People who use God as a reason to show they aren't interested

[blackribbon]

What the heck are you talking about? A rejection is simply being turned down for a date. Ie - "no thank you". You lost me, man. Seriously.

Saying "no" to your boss is a rejection. Because,you are turning down his or her request or wish that you would work overtime. Rejection is not letting someone get what they want.Rejection is just a part of life. Say, even Jesus was rejected by the religious leaders when he was here walking on the Earth.

You must deal with a lot of rejection in your life if you consider that everytime someone says "no" to you, you feel rejected. Do you feel rejected by God when He says "no" to something you pray for?...

Do you wish these women would say "yes" and waste your time and money and play with your feelings if they really aren't interested in you?

PS...my boss doesn't feel reject but rather moves on to the next person...she would rather have someone who wants to be there than is mandated to be there...I am fairly sure that she doesn't think about me saying "not this time" again.

PS...If a man is rejected every time a woman says "no thank you" ... then a woman must be rejected every time a man does not ask her out. She is rejected for the very same reason as the man who asks and gets "no thank"...because he isn't interested in going out with her.

 

[blackribbon]

What you wrote is very true. But,when I was in the US Navy,many of the Filipino women patients were married to American men.

"They also get together frequently with each other...speak in Tagalog to leave others out of the conversation."

That is one of the main reasons for me gaining weight,when I was married to a Filipina. At the family parties,they all were speaking Tagalog, and Ilocano. I was left out of the conversations. Since Filipino food taste great,while being left out of the conversations, I would tell myself, "What the heck, I will just eat something."

Did you ever consider putting in the effort to learn your wife's language so you could participate fully in her life and her culture? Her language and culture was an important part of who she was.

 

[blackribbon]

There's this Christian woman I know via Meetup. The extend of her church involvement is Sundays mostly. Her circle of friends are a variety of beliefs and so on. Some are Christian, some agnostic, some spiritual. Etc. They go out dining together and dancing after. Sometimes movies.

But when I talk to her, she does express her passion for God and Jesus Christ.

She's single, over 50, never married, no children. Very smart, etc.

I tried to ask her out or asked if she had any interest in dating and she said "To be honest, <my name>,....it's not a priority at this point as ever since her recent cancer scare (she's recovered), she's found solace in her friends, family, and interested in building her relationship with Christ." (sorry for the change up in the tenses).

Basically, she's not interested in finding anyone and just recited the aforementioned.

I didn't want to push anymore on that.

Anyways, I caught up with one of her friends at a Meetup event. Dining out, he and his friends said that she might be at that venue watching live music. I mentioned I liked her and was interested, but told him what she told me.

He said, "Um...nope...she's is indeed looking"

I was like, "really? She told me otherwise"

He goes, 'I dunno, some women just say things to be nice or let you down easily...you know how it is"

But that could have changed...big maybe though. He said he'd find out for me if she'd be interested in me though.

But yeah, I tend to get this from Christian women a lot. They use some "Godly" reason to blow you off...where as secular women, all they have to go with are the " I gotta wash my hair"

But\, personally...there's some kind bad karma attached to doing this. Yes? (Of course, that's a word that may not be appropriate for these forums. So it was written to form a context and get the point across.

Why do you assume the man was telling the truth and the woman wasn't? Maybe she once said off handedly, "I wish I could find a husband"...but that does not mean she means now or is actively looking. I know if I was concerned about cancer or any other significantly life changing health diagnosis, I wouldn't enter in a new relationship. It wouldn't be fair to him. (Very few cancers are you ever considered "healed" or "recovered from"....at best, it is "no evidence of disease" and it is part of your current health history and something actively watched).

And maybe she is like me, and it really isn't a priority but if the right guy showed up, I might have to consider changing my priorities. Because it isn't a priority, I probably wouldn't say yes everyone who asks me out. I have no desire to waste a man's time when I know I don't have time or energy to invest in getting to know him.

Maybe she didn't lie. I think you are assuming too much about a person you really don't know very well.

 

[brinny]

Sounds blasphemous. Attributing something to God he did not say. Some might even construe that as blasphemy of the holy spirit which is unforgivable. She might have ruined her eternal soul in the process of rejecting you.

Nonsense.

You were kidding, right?

(i read it again, and i had to chuckle, because it seemed to be dripping with irony).

She might have ruined her eternal soul in the process of rejecting you.

LOL!

 

[brinny]

Nothing wrong, because eventually I'll get a woman that's interested like I have so in the past. They are few and far between...but eventually it will be mutual interest. I just live in an area of rather shallow women....because most of the women I've dated, had expressed they are more into personality than looks and status. There's lack of humility these days, so it's a rare find to find someone of substance that will even give you a chance.

Like if you're not 6 feet tall, women will toss you out of the running.

A lot of women I come across in real life, are typically married or have a boyfriend....at least they say they have a boyfriend.

Anyways, I think we've gotten pretty much off track when it's really about using God's name in vein to turn down a guy, when she could just do what most women should do, "Sorry, I only think of you as a friend" or "I don't think of you in that way".

See, very simple. Not sure how we got off track, but that's typical of message boards. It goes from "Using God's name to reject" and then spinning it on the guy somehow to "You must be doing something wrong to get these women to turn you down"

Not sure how off topic this got. I can understand going the direction of the whole "Afraid how a man would react", that's how I can see it's staying on topic.

Now it's like, "So what is it you're doing that's making women use the God excuse?"

That's not the point. Quit spinning it.

I just live in an area of rather shallow women

Wow.

Nice.

"Shallow"?

Projecting much?

With this underlying negativity in heart and mind, why would anyone in their right mind gravitate towards such negativity?

I don't mean no harm, but it sounds downright mizzerable.

What would this "add" to anyone's life or even their psyche?

We are ALL here to be a BLESSING to others.

Whether they "go out" with us or not.

NO ONE is obliged to say "yes".

NO ONE "owes" us ANYTHING.

 

[brinny]

Yeah, but those are few and far between. I was talking to a woman that met a guy online that she told she wasn't feeling it with him. He went on a rant about how women do this to him and they cannot appreciate the "nice guy" that he is. He wouldn't shut up about it...she told him she was actually scared of his reaction.

Although, he didn't do anything to her...his rant regarding his bitterness towards other women turning him down reflected on my female friend.

Although, he didn't do anything to her...his rant regarding his bitterness towards other women turning him down

God help us.

He didn't know where she lived, etc, did he?

 

[blackribbon]

In a sense, that's kind of funny...but not funny. lol. THey are probably so conditioned with rejection from women that they were shocked that they got a yes.

Well, that means the weren't really interested in me ...

 

[exitstageright]

You must deal with a lot of rejection in your life if you consider that everytime someone says "no" to you, you feel rejected. Do you feel rejected by God when He says "no" to something you pray for?...

Do you wish these women would say "yes" and waste your time and money and play with your feelings if they really aren't interested in you?

PS...my boss doesn't feel reject but rather moves on to the next person...she would rather have someone who wants to be there than is mandated to be there...I am fairly sure that she doesn't think about me saying "not this time" again.

PS...If a man is rejected every time a woman says "no thank you" ... then a woman must be rejected every time a man does not ask her out. She is rejected for the very same reason as the man who asks and gets "no thank"...because he isn't interested in going out with her.

Well yes, I admit.Women do get rejected,just as much as men get rejected. I have rejected some women. Because,I do not believe in using and/or hurting people. Sure, as I have often said, "Rejection hurts. But mature adults get over it."

One famous example of rejection was when composer, Joseph Haydn,rejected one of his students. Joseph Haydn said of him,"He has learned nothing and will never produce anything decent!" Haydn's student's name was.....Ludwig van Beethoven.

 

[MehGuy]

I know Hitler was rejected for leadership roles during his soldier days in WW1 because his commanders thought he lacked leadership potential, lol.

 

[exitstageright]

Did you ever consider putting in the effort to learn your wife's language so you could participate fully in her life and her culture? Her language and culture was an important part of who she was.

Yes, I did.I recognized some words in Tagalog .Because some Tagalog words are very similar to Spanish words, with the same meaning. I even asked her about certain words. She had told me,"Yes,that means the same in Spanish."
Before,I proposed to her.I asked her if certain and specific things about her culture and customs, which I am familiar with,cause a conflict in our marriage. She told me ,"No." But ,after we got married,it was obvious that she had lied to me. Now,a successful relationship is based upon trust. How in the world can I trust anyone who lies to me? If she had told me, "Yes",I would have just,"wiped that sand off of my sandals"and moved on.

 

[exitstageright]

Well, that means the weren't really interested in me ...

That used to happen to me,when I first started dancing.I was so surprised when the lady said," Yes!"
Now,I do not act surprised ,when I a positive response. Nowadays, women ask me to dance!

 

[blackribbon]

Yes, I did.I recognized some words in Tagalog .Because some Tagalog words are very similar to Spanish words, with the same meaning. I even asked her about certain words. She had told me,"Yes,that means the same in Spanish."
Before,I proposed to her.I asked her if certain and specific things about her culture and customs, which I am familiar with,cause a conflict in our marriage. She told me ,"No." But ,after we got married,it was obvious that she had lied to me. Now,a successful relationship is based upon trust. How in the world can I trust anyone who lies to me? If she had told me, "Yes",I would have just,"wiped that sand off of my sandals"and moved on.

The question was why didn't you bother to learn your wife's language? Not a couple words, but her language so you could participate with her family. (and this doesn't have anything to do with the fact in your mind, your marriage was contingent on how she would want to spend your joint money)

 

[blackribbon]

I know Hitler was rejected for leadership roles during his soldier days in WW1 because his commanders thought he lacked leadership potential, lol.

I guess I rejected my children a lot. I wouldn't let my daughter climb the six foot bookshelf and sit on top of it. I wouldn't let her eat cat food. I wouldn't let her climb out the window naked a play in the back of her daddy's pickup truck. I told her "no" when I took the dried dog poop out of her mouth. Funny, though, she doesn't act like she was rejected all the time. Instead she is a happy successful young woman.

 

[exitstageright]

The question was why didn't you bother to learn your wife's language? Not a couple words, but her language so you could participate with her family. (and this doesn't have anything to do with the fact in your mind, your marriage was contingent on how she would want to spend your joint money)

The reason I did not try to learn her language was because,the last time I checked a World Atlas, Bakersfield, California, where we lived, is in the United States of America,(where most of the population speaks English)and not in the Philippines. Now that is a fact.

 

[Citanul]

The reason I did not try to learn her language was because,the last time I checked a World Atlas, Bakersfield, California, where we lived, is in the United States of America,(where most of the population speaks English)and not in the Philippines. Now that is a fact.

That's a reason why she and her family should learn English. It's not a reason for you not to learn her language. If you're in a relationship with someone whose native tongue is another language then making an attempt to learn their home language is a gesture which I would think they would appreciate.

 

[blackribbon]

The reason I did not try to learn her language was because,the last time I checked a World Atlas, Bakersfield, California, where we lived, is in the United States of America,(where most of the population speaks English)and not in the Philippines. Now that is a fact.

You learn her language and culture because you love her and want to know her. Because that is what people do when they love someone.

My friend married a woman from Honduras. He taught himself Spanish and is now very fluent so he can go with her to visit her family at least yearly and participate...and their daughter is also fluent in both English and Spanish. They live in the Midwest...no need for Spanish here and very few people use it. However, it is part of who she is...and her family is his family.

 

[usexpat97]

It's embarrassing how little effort Americans put into learning other languages, when you see how much everyone else is putting into English.

 

[blackribbon]

It's embarrassing how little effort Americans put into learning other languages, when you see how much everyone else is putting into English.

Embarrassing? Other cultures learn English because it is currently the language of the world. (Note, we aren't English). It is a requirement of most high schools to have two years of a foreign language to graduate. However, we don't have much opportunity to use those language skills outside of the classroom and quickly forget what we learn.

What language do you suggest that we learn? The languages I need most at work are Russian, Arabic, Aramaic, Bengali, and Tagalog. If I moved back to where I lived in Texas, I'd need Spanish, German, Polish. One of my college roommates spoke Lithuanian as a first generation American but I doubt that her children are fluent in it. We are a melting pot of many different cultures and languages. My daughter is learning Japanese, which besides it being her favorite culture, I do believe it is a language of business. Chinese seems to be another language of business. I paid for my son to take sign language classes and hope he takes more because I believe it will be a useful language for his chosen profession.

 

[usexpat97]

Embarrassing? Other cultures learn English because it is currently the language of the world.

This is what makes it embarrassing. That Americans THINK it is the language of the world. It is the language of THEIR world. You go to Norway, everyone speaks perfect English. But English is most certainly not the language of Norway. You go to Quebec, the majority speak perfect English. But English is definitely not the language of Quebec, and they'll let you know it.

I was learning my SO's language when I was just dating them (and when I stopping dating them, I stopped learning). Even so, I didn't put in half the effort she did. And if she hadn't learned English first, we never would have dated.

 

[Citanul]

This is what makes it embarrassing. That Americans THINK it is the language of the world. It is the language of THEIR world. You go to Norway, everyone speaks perfect English. But English is most certainly not the language of Norway. You go to Quebec, the majority speak perfect English. But English is definitely not the language of Quebec, and they'll let you know it.

English is the language of the world. It's the closest thing we have to a universal language and is the
language of commerce, science, and entertainment (to a lesser degree). As an example - I work for a French-based company with offices all over the world, but it's English and not French which is used for international communication.

It may not be the home language of the vast majority of the world's population, but if anyone wants to be able to communicate with someone from another country then their best bet is to speak English. Which means that the need for someone from a country that basically only speaks English (and there are more than just America) to learn another language is substantially less.