- May 2, 2017
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Good morning and a blessed commemoration of St Mary of Egypt. I have an issue I am struggling with - and have been wrestling with for a while. I do not know what is the truly loving thing to do, or how to proceed forward, so I am looking for input and prayers. If anyone simply wants to offer prayers, I will contain my situation in a Spoiler, so that you need not read it if you don't want.
As many of you know, I am dating someone who suffers from mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression, and has terrible nightmares and panic attacks. Before we even started dating, we were good friends, and on a few occasions, I would be with her until late at night due to a panic attack that she had, and would sometimes sleep with her (not an innuendo -- I would literally just be in the same bed), in order that when she awoke from a dreadful nightmare or panic attack, I would be there to console her and help her get through.
After we started dating, this evolved into sharing a bed almost every night (we were both college students and lived in adjacent dormitories). In large part, that was because the panic attacks and nightmares began to increase in frequency, and began happening every single night. I justified this by saying that I was staying with her, not out of lust or sin, but out of love and kindness, in order to help her when she sought help. But I also had conflicted feelings about it, because it seemed like we were cohabiting and living together.
After I graduated, she still had one year of school left, but at this point, it had become our habit that whenever we were together (if I came to visit for the weekend, if we were traveling, etc.), at night we would share the bed. Now, during this time of pandemic and quarantine, I have not even seen her since mid-March (besides FaceTime calls), and will likely not see her for quite a while until the quarantines are lifted. That, as well as the reflective and pensive time of Great Lent, has given me the opportunity to reflect on this issue a bit more seriously. In particular, some of my readings this morning (a sermon from Holy Cross Monastery, and an email from my priest to our community) have showed me that I need to take this gift from God of a Lenten "desert" and "behold what needs to be cleansed, transformed, or eliminated" in my soul.
I really don't know what is right. What is loving.
Is it wrong of us to cohabit like this? Is cohabitation always and necessarily sinful and unloving? Or is this a loving action to do: as opposed to a legalistic following of a law that ends up being more cruel than bending the law.
I hope this makes sense, and I hope I have provided enough information for you all, in your prayers and kindness, to help guide me on the path of Christ, while not providing to much information to scandalize or harm any of you in your own Lenten struggles. Pray for me, an unworthy sinner. Thank you in advance for your input
After we started dating, this evolved into sharing a bed almost every night (we were both college students and lived in adjacent dormitories). In large part, that was because the panic attacks and nightmares began to increase in frequency, and began happening every single night. I justified this by saying that I was staying with her, not out of lust or sin, but out of love and kindness, in order to help her when she sought help. But I also had conflicted feelings about it, because it seemed like we were cohabiting and living together.
After I graduated, she still had one year of school left, but at this point, it had become our habit that whenever we were together (if I came to visit for the weekend, if we were traveling, etc.), at night we would share the bed. Now, during this time of pandemic and quarantine, I have not even seen her since mid-March (besides FaceTime calls), and will likely not see her for quite a while until the quarantines are lifted. That, as well as the reflective and pensive time of Great Lent, has given me the opportunity to reflect on this issue a bit more seriously. In particular, some of my readings this morning (a sermon from Holy Cross Monastery, and an email from my priest to our community) have showed me that I need to take this gift from God of a Lenten "desert" and "behold what needs to be cleansed, transformed, or eliminated" in my soul.
I really don't know what is right. What is loving.
Is it wrong of us to cohabit like this? Is cohabitation always and necessarily sinful and unloving? Or is this a loving action to do: as opposed to a legalistic following of a law that ends up being more cruel than bending the law.
I hope this makes sense, and I hope I have provided enough information for you all, in your prayers and kindness, to help guide me on the path of Christ, while not providing to much information to scandalize or harm any of you in your own Lenten struggles. Pray for me, an unworthy sinner. Thank you in advance for your input
