Should a Christian Date A Non-Christian?

[Reeniee]

#1: Sex should not be based upon lust, but rather upon love.
#2: Attraction to a person should not be based upon lust, but rather upon love.

Well, I mean, you still need to actually find your spouse sexually attractive right? Otherwise you're asking for problems.

Let's say you know 5-10 ladies who are your friends.

Do you think that's average for most people, having 5-10 friends of the opposite sex? I mean, it might be, but I find it pretty unlikely.

Also, I asked how you're meant to find a partner without dating, and your answer involves finding someone, and then dating them, so I think we might be talking totally cross-purposes somewhere.

 

[Sammy-San]

In what way?

IDK-its kinda hard to explain.

because when you say dating, dating strictly speaking refers to relationships with a sexual element.

 

[Xalith]

Well, I mean, you still need to actually find your spouse sexually attractive right? Otherwise you're asking for problems.

I'm asking you how unlikely it is for you to find the average non-obese woman to be "sexually attractive" and what reasons would you find one not "sexually attractive"?

Do you think that's average for most people, having 5-10 friends of the opposite sex? I mean, it might be, but I find it pretty unlikely.

If you go into it with the secular mindset, and bemoan the "friendzone" and end up angering women, then no, you won't have very many female friends. If you look at women in such a way that you size them up for sexual potential, then no, you won't have very many female friends. If you're constantly trying to flirt with them, then no... you won't have very many female friends.

I'm not very social, and I've got two current female friends, and I've had three others in the past (they moved away). That's five total. If I'm an anti-social recluse who has 5 female friends, it surely can't be that hard for someone who isn't a social recluse to have more, right?

Also, I asked how you're meant to find a partner without dating, and your answer involves finding someone, and then dating them, so I think we might be talking totally cross-purposes somewhere.

You misunderstood me entirely.

I said that you don't go out LOOKING for a wife, you meet her in the natural course of your life. The secular idea of "dating" is to go out, find single strangers, and then ask them for a date and away you go on dating.

What I am saying to do, is to get to know several friends, and maybe one of those platonic friendships might blossom into something further. But yet when you formed the platonic friendship, dating was not the reason you did so. Dating happened when one of your platonic friendships blossomed into something further on its own without any pushing.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that you should meet your wife in the natural course of life, let God do it with His capable hands rather than trying to take matters into your own hands and going out for the purpose of finding a wife. He has someone in mind for everybody, but a lot of times, we think we know better than God, and we take matters into our own hands. That's how so many good Christians end up in terrible marriages, because we married people that God did not intend for us to marry.

Just go about your life naturally, don't worry about who or when you will find a wife and you might be surprised if you meet someone who is just perfect for you eventually. Or maybe you won't... there are blessings in being single, too.

 

[Reeniee]

IDK-its kinda hard to explain.

because when you say dating, dating strictly speaking refers to relationships with a sexual element.

I'm not sure that's what most people mean when they say dating. It's definitely not the standard definition.

 

[Xalith]

I'm not sure that's what most people mean when they say dating. It's definitely not the standard definition.

Eh.... you sure about that? Everytime I hear "dating", it has to do with people looking for someone to get in bed with, or at the very least they're looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, usually for the reasons of a trial relationship hoping to someday get marriage out of it, and yes, a good many of them have sex before marriage. But then that's how the secular world works, and many Christians don't seem to know any better, because I've heard professing Christians doing the same.

 

[Dave-W]

The secular idea of dating, is to go out, look for a single woman, and "date" her (which oftentimes includes pre-marital sex).

Not how I understand it. If a guy asks a woman out to dinner or a movie, how is that sin? Or is it not a "date?"

 

[Grandpa4]

God's word tells us not to be unevenly yoked with unbelievers.

 

[de1929]

God's word tells us not to be unevenly yoked with unbelievers.

how about the great commision matthew 16:18 ? missionary dating is one way to spread the gospel.

Are you saying spreading gospel is lesser priority than God's word ?

 

[Dave-W]

missionary dating is one way to spread the gospel.

With a very low percentage of success. Most cases end up with the Christian compromising with sin or falling away entirely.

 

[de1929]

With a very low percentage of success. Most cases end up with the Christian compromising with sin or falling away entirely.

it's a matter who wins spiritual warfare actually. there must be a team to support the whole thing.

same thing like running the ministry independently without denomination support. if lost the spiritual warfare, then the ministry got hit in physical realm. e.g. low offerings, division, dryness, unpaid bills, low cashflow, etc..etc...

 

[Xalith]

it's a matter who wins spiritual warfare actually. there must be a team to support the whole thing.

same thing like running the ministry independently without denomination support. if lost the spiritual warfare, then the ministry got hit in physical realm. e.g. low offerings, division, dryness, unpaid bills, low cashflow, etc..etc...

Dating, or attempting to marry, someone for the reason of evangelizing them, means that you are likely NOT marrying them because you love them in the marriage sort of way.

Marriage for any reason (including Lust) other than the Marriage sort of Love is bound for disaster.

And besides, what field of work encourages you to marry your job? That is almost always a big no-no.

 

[Lulav]

This thread has gone through a cleaning for many Off topic posts, flaming and goading.
Please remain on topic and respect the OP's wishes to

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

​

 

[Black Dog]

I am kind of confused on this. I've been told that dating a non-Christian is unbiblical with the conflicting belief systems, but I have also heard that as long as the person isn't anti-Christianity then it's okay, and you can do missionary dating, as in convince them to convert while dating. Which is really true?

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

My wife is Christian, I'm not, and we are going on 26 years of (mostly lol) happy marriage. The children were the tricky part, we agreed that we wouldn't foist any opinion on them, and let them choose their faith when they became adults.

Sorry I can't provide any biblical support, only what actually happened, and that it worked out well. And I should add that I have never attempted to take her from her faith, and she has never tried to force me into Christianity. Religion literally never comes up as a subject of discussion in our house

 

[Heatios]

Somebody here just gave you the advice (without scriptural justification) to "follow your heart".

i would plead that you DO NOT take that advice.

Here's what the scriptures say about your heart and mine...

9)The heart is deceitfull and wicked aboue all things, who can knowe it?
10)I the Lord search the heart, and try ye reines, euen to giue euery man according to his wayes, and according to the fruite of his workes.
Jeremiah 17:9 1599 Geneva Bible.​

God through His word has already spoken on this subject. He tells us to not be unequally yoked.

14)Be not vnequally yoked with the infidels: for what fellowship hath righteousnesse with vnrighteousnesse? and what communion hath light with darkenesse?

15)And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath the beleeuer with the infidell?

16)And what agreement hath the Temple of God with idols? for ye are the Temple of the liuing God: as God hath said, I will dwell among them, and walke there: and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

17)Wherefore come out from among them, and separate your selues, saith the Lord, and touch none vncleane thing, and I wil receiue you.

18)And I will be a Father vnto you, and ye shalbe my sonnes and daughters, saith the Lord almightie.
II Corinthians 6:14-18 1599 Geneva Bible
​

Dating is for the intention of marriage, which is a covenant relationship with another persons (see Ephesians 5). Being in covenant relationship with an unbeliever is the last thing you want to do with yourself. Mankind is by nature covenant breakers. That is the testimony of Scripture.

Well in my harry potter book section 5C states all non-harry potter believers are not allowed to talk to me, so sorry but because of the book I can't read your message.

TRUST ME IT'S NOT I WHO IS MAKING THE DECISION, IT'S THE BOOK I SWEAR.

 

[Xalith]

You are implying you shouldn't date someone for their beliefs, making them out to be the villain, when in reality I [censored] sure know you wouldn't favor a scenario in which an atheists didn't date you simply and utterly for your beliefs.

Uh, since I don't believe in Christians dating/marrying Non-Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14-18) then by extension, I would not want an atheist to want to date me, unless they were willing to convert (in which case I would happily lead and teach them, but I would not date them until they have converted).

So no, you can't be "sure" that "we" wouldn't favor a scenario in which atheists didn't date us for our beliefs.

I would not want to get into a relationship where we can't even agree upon spiritual matters. That sounds like far more trouble than its worth to me, to be quite honest with you.

EDIT: I also would like to present to you another problem with a Believer being married to an Unbeliever:

The believer is going to want to stay away from various sins (assuming they are participating Christians, and not those who merely profess Christ but don't do the rest of it), meanwhile the unbeliever is going to think that it is OK to sin, because they don't believe in God or Christ.

I know a married couple, where one of them (the woman) is very deeply into Christianity, and is a very close follower of Christ while her husband is a Sunday church-goer, and I get to, quite often, listen to her woes that she fears her husband isn't doing enough for Christ, and is doing things that grieve her greatly (such as watching violent movies and/or other filth on TV, or his hunting animals which she hates).

If that kind of tension exists between two who are believers, how much worse would it be if the husband didn't believe at all?

 

[de1929]

God's word tells us not to be unevenly yoked with unbelievers.

do you know how many christian couples start with both good christian and ended up divorce ? that's because they blindly follow bible verse "do not be equally yoke with unbeliever" so they took liberty to marry their own version of believer, instead asking GOD what is GOD's version of believer.

GOD's version of believer perhaps still non-believer as of today. who has been to future ?

 

[de1929]

Dating, or attempting to marry, someone for the reason of evangelizing them, means that you are likely NOT marrying them because you love them in the marriage sort of way.

Marriage for any reason (including Lust) other than the Marriage sort of Love is bound for disaster.

And besides, what field of work encourages you to marry your job? That is almost always a big no-no.

in GOD's provision, there is no statistic. Therefore putting thoughts such as "likely", "small percentage", are completely irrelevant because GOD's will is GOD's bill. GOD's bill meaning "fulfilled", "100% percentage".

so the idea is not to read the bible to know GOD's will, but to ask GOD which bible verse to give you empowerment to do anything GOD's will is. Anything can be translated to our context:
1. dating
2. attemptying to marry
3. evangelizing
4. field of work
5. marry our job.
6. big / small no-no / yes-yes.

now to counter your point:
dating, or attempting to marry, someone for the reason of evangelizing, if it's GOD's will, because GOD's will is GOD's bill, will lead to a blessed family. So, the word bound for disaster is far away from GOD's will.

out-of-topic, do you know how many christian couples start with both good christian and ended up divorce ? that's because they blindly follow bible verse "do not be equally yoke with unbeliever" so they took liberty to marry their own version of believer.

 

[Heatios]

in GOD's provision, there is no statistic. Therefore putting thoughts such as "likely", "small percentage", are completely irrelevant because GOD's will is GOD's bill. GOD's bill meaning "fulfilled", "100% percentage".

so the idea is not to read the bible to know GOD's will, but to ask GOD which bible verse to give you empowerment to do anything GOD's will is. Anything can be translated to our context:
1. dating
2. attemptying to marry
3. evangelizing
4. field of work
5. marry our job.
6. big / small no-no / yes-yes.

now to counter your point:
dating, or attempting to marry, someone for the reason of evangelizing, if it's GOD's will, because GOD's will is GOD's bill, will lead to a blessed family. So, the word bound for disaster is far away from GOD's will.

out-of-topic, do you know how many christian couples start with both good christian and ended up divorce ? that's because they blindly follow bible verse "do not be equally yoke with unbeliever" so they took liberty to marry their own version of believer.

Well why don't you go ask "God" why he would tempt a believer with a person they would want to have a relationship with, if he does not want them to engage in the first place.

Sounds like god's trying real hard to give incentive to the very thing you're claiming he's forbidden. No don't tell me that it's not god's fault, it's the person who doesn't believe, if you're going to claim that god has 100% control over lives, and that's the reason anyone trying to take control of their own and marry a non-believer is wrong, you cannot claim that he does not have 100% control over the situation in the first place.

 

[de1929]

Well why don't you go ask "God" why he would tempt a believer with a person they would want to have a relationship with, if he does not want them to engage in the first place.

Sounds like god's trying real hard to give incentive to the very thing you're claiming he's forbidden. No don't tell me that it's not god's fault, it's the person who doesn't believe, if you're going to claim that god has 100% control over lives, and that's the reason anyone trying to take control of their own and marry a non-believer is wrong, you cannot claim that he does not have 100% control over the situation in the first place.

I can't answer you directly because your questions is not part of my believe, which: i believe the strong prevails. i know it's very not christian answer at all.

you have preconditions set in your mind. your writings in blue are those examples.

in wof movements, joel osteen saying problem / temptation for believer are the investment opportunity. why don't you look the blue part from investment perspective.

christian that grabbed investment opportunity, turned into prosperity, becoming stronger, and if stronger than atheist then the atheist mindset will succumb. the missionary dating is completed.

Think about this. A rich christian try to date a poor atheist. A rich christian saying (not blatantly of course), honey... please be a christian, so you can help me pray and we can help your parent and sibligs (the poor atheist) as well. Money / influece does talk dude, that's why i said i believe the strong prevails.

 

[Heatios]

I can't answer you directly because your questions is not part of my believe, which: i believe the strong prevails. i know it's very not christian answer at all.

you have preconditions set in your mind. your writings in blue are those examples.

in wof movements, joel osteen saying problem / temptation for believer are the investment opportunity. why don't you look the blue part from investment perspective.

christian that grabbed investment opportunity, turned into prosperity, becoming stronger, and if stronger than atheist then the atheist mindset will succumb. the missionary dating is completed.

Think about this. A rich christian try to date a poor atheist. A rich christian saying (not blatantly of course), honey... please be a christian, so you can help me pray and we can help your parent and sibligs (the poor atheist) as well. Money / influece does talk dude, that's why i said i believe the strong prevails.

No idea what you just said.

You basically just professed your misconceptions about atheists. Also, do you really think that an atheist will pray? If you expect that you are simply kidding yourself. It's not like praying helps anyway, there is no proof whatsoever that praying has ever helped any scenario, not to mention the vast majority of individuals with serious illnesses, serious issues, who pray and see no result.

Nothing fails like prayer. In fact an atheist would probably help much more than their christian wife who is fine to just pray. "Please honey come pray for help"
"No thanks, instead of praying i'm getting in my car to go and actually help".