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Emma!

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I hadn't realized that it'd been so long since I've been here.

I'm having my good days and bad, but most of the time it helps to just get a spot away from everyone/everything and talk to God, perhaps cry some. The only thing that's really bugging me now is that someone on a different board posted a thread about losing their faith, saying they never had any, just wouldn't admit it to themselves and (of course) the OCD picked that right up. I know that's not true of me, but the OCD of it is driving me insane. This isn't an every-day thing, thankfully, it's just bad sometimes. I'm not really posting this to be "woe is me" so much as just having a place to rant about it is therapeutic to me.

So that it doesn't sound like I'm whining, I'd like to mention that I've been really blessed this week, as my brother was forced off the road by another car and even though his vehicle rolled and the car's totaled, he was unhurt except for small scrapes and bruises. And while material things aren't improtant, they have the guy who did it, so at least my brother won't be put in debt over the vehicle.

Hi
Its nice to hear from you again, sounds like you are doing alot better which is great! I am glad that you have found getting alone and talking to God and having a good cry as benificial, as well as writting on here... dont feel that you cant use this as a place to do that, thats what its here for aswell.

That is great to hear that your brother is ok, i am so pleased, and that the car will be covered by the other driver. Thats such good news that he is ok!

Oh there is a verse in the Bible that we looked at this week at church that talks about when we dont feel like we have faith in what ever situation, God has faith for us, and wont turn His back on us. I know you have faith and so do you... and the times where you feel that might be low... God is still always there for you, and still loves you the same.

God continue to bless you,
Great to hear how you are doing
 
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Rion

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Hey guys, I just wanted to add that last week I had a serious soul-searching/discussion with God. I came to realize that I held a lot of anger at God, for not healing me after praying for it all these years and that this had really affected my faith, not making me doubt God but believing the Lord wouldn't answer my prayers. With this, I finally accepted that I had been holding back part of myself from God when I prayed: my writing and various parts of my life I considered "private." After correcting all of this, mostly by realizing that I had no right to demand anything of Christ and that trying to keep a part of myself "back" I've really felt a lot more peace. I still struggle, especially with giving myself always to the Lord but it's no where near as bad.

I share this with you both as a confession and in the hope that it might help some of you. I am not accusing anyone here of being in the same boat as I; only God knows what's in your heart. However, if any of you do have pent up rage about this, just remember that the Lord loves us and doesn't want us to suffer, but that a lot of the times the way we ask isn't asking, but demanding, even if we don't realize it.
 
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seajoy

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Rion,

You may have had an 'a ha' moment with your ocd. I had a similar one, back 14yrs ago or so.
I had prayed and prayed for years that God would heal me, and take away these terrible thoughts. One day, when I couldn't take it anymore, I prayed...Lord, if I must have these ocd thoughts, please help me to live with them, to Your Glory. My healing started at that point.

May God bless you in your walk with Him.
seajoy
 
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Emma!

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Hey guys, I just wanted to add that last week I had a serious soul-searching/discussion with God. I came to realize that I held a lot of anger at God, for not healing me after praying for it all these years and that this had really affected my faith, not making me doubt God but believing the Lord wouldn't answer my prayers. With this, I finally accepted that I had been holding back part of myself from God when I prayed: my writing and various parts of my life I considered "private." After correcting all of this, mostly by realizing that I had no right to demand anything of Christ and that trying to keep a part of myself "back" I've really felt a lot more peace. I still struggle, especially with giving myself always to the Lord but it's no where near as bad.

I share this with you both as a confession and in the hope that it might help some of you. I am not accusing anyone here of being in the same boat as I; only God knows what's in your heart. However, if any of you do have pent up rage about this, just remember that the Lord loves us and doesn't want us to suffer, but that a lot of the times the way we ask isn't asking, but demanding, even if we don't realize it.

:clap: wonderful news thank you for sharing, i am so happy to hear that you a doing well and leaning more and more on God. He is doing a great thing in you!
Blessings
 
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shajian

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Dear Rian,

When I began grade 8, my OCD started to become evident in my life. I remember the time when I first thought that I had committed the unforgivable sin. All of that night and the following day I felt awful! I spent all day in class feeling completely and utterly hopeless, and that my spiritual life had come to an end. Throughout the year I had many thoughts like that. So many thoughts came every day, so many anxieties and worries came. I would always be worried that if I did something, something would go wrong, or if I didn’t do something, something would go wrong. All throughout the day I would fight against thoughts that would come into my head that made me feel like I was blaspheming, and each thought that I had somehow got related to blaspheming God. I couldn’t function at all. OCD had taken complete control over my life.
I remember one day I was walking with my mother, and she suggested that I went to bible study with her that night. Now, I never really went to bible study, but I started having thoughts that I had to go, and in this case I’m glad it did. When we got to the church, there were only two people present at the bible study, a married couple, who are both fine Christians. I remember my mom and I talking to them about my struggles, and how it was affecting my life. The wife of the man is experienced in the mental health field! After we talked for a while, they told me that I probably had OCD. Perhaps the most encouraging part of the night was when they prayed for me, that God would heal me of my OCD. They said that even though God doesn’t always heal somebody all of a sudden, He sometimes uses medication and counseling to help someone.
A while after that I went downtown to the doctor’s office, who gave me some medication, and we also went to the mental health clinic, where I got signed up (the lady I talked to ran the mental health clinic) Counseling was quite the experience, and I must have been there for about a year and a half. My parents would always pray for me, and my friends at church would always encourage me. After a lot of counseling, support, and prayer my OCD started to loose its grip. Slowly but surely I was able to do my daily activities again without thoughts of blaspheming God. Now I hardly struggle with the thoughts that used to come into my mind. They still do come, and I definitely still have my bad day, but now it is so much easier to control my thoughts. When I look back over this time in my life, I can see that God guided me all the way! He hadn’t abandoned me even though I thought He had. I thought that He no longer loved me, but He did! That’s what OCD does. It takes the truth and twists it around so that it doesn’t feel real, and it makes you doubt the facts. God loves my so much like a father loves His son, Rian, and He always will. James 5:11 says “as you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.” I feel so much closer to God after this experience in my life, because He helped me persevere the whole time. He taught me to trust in Him more than I did in the past. He loves me, and I know that He always will. He always took care of me and continues to do so. I know that God loves you to, and that He will see you through your struggle, just like He saw me through mine, and He continues to see me through. I am praying for you.
 
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Rion

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Tonight the vehicle my brother's using was stuck due to ice. While me and my brother-in-law were helping him out, I prayed to God for him to get out after several different attempts failed. After I said my prayer I had the thought of "If it works, will it be the grace of God or the cleverness of man?" I felt horrible, and then when it seemed like it wasn't going to work, I had "see? See? Prayers don't work."

Part of me knows it's the OCD, but part of me wonders.. perhaps why God doesn't heal me is because I have no faith in prayer. And if I can't even have faith for small things, how can I have faith for the large? I want to have faith, but I can't tell if I do or not. I can't tell what are my thoughts and what is the OCD. I thank all of you for your prayers, but please continue to do so.
 
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seajoy

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Tonight the vehicle my brother's using was stuck due to ice. While me and my brother-in-law were helping him out, I prayed to God for him to get out after several different attempts failed. After I said my prayer I had the thought of "If it works, will it be the grace of God or the cleverness of man?" I felt horrible, and then when it seemed like it wasn't going to work, I had "see? See? Prayers don't work."

Part of me knows it's the OCD, but part of me wonders.. perhaps why God doesn't heal me is because I have no faith in prayer. And if I can't even have faith for small things, how can I have faith for the large? I want to have faith, but I can't tell if I do or not. I can't tell what are my thoughts and what is the OCD. I thank all of you for your prayers, but please continue to do so.
Rest easy Rion...it's all ocd. Everyone has thoughts like you had tonight, but when you have ocd, your filter doesn't work right, and those thoughts get 'stuck' where they are. For regular folks, those thoughts just fall right out of their heads, like water off a duck's back. But no, not us ocd'ers, we hang on to those thoughts with all our might.

Tonight, when those thoughts come, just say "oh well, that's the way it goes."

I know from experience what works. Jesus understands ocd...a lot better than we do!

God's blessings, dear child of His,
seajoy :hug:
 
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Rion

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Semi-related to the topic. It sounds crazy so I didn't want to post it in GT or Ethics.

Today, I was thinking about the early church, and how they all sold their goods and shared, basically a commune. As I was thinking this, I asked myself why I didn't give up everything for God. I've been having questions on just how much in the world we are to be, basically.

Imaging giving up most of my worldly goods, I was disturbed to find the idea of not having books and video games the most... troubling. The reason being, I think, is that for so long I've used both to keep my mind distracted, and they act as places to retreat to sometimes when the thoughts really bug me.

Still, the thought that I wouldn't give up something for God bothered me a great deal all day. The thought of "I should sell them all, to remove the idol(s) from me" kept coming on.

Tonight I went through and got all of the ones I don't play/read very often, if at all, and plan on giving them away or something, but still the thought bothers me.

Should I get rid of all of them? I feel guilty for keeping any at all. Am I crazy or what? I don't want to put anything before God, but how can I say I won't if I don't show it now?

Sorry for the ravings of a nutcase.

Brian
 
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StTherese

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Semi-related to the topic. It sounds crazy so I didn't want to post it in GT or Ethics.

Today, I was thinking about the early church, and how they all sold their goods and shared, basically a commune. As I was thinking this, I asked myself why I didn't give up everything for God. I've been having questions on just how much in the world we are to be, basically.

Imaging giving up most of my worldly goods, I was disturbed to find the idea of not having books and video games the most... troubling. The reason being, I think, is that for so long I've used both to keep my mind distracted, and they act as places to retreat to sometimes when the thoughts really bug me.

Still, the thought that I wouldn't give up something for God bothered me a great deal all day. The thought of "I should sell them all, to remove the idol(s) from me" kept coming on.

Tonight I went through and got all of the ones I don't play/read very often, if at all, and plan on giving them away or something, but still the thought bothers me.

Should I get rid of all of them? I feel guilty for keeping any at all. Am I crazy or what? I don't want to put anything before God, but how can I say I won't if I don't show it now?

Sorry for the ravings of a nutcase.

Brian
Brian,
IMHO, unless these books or games are coming between you and God, then you should not feel guilty for using them. Books and games are not evil in and of themselves...but we can use them in ways that could be contrary to God's will...then there is a problem.
We can learn a lot from books. Although I do believe there is a fine line that should not be crossed when considering subject matter.

You say that these books and games distract you from your thoughts...have you tried using prayer or reading the Bible in place of the games and other books?
 
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Rion

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Brian,
IMHO, unless these books or games are coming between you and God, then you should not feel guilty for using them. Books and games are not evil in and of themselves...but we can use them in ways that could be contrary to God's will...then there is a problem.
We can learn a lot from books. Although I do believe there is a fine line that should not be crossed when considering subject matter.

The books I read are fantasy or horror, occassionally something else. The one exception to this is non-fiction, which I usually read for writing purposes (histories, etc.)

The games are the same. I don't play games that have you blowing up people or anything like that. In fact I like Roleplaying games like Final Fantasy, Suikoden, etc. because I don't care about playing them so much as enjoying the story. I tend think of them as a bit like interactive novels.

I rarely play or read anything that would be considered crossing the line, due to my scrupulosity. I got rid of Xenogears due to this.

You say that these books and games distract you from your thoughts...have you tried using prayer or reading the Bible in place of the games and other books?

I do all the time. I meant more that when I had it the worst, reading or playing a game kept my mind "busy," reducing the chance of having them.

But I've prayed on it today, and I've realized several things about it. First, I think this is God teaching me humility, as I felt myself getting proud about certain things, religious wise, and prayed the other day for it. Not that God "caused" this, but is using it to show me that I've got a long, long road to go and I have no reason to be proud.

Second, I realized that it wasn't the games or books themselves, but the idea of giving them up. Games, books, writing, and doing stuff online are pretty much my only hobbies. Not that I don't do other stuff, I do, but these are the things that I greatly enjoy. I have friends, do stuff with my family, etc. but even in kindergarten, the teachers evaluating me told my mom I was more mental than physical driven. Having OCD throughout middle and high school just set it stone, so to speak.

My point is that it's not the objects, but the fact that it makes up a great deal of what I enjoy, from a non-religious perspective. What always scared me from coming to Christ, was the thought that I would lose any and all sense of "self." Yes, I know how stupid and selfish that sounds, but that's what I thought. I finally gave myself to Christ and now I've been wondering if, in modern times, we are disappointing/soft for not doing as the Apostles and giving everything up. So when I realized I wouldn't joyfully want to just eat, sleep, pray, study God's word, witness, and work, I felt guilty. It's not that I wouldn't do it if I had to, but that I don't think I would enjoy it, and would prefer not to.

At least, that's what I think, but how can I know for sure if the idea of giving up my hobbies in the first place is unpleasant? We are to joyfully follow the Lord, but if He called me to do this, just so that I could concentrate on witnessing or something, I don't think I would be happy about it. It makes me question my sincerety, and that I'm trying to keep some of my "old self." Again, none of these games or books are explicit or concerning questionable stuff, it's just not religious at all.

I feel like by wanting to do things that do not make me grow in Christ, I'm trying to hang on to the world.
 
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Rion

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I've been struggling these past several days, and I'm sorry if I've bothered anyone with my posts. I just get terrified by the thought of slipping back into that mess, after being free of it (more or less) for a few weeks now.

I know I get self-centered in my posts, and I apologize; I really do appreciate all of your love and support. I have trouble with this because I really was alone with this for twelve years. I tried three seperate times to tell someone about this, the first two put it down to "teenage angst" and the third tried to get me treated for schizophrenia.

I don't tell you guys this for pity or for you to go "oh, poor dear." I'm just trying to explain why I seem so stuck on myself in my posts. I know I sometimes get over dramatic, but it's just the dam bursting after years of silence.

Forgive me if I seem to whine too much.
 
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Emma!

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Hi Rion :)
We are happy to help and listen.
There i no need to fear, fear is not productive and that will wear you down, you know what God says about fear. His perfect love (which he loves you with) can cast out that fear, so dont focus on the fear but on His love. He has you, so there is no need to fear, nothing can snatch you out of His hands. You are doing really well, enjoy that.

Read what it says at the very bottom of my post ;) rest in Him, He has you, you are doing so well.
 
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seajoy

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I've been struggling these past several days, and I'm sorry if I've bothered anyone with my posts. I just get terrified by the thought of slipping back into that mess, after being free of it (more or less) for a few weeks now.

I know I get self-centered in my posts, and I apologize; I really do appreciate all of your love and support. I have trouble with this because I really was alone with this for twelve years. I tried three seperate times to tell someone about this, the first two put it down to "teenage angst" and the third tried to get me treated for schizophrenia.

I don't tell you guys this for pity or for you to go "oh, poor dear." I'm just trying to explain why I seem so stuck on myself in my posts. I know I sometimes get over dramatic, but it's just the dam bursting after years of silence.

Forgive me if I seem to whine too much.
rion,

you are not a whiner. we are here to help, and listen.

ocd of a religious nature is very lonely, as others don't understand. we understand, as does our Lord and Savior.

seajoy
 
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One of my daughters struggled with the loosing her faith as well, my advice is to look back at all the times when you know that God was there for you, when it can only have been God and that will help you know that you have had faith, at the moment all your thoughts and feelings are all topsy turvey.

Remember if you have confessed with your mouth that he is Lord then you are saved it is that simple.!! :)

Faithfulfriend.
 
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seajoy

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One of my daughters struggled with the loosing her faith as well, my advice is to look back at all the times when you know that God was there for you, when it can only have been God and that will help you know that you have had faith, at the moment all your thoughts and feelings are all topsy turvey.

Remember if you have confessed with your mouth that he is Lord then you are saved it is that simple.!! :)

Faithfulfriend.
OCD is not a struggle with losing your faith. It just appears that way because of the thoughts.

God holds you in the palm of His hand no matter what thoughts are going through your mind.
 
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kimba

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Rion I have pure O ocd also and I certainly will pray for you....don't give up! Xanax helps me - I take a low dose when I feel I can't cope any more and it gives some relief. I also try flooding - saying ok thought I will just dwell on you til I am sick of you and that can work too. I think I have more trouble when I try to fight it - if I let it go in and sort of ignore it (sometimes this is impossible) it kind of flows out. If that doesn't give me relief I flood. I agree that a big part in all this is knowing that you are not really having the thought - it is an illness. Just like being daibetic or having high blood pressure etc. You wouldn't beat yourself up for those things so don't with this if you can keep from it! I had a bad night the other night and went to church during prayer time and one person that prayed was a great encouragement to me: he said "we know, Lord, that nothing comes to us but through your nail scarred hand." that has encouraged me all week. I don't suffer as severely as you do and right now my OT are not about God (they are about other things) - though that has happened to me in the past. But know that I can somewhat understand and I am praying for you.
 
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OCD is not a struggle with losing your faith. It just appears that way because of the thoughts.

God holds you in the palm of His hand no matter what thoughts are going through your mind.
Seajoy
I and my 2 daughters have OCD and have all struggled with the 'blasphemy and being unsaved' "thoughts". I was just offering some advice that had helped me.

faithfulfriend
 
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seajoy

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Seajoy
I and my 2 daughters have OCD and have all struggled with the 'blasphemy and being unsaved' "thoughts". I was just offering some advice that had helped me.

faithfulfriend
It's ok...I tend to really go into defense mode when I think someone is saying that ocd'ers have a faith struggle. :)

To me, it's like saying "that guy with a broken leg over there, must really be having trouble with God." :eek:

The chemicals in our brains cause us to hold on to thoughts that other folks just dismiss in a second. I too have members of my family with ocd, (grandma, daughter, and myself) bummer that it runs in families, isn't it?

God bless you, and sorry if I offended. I've been having a bad week...not an excuse...just the truth :sorry: .

It's great how God helped you through your, and your daughter's battles.

seajoy :wave:
 
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No worries Seajoy:), thank you for being so caring.

Yes it is hard that it runs in families, the one blessing is that at least we understand exactly what the other person is going through and just how terrifying those thoughts are. Others have no idea of the intensity of the thoughts and feelings of OCD sufferers. I am hoping that I can at least identify with sufferers here.

It is so nice to meet someone who also has other family members with OCD.
Thank you once again.

faithfulfriend
Sorry have made more corrections and needed to edit. That comes with OCD too, having to be perfect!! not that my spelling is perfect. :o)
 
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