sever ocd

[drummingman]

hi all. im new here.
i have very sever ocd. its all tied in with my faith. i have huge battles on losing my salvation and on losing things that i love because of my sins. my ocd is so bad its debilitating.
just wanted to drop in and say hi and let you all know a bit about me.

 

[skunkfeather]

((hugs))

 

[drummingman]

i really need your prayers right now. im in a crises in my life with the ocd. its so bad i can hardly take it.

 

[Akathist]

drummingman,

prayers going up for you!

Maybe it would help if you called a hotline:

1 - 877 - 949 - HELP (This one is Christian)

1 - 800 - 273 - TALK

The second number is not specifically Christian but it is a great place to call to get a trained person to talk to. Also, they might refer you to someone to get counseling.

It is important to go regularly to see a therapist to help you with severe OCD. It can be helped by this and your life can improve.

Remember, nothing can seperate you from the Love of God. I would really encourage you to go to the church of your choice every week and maybe meet with the minister or Priest there to talk about your faith and concerns about salvation.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Drummingman,
I'm really so very sorry to hear what an awful time you are going through right now. OCD thoughts that attack your faith in Christ are torture. They wouldn't be able to torture you if you didn't care very deeply about your faith in Christ.
It is important, as Akathist said, to get to a Doctor who is trained about how to treat OCD. You will likely also need to be on medications, like so many of us, in order to be able to begin a type of therapy called exposure/response, which teaches you how to combat OCD and win victory over it's ability to bully you around. So many of us here on this forum know exactly what you are going through. (The war in your head that rages till you just feel as though you can't live another minute like that.) But there is help out there for you. What you have is a real disorder and there is real effective treatment for it.
I will be praying for you. Please see a Doctor as soon as possible.
Blessings,
Gracealone

 

[marcb]

We know what you mean when you say ocd is "debilitating." A little over a year ago, I had to leave my job for a while, I couldn't eat, I could hardly get out of the house, and I just felt like my body was made of lead (even though I was underweight).

Now, with God's help, things are ok. I am on meds and have no intention on changing this for now. The bad days are not as bad, and they do not last like they used to.

Our minds are playing tricks on us and the power of our intrusive thoughts has no authority over us, and certainly not over God's love and mercy. You WILL emerge victorious with God over this and other struggles. Give it to HIM!

Peace,

Marc

 

[drummingman]

thank you all for your thoughts.
i am seeing doctors for my ocd and im also on meds, they just arnt working. i have been on a ton of meds over the years but they jusat stop working over time.
i was thinking about the thoughts about rejecting god and i i started talking about them out loud and now i feel like i said something about rejecting god. i have begged for forgivness but i feel like god wont forgive me and take me back. will god forgive me and take me back even if i said i reject him? i feel like he wont. even typing it is causing me problems but i had to ask the question because i need to know.

 

[Liftyourhand7]

Hi drummingman, First of all if you have received Jesus as your Saviour He has never left you. He tells us in his word that He will never leave us or forsake us. Secondly if you had really rejected God you would not care whether He left you or not, and clearly you do care. You just said some words (that is the OCD) its not really who you are. Please believe that God loves and cares for you so much and there is absolutely nothing you or anyone else can do to seperate you from him. Keep trusting him even if you "feel" like He is not there,because He is there for you Please don't give up on God because He will never give up on you. He has not left you. I will be praying for you . Blessings Jan

 

[marcb]

Jan is right on!

As far as your experience with meds not working, how long have you been taking them, and how long were you taking them in the past? In my experience, I had to "max out" the dose, gradually, and I would still have days when I would even wonder why I was taking them when I felt so bad anyways. The meds do not change you, but they give you a chance to make some "breakthrough" progress with therapy and learning to experience a healthier relationship with the LORD.

It has been over a year since I began taking meds and I would say it took about a year to no longer fear my thoughts. So in order to determine if the meds are working, I think you might have to be patient and even realize that with meds you will still obsess, but they start to lessen in duration, become a little less strong, and finally have little or no effect (in general). This is a gradual process, and my prayer for you, my friend is that you endure and ask the LORD for patience in this process. He is with you and is good on his promise to never leave you.

Clarity and truth will shine through, friend.

God bless. Marc

 

[SkyCloud]

Hello, Drummingman.

This is Dan. I have 2 things to tell you:

1) Stay in present time.
That means to try, if you can, to think only on the present. OCD can be the opposite. It makes you "Remember" SOMTHING that happened, and it tries to make you believe that YOU have to FIX the problem. Or SOMEONE has to fix a problem. The Bible says to leave your cares with God because He cares for you. I felt that God has reminded me to stay in the present with my thoughts.

2) The thoughts you have are not real.
They're an illusion. Haven't you ever had a time im your life where the same thing happened, and it didn't bother you, but now it does? Think about it.

Once I felt that I had rejected God. But God is merciful and he knows how to forgive !! Believe it.

We must live our lives and not listen to the negative thoughts.

God Bless.

Danny

 

[marcb]

Amen, Danny!

 

[Sophrosyne]

I once had a problem for awhile when I was sick with fear and anxiety and remembering a few scriptures I could quote every time the thoughts came up helped a lot. It reminded me of God's promises and his reality. If you are having problems with feeling like God won't forgive you studying and writing down scripture you can stand upon when the attacks on you come should help some. It can help take your mind off wrong focus and refocus it somewhere else.

 

[Akathist]

thank you all for your thoughts.
i am seeing doctors for my ocd and im also on meds, they just arnt working. i have been on a ton of meds over the years but they jusat stop working over time.
i was thinking about the thoughts about rejecting god and i i started talking about them out loud and now i feel like i said something about rejecting god. i have begged for forgivness but i feel like god wont forgive me and take me back. will god forgive me and take me back even if i said i reject him? i feel like he wont. even typing it is causing me problems but i had to ask the question because i need to know.

Nothing, and I mean nothing can seperate you from the love of God. No thought you have had, no words you have said, nothing that you do will stop God from loving you.

Remember when Christ told the story of the prodigal son? In that time and culture to ask for your inheritance before your father died is to reject the father, to say "i wish you were dead" or "you are dead to me". It is a big insult. In the parable, Christ describes how the son asked for the inheritance and left his family and traveled far away.

While there he lived a wild life and lost the money to extravagances. Then he was starving and homeless and desperate. He thought to himself: "maybe if I go home, my father will let me be his servent and I will not starve to death". (He was like you, he didn't think his father (the symbol of God in the story, would take him back.)

But, his father saw him coming from way off, and ran to him! He put a ring on his finger (symbolizing that he was his son, not a servent) and had a big party getting out the best food for it!

God knows you better then you even know yourself. He knows you have medical problems that effect your thinking. He has already forgive you!

He has run to you whereever you are!

The unforgiveable sin is the sin in which someone never repents and remains acting like God is the enemy. You feel repentence in your heart. You are forgiven.

I really think it is easier to deal with this kind of thing when talking directly to a minister or Priest and hearing from them about God's forgiveness. In my church, we have confession and it has really helped me to understand the forgiveness of God.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Drummingman,
OCD thoughts cause horrible anxious feelings. Feelings, however, are not what our Salvation is based on.
I don't know what kind of therapy your Doctors are having you do, but exposure/repsonse therapy is what they should be trying.
I hope you are doing better and that you get your meds. adjusted or changed to your benefit.
You can't solve, or undo OCD thoughts. THe harder you try the worse they get. The trick is to just let them be there, and not give them the attention that they are demanding. This is what exposure/response therapy will teach you.
All Christians have scary thoughts about their salvation pop into their heads on occasion, but not all Christians have OCD so they can just shrug them off.
The thoughts can only torture you because you care deeply about your relationship to Christ. If you weren't a Christian the OCD thoughts would attack an entirely different subject.
All my OCD thoughts center around that which is most important to me otherwise they wouldn't be able to cause me so much upset. I do have a choice though, I can engage in a no win battle with them or I can turn away and ignore them.. just let them be there and habituate my brain to them until they no longer affect me.

Praying for you,
Mitzi

 

[drummingman]

i am going through one of the worst times of my whole life right now. its so bad that im also having physical effects. my face goes numb and hurts because of me contorting it so hard when praying. my arm has a knot in it from tensing up so hard because of the thoughts. the problem is that i feel like i have to do these things when i pray and when the thoughts come, which is all the time.
right now i feel like no matter how much i beg to be taken back it feels like god wont forgive my sins and take me back. its really causing me major problems. im trying to believe that god will take me back, if i even went away. but i just feel like he wont. i am just always saying the wrong things and thinking the worst blasphemous thoughts that it feels like god wont keep forgiving me.
i need your prayers now more then i ever have. things are just so bad right now. sometimes i feel like im losing my mind. other times, lik now, i feel like god wont forgive my sins and take me back. so i feel lost and i battle with all kinds of feelings. like right now, im battling with feelings of not caring. im fighting the feelings but its very hard when i feel like this because of the effect it has on me.
the thoughts that i get or think, which ever it is, are just so awful that i feel like god wont keep forgiving me for them. i mean, if it is me thinking these thoughts, thats the thing. i dont know if its me. it feels like me even though i dont want to think these blasphemous thoughts.
i feel like i lose my salvation 100 times a day. i pray non stop about it, and thats no exaggeration. its so bad i can hardly work, or talk with people, or watch a movie, or do much of anything.i was able to read some tonight and that is a surprise to me. i am totally consumed with this struggle. im overwhelmed. i need devine help.
i just switched to a med that i was on in the past to see if it will work again. for the meds that i was on in the past that worked i took them untill they stopped working. i have taken so many things over the years that we are having to cycle back through old meds.
im trying to get into therapy that will really help me. so far nothing has. but i have not really done cbt or erp therapy so i am trying to find someone who really knows what they are doing. so far no luck, but i have an apointment set up for next week at a new place. i am praying that god will provide the money for the therapy through my church because i cant afford it.
i am so confused as to what thoughts are mine and what are the ocd. i can hardly tell anymore. its like when i become aware of the blasphemous thoughts they come. and same for when i dont become aware of them. and then there are times when it feels like im thinking the thoughts on purpose. and there are times when i feel like im watching the thoughts from their start to their finish. so it feels like its me. a lot of the times i just flip out and have like a physical spasm when the thoughts come because ther are so bad. and they just keep coming. its like getting hit in the face over and over again. it hurts mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
i talk to people all the time but i feel like i cant do what they tell me to do. so i never really get better. i just battle with so much fear and pain that i just do the same thing that i have been doing. i feel like i have to to make sure that i am still saved because of feeling like im always walking away from god. i am never ok for more then a few minutes at a time. the ocd is so severe that i can hardly function.
thankfully the med that i am taking for sleep reallly helps. i am able to fall asleep and stay asleep for a good while now. but when i do get up for good things start going crazy again.
i really need devine healing in my mind and body.
please keep praying for me.

 

[drummingman]

i really have a hard time with my sins. i know that a lot of peeple believe that god will forgive any sin but i worry that he wont. i can give you different examples where i wonder if god will forgive the sin.
here is one that just happened a bit ago. i was praying and i was asking god to take me back and to save my soul, i pray this prayer whenever i feel lost. after i got to the end of the prayer i kind of fliped out the way i do when i get blasphmous thpoughts in my head. so it felt like i was trying to say no to the prayer that i prayed to be saved and taken back. i feel like i knew what i prayed and still did this. so i have been begging god to forgive me and to take me back. im trying to believe that he will and has and everything is ok but i still feel the need to ask to be taken back and forgiven. it just feels like one of the awful sins because it involves my salvation. so the question is will god for this or ANY other sin that involves a persons salvation? is there anything god wont forgive?
the problem is that i am constantly getting into situations that effect my salvation and my feeling of being saved. some are my fault and some are not. so when its my fault i feel even worse. it is usually something backfiring on me that i use to fight the thoughts, like a physical reaction to a thought or something like that. it just feels like i crosss a line and cant come back. my biggest fear is not being saved and going to hell. i dont want to live my whole life thinking that i have been forgiven for all my sins if i have not been. thats why its so vital that i know if god will forgive any and all sins. i mean, do any of you think that the situation that i talked about above is blasphemy of the holy spirit? i know that is the 1 unforgivable sin but all the time i feel like i have committed unforgivable sins.
this stuff is really really tearing me up all the time.

 

[drummingman]

the problem is that i keep doing things that makes things bad. like just a little bit ago i was praying to be saved and taken back. when i was doing this i fliped out. now the thing about that is that i only flip out when im trying to drive the thoughts out of my head or if i dont want to say what im saying. but from what i remember i was feeling feelings that i was saying something wrong or had said something wrong. but what is coming into my mind is because i fliped out god wont save me because i was trying to drive away or stop the prayer about being saved and and being taken back. so now i feel like what if i have done something that will keep god from forgiving me and saving me and taking me back. i also feel like what if i fliped out with fully knowing that what i was fliping out about ( my salvation prayer) and because of that what if the reason why i did that in that moment was because i did not want to be saved at all or anymore. do you see how deep this gets for me?
i have to pray non stop to make sure that im saved. i have no sense of security. and i keep doing these awful things that cause me more problems. but how can you not pray about your salvation when you feel lost because of your thoughts and because of what you have done? its hard to break the cycle when you feer losing your soul.
the probelm is that when ever anyone tells me to do things to get out of the ocd i dont do them because i feel like i cant. its a very scary place to be.

 

[drummingman]

if a christian were to think the worst most awful blasphemous thoughts towards jesus on purpose will god forgive that? what if he does it multiple times?
i really feel like this is wht i have done at least once, maybe twice. i feer that god wont forgive these sins and take me back. i feer that god will harden my heart towards him. i need to know if god will forgive these sins that were possibly committed on purpose. what do you all think. this is very important to me, the most important thing right now.
the thing is that im feeling a deadness now, like god has hardened me towards him. like i have lost my connection god.
i really need to know if god will forgive me for thinking awful thoughts towards him on purpose twice? if it was me, and i have to deal with it as it was so i can know that i can be forgiven.i also feel like i might have said something horrible about god, will god forgive this as well?
has god left me because of my horrible sins? im trying to believe that he has not.
if anyone can please help me.

 

[Liftyourhand7]

drummingman, Oh my dear brother I am so sorry that you are suffering this way, believe me when I tell you that you are not alone, many of us here have gone through or are going through the same things that you are suffering. Please listen to me, Jesus has forgiven you of all of your sin, Past present and future, His word tells us this, but because of your OCD you are having a very difficult time believing this, I have also suffered with not feeling anything at all, but it is not because we are lost, it is because we are so tired of fighting this horrible monster called OCD. I am going to make you a promise I believe I have the Lord's permission to do this, You are his, You are saved, and He will get you through this, Everything is going to be fine with you because even when you can't stand up anymore God is carrrying you, believe me when I tell you that you will not always "feel" the way you do right now. You will have peace again. We all have a disorder God understands, OCD. He cries with us and He is compassionate towards us,SO many of us with OCD have a hard time accepting that God can and does forgive us of anything, I can tell by what you have said that others have tried to convince you that you are truly saved but you just can't believe them (Again it is your OCD) that won't allow you any peace. I doubt that you are going to accept what I am saying here, I know this because I have been through it myself, but never the less it does not matter what we "feel" God is with you and me and that will never change in spite of our FEELINGS. I am glad that you are seeking help for this disorder I will pray that you will get just the right person that God is already preparing for you to see. I love you dear brother You will have peace again you can just tell by your posts that you do Love God inspite of what your OCD might be telling you. Don't give up, we on this board are all cheering you on and praying for you. Remember to that we do have an enemy satan , who also attacks our weakest areas He is picking on you big time right now, and having OCD does not help, Keep reading God's word stay in the Psalms for now and even when these awful thoughts come in to distrub your reading just press on and read anyway. Remeber OCD is a physical problem not a spiritual one Your OCD has nothing to do with your spritual condition to fight the spritual warfare we must remain in God's word to fight the physical (OCD) we ask God to send healing to us, He may heal you divinely or He may use a Doctor or counselor it is all from his hand. Just stand on your weak shaking legs and trust the Lord He is always with you. THere are so many compassionate people on this board I am sure we are all saying AMEN we will all be praying for you. Please let us know how you are doing and Again remember in spite of how you feel you are HIS. Blessings Jan

 

[drummingman]

thanks jan.
i really struggke with uncontrollable anger. when i read things like god loves me and cries with me i get these surges of anger and blasphemous thoughts that i dont want to get. it just comes, and i fight it. but its very hard and i feel 100% responsible. i tense up and hurt myself. my lafy arm has a big knot in it from tensing up that just hurts like heck. it just feels like i get angry because of wondering why god has not heeled me. i have to wonder why i just fly off the handle like i do. like i said, i fight it but it just trys to take me over. and then i have a very hard times feeling forgiven for this sin when i ask because the blasphemous thoughts and anger are so bad. i always want to be forgiven for my awful sins. what do you all think about this?
i just need help so bad. i went to an ocd support group tonight for the first time. it was ok, just talked about what i am dealing with. the people were all cool. they just gave me encouragement.
i really need heeling on my mind and body. please please keep praying for me because i really need it so bad.