please help me

[knw1991]

I'm having sharp pains in my chest I hope that's sign of a heart attack, I hate myself and I'm a waste of oxygen

 

[Daughter of His]

Are you still having chest pains? If so you should get it checked out.

 

[knw1991]

Not much thanks for asking. Of I was it wouldn't bother me. I'm not worth a hospital bill

 

[Spunkn]

You're not worthless or a waste of oxygen. You're just as valuable as the rest of us.

 

[Spunkn]

When you plant a garden, in order to get the flowers to grow you have to deal with the weeds first. It's hard work, pulling out all the weeds, and making sure there's a good place for your plants or whatever you are putting in to go. Or if there is a flower already there, you have to pull the weeds around it. Somtimes the weeds are so intertwined with the flower that when you pull out the weed, part of the flower is damaged in the process.

God working in our lives is much like that. God wants to get rid of the bad stuff in our lives. He wants to make a new place, a better place. But in order to do that, we have to deal with some of the stuff that's already taken hold such as past experiences, ways we think of God, and other things. When we deal with that stuff, it's hard and often it hurts. A lot.

But God shapes us because He loves us, not because He wants to see us suffer or fail. A parent does not grab a child's hand because they want to hurt them. A parent grabs a child's hand so they don't run into the street. The child may complain that his or her parent grabbed their hand too hard, but they are not fully aware of the danger.

Often this is the same way we view God. We do not see the full picture of how God is working, all we see is the pain in front of us. But God can see tommorow, and the future. He knows how everything will work out.

I know that it is hard, and I know that it seems hopeless at times but it's not. God is always there. He is always the same now and forever. He does not change. He is always perfect and good.

 

[knw1991]

When you plant a garden, in order to get the flowers to grow you have to deal with the weeds first. It's hard work, pulling out all the weeds, and making sure there's a good place for your plants or whatever you are putting in to go. Or if there is a flower already there, you have to pull the weeds around it. Somtimes the weeds are so intertwined with the flower that when you pull out the weed, part of the flower is damaged in the process.

God working in our lives is much like that. God wants to get rid of the bad stuff in our lives. He wants to make a new place, a better place. But in order to do that, we have to deal with some of the stuff that's already taken hold such as past experiences, ways we think of God, and other things. When we deal with that stuff, it's hard and often it hurts. A lot.

But God shapes us because He loves us, not because He wants to see us suffer or fail. A parent does not grab a child's hand because they want to hurt them. A parent grabs a child's hand so they don't run into the street. The child may complain that his or her parent grabbed their hand too hard, but they are not fully aware of the danger.

Often this is the same way we view God. We do not see the full picture of how God is working, all we see is the pain in front of us. But God can see tommorow, and the future. He knows how everything will work out.

I know that it is hard, and I know that it seems hopeless at times but it's not. God is always there. He is always the same now and forever. He does not change. He is always perfect and good.

Is God working on me right now despite all the fuss I've made? I told him forget me and to never even think of me? I just feel like my life is a circle of pain and ill never be free from this circle of pain. I still wonder if God saved me back in 2011 when I worked myself into a depression over not feeling I was saved. Did God notice me then and I often wonder what was his plan for me. I know I missed out on so many blessings during the years I spent depressed. I just want to reach God but I can't really put what I'm feeling into words.

 

[Spunkn]

I believe so yes. I told God I hated Him numerous times. I told God I had given up on Him numerous times. He was still working in my life and still does.

God notices you, you are His creation.

Psalm 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.

He knows the number of hairs on your head, He knows every last detail about you.

Luke 12:7 "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

It's okay if you don't know how to put what you are feeling into words. God knows what is on your heart, and the Holy Spirit intercedes for us.

Romans 8:26 26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

 

[Javanwarbler]

When you plant a garden, in order to get the flowers to grow you have to deal with the weeds first. It's hard work, pulling out all the weeds, and making sure there's a good place for your plants or whatever you are putting in to go. Or if there is a flower already there, you have to pull the weeds around it. Somtimes the weeds are so intertwined with the flower that when you pull out the weed, part of the flower is damaged in the process.

God working in our lives is much like that. God wants to get rid of the bad stuff in our lives. He wants to make a new place, a better place. But in order to do that, we have to deal with some of the stuff that's already taken hold such as past experiences, ways we think of God, and other things. When we deal with that stuff, it's hard and often it hurts. A lot.

But God shapes us because He loves us, not because He wants to see us suffer or fail. A parent does not grab a child's hand because they want to hurt them. A parent grabs a child's hand so they don't run into the street. The child may complain that his or her parent grabbed their hand too hard, but they are not fully aware of the danger.

Often this is the same way we view God. We do not see the full picture of how God is working, all we see is the pain in front of us. But God can see tommorow, and the future. He knows how everything will work out.

I know that it is hard, and I know that it seems hopeless at times but it's not. God is always there. He is always the same now and forever. He does not change. He is always perfect and good.

Couldn't have said it any better!

 

[knw1991]

What do I have to do to make healing continue? I'm afraid that I won't keep it going, I'm afraid I'm not doing enough

 

[Liberal Angel]

maybe ur like me, u been trying and trying to get better and things just arent working out. a chaplain here on cf told me that "sometimes we just have to accept our lot in life."

i accepted that things arent gonna get any better for me cuz i know i tried more than everything i could do, so just trynna make the best of the situation, and hoping to go to heaven as soon as possible.

maybe u can try giving urself something to look forward to in heaven, im gonna have a really nice girlfriend and live my dream life, what do u want in heaven? sometimes we just gotta take our gloves off this life and just get ready for the next life.

 

[knw1991]

I'm not going to heaven. I give up. I would never want to speak to the chaplain you spoke to. There's no hope for me

 

[Spunkn]

What do I have to do to make healing continue? I'm afraid that I won't keep it going, I'm afraid I'm not doing enough

Don't try to rush it. Take one day at a time. I know the feeling of wanting it to be over in a day, believe me. I struggled with that for so long. But as much as we want it to be over and done with, it just doesn't work like that.

One small step at a time. Keep reaching out and talking with people, keep finding support and help. Keep praying and be open to what God might have you do. Be open to people who God might bring into your life in order to help you.

It's hard, but try not to expect too much of yourself. There will be days you feel like giving up, there will be days when you stumble. When going through these kinds of things, we often fall and hurt ourselves. But that doesn't mean we're going the wrong way.

You will have times of doubt that you're getting anywhere, and that's okay. When those times come, lean on others to support you and get you through it. Lean on God and pray for help.

Hang in there, I believe you'll make it

 

[knw1991]

Or maybe I just have to accept my lot in life

 

[Spunkn]

There are some things in life we can't change. Certain things you have to accept. I have to accept that my body doesn't produce enough serotonin and if I don't take medication for it, then I become severely depressed and unable to function normally in most cases.

I didn't ask for it, I was born with it. But it's my responsibility to deal with it. You didn't ask not to have a father, but we are born into a sinful world and while we can't control all the circumstances and events in our lives we can still choose how we respond to them.

God has used my depression to bring me closer to Him, and also as a testimony of His power to others. He used it to make me more compassionate for others who may be suffering and going through hard times. Something that was extremely painful and awful has been turned around by Him and used for good.

We will never fully understand the reasons why God allows certain things to happen to us. Why we are allowed to go through certain things in our lives. But what we can know is that God is perfectly good, wise, and just. He is not surprised by anything, and He can bring good out of even the darkest of places.

Accepting things that happened to us, can be a part of life, but I don't believe we have to accept it and stay suffering and miserable the rest of our lives either. We can find peace in Christ and while we may go through hard times and suffering, we can still have peace knowing that God will be with us always.

 

[Scott1979]

Have you tried medication to help with your depression? I never had a father either even though he was alive. He just didn't care. It makes you feel worthless inside when your parents or parent who are supposed to love you, protect you, and be there don't care about you at all. I suffered with that for years. I finally went and talked to my doctor and he put me on an anti depressant. At first the thought of taking pills made me feel like a loser. It made me feel like I wasn't strong enough to deal with this on my own. I can't tell you how much it helped though. When your depressed and you find the right medicine you don't get instantly happy, or feel jacked up. Everything just levels off for you and the world doesn't seem so hard anymore. There is nothing weak about taking care of yourself. Sometimes taking medication is what you need to do to take care of yourself. It might take a few trial runs to find the right meds for you. Some anti depressants will make you feel like a zombie while others will almost give you a high. You would just need to find the one that levels you off.

 

[Liberal Angel]

idk what else to say knw, since ur very first i read like 2 years ago seems like all your posts u hate urself and life and feel hopeless.

sometimes things just dont get better and we just have to figure out how we can make the most of the situation.

u seem to be a lot like me, most my posts on cf were about how i was depressed, miserable and hopeless, but since i started accepting it and looking forward to heaven its been more bearable.

i think u shood focus on loving urself more, im guessing people treated u pretty bad in lfie which is why u have such low self esteem, i am the same way, been treated bad my whole life and i am still very low self esteem.

so like focus on loving urself and telling urself u do deserve the best and to be happy. if u want to go to heaven u will go to heaven, if u want to just stop existing after u die, god can accommodate for that as well.

either way, just focus on getting through this life somehow, cuz after we die, all the pain and suffering ends.

 

[knw1991]

I feel helpless I have prayed but I still feel discouraged, I feel like nothing I do whether it's praying or reading about God will matter or bring healing. This will take forever and ill miss out on life

 

[Spunkn]

Keep praying. Nothing "miraculous" may happen, but it does make a difference. Same with reading the Bible and reading about God.

It won't take forever. You won't miss out on life, you still have a lot of years left. And isn't it worth it to take the time to get through this, so that you can get through this instead of trying to enjoy life now when you are miserable?

 

[knw1991]

Yes you're right.

 

[knw1991]

I've had enough. I completely give up, I just want to die