I disagree with the idea that the only way for someone to get straightened out from something like this is going to a psychiatrist and taking drugs. I'm not saying what they do necessarily has no value, but I do suspect much of our country is over-medicated.
There are some things that people take medicate for that could be alleviated by learning self-control, dealing with anger and forgiveness issues, taking thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, or even deliverance from a demonic stronghold.
I certainly hope you work things out during this difficult time. But one thing you need to learn is to control your tongue. Don't make any references to divorce when you have a heated discussion with your wife.
I am curious. Does your wife usually get angry like this right before her period, or can it happen just about any time?
You should also really seriously pray for your wife-- a lot, and do it in faith. Get some people to help you pray. I posted a testimony about this quite a while back, but my wife and I had some issues. I have not been as good at recognizing her flaws and she has been at recognizing mine.
After an argument one time, I began to see she had some issues about some things. And while I'd mentioned it over the years, mainly during arguments, I hadn't really taken responsibility either to pray about it or to really hold her accountable on these issues. She had some anger issues. I didn't put my finger on that as the cause. It was kind of subtle, not what you describe with your wife, and came through more as bickering or frustration on her part.
So I prayed seriously about it. One night, she was all upset with pregnancy hormones. I said something to her, something pretty normal, and for some reason she got all upset and ended up leaving the house without telling me. She had never done that before. Later, she called me from a friend's house a lady from church. I felt that she was safe, both physically and in terms of the advice she would get. So I prayed for her. I prayed really specifically for about six or seven things, asking the Lord to speak to her heart about them.
She was going to this 'life change' Bible study, and came home one night telling me how the Lord had convicted her of about 4 or 5 of the things I had prayed about two or three nights before. I shared with her what I had prayed. There was another thing I had prayed about respect issues, where I mentioned the verse, "even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him lord" to the Lord. But I didn't want to go into that with my wife, so I asked the Lord to speak it to her. A couple of weeks later, she was in the kitchen, and told me later how the Lord had spoken to her about this very issue. She mentioned something else, too, that I had prayed about around that time.
It was really wonderful the change in her in response to those prayers. The Lord was working on me about some things about that time, and I began to see the need to step up in certain leadership areas in the marriage and in the household. It really has been a blessing to both of us, and our marriage has been better since then. I'd prayed for my wife before this, of course, but it was amazing to me how the Lord answered my prayers in faith. I didn't have to do much, just pray and trust God, and He did it. I had told the Lord that my wife was His daughter, and He loved her even more than I did. I knew it was His will for her to obey His word, and I knew that anything we ask according to His will, He will hear it. So I asked him to speak to her about these things.
Once your wife is aware that she has some things in her heart that need changing, then you can offer encouragement, and if need be, admonishment if she slips up, and help her improve.
Proverbs 25:28
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
Paul lists 'self-control' as a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians. I don't think medicating is the universal answer to helping people who experience fits of rage and lack restraint in their words and actions when they get angry.
