultural values that reject the design and nature of God.

For the OP it is a laudable to wait while seeking education/career if we do so to glorify God and spread his gospel. the problem is most don't, they seek education/career for selfish ambitions which is counter-gospel and doesn't help the goals after career which continue to be selfishly motivated. this is probably the greater problem which is what our ambitions are which then can lead to other immoral behaviour. Our youth are very different in terms of responsibility and maturity based on a historical measure of the same ages going 50, 100, 200 years back. This is the cultural trend and having never-grown up adults is not wrong but we as Christians need to understand how to response to this while raising our own family while not at the same time estranging ourselves from our own mission, otherwise we might as well create a christian colony in the middle of nowhere and purge ourselves of the world around us.