prayer for controlling mother

[katerinah1947]

I read the second link.

Now I know.
I was put in hospital at 16 and thought it was all my fault and was going crazy. The therapist said that my mother and me were 'enmeshed'.
I remember growing up afraid of something, I don't know what, I had nightmares of being suffocated. I was afraid to sleep. I was put on a cocktail of drugs. They called it bipolar disorder.

I suffered from this a long time before the Lord set me free, and helped me to be strong.
I didn't know anything about boundaries.

I noticed in another friend who suffered bipolar that her relationship with her mother was not normal either. In the end her neglect and lack of affection killed her - she went missing. When I read biographies of people who suffered,(used to be called manic depression) it was always the mothers being controlling, and they, the mothers always painted themselves as saints and the daughters as wayward. But the daughters couldn't speak out about their mothers to anyone. It was impossible. Only a few admitted the truth but they ended up destroying themselves...they could never turn on their own mothers.

My mother doesn't do anything that you could report to the police. Its more subtle than that. Its like death with a thousand cuts instead. If I don't follow the Lord and without his grace I could end up just like her without realising. Before I got free from bipolar after much prayer my suffering was inexplicable and I leaned on the verse 'my grace is sufficent for you'. When I am weak He is strong..I had to learn to cast out those demons.

I think its the ancient dragon worship. She is like a dragon, she hoards everything and uses it against me. She has this power over me that mothers have, but before it was all consuming and I didn't know how to fight it.

Its like she picked on me as the weakest one. Because I didn't actively rebel like the others and stand up for myself.

Hi,

A mother who says she is a saint or even a perfect mother, is standard words used be Narcissists.

Normal parents, never say that, and they never can.

LOVE,

 

[katerinah1947]

I read the second link.

Now I know.
I was put in hospital at 16 and thought it was all my fault and was going crazy. The therapist said that my mother and me were 'enmeshed'.
I remember growing up afraid of something, I don't know what, I had nightmares of being suffocated. I was afraid to sleep. I was put on a cocktail of drugs. They called it bipolar disorder.

I suffered from this a long time before the Lord set me free, and helped me to be strong.
I didn't know anything about boundaries.

I noticed in another friend who suffered bipolar that her relationship with her mother was not normal either. In the end her neglect and lack of affection killed her - she went missing. When I read biographies of people who suffered,(used to be called manic depression) it was always the mothers being controlling, and they, the mothers always painted themselves as saints and the daughters as wayward. But the daughters couldn't speak out about their mothers to anyone. It was impossible. Only a few admitted the truth but they ended up destroying themselves...they could never turn on their own mothers.

My mother doesn't do anything that you could report to the police. Its more subtle than that. Its like death with a thousand cuts instead. If I don't follow the Lord and without his grace I could end up just like her without realising. Before I got free from bipolar after much prayer my suffering was inexplicable and I leaned on the verse 'my grace is sufficent for you'. When I am weak He is strong..I had to learn to cast out those demons.

I think its the ancient dragon worship. She is like a dragon, she hoards everything and uses it against me. She has this power over me that mothers have, but before it was all consuming and I didn't know how to fight it.

Its like she picked on me as the weakest one. Because I didn't actively rebel like the others and stand up for myself.

Hi,

By being objective, you can say the truth about anything, that you have the proofs for.

To know all is to forgive all, a phrase used in a novel, works surprisingly well, but takes forever, compared to some techniques.

In the discovery phase, One experiment for you is worth a thousand expert opinions, works great also.

I use both of those items, a lot of times in my life. And they give great answers.

LOVE,

 

[Goodbook]

Mum told me once when she was a child her mum tried to kill herself and her as well.
The communists were taking everything, they escaped from china. She made her promise something, I dont know what. Then her mum made her work and she gave all her money back to her mum and to look after her seven siblings. She was the eldest. I asked about her dad whom id never met and she had nothing good to say about him.


She has only ever said this to me, I believe.
Mum is disparaging to my dad behind his back and calls him your dumb dad. I once asked why she married him if she was so clever? She couldnt answer. I think that was the one thing she regretted. Which led to children and thus me. I am her disappointment. I fell from favour after I got afflicted. I recovered but in her eyes i was never the same. After i got free and never had depression anymore because God found me, she says i had changed after finding God and she didnt like it. A normal mother I would think rejoice I can get up in the morning and face the day but she doesnt see it that way.

 

[katerinah1947]

Mum told me once when she was a child her mum tried to kill herself and her as well.
The communists were taking everything, they escaped from china. She made her promise something, I dont know what. Then her mum made her work and she gave all her money back to her mum and to look after her seven siblings. She was the eldest. I asked about her dad whom id never met and she had nothing good to say about him.


She has only ever said this to me, I believe.
Mum is disparaging to my dad behind his back and calls him your dumb dad. I once asked why she married him if she was so clever? She couldnt answer. I think that was the one thing she regretted. Which led to children and thus me. I am her disappointment. I fell from favour after I got afflicted. I recovered but in her eyes i was never the same. After i got free and never had depression anymore because God found me, she says i had changed after finding God and she didnt like it. A normal mother I would think rejoice I can get up in the morning and face the day but she doesnt see it that way.

Hi,

Yes.

A normal mother rejoices in her children, and in all humanity also, being better healthier happier, and closer to God.

The more you talk, the more Narcissistic your mom is.

Calling your dad dumb is a lie. All Narcissists do that.

Their version of intelligence is bound up with manipulation and lies. They define our stupidity in terms of not knowing they are lieing.

The most brilliant of them, never gets even close to the average researcher.

Perhaps it is because they are never looking for the truth.

All Narcissists complain. They actually invent things to complain about.

Your mom is off the charts, classically, Narcissistic.

Just in case you have a Chinese background, one of my favorite bosses, was a man by the name of C. C. YANG. Since we had other Chinese people working there, I had to find a way to handle their names.

We had a C. C. Chang. So, they became C**2, C-squared, and C***3, C-cubed as tgey were scientists and so was I.

Wei Pei Kuo, just stayed as Wei Pei.
I liked her, she was soft and mild, quiet, but still a researcher.

C-squared was exceptionally nice to me and everyone there. Of all things, he graduated third or so in his class at Harvard University, with a Ph.D. Degree in Physics.

All three of those Asians had Ph.D.'s I think, and I would only ever fight with one of them, the other two, one bring my boss, were wonderful.

Bad parents, horrors of Communism in China, I am told can damage a parent for life, very much in the incurable Narcissistic way.

It is complicated.

During World War II, a now Psychiatrist, but then just a medic, was trying to keep the former prisoners alive at a liberated concentration camp in Germany.

One of his helpers there was a prisoner in the camps. Eventually, (And you have PTSD, which is normally handled by other PTSD types like me sharing the details of what caused mine, or those of others. That too is complicated, but sharing details works and none of us know why.), he asks this man his story.

"I am Polish. I have been here for a long time. (that immediately startled this medic as he looked way too healthy to have been there a long time.) My wife and three children were machine gunned in front of me. I was spared because I speak German. I had a choice to make. I chose love. (Thinking at some point, the medic said to himself, love?, love keeps him looking like that?) In camp I help out with all the men's problems."

There is more, the point is that in life, one can choose some of the time, and others see the difference in those that choose love.

Also, Proverbs, a Proverb of the day, just reading one a day, starts one on the road to God feeding you information, (for a lack of a detailed correct explanation now), on just about every problem, including your mother's Narcissism.

When I work with Narcissists, who I call Wisdom, The Gal Pal of Jesus, as is seen in Proverbs 8, because of my choices, she has been feeding me information for years, after of course I passed all of her tests for my commitment to honesty, and Jesus has always been with her when she is making me seem brilliant at work scientifically, well, that mechanism, Jesus and Wisdom, who is a very beautiful girl, a spirit girl really, has let me know how Narcissism developed, and what is said in The Bible about Narcissists.

And I use that in my work when dealing with Narcissists., Yet, I have never ever seen one change, nor do I know of any confirmed cases of a Narcissist being changed, Almost.

Recently, two people say they have seen some. Biblically, it is from bad parents, and it is not fixable. So, I still have some work to be sure, as Biblicsl things are an Absolutely correct answer, unless we don't totally understand what God said.

No professional, had ever told me, that any Narcissist, or anyone of that grouping, (Individuals with no-remorse and the brain abnormalities that concur with that the section if the brain for empathy is missing, damaged or atrophied), has ever been cured.

Only a few rumors by non-professionals do I have, who both have light touches of Narcissism, so they probably lied to me, which is more standard than breathing with Narcissists, to protect themselves, etc.

Thus, Narcissism Biblically is listed as Arrogance, from bad parents and is not fixable.

However, God holds them accountable, not for their actions striding out of that, but for other things in their lives, which I imagine are things they are aware of and have control over.

With Narcissism, no one has control over that it seems. Not the patient. Not the victim.

Separation, is the only tool that works with Narcissists. The only tool. At least I have never ever seen another tool that victims of Narcissism can use.

LOVE,

 

[Goodbook]

Well, Jesus said he would separate the goats from the sheep.
Also in the parable of the wheat and tares he said not to dig up the tares or was it the wheat let them grow together until the harvest. Because if you dig up the tares you could damage the wheat also. The enemy had sowed into the good field and by then once they are grown its too late to take them out.

If I had gotten out earlier when I was 16 i would have survived and possibly not suffered all those years of depression but I had to stay in school and not even the govt could have taken me. It was her word against mine and even the doctors couldnt go against my mother.

When my flatmate moved in with her bf she considered taking me in as a boarder but there wasnt enough room. I had no choice but to go back...by that time my brothers had convinced me to share in the house they bought so it wouldnt have made sense to pay rent plus a mortgage. Thankfully I managed to obtain my share of the house plus equity when they bought me out, or rather, mum did. But as far as I know, my brothers arent obligated to pay my mum back. She had been sitting on all that money all that time.

For some reason the bank mucked up, and we didnt go through the bank after all. Mum was the bank. So mum actually has a share in that house now. Otherwise my brothers would still have to be paying the rest of my share of the house to the bank.

 

[Goodbook]

I went to the library and found this book-
You're not crazy- its your mother.
Understandingand healing for daughters of narcissitic mothers. By danu morrigan.

Theres another one I have requested.
Thanks I am also reading proverbs.

i cry on mothers day when I went to church. Everyone else had wonderful God fearing mothers but I dont. My mother is not the proverbs 31 with the law of kindness in her mouth. I was born on mothers day. Go figure.

 

[Goodbook]

This time i was tidying up the house and moved one of my mums washing up gloves in the laundry and she went ballistic.

She started yelling at me and cursing me cos I moved it somewhere else. (With the other glove).

I confronted her and she said something horrible to me that I shouldnt live.she basically has a death wish on me.

 

[Goodbook]

I ask for prayer so that I can have a home of my own.

I dont know how it will happen because nobody can afford to buy a home these days but all I know is that i need some land somewhere and to be safe. I dont want to rent or live in someone elses home as thats only temporary.

 

[Goodbook]

Jesus says to love our enemies and bless them, and pray for those who oersecute you. When the disciples left their own families to follow him...at least they had somewhere to go. i dont have anywhere...i dont think mission agencies would have me anyway.

 

[katerinah1947]

Hi,

One of the things that happen in cases like yours, is God gets more involved in your life.

Has that happened?

LOVE,

 

[Goodbook]

Well, just yesterday I got a heads up about a full time job across town from a job agency I applied to at least 2 years ago and hadnt heard a thing from?!

If I took that job I would have to move as its 8-5 and theres no way id be able to make those hours where I am at the moment. Its only 3 months they said but could be long term. i dont know how i'll fit my studies in with that as well, do you think I should apply?! It says immediate start.

I might have to explain my circumstances though. I really cant see me commuting those hours from where I am. I would have to rent somehwere first maybe. Also dont know how much it pays.

 

[katerinah1947]

Well, just yesterday I got a heads up about a full time job across town from a job agency I applied to at least 2 years ago and hadnt heard a thing from?!

If I took that job I would have to move as its 8-5 and theres no way id be able to make those hours where I am at the moment. Its only 3 months they said but could be long term. i dont know how i'll fit my studies in with that as well, do you think I should apply?! It says immediate start.

I might have to explain my circumstances though. I really cant see me commuting those hours from where I am. I would have to rent somehwere first maybe. Also dont know how much it pays.

Hi,

Full disclosure is always a good thing with a potentially new employer.

Also, depending on the job, temporary work can and does lead to full employment sometimes, as in some cases temporary work is only so the employer can get a long term look at a worker. That is not always the case though.,

Unfortunately, what I think about you taking that job or not, does not and should not count.

You will have to make that decision, and normally the decision you make will be God's decision for you, even if you don't know or realize that now.

LOVE,

 

[Goodbook]

Well, I'm not really cut out for the kind of work that this job has, I know ZERO about the employers, and full-time is something I don't think I can handle anymore. you only have half an hour lunch and chained to an office. It might be swapping one kind of slavery for another. I already have my freedom (just mum likes to think I'm still chained to her).

I'm halfway through reading that book on narcissitic mothers.
A site was reccomended Luke173 ministries for christians. I'm going to have a look.

 

[Goodbook]

I passed this job to another friend I know looking for one, but she's not keen on full time work either.
There is a job doing office admin vacant at my church, which I let her know about, and said I'd recommend her. Apparently she lives alone but she had been in an abusive relationship and had dramas with her family.

I guess I'm not alone. Whether we live separately or together, abusers seem to find us.
I do think its mothers who never wanted their child and that feeling of rejection right from birth that really hurts the most. It happens most to daughters, much less to sons.

 

[katerinah1947]

I passed this job to another friend I know looking for one, but she's not keen on full time work either.
There is a job doing office admin vacant at my church, which I let her know about, and said I'd recommend her. Apparently she lives alone but she had been in an abusive relationship and had dramas with her family.

I guess I'm not alone. Whether we live separately or together, abusers seem to find us.
I do think its mothers who never wanted their child and that feeling of rejection right from birth that really hurts the most. It happens most to daughters, much less to sons.

Hi,

It takes learning, but yes Narcissists are attracted to nice people, and as victims, prey and really no other reason.

You are prey. They are predators. You are sheeplike. They are wolf like.

In that analogy, when have you ever encountered dumb wolves?

LOVE,

 

[Goodbook]

Finished reading the book.
I dont know about this EFT thing but it doesnt hurt to try it, does it. To let go of the belief or hope that my mother will ever change and be kind and loving as a normal mother ought to be. But in her eyes, I am the cursed one that will never change. I know cos I heard her talking about me to my sister.

If I dont do her bidding Im a lost cause.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT ON

This thread is being moved from The Prayer Wall to Christian advice because this thread has turned into an advice and encouragement thread.

Non- Christians are not allowed to give advice in the Christian Advice Forum.

MOD HAT OFF

 

[Goodbook]

Oh ok. I guess people have given up praying for my mother.

I didnt intend that, but I have given up too. :-(

Well, the church doesnt want me, but thats because heaps of people applied for the job and they could only pick one I suppose. But it does hurt a little that theres no compassion in churches, not that I said anything directly but they KNOW that my family are unbelievers and that I still with them, yet none of them will open their homes to me as they got their own families to look after. Which is fine, I dont expect anyone to, only if I was in situation like that and had a room or place available and saw that, someone was being abused in their family environment, a compassionate thing to do is to take them out of it and give them a good home where they can be free from abuse.

I guess I can dream. Many people instead suffer in silence and I just know so many who get depressed...and suicidal. Because they lack mothers nurturing.

 

[Truthfrees]

Oh ok. I guess people have given up praying for my mother.

I didnt intend that, but I have given up too. :-(

Well, the church doesnt want me, but thats because heaps of people applied for the job and they could only pick one I suppose. But it does hurt a little that theres no compassion in churches, not that I said anything directly but they KNOW that my family are unbelievers and that I still with them, yet none of them will open their homes to me as they got their own families to look after. Which is fine, I dont expect anyone to, only if I was in situation like that and had a room or place available and saw that, someone was being abused in their family environment, a compassionate thing to do is to take them out of it and give them a good home where they can be free from abuse.

I guess I can dream. Many people instead suffer in silence and I just know so many who get depressed...and suicidal. Because they lack mothers nurturing.

Praying for you and your mother in the mighty name of Jesus!

You are valuable no matter what anyone says.

No person is more important than another.

God has plans for each of us.

God bless you in every area if your life.

Jude 1:2, 3 John 1:2, Jeremiah 29:11, Psalms 100:5, Ephesians 2:4

 

[LoricaLady]

Praying for wisdom, guidance and healing.