Opposites Attract theory

[bèlla]

Most Christian women prefer egalitarian relationships. Few are seeking a leader or headship. They want a partner. Single men desiring traditional relationships echoed the same.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

Thank you for your post. It's refreshing to read another report of honest self-appraisal.

How we live out our lives is between us and God.

There are some that are happy to lead a singular life, but I would have to disagree that you don't have anything to offer. Our particular strengths, which may be that we are less inclined to be flippant, more reserved, don't give support to worthless talk and innuendo, will often bring a balancing influence into the lives of those that have opposite traits, that if allowed to run unchecked will run into error.

In the body of Christ, no one cell is allowed to opt out, unless the rest of the body is full of cancer. In that case it is better to extract yourself from that to remain attached to the Head, and retain your good health.

In my opinion there's a lot of confusion in the church as to what it means for a man to be the head of the family. In truth, for a Christian man to be a true head of the family, he needs humility and a drive to please God in every matter, and stand for God's ways rather than bow down to any evil, no matter what he is confronted with and by who. To do that effectively he will need to study and respond to The Holy Spirit's counsel, and have a dynamic relationship with his wife that acknowledges her as his equal in Christ Jesus, and discusses with her all the aspects of life affecting them. He needs to work towards a collaborative understanding of where they need to be, and what they should be doing, and always in exercising godly attitudes and behaviour.

Male headship in a Christian marriage is more about spiritual headship, and therefore the man's obligation to find out Who God is, and what His expectations of us are in respect of our attitudes and behaviour within our relationships, and our faithfulness to Him. If we do that, not only will we be loving our God, but we will be loving our wife to the full, too. Similar requirements are relevant to a woman in marriage, so that she has the wisdom of God with her to help her manage the matters of family and home, and provide spiritual support to her husband.

Shalom, Tony

Thanks Tony for your thoughts. My ex-wife wanted me to micromanage the family and plan out every day and discuss each day's events and be planing, planning, planning. I did plan but was not as detailed oriented as her and that drove her nuts. Instead of recognizing I had a different approach, she took my approach as a lack of leadership/interest. She became highly critical comparing me to other men. I was the spiritual leader though. When I finally, after 10 years trying, got her to agree to counseling we were asked to list all the positives we could about each other. I went first and rattled off a long list of things I thought were positives about her. When it was her turn, she could only list one thing. She said I was "her rock" spiritually. So I got that right...

I guess I should not say I have nothing to offer. More that I never developed the ability to share life with someone. I was neglected as a child and grew up very introverted and quiet. I never had a lot of friends and learned to be very self-sufficient and self-entertaining. Now I can go days at a time without having a single conversation with another person. I just quietly do my thing. I don't really seek out social contact much. In that sense I say I have nothing to offer. I don't think I would be much of a companion. I never learned to form deep bonds. I fear that being in a serious relationship would be too taxing for me. I would feel claustrophobic. Instead of wanting that best friend, confidant, soul mate, I tend to do best solo.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

Most Christian women prefer egalitarian relationships. Few are seeking a leader or headship. They want a partner. Single men desiring traditional relationships echoed the same.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

In Christian pro-marriage circles, they really emphasize male headship. I am biased by having had a wife who expected me to micro manage the family...

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

@NotUrAvgGuy It’s good to see you again. I hope you’re well and in good health.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Thanks Bella. Actually I just came through a nightmare of a triple infection. I had a UTI, bladder, and kidney infection. That was painful. Earlier in the summer I took a hard fall on a mountain bike and got a serious concussion. All is better now. I hope you are well!

 

[dayhiker]

NotUrAvgGuy --- I can relate to some of what you say. I'm like have a general plan and then live the rest by the seat of my pants. I find this creates the sense of adventure that I want and the fun of seeing everything work out in a way that is fresh and new each time.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

NotUrAvgGuy --- I can relate to some of what you say. I'm like have a general plan and then live the rest by the seat of my pants. I find this creates the sense of adventure that I want and the fun of seeing everything work out in a way that is fresh and new each time.

I still remember when our oldest child was maybe 10 or 11 and the other two younger, my ex-wife lectured me on how I had blown it by not yet drilling into our children that dating was evil and they should only court. Apparently I was supposed to be all over that one! Not that I totally agreed with her...

You have to make some plans. You'll never reach retirement with any money if you don't. However, you don't have to plan every minute of every day. I was expected to articulate a detailed plan for the weekend for the family days in advance. It was a standard I was not comfortable with.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks Bella. Actually I just came through a nightmare of a triple infection. I had a UTI, bladder, and kidney infection. That was painful. Earlier in the summer I took a hard fall on a mountain bike and got a serious concussion. All is better now. I hope you are well!

NUAG,

I am sorry to hear that! I hope you’re better now? If not, how can I pray for you? I’m okay and recovering from an injury. God willing we’ll have it under control soon. It’s good to have you back.

Although headship is emphasized in some circles, the numbers don’t add up. There’s not enough women desiring the same to meet the demand. Things have changed.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

NUAG,

I am sorry to hear that! I hope you’re better now? If not, how can I pray for you? I’m okay and recovering from an injury. God willing we’ll have it under control soon. It’s good to have you back.

Although headship is emphasized in some circles, the numbers don’t add up. There’s not enough women desiring the same to meet the demand. Things have changed.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Thanks Bella! Nice to be back. Right now the wildfire smoke is my biggest problem. I am wearing an N95 mask inside my house! The smoke makes me sleepy and is hard on my sinuses. I have not seen a blue sky here in over two weeks. All our smoke is coming to us from Oregon and possibly some from Northern California or Washington. The mountains here tend to trap the smoke over the valley. I sit up high and look down over downtown Boise and buildings two miles away are lost in a haze of smoke.

I am hoping my infections are done but after one round of antibiotics I had to start another half dose. About done with that. Hoping it's gone for good now.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks Bella! Nice to be back. Right now the wildfire smoke is my biggest problem. I am wearing an N95 mask inside my house! The smoke makes me sleepy and is hard on my sinuses. I have not seen a blue sky here in over two weeks.

NUAG,

That's terrible! I'll pray for a speedy recovery and safety during the wildfires.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

NUAG,

That's terrible! I'll pray for a speedy recovery and safety during the wildfires.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Thank you! I saw today they are seeing smoke from the California fires in NYC! That's crazy. We remain in poor air quality. I wear a mask if I go outside. Not due to COVID but due to the smoke! I have a friend coming in a couple of weeks to tour the beauty of Idaho and the mountains. I just hope it's not all shrouded in smoke...

 

[sampa]

(male and female), I'm inviting opinions on the theory that between genders, opposite personalities are attracted to each other.

Have you found this to be true or not?

in my 20s and 30s I was mostly attracted to those that were introverted Intuitive feeling, but that changed in these past 2 years where I have had interest in Extroverted and Thinking types. Plus sensing types has been a new thing. I'm not sure if I could ever be long-term with them, but I have found some attractions along the way.

 

[Miles]

It's a mixed bag. Opposite strengths and weaknesses can work if they complement and cover for each other. Diverging values, contrasting politics, and conflicting daily habits, however, tend to hinder a relationship rather than help it thrive.

In terms of temperament, I mostly prefer fellow introverts, but there are exceptions. If she expresses what I’m thinking, but not necessarily saying, that can make her easier to approach. Introverts tend to be more guarded and enigmatic, on average, so I may not have as much to go on at the beginning.

 

[sampa]

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[angelsaroundme]

Take my words with a grain of salt, but the relationships that seem healthy to me are those where they are similar people. I also imagine that as life continues to be stressful, people will resort to their coping mechanisms more than usual, so if two people are different in these regards that is going to be a greater problem. One might want to go out more because for them that is how they relax, while the other wants to be home away from the "noise" of society, meaning one compromises more than they are comfortable with, or they could grow apart.

 

[sampa]

Take my words with a grain of salt, but the relationships that seem healthy to me are those where they are similar people. I also imagine that as life continues to be stressful, people will resort to their coping mechanisms more than usual, so if two people are different in these regards that is going to be a greater problem. One might want to go out more because for them that is how they relax, while the other wants to be home away from the "noise" of society, meaning one compromises more than they are comfortable with, or they could grow apart.

I think I might agree, but I think it is the percentages of what you have in common and you can help each other with your differences if it's not overwhelming. For example I want someone who eats similar to how I eat but not exactly how I eat. There was someone I kind of considered but we were always disagreeing and having trouble coming to an agreement about where to eat and I felt miserable on my date because the place he picked didn't have high quality vegetable dishes. It was a meat based place and he's into southern cooking and fried food. And I can't imagine constantly being in that atmosphere in the kitchen. For health reasons I have to eat a certain way. On the other hand an issue like that could go deeper and just have to do with stubbornness.

 

[angelsaroundme]

I think I might agree, but I think it is the percentages of what you have in common and you can help each other with your differences if it's not overwhelming. For example I want someone who eats similar to how I eat but not exactly how I eat. There was someone I kind of considered but we were always disagreeing and having trouble coming to an agreement about where to eat and I felt miserable on my date because the place he picked didn't have high quality vegetable dishes. It was a meat based place and he's into southern cooking and fried food. And I can't imagine constantly being in that atmosphere in the kitchen. For health reasons I have to eat a certain way. On the other hand an issue like that could go deeper and just have to do with stubbornness.

Yes, I agree with that. Some differences can be useful, like if one is living a very healthy lifestyle and the other is trying to do that. However, if the later is only telling themselves they want to live healthier, while in reality they aren't willing to make the sacrifices even with help, that will be an issue. It was good that you recognized the food problem early on and didn't tell yourself you could change them. Most people aren't going to significantly change for someone else.