Read this about dating

[lovelife34]

In the relational/sexual sphere that’s correct.



I think that holds true as you reach the tail end of the scale. I’m very feminine and wouldn’t entertain an effeminate man. But I’m not attracted to rugged handsomeness. I prefer a dandy. But that’s an extreme in its own right.



Definitely one of his kinsmen. They swallowed the red pill.

~Bella

Haha, I had to look up what a dandy was, I've never heard that term. xD
Yes, they definitely swallowed it!

 

[fewme]

Copied from The Catholic Gentleman, a wonderful blog.

"For years now, I’ve had an interested in World War II. I especially love reading first hand accounts of battle from the heroic and courageous men who fought in this war, such as those contained in books by Marcus Brotherton and Stephen Ambrose.

But stories of valor aside, I’m always entertained by how simply these war veterans viewed dating and marriage. The story of how they met their wives, contained in their biographical sketches, usually goes something like this:

“When I got home from my tour of duty, I was at an officers dance and saw Betty. She was the prettiest gal in the room. I told my buddy, ‘I’m going to marry that girl,’ and I asked her to dance. We’ve been married 55 years this year.”

In short, these young men came home from the war ready to get married and start a family. There wasn’t any thought of hooking up, or of dating on and off till their mid thirties, or of living in their parents basement until they landed a cushy job. No, they were more than ready for the responsibility of marriage and family. And they went looking for a wife, not a girlfriend. "

Link to this article (the first of a series on dating & marriage): Get Married, Young Man, Part 1: Dating to Marry

What do you think? Do you know anyone who's approached dating like this?

May we all take a moment to pray for all those seeking relationships, and for those were maintaining them.

May we continue to strive to be one of God's blessings in somebody else's life!

I'm the kind of guy girls don't fancy.

Edit. Not that I'm sad about that, not any longer.

 

[lovelife34]

I have known women who have been attracted to (not effeminate or gay men) but to men who are quite gentle and deffo not the alpha macho types. one things i have nboticed about these women. they are all women who have been hurt by men who have been more the yelling hitting "Macho" types. i have not noticed any of these women having particularly masculine charaacteristics (one of them, like me, has PCOS, a hormone imbalance meaning excess testosterone and yes physicaly she has some masculine traits (hirsute, long fingers, wide hands and feet) but emotionally and mentally, she seems quite feminine to me and not esepcially Alpha, though i would say she not a pushover) but they have all suffered abuse of various kinds from fathers, uncles, or ex boyfriends or husbands. so that could be a factor also. one of them is really delciate and feminine looking with a sweet soft voice, not at all an Alpha female type.

btw, i am NOT saying all macho aplha men are toxic. not all masculinity is toxic.

That's really interesting. But when I think of an alpha male, I'm not saying he has to yell. Alpha males usually have extreme mastery of their emotions, and can regulate their emotions well. It's actually rather, in my opinion, effeminate men/beta males who will try to demean and degrade women by yelling at them.

I got this online, "Highly intelligent, confident, and successful, alpha males represent about 70% of all senior executives. Natural leaders, they willingly take on levels of responsibility most rational people would find overwhelming. But many of their quintessential strengths can also make alphas difficult to work with."

So, if you look at these things: highly intelligent, confident, and successful, it's relatively easy (in my opinion) for any man to achieve these qualities. It also comes down to a fixed vs growth mindset. Some people believe personal characteristics are more or less, set in stone. Some people believe they can develop certain characteristics.

A gentle man can be alpha. Being alpha does not mean being a dictator.

 

[bèlla]

I have known women who have been attracted to (not effeminate or gay men) but to men who are quite gentle and deffo not the alpha macho types.

As I stated earlier, most women would not enjoy what comes along with dating men with that disposition. I don’t describe myself as alpha. But there has never been a time when I followed the crowd or a woman. That isn’t my bend.

In the world, I enjoy being at the helm. But in my relationships I prefer a different role. I don’t want to wear the pants. I want a leader. I prefer assertive gentlemen who know what they want and aren’t afraid to pursue it. Their masculinity is evident and they’re confident. That appeals to me because it matches my personality.

There is nothing wrong with softness or a gentle approach. For the reasons you’ve shared and more. But our energy is incompatible. I’m not attracted to macho men either. I like polished men with good manners.

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

Alpha males usually have extreme mastery of their emotions, and can regulate their emotions well.

The men I date are very controlled. They’re not the sort to vent or complain. They meet challenges head on. But they can be demanding and exacting.

So, if you look at these things: highly intelligent, confident, and successful, it's relatively easy (in my opinion) for any man to achieve these qualities.

They’re overachievers and extremely driven. That’s why most are executives. But many people don’t want that life. That’s the person who consistently works 70+ hours every week in addition to social responsibilities. He’ll miss his share of dinners and events. The spoils are great. But they come at a cost.

I believe capacity and hard work are definite factors. But that won’t turn someone into Elon. He’s working from a different level with things in his tank others lack. The alpha/beta descriptors are too restrictive. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

~Bella

 

[Archivist]

According to the US Department of Education, over 56% of those attending college are female. Will that make a difference? Will a women with a college degree—perhaps even with a master’s or doctorate—be interested in marrying someone who has nothing beyond a high school diploma? For the record, my girlfriend and I both have doctorates. I do have two master’s degrees to her one but she does keep threatening to go back to school for a second one, and yes, I would support her if she did that.

 

[Paidiske]

According to the US Department of Education, approximately 56% of those attending college are female (2016 stats, most recent I could find). Will that make a difference? Will a women with a college degree—perhaps even with a master’s or doctorate—be interested in marrying someone who has nothing beyond a high school diploma? For the record, my girlfriend and I both have doctorates. I do have two master’s degrees to her one but she does keep threatening to go back to school for a second one.

Nothing beyond a high school diploma, maybe not. I have known several university-educated women who chose husbands who'd learned a trade through apprenticeship, though.

I don't think it's about what pieces of paper someone has, so much as whether they have any drive or ambition in life, and are willing to work to pursue it.

 

[Junia]

In a way, I agree with Sketcher. I think we are all more aware of how badly things can go wrong in marriage, and more inclined to take our time and ensure we're making the right choice. Being the prettiest girl - or the most handsome guy - in the room isn't enough to inspire enough confidence to be vowing "for as long as we both shall live."

Not that I buy into "divorce has made everything bad" kind of narrative, because before divorce was easy many, many marriages were bad; but I think the problems were perhaps less obvious and visible.

yes! i agree. just because people stayed in a marriage did not mean it was healthy

 

[bèlla]

Will that make a difference? Will a women with a college degree—perhaps even with a master’s or doctorate—be interested in marrying someone who has nothing beyond a high school diploma?

If she values higher education, maybe not. But if he succeeded in a trade or self-employment that might be fine.

~Bella

 

[Junia]

According to the US Department of Education, approximately 56% of those attending college are female (2016 stats, most recent I could find). Will that make a difference? Will a women with a college degree—perhaps even with a master’s or doctorate—be interested in marrying someone who has nothing beyond a high school diploma? For the record, my girlfriend and I both have doctorates. I do have two master’s degrees to her one but she does keep threatening to go back to school for a second one.[/QUOTE

I think that may be a factor- if a woman wants children she may want to be a SAHM for a while or even for years after they are born, leaving the husband bringing in the sole income. many husbands find they have to be the breadwinner even of only for a few years before the children start school

 

[Archivist]

Nothing beyond a high school diploma, maybe not. I have known several university-educated women who chose husbands who'd learned a trade through apprenticeship, though.

I don't think it's about what pieces of paper someone has, so much as whether they have any drive or ambition in life, and are willing to work to pursue it.

I guess I was thinking more in terms of intellectual compatibility. For example, this evening we watched an on-line presentation on indigenous mapping. We will most certainly both look over our notes and spend an hour or two discussing it in the morning. I’m not sure that she and I could do that if she had only a high school diploma.

 

[Paidiske]

I guess I was thinking more in terms of intellectual compatibility. For example, this evening we watched an on-line presentation on indigenous mapping. We will most certainly both look over our notes and spend an hour or two discussing it in the morning. I’m not sure that she and I could do that if she had only a high school diploma.

But you might not be able to do that if you and she were both highly educated in different fields, either. My husband and I, for example, are both educated to a post-graduate level, him in data management, IT, technical writing and other stuff I don't understand, and me in theology. Neither of us can engage in high-level discussion about the other's field, and if we want to do that, we seek it out with other friends, and that's okay.

 

[Archivist]

But you might not be able to do that if you and she were both highly educated in different fields, either. My husband and I, for example, are both educated to a post-graduate level, him in data management, IT, technical writing and other stuff I don't understand, and me in theology. Neither of us can engage in high-level discussion about the other's field, and if we want to do that, we seek it out with other friends, and that's okay.

Good point, but I think that is one reason why we are so well matched. Glad it works for you though.

 

[Junia]

That's really interesting. But when I think of an alpha male, I'm not saying he has to yell. Alpha males usually have extreme mastery of their emotions, and can regulate their emotions well. It's actually rather, in my opinion, effeminate men/beta males who will try to demean and degrade women by yelling at them.

I got this online, "Highly intelligent, confident, and successful, alpha males represent about 70% of all senior executives. Natural leaders, they willingly take on levels of responsibility most rational people would find overwhelming. But many of their quintessential strengths can also make alphas difficult to work with."

So, if you look at these things: highly intelligent, confident, and successful, it's relatively easy (in my opinion) for any man to achieve these qualities. It also comes down to a fixed vs growth mindset. Some people believe personal characteristics are more or less, set in stone. Some people believe they can develop certain characteristics.

A gentle man can be alpha. Being alpha does not mean being a dictator.

oh, they certainly can be. i dont doubt that many alpha males can be gentle and kind. i have known a few who are myself.

i am saying though there are some who use their masculinity to harm women and it seems thi smay be why the ladies i know who are drawn to the more "soft" men. these women themselves (whom i know) do not show signs of being masculine in terms of tempaerament. was simly saying there are other reasons for being drawn to soft gentle men

 

[lovelife34]

The men I date are very controlled. They’re not the sort to vent or complain. They meet challenges head on. But they can be demanding and exacting.



They’re overachievers and extremely driven. That’s why most are executives. But many people don’t want that life. That’s the person who consistently works 70+ hours every week in addition to social responsibilities. He’ll miss his share of dinners and events. The spoils are great. But they come at a cost.

I believe capacity and hard work are definite factors. But that won’t turn someone into Elon. He’s working from a different level with things in his tank others lack. The alpha/beta descriptors are too restrictive. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

~Bella

It's true. You're right. It does come at a cost. It's true. xD But Elon's crazy anyway. xD With his flamethrowers and all. xD Yeah, I agree. I don't think they're a good way to assess someone.

 

[lovelife34]

oh, they certainly can be. i dont doubt that many alpha males can be gentle and kind. i have known a few who are myself.

i am saying though there are some who use their masculinity to harm women and it seems thi smay be why the ladies i know who are drawn to the more "soft" men. these women themselves (whom i know) do not show signs of being masculine in terms of tempaerament. was simly saying there are other reasons for being drawn to soft gentle men

I understand. I don't know any women who are drawn to soft, gentle men, personally, but I'm sure they exist. xD My point is that, usually, only a masculine/dominant woman will be drawn to a soft, gentle man, because there are power dynamics in relationships...Two alphas will clash, two betas won't survive, because neither of them will want to lead. And I use these terms loosely, because no one is really 100% alpha or beta.

 

[URA]

I'm the kind of guy girls don't fancy.

Edit. Not that I'm sad about that, not any longer.

Could you expand on that? I want to ask questions, but I want to better understand your perspective before doing so.

 

[Junia]

I understand. I don't know any women who are drawn to soft, gentle men, personally, but I'm sure they exist. xD My point is that, usually, only a masculine/dominant woman will be drawn to a soft, gentle man, because there are power dynamics in relationships...Two alphas will clash, two betas won't survive, because neither of them will want to lead. And I use these terms loosely, because no one is really 100% alpha or beta.

yes, that also does make sense.

 

[bèlla]

I understand. I don't know any women who are drawn to soft, gentle men, personally, but I'm sure they exist.

I’ve seen it. Especially in situations where abuse occurred in the past. They fit well.

Two alphas will clash, two betas won't survive, because neither of them will want to lead. And I use these terms loosely, because no one is really 100% alpha or beta.

My relationships are alpha/alpha. But I have no desire to lead him. Power couples have a similar energy.

~Bella

 

[OldWiseGuy]

My sister once asked me why I dated such 'strong-willed women' (she got to know most of them). I was surprised by this as I didn't think they were. With just a couple of exceptions they were always pretty submissive to me. What was I missing?