Pray for me.

[seajoy]

Fortunately, my grandma & daughter, have never had the religious ocd stuff. Their ocd is different than mine, but difficult just the same.

Thanks for understanding. Hope we can get to know each other better.

seajoy

 

[StTherese]

The books I read are fantasy or horror, occassionally something else. The one exception to this is non-fiction, which I usually read for writing purposes (histories, etc.)

The games are the same. I don't play games that have you blowing up people or anything like that. In fact I like Roleplaying games like Final Fantasy, Suikoden, etc. because I don't care about playing them so much as enjoying the story. I tend think of them as a bit like interactive novels.

I rarely play or read anything that would be considered crossing the line, due to my scrupulosity. I got rid of Xenogears due to this.



I do all the time. I meant more that when I had it the worst, reading or playing a game kept my mind "busy," reducing the chance of having them.

But I've prayed on it today, and I've realized several things about it. First, I think this is God teaching me humility, as I felt myself getting proud about certain things, religious wise, and prayed the other day for it. Not that God "caused" this, but is using it to show me that I've got a long, long road to go and I have no reason to be proud.

Second, I realized that it wasn't the games or books themselves, but the idea of giving them up. Games, books, writing, and doing stuff online are pretty much my only hobbies. Not that I don't do other stuff, I do, but these are the things that I greatly enjoy. I have friends, do stuff with my family, etc. but even in kindergarten, the teachers evaluating me told my mom I was more mental than physical driven. Having OCD throughout middle and high school just set it stone, so to speak.

My point is that it's not the objects, but the fact that it makes up a great deal of what I enjoy, from a non-religious perspective. What always scared me from coming to Christ, was the thought that I would lose any and all sense of "self." Yes, I know how stupid and selfish that sounds, but that's what I thought. I finally gave myself to Christ and now I've been wondering if, in modern times, we are disappointing/soft for not doing as the Apostles and giving everything up. So when I realized I wouldn't joyfully want to just eat, sleep, pray, study God's word, witness, and work, I felt guilty. It's not that I wouldn't do it if I had to, but that I don't think I would enjoy it, and would prefer not to.

At least, that's what I think, but how can I know for sure if the idea of giving up my hobbies in the first place is unpleasant? We are to joyfully follow the Lord, but if He called me to do this, just so that I could concentrate on witnessing or something, I don't think I would be happy about it. It makes me question my sincerety, and that I'm trying to keep some of my "old self." Again, none of these games or books are explicit or concerning questionable stuff, it's just not religious at all.

I feel like by wanting to do things that do not make me grow in Christ, I'm trying to hang on to the world.

Brian,

I believe there are many different ways to grow spiritually. For instance, horror movies are fiction; yet they portray evil, which is definitely real. Usually, these stories end with good prevailing over evil. This is the reason for our struggles in this life. We are fighting a battle until the end. We are on the side of God, who is the ultimate "good". The same can be said with fantasy stories. It seems that you may be a mystical person, in which you enjoy to look beyond the reality that can be seen and into the unknown. There is a reality beyond our comprehension, which is found in God. Our mind can not fully encompass the entirety of God.

Also, joy is not necessarily an overwhelming feeling as much as it is a sense of peace. It is peace in God. To rest in His will. We do not necessarily even have to "enjoy" the submission of ourselves to God. As a matter of fact, this denial of ourselves is very painful. We should not do what "feels" good but what we know to be good. Feelings are very deceptive. We can feel many things, but it is the choices we make that really matter. To follow God and to do His will is a choice, and many times a very difficult one.
Peace be with you!

 

[Rion]

I had a question about something.

Anyone else feel sharp pains in their head at times? Like an ice pick hitting a certain spot in my head. Usually it's right in the center of the top of my head, or the upper temple area.

I was just wondering if it had anything to do with my OCD, cause it seems to come around more when I'm stressing over it.

 

[StTherese]

I had a question about something.

Anyone else feel sharp pains in their head at times? Like an ice pick hitting a certain spot in my head. Usually it's right in the center of the top of my head, or the upper temple area.

I was just wondering if it had anything to do with my OCD, cause it seems to come around more when I'm stressing over it.

Actually, I do occationally have sharp pains in my head. It is like it comes on suddenly and then eases off suddenly. It usually doesn't last very long.

I think it has a lot to do with anxiety and stress. OCD is an anxiety disorder and it is very possible that it could be the source of your headaches. If it happens frequently and interferes with your daily activities, I would definitely talk to your MD about it.

Peace be with you!

 

[Emma!]

I too have had those sharp instant pains and then it suddenly releases... i even went to the doctor, one thought it was something to do with my ear (i didnt think so), one thought it was something to do with my wisdom teeth comming thru (i thought this mught be the case)... another one said it was normal for people to get these ever now and then...

who knows, if its worrying you then see your doctor, its interesting that 3 people with OCD have them... although everyone might have them.

 

[Rion]

I'm sorry to post here whenever I'm feeling bad. I do try to help others here at times. I'm just real bad right now. I feel completely lost, except for the fire in my heart that I've felt since I accepted Christ, and that feels dulled. I'm not too concerned about it, as it's just a cycle I go through, but it's been a couple of days and nothing's helped. So please keep me in your prayers, that I can snap out of this funk before too long. I've been keeping others in my prayers and I hope you're all doing well.

Thanks

 

[marcb]

Rion,

This is what we are here for. Please do not feel bad for posting when you are feeling bad. We all have the same burdens, and we are here to pull each other through. I, too have had a couple days of "funk." I will pray for you. Keep posting, so that we can know how you are doing.

May God give you peace this very moment.

Marc

 

[Emma!]

I am praying for you Rion

 

[Rion]

Sorry for another update. I'm just feeling really confused. This is the absolute worst I've felt since I gave Christ control of my life.



Really bad below.



Don't read if you might slip.



The scrupulosity was real bad this morning, with thoughts in my mind going off on "What if Islam's right, and we do worship 3 gods" and all this other junk. Then it went on with an experience I had with God (see below), saying it could've been a demon, etc. etc.

Anyhow, by afternoon, it got so bad that I prayed to God, saying I didn't know the name of the Saint of Scrupulosity (I know it starts with L) but if the Saints could pray for us could He get him to do so. I then asked the saint to pray for me, because I didn't feel right asking God to tell someone something like that, like a go-between.

The thoughts stopped, but I started to feel horrible. I kept thinking that I had abandoned God, seeking help from someone other than God. I also felt that, even though it was a Saint, and I do not think the RCC is wrong (in fact I've been looking at Lutheran and Catholic churches) that I'm not a true Christian because when push came to shove, God/Christ wasn't "enough" for me.

I don't mean that as an offense, as I said above. I just feel so confused, as when I was really unsure about the RCC/Orthodox doctrine, I kept praying for the Lord to show me the truth. One night as I prayed I "felt" a voice in my heart. It was different from anything I've ever experienced, saying "Who are you to judge them? Do you think I cannot keep My church from heresy? Nothing they do displeases Me." I don't want to get into theological debates here, but all of this has just confused me, and made me wonder if I'm just insane, or even saved.

 

[marcb]

I think the important thing is, Rion that you are praying to God and seeking Him. The Holy Spirit intercedes for our infirmities as we pray. Really, it could be said that prayer is not really words, but feelings, sentiments expressed to God through our spirits. He knows your struggle. Keep pursuing God through Christ, and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. I don't know how to interpret your experience, but God will reveal the truth in His timing, which is always perfect! He loves us with a perfect Love.

 

[Emma!]

Rest in the grace and salvation from God that YOU HAVE!! Rest in Him... you are ok....

You ARE saved and He loves you... forget the bad thoughts that you have been having.... let them go... talk to God about your issues, you dont need a 'saint' to talk to God for you because God Himself hears and loves you, and he DESIRES to hear you... to hear your concerns, to hear your heart. He knows the times you are having a down time, and He can handle hearing what you need from Him. He has saved you not condemned you and He doesnt condemn you now.

God continue to bless you, and God clear your confusion.

 

[HeatherG]

Sorry for another update. I'm just feeling really confused. This is the absolute worst I've felt since I gave Christ control of my life.



Really bad below.



Don't read if you might slip.



The scrupulosity was real bad this morning, with thoughts in my mind going off on "What if Islam's right, and we do worship 3 gods" and all this other junk. Then it went on with an experience I had with God (see below), saying it could've been a demon, etc. etc.

Anyhow, by afternoon, it got so bad that I prayed to God, saying I didn't know the name of the Saint of Scrupulosity (I know it starts with L) but if the Saints could pray for us could He get him to do so. I then asked the saint to pray for me, because I didn't feel right asking God to tell someone something like that, like a go-between.

The thoughts stopped, but I started to feel horrible. I kept thinking that I had abandoned God, seeking help from someone other than God. I also felt that, even though it was a Saint, and I do not think the RCC is wrong (in fact I've been looking at Lutheran and Catholic churches) that I'm not a true Christian because when push came to shove, God/Christ wasn't "enough" for me.

I don't mean that as an offense, as I said above. I just feel so confused, as when I was really unsure about the RCC/Orthodox doctrine, I kept praying for the Lord to show me the truth. One night as I prayed I "felt" a voice in my heart. It was different from anything I've ever experienced, saying "Who are you to judge them? Do you think I cannot keep My church from heresy? Nothing they do displeases Me." I don't want to get into theological debates here, but all of this has just confused me, and made me wonder if I'm just insane, or even saved.

Bless you, Rion.

We all seem to go through peaks and troughs with OCD and you are definitely in one of those troughs right now. All I can say is hold on, it will get better. And we will pray for you. Try your best not to analyse any of today's thoughts any more. God is faithful and will not condemn you for any of them.

By the way, I have also struggled with worrying if a thought or event was from God or Satan pretending to be God. I get scared of attributing something evil to God or vice versa. (I think that was what you were getting at in your post at one point, right?) I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with questioning if a voice is from God. Satan can appear disguised as an angel of light and so it genuinely is difficult to know sometimes. We are told to test the spirits to make sure we are not being deceived. So God obviously understands that we can easily get confused. Everything should be tested against His Word.

However, for now, I would just give your mind a rest from thinking about it. Go and do something completely different. Now is the time that you need others to lift you up in prayer and we will do that.

God bless,
HeatherG

 

[Ruukasu]

Rion,

Listen to me, you read scripture and look for answers. The answers are there in scripture:

John 8:32
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Go read First John, then read read and read some more. The answers are in scripture, trust me. How did Jesus overcome temptation in the desert? With scripture! Therefore use the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God!

 

[Rion]

Thanks for your prayers and support guys. Sorry for the hassle, but I think I'm over it all. Thanks so much.

 

[Emma!]

Thats good to hear that you are doing better

 

[seajoy]

Thanks for your prayers and support guys. Sorry for the hassle, but I think I'm over it all. Thanks so much.

Rion!

 

[Rion]

Please just keep me in your prayers. I feel like I'm losing my soul. Same old story, terrible thoughts, but this is the worst I've felt since I've got saved. I feel like I feel like I've rejected God and that I don't *truly* have faith anymore. I'm sorry for whining, I've tried dealing with it on my own but it just won't stop.

I haven't been able to see my therapist because they keep changing my schedule around at work due to a shortage, and while I'm continuing my medicine, it doesn't seem to be helping like before. Anyone else have something like this happen?

 

[seajoy]

Please just keep me in your prayers. I feel like I'm losing my soul. Same old story, terrible thoughts, but this is the worst I've felt since I've got saved. I feel like I feel like I've rejected God and that I don't *truly* have faith anymore. I'm sorry for whining, I've tried dealing with it on my own but it just won't stop.

I haven't been able to see my therapist because they keep changing my schedule around at work due to a shortage, and while I'm continuing my medicine, it doesn't seem to be helping like before. Anyone else have something like this happen?

Yes Rion, I have. As you are recovering from constant ocd thoughts, you will have ups and downs. When you have the downs you feel as though you've never made any progress, and this is all for naught.

Well, that is far from the truth. You have made incredible progress, and you will again. The times where you feel terrible will come farther apart.

You are not having a problem with God, it's ocd. And God understands it way more than we do.

Are you also on exposure/response therapy with your meds? They work best when used hand in hand. I did both.

May the Lord Bless you and keep you, dear child of God. Our Lord loves you with an everlasting Love. He has a hold of you so tightly, that nothing could ever separate you from Him.

seajoy

 

[BigToe]

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Know that you aren't alone and lots of people here are willing to talk about it with you at any time.

 

[HeatherG]

Please just keep me in your prayers. I feel like I'm losing my soul. Same old story, terrible thoughts, but this is the worst I've felt since I've got saved. I feel like I feel like I've rejected God and that I don't *truly* have faith anymore. I'm sorry for whining, I've tried dealing with it on my own but it just won't stop.

I haven't been able to see my therapist because they keep changing my schedule around at work due to a shortage, and while I'm continuing my medicine, it doesn't seem to be helping like before. Anyone else have something like this happen?

Yes, Rion, I have also been through this - too many times! It is truly the worst feeling and I remember feeling so lonely, looking round people at church wishing that I could know I was saved as they did, but feeling that all the reassuring verses didn't apply to me. Just keep holding on. It will pass. Remember how you got through the last one and then posted to say you were feeling better? As Seajoy has said, you are not having a problem with God, it's OCD. I will keep you in my prayers.

Heather