I gave up all sin and left my immoral relationship. I came to a church but who wants to sacrifice all things but me? Work so ALL money is for God and sheep. No family or material things or fun. 100% Jesus 100% of the time.
Thanks for sharing that. You seem to have come from a really dark place. Isn't the Savior good? He reaches down into the pits we fall into and lifts us up.
When you have some time, think through some of my other questions. If you are going to follow Jesus 100% you need to understand what his perspective is.
For most people, following "the Way" of Jesus is to embody the life of God wherever you are: at your job, at school, in your neighborhood, etc. For example, since you have been forgiven, you now forgive when you've been wronged…even your enemies. Since you've been brought close to the Father through Jesus's death, you reach out to others on the fringes. Since Jesus humbled himself and served us, we humble ourselves, rejecting selfish ambition and vain conceit (Philippians 2:1-11).
The best thing you can do is to become part of a community of people who love Jesus, are committed to reading his word to hear his voice, and are committed to making disciples and growing as disciples. We are all growing and maturing, becoming more like Jesus. Because of that, no church is "issue-free", but our unity is based on the fact that we've all been rescued, not that we are all on the same page in our lives.
The worst thing you can do is to reject the people of God (whom he loves and through whom he works, collectively as well as individually) and either become a "lone ranger" Christian, or a church-hopper. Put down roots, get discipled by an elder, pastor or a mature brother in Christ, serve in and through the church community. Reading through your story, I can see that running away from Christian community is the direction that the Enemy of your soul wants to pull you. You need to learn from mature, faithful believers how to follow the Good Shepherd. Be humble. That's the way of Jesus. Rest in God's deep affection for you. You've been through an ordeal, but that is not an excuse to become critical or bitter.
God sees you through the perfection of Christ. It takes time and the work of the Holy Spirit through the washing of the Word to grow up into Christ. "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it to the day of Christ Jesus." He is fully committed to you:
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
If (and when) people in your church family don't seem to be living in a Christ-focused way, remember Paul's words to Timothy:
" Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." (1 Timothy 4:12)
At the same time, all good gifts are from God and are to be enjoyed:
Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared, who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer." (1 Timothy 4:1-5)
The Christian life isn't mystical or otherworldly, it is the expansion of God's rule (the Kingdom of Heaven) through our daily activities so that God's will is done "on Earth as it is in Heaven". Leaving behind job, family, neighborhoods, etc. to form a community is the exact opposite of what we are called to be: salt and light for the entire world.
Rest in what God has done, be in your Bible and get help from people in a local church that can help you grow.
Take Care-
IngBee
