Read this about dating

[bèlla]

My sister once asked me why I dated such 'strong-willed women' (she got to know most of them). I was surprised by this as I didn't think they were. With just a couple of exceptions they were always pretty submissive to me. What was I missing?

Deference is an act of will. Some men are attracted to women whose countenance isn’t naturally accommodating. Many yield out of respect and that feeds something within each. But in the company of others, she behaves normally.

~Bella

 

[expos4ever]

I’m not sure that she and I could do that if she had only a high school diploma.

Let me be blunt: I believe it is fair to say that I have a comparatively strong intellectual inclination - of this there is little doubt. My most recent long-term relationship was with a woman who did not have an intellectual bone in her body. Zero interest in the "big questions". Zero. And yet, that had absolutely nothing to do with why the relationship ended (after 4 years). And I see this in other 'intellectual' men - they can be perfectly happy with a woman who has no interest in the marketplace of ideas at all.

Can the same be said of women? I am doubtful.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

I prefer a dandy. But that’s an extreme in its own right.
~Bella

I was perusing a dating site once where several women insisted that any man they dated must own at least one suit.

Upon checking my closet I was horrified to find that I didn't qualify, and upon further thought determined that I was probably destined to remain unattached for the rest of my days.

 

[Archivist]

Let me be blunt: I believe it is fair to say that I have a comparatively strong intellectual inclination - of this there is little doubt. My most recent long-term relationship was with a woman who did not have an intellectual bone in her body. Zero interest in the "big questions". Zero. And yet, that had absolutely nothing to do with why the relationship ended (after 4 years). And I see this in other 'intellectual' men - they can be perfectly happy with a woman who has no interest in the marketplace of ideas at all.

I'm glad that works for you. It does not work for me. My girlfriend and I spent almost two hours this morning discussing the online seminar we attended last evening on indigenous mapping. That wouldn't happen if I were dating someone with a high school diploma, and she and I both need that intellectual stimulation.

Can the same be said of women? I am doubtful.

That's why I asked that question earlier. Women now make up 56% of those attending college.

 

[bèlla]

I was perusing a dating site once where several women insisted that any man they dated must own at least one suit.

I love men in well-fitting suits. They communicate confidence and authority. He stands taller. Its visually appealing. But if you don’t have the lifestyle where suits are necessary its absence is understandable.

I’m not opposed to casual dress but I draw the line at scruffy and those more wrinkled than the elderly. Pride in your appearance is an aspect of good manners. Others may feel differently.

Upon checking my closet I was horrified to find that I didn't qualify, and upon further thought determined that I was probably destined to remain unattached for the rest of my days.

If you are consistently attracted to women who value that is it worth the compromise? I highlighted that word for a reason. I wouldn’t base my decision on a random article on the Internet unless I’ve heard the same from my prospects.

In the past, I mentioned I studied my suitors and learned them well. Each has his preferences and quirks. But there are constants in the men I date. If I want someone like him; I can’t ignore it. I don’t play the exception card. It lengthens your singleness.

Looking at common denominators is important. You discover positive traits and others you want to avoid. That means analyzing the women you’re attracted to and those you’re attracting. The goal is attracting the one you want. Not wholly depending on her willingness to accept. You should draw her to you.

That’s what I’m addressing in my first comment. I taught the women I mentored how to avail themselves to their ideal suitors and how to draw him. Both are important. Otherwise you’re throwing darts to see what sticks.

If the women you find most appealing are crazy about suits; buy one.

~Bella

 

[Paidiske]

Let me be blunt: I believe it is fair to say that I have a comparatively strong intellectual inclination - of this there is little doubt. My most recent long-term relationship was with a woman who did not have an intellectual bone in her body. Zero interest in the "big questions". Zero. And yet, that had absolutely nothing to do with why the relationship ended (after 4 years). And I see this in other 'intellectual' men - they can be perfectly happy with a woman who has no interest in the marketplace of ideas at all.

Can the same be said of women? I am doubtful.

It's an interesting thing to ponder. I remember reading once that Disraeli - the 19th century British prime minister, and not a man lacking in intellect - cherished having (to be blunt) a rather stupid wife, because then at home he wasn't expected to "perform" intellectually as he had to in his work.

Even granted that women are not all alike, I'm not sure about your question. For myself, I am simply not attracted to men I don't find intelligent. That intelligence doesn't have to manifest as "book smarts" as such, but nothing will make me lose interest faster than realising that he's just not very bright. That said, as I think I said upthread, I've known a number of women who've been university educated professionals quite happily married to blokes who were builders or electricians or otherwise more accomplished in practical skills than big ideas.

Probably not a one-size-fits-all thing...

 

[bèlla]

they can be perfectly happy with a woman who has no interest in the marketplace of ideas at all.

Can the same be said of women? I am doubtful.

I couldn’t date a man I wasn’t mentally attracted to. The meeting of minds is an integral part of my mating process. If he can’t stimulate my mind we’ll never proceed.

I value character and godliness like the next. But I also appreciate a mind which hasn’t ceased to learn and explore. I value mutual sharing and discovery. That would be difficult with someone who has little desire to expand their horizons.

Intelligence can exude a degree of magnetism with other qualities in tow. A beautiful mind is deeply attractive. I wouldn’t do without it.

~Bella

 

[expos4ever]

Thanks for your comments Paidiske and Bella. Although what I am about to say is mere speculation, or at most based on my own anecdotal experience, I would bet that women value intelligence / intellect in men more than men values these qualities in women. If I am right, that may not reflect all that well on we men. In any event, I certainly agree that even if certain things might true in general, there are likely many, many exceptions.

 

[lovelife34]

Thanks for your comments Paidiske and Bella. Although what I am about to say is mere speculation, or at most based on my own anecdotal experience, I would bet that women value intelligence / intellect in men more than men values these qualities in women. If I am right, that may not reflect all that well on we men. In any event, I certainly agree that even if certain things might true in general, there are likely many, many exceptions.

Hmm, I'd say it comes down to earning potential, which can be somewhat linked to male 'intellect/intelligence.' I think men go for looks/youthfulness/fertility and women go for earning potential/finacial security/prestige, so the more highly educated men typically have a better chance. Men typically don't look to women for financial security, which is why (I think) they don't consider female intellect/intelligence as much. A woman who graduated from high school and works as a fast food cashier can't earn as much as a physical therapist, for example. Women typically don't prioritize looks/youthfulness/fertility in a man. This is very broad and all speculation.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks for your comments Paidiske and Bella. Although what I am about to say is mere speculation, or at most based on my own anecdotal experience, I would bet that women value intelligence / intellect in men more than men values these qualities in women. If I am right, that may not reflect all that well on we men. In any event, I certainly agree that even if certain things might true in general, there are likely many, many exceptions.

You're welcome. I appreciate your feedback and honesty.

Intelligence had its place. But not at the expense of physical attraction, femininity and a pleasing deportment. None of my previous suitors would forgo those qualities in deference to smarts.

In like fashion, Leadership, stability and deportment are non negotiable. Intelligence is interwoven with attraction and that follows.

~Bella

 

[Paidiske]

It's interesting; I just asked my husband, which would he prefer; a not-stunningly-good-looking but highly intelligent woman, or someone with supermodel looks who wasn't very bright. His answer was that as long as she met certain minimum thresholds for each, he'd be open to considering her. But there was no way he'd date a supermodel who couldn't hold an intelligent conversation.

I think the idea that we have minimum thresholds on a range of measures is probably true for most of us?

 

[lovelife34]

It's interesting; I just asked my husband, which would he prefer; a not-stunningly-good-looking but highly intelligent woman, or someone with supermodel looks who wasn't very bright. His answer was that as long as she met certain minimum thresholds for each, he'd be open to considering her. But there was no way he'd date a supermodel who couldn't hold an intelligent conversation.

I think the idea that we have minimum thresholds on a range of measures is probably true for most of us?

I agree! We do have minimum thresholds for everything.

 

[Junia]

Let me be blunt: I believe it is fair to say that I have a comparatively strong intellectual inclination - of this there is little doubt. My most recent long-term relationship was with a woman who did not have an intellectual bone in her body. Zero interest in the "big questions". Zero. And yet, that had absolutely nothing to do with why the relationship ended (after 4 years). And I see this in other 'intellectual' men - they can be perfectly happy with a woman who has no interest in the marketplace of ideas at all.

Can the same be said of women? I am doubtful.

as an asexual, i am not into dating. but if i were, this means i could end up with an intellectual. cool.