Please help! Huge misunderstanding! How do I talk to him about this?

[akaDaScribe]

A quick question... Could the fact that my kiss (just a peck) landed on his neck instead of on his cheek, have caused him to think that I was "experienced" or wanted to get "intimate" with him? I had an "uh-oh..." moment when it happened, but I didn't say anything to him about it because we weren't alone. I don't know if he realized it was just an accident. If he thought I did it on purpose, could it have changed his perception of me and caused him to view everything else I did the rest of that day, in that way too?

I don't think he knows that I love him. Maybe he thinks I just "want" him

If that's the case, why is he coming over to your house to help you with something? It could be that you caught him off guard and it stirred up some feelings that he didn't know what to do with. So he felt guilty and pushed away, but then realized that he would want a wife that he is attracted to. The possibilities are endless. This is why you have to make sure you ask him what the deal is.

We're still waiting to hear what happens...

 

[StillLearning]

Maybe - but a mature bloke would raise concerns, not just assume!

You are not going to get answers by speculating and worrying - just ASK him!

Thank you... Yes I think he should have spoken to me first, but maybe he didn't know how to bring up such a sensitive topic.

 

[StillLearning]

It is hard as an outsider to know what is happening. But some of the things that he is saying looks like he is putting an unjust judgment on you. Now it could be that the guy is Spiritually immature and thinks that God is telling him you are loose, the devil can seed those type of thoughts into a mind that is not fully Spiritually aware.

Wow the things you say are very accurate for my situation... It isn't something I mentioned, but I've been worried about the way those scriptures were sent to me.. It was as if he was saying that God told him that these verses apply to me. If this is really what he believes (not saying it is so, just that it's the way I understood his message), how do I talk some sense into him?

However how to move forward I would suggest writing him and email or written letter expressing your true feelings and asking him what he meant by those texts. Don't mention anything about what i just said, about immaturity for it may not be true. Just stick to what is hurting you, and the areas that are confusing.

May be something along the lines of:

I just need to clarify how you are feeling. Over the past few weeks I have felt that a connection was growing between us, but there have been a few things that have confused and hurt me. And I would like to share them with you so we can both be on the same page .... etc

Thank you for this

 

[StillLearning]

If that's the case, why is he coming over to your house to help you with something? It could be that you caught him off guard and it stirred up some feelings that he didn't know what to do with. So he felt guilty and pushed away, but then realized that he would want a wife that he is attracted to. The possibilities are endless. This is why you have to make sure you ask him what the deal is.

It's funny you mention attraction... When he looked into my eyes, he had a look on his face I never saw before ("bedroom eyes"), so I think he felt a bit "too attracted" and being a Christian, it must have freaked him out.. Maybe he thinks being around me causes him to sin I think if I lived alone he may not have offered to help. But he's just a nice guy in general and likes to help everyone. Although, he's protective of me and I haven't noticed him being that way with anyone else... he looked really uncomfortable around me later that day but he was still protective. The scriptures came days later

We're still waiting to hear what happens...

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Wow the things you say are very accurate for my situation... It isn't something I mentioned, but I've been worried about the way those scriptures were sent to me.. It was as if he was saying that God told him that these verses apply to me. If this is really what he believes (not saying it is so, just that it's the way I understood his message), how do I talk some sense into him?

if this is the case there could be numerous reasons for it, and I don't want to make a judgment one way or the other. But let's use a situation from my life.

I was a person (in my younger years, and to a degree even now) who wanted to hear from God. I tried really hard, but not everything I heard, felt, thought, actually was God, it was often the devil taking advantage of my poor knowledge of the way God works.

If that is the case in his life, then he is in a growth stage, he may have some spiritual pride, i.e. feels he has a direct connection to heaven, when really he is getting his wires crossed. It does not mean he is a bad person, just may be a little pride exists in his life.

Thee other option is much worse, he could really be a bit of a faker, living the christian appearance, but mixing sin in his life, which has caused the confusion you are now seeing.

I am sorry but I don't know his heart. It is just something you will need to discern as you get to know him better. But one suggestion, and it is from the word, is don't get sexually involved, for if he is the latter type he may take you for a ride then burn you out.

 

[StillLearning]

if this is the case there could be numerous reasons for it, and I don't want to make a judgment one way or the other. But let's use a situation from my life.

I was a person (in my younger years, and to a degree even now) who wanted to hear from God. I tried really hard, but not everything I heard, felt, thought, actually was God, it was often the devil taking advantage of my poor knowledge of the way God works.

If that is the case in his life, then he is in a growth stage, he may have some spiritual pride, i.e. feels he has a direct connection to heaven, when really he is getting his wires crossed. It does not mean he is a bad person, just may be a little pride exists in his life.

I'm just worried he doesn't believe what I tell him, when I tell him how things really happened... Do you have any suggestions?

Thee other option is much worse, he could really be a bit of a faker, living the christian appearance, but mixing sin in his life, which has caused the confusion you are now seeing.

I am sorry but I don't know his heart. It is just something you will need to discern as you get to know him better. But one suggestion, and it is from the word, is don't get sexually involved, for if he is the latter type he may take you for a ride then burn you out.

No risk of that happening - I'm waiting for marriage, which is why it hurts so much that he would think otherwise of me..

 

[AnnaDeborah]

I'm just worried he doesn't believe what I tell him, when I tell him how things really happened... Do you have any suggestions?

Just TALK to him! If this relationship progresses, there are going to be other times when you will have a conflict or misunderstanding that needs resolving. If you can't raise an issue or concern with him without a lot of debate or checking with other people first, your relationship is never going to work out. Maybe he is SO difficult to communicate with that unless you analyse every possible outcome first, talking to him will be a disaster. Well, if that's so, do you really want to end up with someone who starts World War 3 over every simple miscommunication? The sooner you are out of a relationship like that, the better. On the other hand, maybe he isn't as hard to talk to as you think he will be, there is a simple explanation for your concerns and you are over-thinking/over-worrying, in which case, the sooner you talk to him the sooner you can resolve this. Either way, you won't achieve anything by endlessly rehashing with us or with yourself what he might or might not be thinking. You just need to get out there and start talking to the only person who has the answers to all your questions!

Don't put it off any longer. We will be praying for you. Let us know how you get on.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I'm just worried he doesn't believe what I tell him, when I tell him how things really happened... Do you have any suggestions?

The best way to do it is to pray. God can intervein in the situation, and show him if he is thinking incorrectly. It is better than trying to convince him your self. You may still need some communication in person, but prayer can even guide that.

 

[StillLearning]

It looks like the misunderstanding is a thing of the past. He found out how I feel about him and it seems to have made all the difference... it looks like he now sees things the way I meant it, and not in a negative light the way he did before. Apparently he had absolutely no idea I felt anything for him. He has since called me, and even called me by a pet name for the first time... which I absolutely love! I am soooo happy right now