Oh Dave!
Thank you for the info and encouragement...
may God bless you and Mary with health very soon!
I continue to try to get out of the tall weeds I'm in...
but even with this, see, I have been so selfish...
like my life is all about me or something...
and then I wonder why...
when Mary has you and you both have a life together to enjoy...
as does my doctor...
and then me, with no one and nothing to do or be...
yet I'm not the one with cancer... nothing is fair.
I really really need Jesus to return soon.
We [ALL OF US] see 'times'
~when 'the reason for' our existence, can and does seem 'non-existent'
Times, when EVERYTHING ~is a seemingly 'never-ending' uphill-struggle
But truly, I have been through such experiences
and can recount and have announced.... how
for-me
a new day has dawned and the old day has become
irrelevant
~save for it being 'a step toward' my '
new today'
and which.....
had I climbed-up to that noose, that night [?] I and so-many others
[since that night] ~would have MISSED, my days since
Quite 'HOW' Mary and I were first 'introduced' [?] is, also for me
quite miraculous [I have been impotent for many years]
so, our relationship [engaged] is not a carnal one [?]
Her family, have 'adopted' me [so to speak]
and I have found them, to have 'hearts of gold' too! \o/
There have been 'stormy days and nights' since
my night alone
~in the shed at the end of the garden, back in Bristol [pre-divorce]
The 'night', when
I was told, to "
Wait until morning, things will be different then"
AND THEY WERE

\o/
'Wait upon The Lord' ....
It rings in my head, whenever I found myself 'limited' / 'despondent'
Read entire chapter, Isaiah 40 ~especially verse 31
He doesn't bring us to face anything,
without that He also sees us through it
He never closes a door to us, without, that He also opens another [?]
He is always FAITHFUL... why then ? should we not be likewise ?
Questions ?
Yes, I have had them.... Why did I come to be here with Mary
~so-far from my family ?
We have both had money deducted from our pensions
[because, TOGETHER, our monies were above the limit allowed, for, 'a couple']
iow: we would both, have been better-off remaining apart [single]

Was I led here [?] to see her through this 'time' of her life [?]
if so, then I will do my very best to acquit myself, in the best way I can
Our lives are -[it seems]-filled, with 'stuff' which arrives, to befuddle us
[task us, with confusion] and, for-sure, we do not have answers, to cope with them
But, He does

I have-to 'acknowledge' the fact, that in times when, I found myself WONTING
I saw these things 'dealt-with' and made innocuous ~and comfort, again, was mine
Keep strong in your faith Sis' Jean ... "it will all come out in the wash"
your Bro'
dave