please help me

[knw1991]

I have someone I confide in but it seems like no healing is taking place. I want to be free

 

[Spunkn]

Just talking to them is progress. Huge changes will not take place overnight. You might not even be aware of the changes as time goes on. But eventually if you stick with it, you'll be able to look back and see it

 

[knw1991]

I'm afraid that ill never be free, like ill miss out on a normal life from just trying to heal
I don't know how I'm supposed to spend each day I feel very hopeless please can someone tell me

 

[knw1991]

What's the point of going on. God isn't helping thhz has gone on for too long I don't want to be here anymore why should I even care about it anymore. No amount of tears will change anything . I have confided in people nothing has changed

 

[knw1991]

I don't care anymore. This is just a game of cruelty. Im told to help others but how can I when their situations make me more depressed and angry at a god who chooses to leave them in pain. I'm done posting here, nothing will change I need to accept this will be my life forever

 

[Liberal Angel]

Knw I agree 100% with you.

Seems like 99% of the time god doesn't care about us. I have learned that it is best not to dwell on it too much and just do what you can to get through the day.

God has his divine plan and agenda and that is more important to him than anything. So if some of us are to suffer, nothing much we can do.

But its okay cuz it won't be like this forever. One day will be dead and everything will be awesome in heaven.

 

[Javanwarbler]

Thank you Javan for replying. You are right but it bothers me that God would just leave us to live off of thinking that he wants us here just by allowing us another day of living. How could he want me to be happy when my life is this way. I feel so alone and empty. Im just a baby sitter for my siblings and other days I stay home trying to work toward a future. I have nothing to live for. Ill never find love or have children, it seems like I'm just unlucky in that area. It's just not meant to be. I feel deprived in so many aspects of my life. I wish God blessed me with a loving father and a normal relationship with him like other growing Christians. The only area I ever see progress in my life is education but everything else (God, finding love, etc) has been a disaster.

Yeah, I think about that too. Because a lot of my days are not happy. I'm always fighting my thoughts and I can't seem to get anywhere with my life in a career or until recently, with love. I'm never married with no kids at 41.
Even as I wrote to you, I was really depressed because I hadn't heard from employers that I thought I would after applying..getting a career or even a job with benefits has been a depressing struggle and I've been at the point so many times of giving up because no one seems to want to hire me...I feel like my education, potential and mind are being wasted as another day goes by that i'm not being productive. I'm older and it's not like time is on my side.
I just know that if I keep trying and praying that HAS to pay off at some point...it may take years since God doesn't work according to our schedule and time frame. A lot of the things we know about Moses didn't happen in his life until he was over 40! I don't like that there's such a wait for things in life but at least I can feel some security that God knows what He is doing even when it doesn't appear that way to me.

You said you have education going for you..that's something! Lot's of people don't even get there. And you're so young still....You are living, doing things, taking responsiblity and caring for your siblings, going to school, trying to figure very complex things in a right way, dealing with your life and yourself in an honest way. You're not just existing in a an complete isolated hole and not doing anything. YOU trying to do the right thing! I see that you have a lot of potential, you just have to start to really believe it and know that other people see good things about yourself that you don't see.

I find so many times in the day that it's really my thoughts that are telling me otherwise about myself, then I believe the lie and live according that. And of course, things don't go well. I've done this for so many years and I'm just now really starting to see the lies my thoughts and satan kept flooding into me. I feel like I wasted a good decade or two of my life!

But even after all that, I don't want to give the devil the satisfaction of just throwing in the towel.

There is a verse about what God can and will do in Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten"

This scripture is something I at least can meditate and pin some hope on.

You don't have to do what I did with my life and thoughts..easier said then done for sure.

My hope is only to encourage you Know!!! Maybe at least knowing you're not alone may help? There are other people like me and you going through similar circumstances.
Also you're already ahead of a lot of them because you're dealing with it by sharing and talking about it here. You're getting to the core of it. Some people think and feel what we do but just hide and never say much about it and escape into doing worldly things and then start developing idols (ie, things like desiring money or power, etc., first before God, or having an addiction in place of seeking God).

I admire you for how well you can express yourself and 'get it out' That is a huge step!Just keep sharing like you do here with God too! And from what you say here, you're most definitely not hiding what you really think and feel! This is a good thing! And don't ever feel you shouldn't do it. He wants to you to because at least you're being honest and not avoiding it and also because you can "cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7. God takes us as we are as long as we don't try to hide from Him and just be our real selves. Take care and Know 1991

 

[knw1991]

Yeah, I think about that too. Because a lot of my days are not happy. I'm always fighting my thoughts and I can't seem to get anywhere with my life in a career or until recently, with love. I'm never married with no kids at 41.
Even as I wrote to you, I was really depressed because I hadn't heard from employers that I thought I would after applying..getting a career or even a job with benefits has been a depressing struggle and I've been at the point so many times of giving up because no one seems to want to hire me...I feel like my education, potential and mind are being wasted as another day goes by that i'm not being productive. I'm older and it's not like time is on my side.
I just know that if I keep trying and praying that HAS to pay off at some point...it may take years since God doesn't work according to our schedule and time frame. A lot of the things we know about Moses didn't happen in his life until he was over 40! I don't like that there's such a wait for things in life but at least I can feel some security that God knows what He is doing even when it doesn't appear that way to me.

You said you have education going for you..that's something! Lot's of people don't even get there. And you're so young still....You are living, doing things, taking responsiblity and caring for your siblings, going to school, trying to figure very complex things in a right way, dealing with your life and yourself in an honest way. You're not just existing in a an complete isolated hole and not doing anything. YOU trying to do the right thing! I see that you have a lot of potential, you just have to start to really believe it and know that other people see good things about yourself that you don't see.

I find so many times in the day that it's really my thoughts that are telling me otherwise about myself, then I believe the lie and live according that. And of course, things don't go well. I've done this for so many years and I'm just now really starting to see the lies my thoughts and satan kept flooding into me. I feel like I wasted a good decade or two of my life!

But even after all that, I don't want to give the devil the satisfaction of just throwing in the towel.

There is a verse about what God can and will do in Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten"

This scripture is something I at least can meditate and pin some hope on.

You don't have to do what I did with my life and thoughts..easier said then done for sure.

My hope is only to encourage you Know!!! Maybe at least knowing you're not alone may help? There are other people like me and you going through similar circumstances.
Also you're already ahead of a lot of them because you're dealing with it by sharing and talking about it here. You're getting to the core of it. Some people think and feel what we do but just hide and never say much about it and escape into doing worldly things and then start developing idols (ie, things like desiring money or power, etc., first before God, or having an addiction in place of seeking God).

I admire you for how well you can express yourself and 'get it out' That is a huge step!Just keep sharing like you do here with God too! And from what you say here, you're most definitely not hiding what you really think and feel! This is a good thing! And don't ever feel you shouldn't do it. He wants to you to because at least you're being honest and not avoiding it and also because you can "cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7. God takes us as we are as long as we don't try to hide from Him and just be our real selves. Take care and Know 1991

ive given up. its no use in hoping. i hope one day you will find a husband and children. i really dont understand it it seems like god enjoys seeing people suffer while other people are blessed so much. im done and i dont care anymore. i know i'll be alone forever, and never experience the blessing of having children or marriage. every time i open myself up to god things get worse. its all just a game to get my hopes up and shoot them back down. im trying to free my mind from desiring love and children.

 

[knw1991]

Knw I agree 100% with you.

Seems like 99% of the time god doesn't care about us. I have learned that it is best not to dwell on it too much and just do what you can to get through the day.

God has his divine plan and agenda and that is more important to him than anything. So if some of us are to suffer, nothing much we can do.

But its okay cuz it won't be like this forever. One day will be dead and everything will be awesome in heaven.

im not going to heaven, but im glad you are.

 

[Spunkn]

God does not enjoy suffering. But neither does He prevent it all the time either. Allowing something doesn't mean that He wants you to suffer though. In the same way that parents given children freedom, they know that in giving them freedom, at some point in their lives bad things are going to happen.

Every time you open up to God things get worse because Satan wants you to believe that God is a liar. There is a reason he is called the great deceiver. Because whenever you learn truth about God he does his best to distort it, and make it sound not true.

 

[knw1991]

I'm done trying to fight this battle. I give up

 

[Spunkn]

I still believe you'll get out of it. Take one day at a time. Do your best not to think about long term stuff, but just focus on what's taking place the day you're on.

Still praying for you, as I'm sure others are too.

 

[knw1991]

There's no hope no matter how much I cry there is no relief. I'm done and I don't care what happens to me

 

[knw1991]

Does anyone know how to delete an account

 

[Krissy Cakes]

Does anyone know how to delete an account

You can't hun. I'm sorry. But why would you want to do that?

PM an Admin and ask them to scramble your password so you can't log in if this is really what you want. But I would pray about it.

I'm praying for you.

 

[knw1991]

I just don't see the point in being on cf if I don't belong and I'm not one of God's children. I'm a mistake and it doesn't hurt me. I have faced the truth of who I am and I no longer fight it.

 

[Javanwarbler]

ive given up. its no use in hoping. i hope one day you will find a husband and children. i really dont understand it it seems like god enjoys seeing people suffer while other people are blessed so much. im done and i dont care anymore. i know i'll be alone forever, and never experience the blessing of having children or marriage. every time i open myself up to god things get worse. its all just a game to get my hopes up and shoot them back down. im trying to free my mind from desiring love and children.

God doesn't enjoy people suffering...Satan does...but Jesus suffered the worst of all of us. You have a long life ahead of you...you don't know what will happen. Don't close the door on yourself so soon, you're being really hard on yourself!!
God also doesn't play games with us but our mind and satan will try to trick us and cause confusion. so please don't think you need to free your mind from desiring love and children..that desire comes from God! We are made in His image. There's a lot of scripture that points contrary to what you believe in thinking that "its all a game to get your hopes up and shoot them down." I used to think this (bolded part) too, but realized it was everything but not God that was doing it all! God had nothing to do with it.

I also used to think the Bible was just stuff about fire and brimstone jinds of things and all about what not to do, but I'm finding there's more about grace, love, sanity, God's forgiveness, and how He wants us to hope in Him because "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

The truth is that "God is not the author of confusion" but of peace, as in all churches of the saints" 1 Corinthians 14:33.

Know, I hope you don't give up! There are people who care about you here and in real life since you mentioned you have someone you can confide in. You seem like an intelligent person with a lot to share and we would miss you!

 

[knw1991]

Every time I try to hold on my hopes her shot back down. I think my brain shuts off so I won't feel the full amount of pain I'm in. It's hard for me explain my full story but ever since I came to Jesus for salvation life has been hell. I have felt isolated among other Christians when I was still trying to live for God. I never belong then heart ache came. God wasn't there through it all. When I call on him and cry things don't get better. I don't know how to live each day and be fully conscious of my reality. Because I'm alone and everyone around me is living and I'm just slipping by. I'm tired and I won't allow myself to believe again, I'm a mistake here. God let me be born to a drug addicted father and throughout my doubt with salvation he never answer my prayers for love and encouragement. I don't belong and that's it I feel numb to everything why should I even care

 

[Javanwarbler]

I just don't see the point in being on cf if I don't belong and I'm not one of God's children. I'm a mistake and it doesn't hurt me. I have faced the truth of who I am and I no longer fight it.

You're not a mistake! That is lie...you do care, otherwise you wouldn't have reached out for help. You are hurting and fighting it, just take one day at time like someone had said here. And this is the time you NEED to reach out most.

I was in a very similar situation as you (still struggle a lot!) and I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just don't see it. We do. You're seeing only what your mind says and the devil telling you lies. Even after all you've said here you still have a lot of reason to hope.

I believe in you too.

 

[knw1991]

What reason is there to hope? what I end up on disability for depression or die of a heart attack