People who use God as a reason to show they aren't interested

[blackribbon]

I think this confirms why religion is lower on the totem pole of traits you seek in a partner, because there are much more important things than just "being Christian"...you know, like character, value system, ethics, kindness, humility, etc. All those things that comes with being Christian, but at the same time...this is how Christians get together, but outside of a Church environment. So it's become more of "you're Christian? Oh that's nice, but what else do you bring to the table?"

She was most likely trying to save your feelings. And I expect that being single, Christian, and a girl aren't your only requirements in a potential mate.

What would you consider an acceptable way for a Christian girl to say that she is probably interested in getting married if the right man showed up, but you are not that man?

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

I think this confirms why religion is lower on the totem pole of traits you seek in a partner, because there are much more important things than just "being Christian"...you know, like character, value system, ethics, kindness, humility, etc. All those things that comes with being Christian, but at the same time...this is how Christians get together, but outside of a Church environment. So it's become more of "you're Christian? Oh that's nice, but what else do you bring to the table?"

The thing is,a woman saying "I don't want to date you." causes men's feelings to be hurt and they get offended with her as a person. So, a woman may use God as an excuse to not put a man off from respecting her as a person. I am not saying this is you mind you. But you do seem to be put off because she used God as the excuse for saying " I am not interested ." What excuse would be acceptable to you? I agree with you that people should not use God as an excuse. But I understand people do it.

So, to everyone, I would like to know what can a woman say to a man to let him know that she is not interested?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

So, to everyone, I would like to know what can a woman say to a man to let him know that she is not interested?

No, saying that should suffice. No sugar coating it or beating around the bush. If she's not interested then she should say it plainly.

Edit: Some men are hard-headed though. So I was thinking about your question and came up with 2 of 3 suggestions:

1. Maybe it's best not to say anything at all after initially letting them know you're not interested. Don't send wrong signals by hanging around them or engaging in small talk. Some men are easily confused and get wrong ideas.

2. Tell your friends about your intentions not to take interest or date whoever it is that's pursuing you. We've already seen what happens with somebody likes another person and ends up going to folks he/she hangs out with to ask about them. If they're not only getting turned down by you, but her/his friends are also reiterating the same thing, then the message of rejection is that much more clear and to the point.

3. If all of the above don't work and you've gone extra miles to make it clear to them that you don't want anything to do with them, then maybe you might want to consider taking out a restraining order of that person. It seems extreme, but in today's society, the safest measure is sometimes the best.

Good luck!

 

[blackribbon]

It has been made clear hear that many men take a "no thank you" to mean they should pursue harder because they might change her mind or maybe she wants to be pursued.

And in church circles, you are likely to share friends so he is already going to be normally hanging around the same people as your friends. The fact that you are not interested in someone that you have never had a relationship with shouldn't need to be the topic of conversation. Plus there will always be that one or two who actually encourages him to keep trying because they like the guy, even though this way never about the guy not being good enough...just that the woman wasn't interested for whatever reason she has.

I don't think someone constantly asking you out or hanging around you will justify a restraining order and I doubt that it will apply to social situations where you both normally attend, If you go knowing that he will be there it proves you do not believe your life is really in danger (the purpose of a restraining order).

There is a reason why women learn that they do have to make up an excuse when they turn someone down...and it is called experience. The OP is evidence because he complains about every reason a woman turns him down as "not fair"... last one was a person who was a "perfect fit" except that she didn't date people who didn't support Trump. He doesn't take "no thank you" even when given a reason. All that matters is that he is interested in her so she should go out with him.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

About a restraining order..I'd only recommend it if the person has shown evidence of constant, non-stop harassment.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

So, to everyone, I would like to know what can a woman say to a man to let him know that she is not interested?

Um, "Sorry, you're a great guy, but I'm not interested" or "I don't feel this is a good match".

No, saying that should suffice. No sugar coating it or beating around the bush. If she's not interested then she should say it plainly.

Yep, the bolded. When I was told this, it was actually not as bad when put into effect.

In a lot of cases though, I'd get women that'd not give me a direct "Not interested", but would always come up with reasons or excuses, but then encourage me to keep in touch.

Recently, a Christian woman I met on match was always delaying her resposnes to me on text or phone. We went out on 1 date, we felt a pretty good connection and I asked her if she'd like to do it again.

She gave an emphatic yes. But every time I'd contact her I'd get the "It's been a crazy week at work!"

She then would say, "But, let's plan!"

And I would try to get her to commit right then and there, she would say "Not now, I'm in the middle of something, lol!"

And Iwas like 'but you just said 'let's plan...am I right"

Apparently, it was a lofty comment, not to be taken literally. So I felt I was playing mental gymnastics with her.

In these cases, I'id be encouraged to not give up and just be patient with her work schedule. But she always seems to not be able to make time, but men will relentlessly pursue the woman who is 'dangling the carrot" in front of him.

I think some do it for the attention. The ego boost.

So it isn't really harassment if she dangles the carrot in front of him.

I've even had female friends encourage me to keep "checkin' in" to see if she is NOW available. Like once a week or every couple of weeks. Thus why some men decide not to take the hint and keep pursuing.

That anything other than an FIRM "Not interested" allows the man to keep pursuing.


Now an out and out "Sorry I'm not interested' should stop right then and there, but the whole "I'm seeking God" is not a firm no.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The OP is evidence because he complains about every reason a woman turns him down as "not fair"... last one was a person who was a "perfect fit" except that she didn't date people who didn't support Trump. He doesn't take "no thank you" even when given a reason. All that matters is that he is interested in her so she should go out with him.

You are misinterpreting my post about that. I never contacted her. Just noticed she had a MAGA hat on and didn't want someone poking fun or criticizing the President around her.

I joked about it, because eventually I'll make some condescending remark about him or share an SNL skit about him, that'll be end of that. lol

I never even contacted her. So she never gave me a "no thank you" because it never happened.

It's not called 'Experience", an experienced woman would be straight up about her intentions and not lie. Some, but few, had been up front with me, and I respected them for that.

Others that hem-hawed or claimed "I had a crazy week, sorry it took me a week to get back to your text" can be a pain. They tend to dangle the carrot in front of the guy. Maybe after a few of those, they'll hope he can take the hint and stop contacting her.

Someone said in a post earlier, "Not interested in you...at this time"

So what happens? Men will still think they have a shot based on those 3 words a lone, but will check in a month or 2 later, you know, to see if it's a better time.

That's a problem with a lot of single women these days, they tend to give men hope instead of giving them a firm "not interested".

 

[Dansiph]

She was most likely trying to save your feelings. And I expect that being single, Christian, and a girl aren't your only requirements in a potential mate.

What would you consider an acceptable way for a Christian girl to say that she is probably interested in getting married if the right man showed up, but you are not that man?

Maybe I'm a weirdo but I prefer brutal honesty which shows bottle and integrity. I'd suggest to the OP to look at it the same way

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Maybe I'm a weirdo but I prefer brutal honesty which shows bottle and integrity.

Agreed!

I'd suggest to the OP to look at it the same way

Well, if women were just outright honest, then yeah. I thought I was looking at it that way.

 

[Dansiph]

Well, if women were just outright honest, then yeah. I thought I was looking at it that way.

I agree a lot of women can be not honest in these situations. But as with most things it's not all women. Maybe sometimes they fear the reaction? There's men out there who might even physically attack a woman because she was outright honest to him about not being interested. People can react badly, so while we might take it on the chin some might not

 

[High Fidelity]

People do this all the time. I'm not saying it's right, but it's certainly not new. If anything it tells you everything you need to know about them so far as your initial interest goes in them; don't waste your time.

 

[Dansiph]

I agree a lot of women can be not honest in these situations. But as with most things it's not all women. Maybe sometimes they fear the reaction? There's men out there who might even physically attack a woman because she was outright honest to him about not being interested. People can react badly, so while we might take it on the chin some might not

I know this is worst case scenario

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I agree a lot of women can be not honest in these situations. But as with most things it's not all women. Maybe sometimes they fear the reaction? There's men out there who might even physically attack a woman because she was outright honest to him about not being interested. People can react badly, so while we might take it on the chin some might not

Yeah, but those are few and far between. I was talking to a woman that met a guy online that she told she wasn't feeling it with him. He went on a rant about how women do this to him and they cannot appreciate the "nice guy" that he is. He wouldn't shut up about it...she told him she was actually scared of his reaction.

Although, he didn't do anything to her...his rant regarding his bitterness towards other women turning him down reflected on my female friend.

 

[Dansiph]

Yeah, but those are few and far between. I was talking to a woman that met a guy online that she told she wasn't feeling it with him. He went on a rant about how women do this to him and they cannot appreciate the "nice guy" that he is. He wouldn't shut up about it...she told him she was actually scared of his reaction.

Although, he didn't do anything to her...his rant regarding his bitterness towards other women turning him down reflected on my female friend.

I've seen a few instances of this too. I'm no expert but mentioning being nice and other women to a woman you are interested in doesn't seem like the best strategy lol

 

[blackribbon]

You are misinterpreting my post about that. I never contacted her. Just noticed she had a MAGA hat on and didn't want someone poking fun or criticizing the President around her.

I joked about it, because eventually I'll make some condescending remark about him or share an SNL skit about him, that'll be end of that. lol

I never even contacted her. So she never gave me a "no thank you" because it never happened.

It's not called 'Experience", an experienced woman would be straight up about her intentions and not lie. Some, but few, had been up front with me, and I respected them for that.

Others that hem-hawed or claimed "I had a crazy week, sorry it took me a week to get back to your text" can be a pain. They tend to dangle the carrot in front of the guy. Maybe after a few of those, they'll hope he can take the hint and stop contacting her.

Someone said in a post earlier, "Not interested in you...at this time"

So what happens? Men will still think they have a shot based on those 3 words a lone, but will check in a month or 2 later, you know, to see if it's a better time.

That's a problem with a lot of single women these days, they tend to give men hope instead of giving them a firm "not interested".

She said "no thank you" in her profile. I never said you contacted you but you were focused enough on her being "potentially the right one for you" to complain on this forum instead of just moving to the next woman and just taking her upfront "no thank you".

As for "not at this time" is how women talk. We mostly try not to offend people. We talk to each other this way when not wanting to offend someone so it is a complete women thing. This is not an invitation to hang around until we change our mind but rather a "I'll let you know when I change my mind, but get on with your life in the meantime." I tell people when they try to solicit money from me "not today"... even if I know I probably will never donate any money to them. It simply means I don't want to continue this conversation ... and I don't want them to hard sell me or me have to explain why I don't support their organization.

 

[Elliewaves]

Someone said in a post earlier, "Not interested in you...at this time"

So what happens? Men will still think they have a shot based on those 3 words a lone, but will check in a month or 2 later, you know, to see if it's a better time.

That's a problem with a lot of single women these days, they tend to give men hope instead of giving them a firm "not interested".

I was the one that mentioned "she is not interested in you at this time". I was just describing the situation. No woman being asked out is going to use the phrase that she's not interested in you at this time. And even if she does, the indication is refusal. It doesn't mean you will look like a better choice to her in a month or so. I don't think that after a woman has said the words "i'm not interested in you" (no matter what it's followed by) that a guy should pursue her still and claim to have been given hope. If you think a woman's playing games and you bite; then you love to play the game just as much as she does. No in any form is a no. If you still pursue, it may change but it's more likely not to and will remain a no or get elevated to a NO.

 

[blackribbon]

An interested woman will stop what she is doing, smile and make direct eye contact. If she does this and says that she is busy at this time but is interested when her life slows down, then assume that she might accept in the future .... but heaven sake, don't put your life on hold in the meantime. Assume that everyone else is just trying to be nice (which means she doesn't see you as a bad guy) and is just not interested.

Out of curiosity, do some women say yes and go on several dates with you before you both decide this isn't a match?

On a completely different topic, as a woman, I have met men who have asked me out...and when I have said "yes", it is like they assume that something is wrong with me because I did agree to go out with them. All contact after that is more about finding out what is wrong with me than actually getting to know me.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

An interested woman will stop what she is doing, smile and make direct eye contact. If she does this and says that she is busy at this time but is interested when her life slows down, then assume that she might accept in the future .... but heaven sake, don't put your life on hold in the meantime. Assume that everyone else is just trying to be nice (which means she doesn't see you as a bad guy) and is just not interested.

Out of curiosity, do some women say yes and go on several dates with you before you both decide this isn't a match?

On a completely different topic, as a woman, I have met men who have asked me out...and when I have said "yes", it is like they assume that something is wrong with me because I did agree to go out with them. All contact after that is more about finding out what is wrong with me than actually getting to know me.

Definitely not several dates...

Most times, I'm lucky if I can get a single meet/date (meet n greet). Usually if I'm lucky to even get a response, they ghost when I try to move to a meetup.

I was on Match.com. Recently, this woman (Christian) agreed to another date with me, saying that she had a great time and so I did I. She even confirmed it. We would stay in touch via phone, but would be delayed in her responses, esp. if I would figure out a place we could meet up.

One time it took her a week to respond, so I followed up on Christmas Day wishing her a Merry Christmas. She did respond back, saying that she would INDEED like to plan something... but when I mentioned I had an extra ticket to a concert via a promotional thing...she didn't respond for 2 days.

On the advice of a fellow Christian woman, she said that I could send her a final, "Hey, I do understand that you may get busy, but I'd really like to know if you're interested or not".

She only replied with, "Good morning, <my name> and that's it. Nothing more. So she's just playing games/phone tag at this point. Dangling the carrot so-to-speak.

At that point, I let her go as I don't think she was serious about dating. OF course she never used God as an excuse, but the typical secular game of online dating that is typical of most online. A lot of ghosters, flakes, game players, people there for an ego boost, etc. That's about it.

I have said "yes", it is like they assume that something is wrong with me because I did agree to go out with them.

In a sense, that's kind of funny...but not funny. lol. THey are probably so conditioned with rejection from women that they were shocked that they got a yes.

 

[brinny]

Definitely not several dates...

Most times, I'm lucky if I can get a single meet/date (meet n greet). Usually if I'm lucky to even get a response, they ghost when I try to move to a meetup.

I was on Match.com. Recently, this woman (Christian) agreed to another date with me, saying that she had a great time and so I did I. She even confirmed it. We would stay in touch via phone, but would be delayed in her responses, esp. if I would figure out a place we could meet up.

One time it took her a week to respond, so I followed up on Christmas Day wishing her a Merry Christmas. She did respond back, saying that she would INDEED like to plan something... but when I mentioned I had an extra ticket to a concert via a promotional thing...she didn't respond for 2 days.

On the advice of a fellow Christian woman, she said that I could send her a final, "Hey, I do understand that you may get busy, but I'd really like to know if you're interested or not".

She only replied with, "Good morning, <my name> and that's it. Nothing more. So she's just playing games/phone tag at this point. Dangling the carrot so-to-speak.

At that point, I let her go as I don't think she was serious about dating. OF course she never used God as an excuse, but the typical secular game of online dating that is typical of most online. A lot of ghosters, flakes, game players, people there for an ego boost, etc. That's about it.



In a sense, that's kind of funny...but not funny. lol. THey are probably so conditioned with rejection from women that they were shocked that they got a yes.

So she's just playing games/phone tag at this point. Dangling the carrot so-to-speak.

i seriously doubt that.

Just graciously move on.

i don't mean no harm, but it's seriously insulting and irritating to not have ones words taken seriously.

You might want to explore if that is something you find yourself doing.

In addition, if any women now or in the future knew that any contact with you would be fodder for a very public forum, they would most likely avoid you like the plague and run if they saw you coming.

In addition, you might want to be thankful that these women you speak about WERE polite.

Count your blessings.

Even better, become a blessing.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

i seriously doubt that.

Just graciously move on.

i don't mean no harm, but it's seriously insulting and irritating to not have ones words taken seriously.

You might want to explore if that is something you find yourself doing.

In addition, if any women now or in the future knew that any contact with you would be fodder for a very public forum, they would most likely avoid you like the plague and run if they saw you coming.

In addition, you might want to be thankful that these women you speak about WERE polite.

Count your blessings.

Even better, become a blessing.

Well, it's rather moot since I'm not naming names....just experiences.

But this is what this singles area of the forum is about, at least partly. One of which is talking about your dating experiences with those with shared beliefs.