Please help! Huge misunderstanding! How do I talk to him about this?

[StillLearning]

I met an extremely devoted Christian guy this year and we went out for the first time last month. He's the man of my dreams and I don't think I've ever loved any man as much as I love him.

Starting when I saw him last time, there were some things that just didn't make sense to me... and I haven't seen him at all lately. Last time I saw him, he let me know that he loved me! I was so happy! Then later that same day, he made a comment to his friend (he knew I would hear it) which meant that he would meet someone else in the future (I didn't know why he would say that and it hurt so much), and shortly after that he made a joke about me being "very willing" which didn't really fit the situation (I was helping him with something) and I felt at the time he was hinting at something else but wasn't sure what exactly he was referring to. It was as if he was pushing me away and our hug goodbye was awkward. It was like he wanted me to leave and I couldn't understand why the sudden change.

When I met up with him that day, he gave me a kiss on the cheek (I then tried to do the same but he's so much taller than me that I missed and it landed on his neck instead!). I was too embarrassed to mention it afterwards. I dressed better that day than I usually did, but nothing revealing, had my hair done before I met up with him, and I felt confident. The two of us gazed into each other's eyes for quite a long time and I really felt like things were moving forward and he was on the verge of asking me to be his girlfriend.

He's been forwarding me things via text and other than that, contact has been minimal, and there seemed to be some kind of deeper meaning to some of the things he sent me, like it had something to do with the two of us. At one time, I wasn't really paying much attention to the stuff he forwarded me. One thing I did pay attention to, was a song he sent me, which tells of someone being heartbroken and despondent, not being able to bear the thought of having to start over again and wondering if they would ever find true love.

I didn't know what was going on. But last night I went through my messages and one in particular I didn't pay attention to previously, which he sent me a week after I saw him last time. And I am in complete shock... he sent me verses from Proverbs 5... the man having to stay away from the woman because the woman is a loose woman!!! And I can't think of any reason a guy would send those scriptures to a woman other than to let her know that is how he sees her!! I'm completely heartbroken, because I am the complete opposite. Just like him, I try to obey God. Something I did must have caused him to see me like that even though nothing can be further from the truth. Was it the eye contact? (I don't know what guys think when they do that, but I was thinking of how much I loved him). Was it the accidental kiss on his neck? The fact that I looked too confident? Was I too well dressed (no short skirts or anything...)?

I just can't believe that something that is not even true can cause him to throw a future away. I've never met anyone I have so much in common with - even he was shocked at how similar we are, same exact beliefs, same future plans, everything. I really believed that God answered my prayers by sending him to me because he is everything I've ever wished for in a guy, and to me how it all happened was a complete miracle. After years of being single and not dating, he appeared in my life out of nowhere. People who see us together, think we're already married. I just can't walk away and let it end like this when he's just got the wrong assumption about me... it just doesn't make sense to me to throw away a future with the guy I'm in love with because of a misunderstanding.

I'm completely heartbroken and I keep praying for God to please let him see that it's not true and it's just a misunderstanding on his part. What do I do? How do I get him to see me so I can talk to him? How do I approach the subject? Do I just confront him and ask him why he sent me those scriptures, then take it from there? What do I say to him?? I've never been in this situation before...

(Please pray for me that God will show him the truth and bring us back together again)....

 

[tampasteve]

To be blunt: move on, stop contacting him. There is a lot written there that shows red flags - for both of you. If it is meant to be God will make it happen in time, but right now you should trust Him on His time, not try and make someone see something that may or may not be God's will for your life.

 

[Emli]

I have no advice for you, but I'm praying that God will reveal His will to both of you.

 

[StillLearning]

To be blunt: move on, stop contacting him. There is a lot written there that shows red flags - for both of you. If it is meant to be God will make it happen in time, but right now you should trust Him on His time, not try and make someone see something that may or may not be God's will for your life.

Thank you for your reply. I really wish it was that easy, but I have no real way of just moving on. I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so, so I am not sure what to do. I feel I can't just let him carry on thinking things about me that are not true. Would you mind telling me all the red flags you see for him and for me? I'd appreciate it..

 

[StillLearning]

I have no advice for you, but I'm praying that God will reveal His will to both of you.

Thank you

 

[Rescued One]

I would move on. I think that in a marriage he would be suspicious and judgmental. He sounds scary!

 

[akaDaScribe]

I met an extremely devoted Christian guy this year and we went out for the first time last month. He's the man of my dreams and I don't think I've ever loved any man as much as I love him.

Starting when I saw him last time, there were some things that just didn't make sense to me... and I haven't seen him at all lately. Last time I saw him, he let me know that he loved me! I was so happy! Then later that same day, he made a comment to his friend (he knew I would hear it) which meant that he would meet someone else in the future (I didn't know why he would say that and it hurt so much), and shortly after that he made a joke about me being "very willing" which didn't really fit the situation (I was helping him with something) and I felt at the time he was hinting at something else but wasn't sure what exactly he was referring to. It was as if he was pushing me away and our hug goodbye was awkward. It was like he wanted me to leave and I couldn't understand why the sudden change.

When I met up with him that day, he gave me a kiss on the cheek (I then tried to do the same but he's so much taller than me that I missed and it landed on his neck instead!). I was too embarrassed to mention it afterwards. I dressed better that day than I usually did, but nothing revealing, had my hair done before I met up with him, and I felt confident. The two of us gazed into each other's eyes for quite a long time and I really felt like things were moving forward and he was on the verge of asking me to be his girlfriend.

He's been forwarding me things via text and other than that, contact has been minimal, and there seemed to be some kind of deeper meaning to some of the things he sent me, like it had something to do with the two of us. At one time, I wasn't really paying much attention to the stuff he forwarded me. One thing I did pay attention to, was a song he sent me, which tells of someone being heartbroken and despondent, not being able to bear the thought of having to start over again and wondering if they would ever find true love.

I didn't know what was going on. But last night I went through my messages and one in particular I didn't pay attention to previously, which he sent me a week after I saw him last time. And I am in complete shock... he sent me verses from Proverbs 5... the man having to stay away from the woman because the woman is a loose woman!!! And I can't think of any reason a guy would send those scriptures to a woman other than to let her know that is how he sees her!! I'm completely heartbroken, because I am the complete opposite. Just like him, I try to obey God. Something I did must have caused him to see me like that even though nothing can be further from the truth. Was it the eye contact? (I don't know what guys think when they do that, but I was thinking of how much I loved him). Was it the accidental kiss on his neck? The fact that I looked too confident? Was I too well dressed (no short skirts or anything...)?

I just can't believe that something that is not even true can cause him to throw a future away. I've never met anyone I have so much in common with - even he was shocked at how similar we are, same exact beliefs, same future plans, everything. I really believed that God answered my prayers by sending him to me because he is everything I've ever wished for in a guy, and to me how it all happened was a complete miracle. After years of being single and not dating, he appeared in my life out of nowhere. People who see us together, think we're already married. I just can't walk away and let it end like this when he's just got the wrong assumption about me... it just doesn't make sense to me to throw away a future with the guy I'm in love with because of a misunderstanding.

I'm completely heartbroken and I keep praying for God to please let him see that it's not true and it's just a misunderstanding on his part. What do I do? How do I get him to see me so I can talk to him? How do I approach the subject? Do I just confront him and ask him why he sent me those scriptures, then take it from there? What do I say to him?? I've never been in this situation before...

(Please pray for me that God will show him the truth and bring us back together again)....

I would just ask him point blank. “What’s going on with you? It looked like we had some potential, but it seems like you are pushing away.”

Be ready for whatever answer you get. If he comes across indifferent or awkward like he doesn’t know how to break away, just be done with him. If he opens up to you and tells you what’s going on, then you will know why he is acting that way.

Personally, it sounds like he might be playing you to me, but I’d have to see how he responded to get a better idea. If his response makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you unsure of yourself, or requires you to prove to him how you feel about him, those should all be red flags.

 

[Elliewaves]

So you both liked each other and you met up with him and you think it went well but afterwards he's sending you scripture hinting about how you are a loose woman? He doesn't sound very nice. Never be with a man or chase after a man or waste time t hinking about a man that will not be somewhat straight with you on the status of your relationship. If he likes you, he can ask you out or at least initiate hanging out with you. If he doesn't he needs to stop playing with your mind and texting you and emailing you things . And if he thinks you aren't good enough to be involved with , he needs to be a man and just tell you there is no future or just stop contacting you rather than passive aggressively sending you things about how he might think you are wrong and could possibly be a loose woman (when he can't even be bothered to ask you first about your life and get that straightened out). I'd ignore his texts and stop meeting up with him. He sounds very insulting and easily swayed.

 

[Rescued One]

(Please pray for me that God will show him the truth and bring us back together again)....

"...nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done."

 

[Hearingheart]

One of the key elements in a serious relationship is communication. No game playing, assumptions or guesses of motivation. Treating each other as brother and sister in Christ. Be open and honest and stay away from undo drama.
Walk in righteousness and don't worry about others think about you.
If he's a game player, you don't want anything to do with him. If he makes you feel badly about yourself, you don't want anything to do with him. If he's not willing to communicate directly and honestly, you don't want anything to do with him

 

[paul1149]

Thank you for your reply. I really wish it was that easy, but I have no real way of just moving on. I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so, so I am not sure what to do. I feel I can't just let him carry on thinking things about me that are not true. Would you mind telling me all the red flags you see for him and for me? I'd appreciate it..

It's extremely dangerous to let emotions run so rampant this early in the relationship. All kinds of red flags, beginning with a strong lack of consistency in how he treats you. Prove him before you trust him. Start putting some distance between the two of you, emotional, certainly, and physical, as is possible. Study James chapter 3, on God's wisdom.

 

[StillLearning]

I would move on. I think that in a marriage he would be suspicious and judgmental. He sounds scary!

I have no real way of just moving on from him. I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so, so I am not sure what to do. I feel I can't just let him carry on thinking things about me that are not true. He's actually one of the nicest people I know - everyone adores him. He had it tough in a past relationship and I'm not sure if that is causing him to act this way.

 

[StillLearning]

I would just ask him point blank. “What’s going on with you? It looked like we had some potential, but it seems like you are pushing away.”

Be ready for whatever answer you get. If he comes across indifferent or awkward like he doesn’t know how to break away, just be done with him. If he opens up to you and tells you what’s going on, then you will know why he is acting that way.

Personally, it sounds like he might be playing you to me, but I’d have to see how he responded to get a better idea. If his response makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you unsure of yourself, or requires you to prove to him how you feel about him, those should all be red flags.

I know with a lot of guys it's difficult to bring up issues in a relationship because they don't like to feel confronted and that alone can push him away - that's what I'm scared of. He's one of those guys..

I didn't realize that there are Christian players? I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so... How can I move on in such situation?

 

[StillLearning]

So you both liked each other and you met up with him and you think it went well but afterwards he's sending you scripture hinting about how you are a loose woman? He doesn't sound very nice. Never be with a man or chase after a man or waste time t hinking about a man that will not be somewhat straight with you on the status of your relationship. If he likes you, he can ask you out or at least initiate hanging out with you. If he doesn't he needs to stop playing with your mind and texting you and emailing you things . And if he thinks you aren't good enough to be involved with , he needs to be a man and just tell you there is no future or just stop contacting you rather than passive aggressively sending you things about how he might think you are wrong and could possibly be a loose woman (when he can't even be bothered to ask you first about your life and get that straightened out). I'd ignore his texts and stop meeting up with him. He sounds very insulting and easily swayed.

I started to notice things were different towards the end of the day. That was just hours after he told me he loved me. Something must have happened in between and I am thinking it could have been when we were looking at each other for so long... maybe he thought I was looking at him THAT way, because maybe he thinks that way, but that's not at all what I was thinking. He's actually one of the nicest guys I've ever met and everybody adores him. I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so... How can I move on in such situation?

 

[StillLearning]

"...nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done."

View attachment 240532 View attachment 240533

Thank you.

 

[StillLearning]

One of the key elements in a serious relationship is communication. No game playing, assumptions or guesses of motivation. Treating each other as brother and sister in Christ. Be open and honest and stay away from undo drama.
Walk in righteousness and don't worry about others think about you.
If he's a game player, you don't want anything to do with him. If he makes you feel badly about yourself, you don't want anything to do with him. If he's not willing to communicate directly and honestly, you don't want anything to do with him

So you don't think I did anything wrong? I've only been a Christian for a few years so I am still learning, while he has been a Christian all his life, and he knows more about what's allowed and not allowed than I do.

He puts God first... how can he be a player?

I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so... How can I move on in such situation?

 

[akaDaScribe]

I know with a lot of guys it's difficult to bring up issues in a relationship because they don't like to feel confronted and that alone can push him away - that's what I'm scared of. He's one of those guys..

I didn't realize that there are Christian players? I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so... How can I move on in such situation?

Honestly, if he values you so little that he would cut you loose because of that, or if he thinks he can puppet-master you, that should be a big turn off to you when you think about it.

And not that I'm encouraging playa tactics, but know that indifference is the weapon of choice.

 

[StillLearning]

It's extremely dangerous to let emotions run so rampant this early in the relationship. All kinds of red flags, beginning with a strong lack of consistency in how he treats you. Prove him before you trust him. Start putting some distance between the two of you, emotional, certainly, and physical, as is possible. Study James chapter 3, on God's wisdom.

Yes I became attached to him very quickly... I guess you could say it was love at first sight. We're just very, very similar, even things that happened in our past is similar, same sense of humour and everything. I've known him for longer than we've been seeing each other.

I am one of those people who can't just date to date someone. I've only had this type of connection with someone 3 times in my life. I've been single for more than 10 years and I never thought I'd meet anyone again, until he showed up. He's the first Christian guy I've ever dated. I can't avoid seeing him every now and then due to circumstances. Eventually I will be seeing him every day or so... I just don't know what to do.

 

[StillLearning]

Honestly, if he values you so little that he would cut you loose because of that, or if he thinks he can puppet-master you, that should be a big turn off to you when you think about it.

And not that I'm encouraging playa tactics, but know that indifference is the weapon of choice.

So does it not look like I actually did something wrong which could have given him the impression I'm a "loose" woman? He's the first Christian guy I've ever dated and I know the rules are different for Christians dating compared to the rest of the world. He's been a Christian all his life whereas I've only been a Christian for a couple of years. Are none of the things I mentioned I did, a problem to other Christian guys, that it would be a red flag?

 

[Elliewaves]

How old are you both? I would just ask him point blank, why did you text me that about loose women? You don't just text something like that to a woman; it's not normal to just do that and seemingly accuse someone. He may not like it being brought up but then he should not have thought of you that way and then sent you something like that. You don't have to tiptoe around h im and not question insulting things he's done. That's not a real or comfortable relationship; certainly not one that would move towards a future. If you can't communicate with him; then there is no future- not one worth having. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. You showed up and were dressed appropriately and acted appropriately- if he got the impression you were a loose woman from that , he sounds like the one with the problem. If he's believing things about you without getting to know you then he's not ready for a relationship. And I don't understand your relationshp with him? are you currently dating? dated in the past? went on one date? What is the timeline here?