I'm not out of the woods yet (actually feel like I'm in deep woods here)...
My anxiety is out of control (almost totally)... and I KNOW perfect Love casts out fear... but I suffer with PTSD from the accident that should have killed me AND from the opposition (carrier, insurance company) constantly surveilling me (28 years!)
The carrier's attorney (new on case) has goals to remove all my medical benefits... everything Doctors, medication, physical therapy, my in home help, even my own lawyer... and apparently has legal grounds to do it (as everything was mediated through the court, but not "court ordered" as in a trial with judge.)
My catastrophizing has me planning to sell thehouse and give away everything inside, buying a handicap camper van and take the dog and go away from here. It has some legitimacy IF I lose all help I can't keep up the house by myself, especially with a deteriorating condition without therapy...
...and of course... you know.
This is a true battle of the mind and it's horrible.
I don't see any doctor for a few weeks/next month... MD that is, which is all they listen to lately (no, they don't listen to them, only provide right now)... my PTSD says run and hide but of course I can't because I have to be where I am even if I run and hide I'm still there...and my body (and now mind) are the problems.
Plus I made an honest mistake on requesting reimbursement...one day in March I had cancelled and that month, still reeling from Caleb's death, I put in as though I had gone (don't know how that occurred)... I'm an honest person...and this is a legit mistake... but I'm sure the carrier lawyer will file fraud charges against me, she's that evil.
Pray?
I know this isn't a busy place anymore (Golden Eagles) but those who do check in I trust to pray. Thanks.
