Opposites Attract theory

[Tony B]

Guys (male and female), I'm inviting opinions on the theory that between genders, opposite personalities are attracted to each other.

Have you found this to be true or not?

If true, then can we assume that God uses that to point prospective spouses towards each other?

What would be the ramifications of these opposite traits in relationships?

Thanks in advance for your considered or light-hearted opinions

PS: I could have posted this under a different forum, but it seemed it was more suited to this one. I'm all about happiness in relationships, and how to go about achieving that.

 

[Tony B]

Guys (male and female), I'm inviting opinions on the theory that between genders, opposite personalities are attracted to each other.

Have you found this to be true or not?

If true, then can we assume that God uses that to point prospective spouses towards each other?

What would be the ramifications of these opposite traits in relationships?

Thanks in advance for your considered or light-hearted opinions

I'll add some ammo to the topic, gained from experience.

The opposites attracting theory has credibility. In my opinion it makes sense, and I've seen it at work. God has imparted only an iota of His personality into each and every one of us, which means we are all incomplete. Wouldn't it make sense that in His scheme of things then, He would have built into our system an attraction for someone that can fill in some of the gaps from the lacks we have in our personality, that He has knowingly engineered?

For Christians prayerfully asking God to provide him or her a companion for marriage, would He not then try and guide them to meet a member of the opposite gender that has complimenting personality traits to theirs?

What might be the effects in relationships through dissimilar personalities binding together. Well, particularly in marriage, we end up having a much more fulfilling life through benefitting from the out-working of the personality attributes our spouse has that we lack.

Why is it then those differences seem to irk us over time, leading to a misconception that we spouses are not really compatible....how short-sighted and immature we are when we allow that to happen in our relationships.

Why would we try and change out partner into being more like our limited selves, shouldn't we rather embrace the differences and thank God they are there for our benefit, and that those differences bring a balancing influence into our lives, making us more complete.

Even though we have a right and need to retain our own personality in a relationship, we can no longer live as if we are single...we ought be prepared to allow the complimenting traits in our partner's personality to temper the extremes of our own as well, to help us walk more upright and pleasing to God.

 

[bèlla]

Tony B,

It depends on the person, severity of difference, and value they place on specific qualities. I’ve seen both sides.

I have dated analytical men who were serious and less outgoing and others with similar traits who were more engaging and extroverted. The serious ones required greater love and patience. They were quicker to take offense because they spent so much time in their heads.

Whereas the extroverts were more relaxed and less demanding. They knew how to shift gears and shut their head off. The atmosphere was lighter and I valued quality time more than usual.

In the first example giving was more pronounced. The second allowed me to receive beyond my norm. I’d request the latter because of our similarities. But I’ve noticed the people the Lord sends often need love and encouragement and I excel in each.

Marriage is work. I haven’t tied the knot for a reason.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Tony B]

Tony B,

It depends on the person, severity of difference, and value they place on specific qualities. I’ve seen both sides.

I have dated analytical men who were serious and less outgoing and others with similar traits who were more engaging and extroverted. The serious ones required greater love and patience. They were quicker to take offense because they spent so much time in their heads.

Whereas the extroverts were more relaxed and less demanding. They knew how to shift gears and shut their head off. The atmosphere was lighter and I valued quality time more than usual.

In the first example giving was more pronounced. The second allowed me to receive beyond my norm. I’d request the latter because of our similarities. But I’ve noticed the people the Lord sends often need love and encouragement and I excel in each.

Marriage is work. I haven’t tied the knot for a reason.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Yes, well, at least you're getting people sent by you. No one comes by me except my cat, I must be a lost cause .... just joshing , I think

Self esteem also comes into play too...if you have a healthy one, then you are more able to wear rejection of opinion and wants.

But I can go through heaps of anecdotes, where I've seen couples where one is reserved and the other is outgoing, one is reserved and the other is laid back, (as per your examples), one is itinerant and the other stay put, one is spend thrift and the other frugal, one is a night owl and the other a morning person, and so on. If we are smart, we will allow the differences in our other half and vice versa, pull us closer to the balanced centre and more harmonious living.

These differences I've found do cross over into but are not the same as those that exist between people having different bents (combination of faculties, qualities and talents). That's another worthwhile study in my opinion, along with those for personality types and love language. I find this stuff personally interesting. The studies don't provide absolutes but nonetheless are generally helpful for troubleshooting problems in relationships, in my opinion.

I acknowledge that it is erroneous to lump people into a particular type of box, there are always exception to a rule including variations forged through upbringing, but I think knowledge in matters relationships is freedom.

PS... Nice photo by the way, very chic.

 

[Lost4words]

I always get admiring looks and swooning eyes and puppy eyes!

Especially when i walk past mirrors! The attraction (opposite) is very strong!

 

[Tony B]

I always get admiring looks and swooning eyes and puppy eyes!

Especially when i walk past mirrors! The attraction (opposite) is very strong!

I'm convinced my mirrors are evil

 

[Lost4words]

I'm convinced my mirrors are evil

No. Dont think like that. God loves us all my friend.

To be honest, i am at a point in my life where i prefer to be single. Yes, i am attracted to the opposite sex but have no desire to enter into a relationship.

 

[bèlla]

Yes, well, at least you're getting people sent by you. No one comes by me except my cat, I must be a lost cause .... just joshing , I think

Tony B,

Or you're too hot to handle and require a special lady.

If we are smart, we will allow the differences in our other half and vice versa, pull us closer to the balanced centre and more harmonious living.

I balance a lot of that against my calling and personality. God's work comes first. I'm a realist. I consider whether the person can thrive in the environment the Lord placed me in. I look at their vices and weaknesses too. Overall, I prefer moderation. But that's apropos for an industry where extremes are the norm.

My big three are money, faith and drive. They're make or break across the board.

Money imbalances cause a lot of strife. I don't want a spendthrift or a penny pincher. I routinely get someone in the middle for my sanity.

I'm not overly religious or wedded to a tradition. I came to faith in a synagogue and my approach to God is Jewish in its simplicity and significance of purpose and making a difference. I never forgot what it felt like to be estranged from God and that influences my ministry.

I lead with love and would have difficulty watching someone behave the way I see on here towards one who's lost. Complementary style and outlook on the Lord is helpful. I'm truly nondenominational. I'll never be Catholic, Baptist, Messianic, etc. It doesn't speak to my spirit.

Finally, there's drive. This wasn't always a factor until I understood my personality. I'm very goal driven. Accomplishing a mission or completing a project brings me joy. That will never change. Ninety-nine percent of my friends (outside of family) are entrepreneurs.

But that can be difficult to live with. It can make the other feel pressured to do the same or inadequate and I don't want that. I've taken personality tests from different sources and the results are nearly identical. The enneagram tritype helped me see the larger picture and challenges of my makeup.

Myers: ENTJ-A
DISC: DI
Enneagram: 3; 378 Mover and Shaker tritype
Love Language: Words of affirmation; lowest is quality time

The 378s are confident go-getters that enjoy doing big things in a big way. The 3 loves the energy that comes from setting and achieving a goal, the 7 loves the energy that comes from what is new and exciting and the 8 loves the energy that comes from personal empowerment and overcoming obstacles.

The 3 and 7 are both very positive... The 3 will fake it until they make it and the 7 will reframe a negative past or present with a more positive future.

And, the 3 and 8 both are both highly competitive and want to win… The 3 wants to be seen as the best and a winner, and the 8 wants to have the power to prevail against all odds.

The 7 and 8 are both very independent and creative types that follow their own drummers. Both do not want limitations. The 7 wants to be the leader of their groups to ensure freedom from boredom and the 8s want to be master and commander of their own life rather than conforming to the limitations of ‘group think’.

So, when these types are combined, they have a shared world-view that is focused on being independent, positive, innovative, creative and results-oriented, winners. As such, they are ideally suited to be leaders and are the rainmakers and the captains of industry.

You need a strong sense of self to deal with me. Insecurity could foster competition or resentment. But he has to be a doer or I'll drive him crazy.

But on the flip side I'm a traditionalist who believes in headship. I don't want to be at the helm. I need the balance of servanthood to keep me centered.

PS... Nice photo by the way, very chic.

Thank you Tony, she's a favorite.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Tony B]

Or you're too hot to handle and require a special lady.

.... she'd have to be different to the norm, that's for sure! My life has gone a bit different to the standard Christian walk, and I ain't going back over the Red Sea, and back into Egypt, no matter what, and whoever is beside me would have to share that same ideal.

In my opinion we serve God when serving each other, notwithstanding the gender-specific responsibilities He has allocated.

INFJ-A
CS
158
Top: Acts of Service. Bottom: Receiving Gifts
Motivational Gift: Prophetic Insight (Seer)/Perception

Money is a pain to me, I'd leave management of that up to my spouse if she wouldn't mind taking that on, otherwise we'd have to make it a joint venture, I wouldn't leave it solely in my hands, I'm just not interested in it. I realise the need to provide, and the obligations I have for that, so I would adhere to those requirements, but I am more interested in people's emotional and spiritual needs.

If the lady wasn't an adventurer, I think I'd feel hog tied... a stay at home and wile away the time person wouldn't suit me, gotta take care of home and take time out, yes, but gotta get out and do too.... I'd feel trapped if that wasn't the case.

 

[bèlla]

.... she'd have to be different to the norm, that's for sure! My life has gone a bit different to the standard Christian walk, and I ain't going back over the Red Sea, and back into Egypt, no matter what, and whoever is beside me would have to share that same ideal.

Tony B,

Amen! What stands out most in your mind that differs from the standard walk?

Motivational Gift: Prophetic Insight (Seer)/Perception

How have you used your gift thus far?

Money is a pain to me, I'd leave management of that up to my spouse if she wouldn't mind taking that on, otherwise we'd have to make it a joint venture, I wouldn't leave it solely in my hands, I'm just not interested in it. I realise the need to provide, and the obligations I have for that, so I would adhere to those requirements, but I am more interested in people's emotional and spiritual needs.

That's very wise. I've encountered men who wanted to manage the resources who didn't have talent, passion, or gifting. I worked in the industry and pursued financial independence at an early age. What I enjoy most is the ability to create something from nothing and watch it grow. Business gives me a similar rush.

If the lady wasn't an adventurer, I think I'd feel hog tied... a stay at home and wile away the time person wouldn't suit me, gotta take care of home and take time out, yes, but gotta get out and do too.... I'd feel trapped if that wasn't the case.

If he lacked a burden for the lost; especially those with means it would be difficult. Money is a touchy topic in Christian circles. I can't have him preaching to the dinner guests. I'm trying to love them. Someone enamored with money or celebrity would be equally wrong.

This is an adventure for certain. Being a light in Satan's world isn't for the faint of heart.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Tony B]

Tony B,

Amen! What stands out most in your mind that differs from the standard walk?

Not long after my conversion in 1983 I realised there was no place for me in structured religions of any kind, and no place for me in the secular world, so I've had to walk alone as far as human fellowship is concerned. Also, my zest for trying to do what is right no matter what the cost, has come at companionship, financial, physical and emotional loss. As melodramatic as this may sound, I'm still walking out here in the gap alone, but I see the Lord up ahead, so I am not anxious or worried.

==========================
How have you used your gift thus far?

It's actually a natural gift, so whether you be Christian or not, it is at play along with the other gifts (bent, faculties /qualities/talents) in others. One of the attributes of the particular bent I and others like me have, is to perceive when a situation or person is not kosher or genuine, and that danger may be nearby because of that. Another of its traits for Christians that have the bent, is they feel they are the guardians of scripture, and woe betide anyone that would seek to rough it up in any way, they can expect an earful!

==========================
That's very wise. I've encountered men who wanted to manage the resources who didn't have talent, passion, or gifting. I worked in the industry and pursued financial independence at an early age. What I enjoy most is the ability to create something from nothing and watch it grow. Business gives me a similar rush.

I learnt the hard way Bella. The tradition in my upbringing was that the male managed finances, and that ignorant premise along with my inabilities and my ex's tendency to sit back and let me do it, put a heavy burden on our marriage. We were both at fault, but I'm responsible for getting my own act in order (not hers), which was/is to understand and accept my limitations and the strengths of others.

==========================
If he lacked a burden for the lost; especially those with means it would be difficult. Money is a touchy topic in Christian circles. I can't have him preaching to the dinner guests. I'm trying to love them. Someone enamored with money or celebrity would be equally wrong.

Yep, I can't handle that either. I might use a dinner to find out how the guests are faring, and diplomatically suss out whether they need help in any way. Besides offering other practical help, during a conversation at the dinner table I might give out a suggestion based on scripture that could help the listener, and vice versa receive theirs too, I regard that as an expression of love as well.

==========================
This is an adventure for certain. Being a light in Satan's world isn't for the faint of heart.

Yep, agree with that. We have to be Joshuas, ".....as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord". The 'adventure' can be tough or light-hearted, painful or humorous, but always rewarding.

==========================
I'm not saying my Christian walk is unique, but it is different to many. What about your walk... being converted in a synagogue must have been an awesome experience. How have you been able to deal with Jewish traditions and your faith in Christ, and whatever conflicts between those that have occurred?

Shalom Bella.

Need to click above to expand. Sorry for the poor editing, still have my L plates on!

 

[bèlla]

Need to click above to expand. Sorry for the poor editing, still have my L plates on!

Tony B,

No apology needed. I can copy and paste.

Not long after my conversion in 1983 I realised there was no place for me in structured religions of any kind, and no place for me in the secular world, so I've had to walk alone as far as human fellowship is concerned. Also, my zest for trying to do what is right no matter what the cost, has come at companionship, financial, physical and emotional loss. As melodramatic as this may sound, I'm still walking out here in the gap alone, but I see the Lord up ahead, so I am not anxious or worried.

Why do you believe you don't fit in the world or structured religions?

I'm not saying my Christian walk is unique, but it is different to many. What about your walk... being converted in a synagogue must have been an awesome experience. How have you been able to deal with Jewish traditions and your faith in Christ, and whatever conflicts between those that have occurred?

The transition from the synagogue to church was very difficult. Externally, I got along with others and served in various capacities. I made friends and acquaintances and enjoyed the experiences. But it never felt like home. I didn't realize the gulf until I returned for Rosh HaShanah services. My heart overflowed and I needed something I couldn't receive in a church. I didn't have the answers then. But I was determined to find them.

I've spent many years discerning my place and experiencing Christianity in different guises. One of the reasons I came to CF was the possibility of interacting with people I'd rarely encounter outside of the Internet. Through the discussions and questions I've listened to my spirit and considered other paths. But the result is always the same; that's not the one.

The lone encounter I've had which sated my soul was the time I spent in the monastery. The peace and oneness I experienced with the sisters and periods of prayer and silence were like manna to my spirit. I thought about becoming an oblate when the Lord revealed I wasn't called to the clergy. I didn't get a green light and I know I'm needed elsewhere.

Now that I've found the answer its understandable why my spirit was parched in traditional settings. Contemplation is soul work and doesn't emphasize the external things we associate with going to church. It's quiet and reflective. The communities are tight knit and filled with men and women delving into God and sharing their experiences. It's a way of life. Not a Sunday encounter.

In the synagogue we did the same. Each Saturday we discussed the weekly reading and shared personal observations about the message and its impact on us spiritually. Introspection was an integral part of our instruction. We were encouraged to seek the the Lord and let Him speak to us. I understand why I'm drawn to contemplation. Catholicism borrowed heavily from Jewish practices. I've come full circle.

As a child I spent hours discussing spiritual topics with the priests in our parish. It was there all along. But I didn't see it because it wasn't time. I had a hunger in my youth and couldn't scratch the itch. Now it makes sense.

It's actually a natural gift, so whether you be Christian or not, it is at play along with the other gifts (bent, faculties /qualities/talents) in others. One of the attributes of the particular bent I and others like me have, is to perceive when a situation or person is not kosher or genuine, and that danger may be nearby because of that. Another of its traits for Christians that have the bent, is they feel they are the guardians of scripture, and woe betide anyone that would seek to rough it up in any way, they can expect an earful!

Interesting. How does this aid you in accomplishing your kingdom mission?

I learnt the hard way Bella. The tradition in my upbringing was that the male managed finances, and that ignorant premise along with my inabilities and my ex's tendency to sit back and let me do it, put a heavy burden on our marriage. We were both at fault, but I'm responsible for getting my own act in order (not hers), which was/is to understand and accept my limitations and the strengths of others.

I believe in playing to one's strengths. If one person has greater proficiency in a task; hand it over. That includes money, cooking, chores, shopping, etc. We're better at some things more than others. I'm a big fan of delegation too. I don't need to put my hands on everything.

Yep, I can't handle that either. I might use a dinner to find out how the guests are faring, and diplomatically suss out whether they need help in any way. Besides offering other practical help, during a conversation at the dinner table I might give out a suggestion based on scripture that could help the listener, and vice versa receive theirs too, I regard that as an expression of love as well.

I don't have the gift of hospitality. But I love to entertain and would use it as a springboard for intimate gatherings. A supper club of sorts. Ministering to the wealthy is very different from other groups. Privacy is a big concern and they're suspicious. Everybody wants something from them. You have to go where they are to develop connections and build intimacy over time. My calling gives me that.

Yep, agree with that. We have to be Joshuas, ".....as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord". The 'adventure' can be tough or light-hearted, painful or humorous, but always rewarding.

I'm committed to building a legacy of faith and purpose in my descendants. Being an example for them and those I'm called to serve is satisfying. I haven't encountered someone who needs a fashion/interior designer/blogger as a helpmate.

Want is not enough. The union must be blessed by Him. I hope we share the ability to see our gifts, talents and interests as acts of service that could benefit the kingdom in many ways. I would love to develop a practice of contemplation in our relationship and pursue the deeper things of God with one another. That's the cherry on top.

Thank you for your courtesy and transparency. Its wonderful to hear what the Lord is doing and how he's ordered your steps.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Sir Robbins]

I always found myself drawn to someone who was like me. Quiet, reserved, peaceful, etc. I was always turned off by the outgoing, busybody type... It annoyed me. I don't like to talk all of the time so I would be a great outlet for someone who feels the need to talk a lot. That'd be about it. Not very outgoing these days and I'm told it'd be nice to have someone who would get me out. I can see how it appeals to many but just not me. I always liked the ones who were very similar to me

 

[Tony B]

I've spent many years discerning my place and experiencing Christianity in different guises.

You've identified a very real problem Bella. Christianity is presented in various guises, confusing the spiritual scene, and it shouldn't be that way.

There is only supposed to be one form of Christianity in practise, which is simply having a faith in Jesus as the Christ, and being transformed from a rebellious and ungodly person into a Christ like one. The Christian Church is the fellowship of people having that similar experience.

I have never encountered a church that truly assists The Holy Spirit to change its members into adopting a truly wholistic Christian lifestyle. In fact it's been quite the contrary.

I can relate to your positive experience in the monastery, getting time and space away from the rat races prevalent in some churches and society was one of the most soul developing and rewarding experiences of my life.

I agree with you. We really have to react positively to God's promptings to find our place in His Kingdom, He knows where we best fit on the board of life.

 

[Tony B]

I always found myself drawn to someone who was like me. Quiet, reserved, peaceful, etc. I was always turned off by the outgoing, busybody type... It annoyed me. I don't like to talk all of the time so I would be a great outlet for someone who feels the need to talk a lot. That'd be about it. Not very outgoing these days and I'm told it'd be nice to have someone who would get me out. I can see how it appeals to many but just not me. I always liked the ones who were very similar to me

I think there's a lot that causes us to seek out or reject a particular type of person, two I've experienced are personality variations and past experiences, good and bad.

The Opposites Attract theory doesn't suggest that the personalities are diametrically opposed, it's more about differing personalities filling the gaps in each other.

When we think on it, except possibly in the case of identical twins, you never see (or rather, I haven't) two siblings with identical personality/character traits. It seems to me there may be a message in that for us, from God.

Thank you for offering your thoughts and experiences.

 

[dayhiker]

Interesting discussion.
I've had a lady attracted to me who had about the opposite personality from me as I guess one could have.
While had have know know each other for over 7 years, we also have limited things in common. So the differences are certainly entertaining its also created a lot of tension in our relationship as we want different things out of life.
So I know tend to look for a woman who is closer to me in terms of our energy level and interests.

 

[Tony B]

Interesting discussion.
I've had a lady attracted to me who had about the opposite personality from me as I guess one could have.
While had have know know each other for over 7 years, we also have limited things in common. So the differences are certainly entertaining its also created a lot of tension in our relationship as we want different things out of life.
So I know tend to look for a woman who is closer to me in terms of our energy level and interests.

Yes, that's spot on. There has to be a common interest and need that draws people together, then I think the personality differences come more into play. And sometimes we are drawn to personalities that are similar to ours because hey, they understand where we are coming from.

It seems to me though, that if you put two outgoing and bubbly people together, their joint affect would be overbearing to those nearby, and they themselves will clash. That to me is why you more often than not see a couple where one partner is more outgoing and extroverted, and the other more reserved and introverted.... they will benefit from their differences binding them together in a more wholistic partnership.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

Guys (male and female), I'm inviting opinions on the theory that between genders, opposite personalities are attracted to each other.

Have you found this to be true or not?

If true, then can we assume that God uses that to point prospective spouses towards each other?

What would be the ramifications of these opposite traits in relationships?

Thanks in advance for your considered or light-hearted opinions

PS: I could have posted this under a different forum, but it seemed it was more suited to this one. I'm all about happiness in relationships, and how to go about achieving that.

I think it depends on how opposite. I am an introvert, almost a loner. I can't imagine being with an extrovert especially a talkative one. They would have to get all that social stimulus apart from me. I am not a talker. I don't have a lot to say most of the time. I think I have my "conversations" in my mind. If I was married to an extrovert I would imagine we would drive each other nuts.

I am also not a leader. I can contribute ideas, and can make decisions, but am not a natural leader. I don't want to be forced into that role. I know Christian men are supposed to lead but that is so not me.

All that said, I am not relationship material so while I would not go so far as to say opposites attract, I can see both. I think people like me enjoy time alone and solitude. We think a lot. Every day conversation bores us quickly. The stuff we like to talk about would bore most people. I know that about myself which is why I don't date. I don't feel I have anything to offer and don't see anything I want from another.

 

[bèlla]

@NotUrAvgGuy It’s good to see you again. I hope you’re well and in good health.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Tony B]

I think it depends on how opposite. I am an introvert, almost a loner. I can't imagine being with an extrovert especially a talkative one. They would have to get all that social stimulus apart from me. I am not a talker. I don't have a lot to say most of the time. I think I have my "conversations" in my mind. If I was married to an extrovert I would imagine we would drive each other nuts.

I am also not a leader. I can contribute ideas, and can make decisions, but am not a natural leader. I don't want to be forced into that role. I know Christian men are supposed to lead but that is so not me.

All that said, I am not relationship material so while I would not go so far as to say opposites attract, I can see both. I think people like me enjoy time alone and solitude. We think a lot. Every day conversation bores us quickly. The stuff we like to talk about would bore most people. I know that about myself which is why I don't date. I don't feel I have anything to offer and don't see anything I want from another.

Thank you for your post. It's refreshing to read another report of honest self-appraisal.

How we live out our lives is between us and God.

There are some that are happy to lead a singular life, but I would have to disagree that you don't have anything to offer. Our particular strengths, which may be that we are less inclined to be flippant, more reserved, don't give support to worthless talk and innuendo, will often bring a balancing influence into the lives of those that have opposite traits, that if allowed to run unchecked will run into error.

In the body of Christ, no one cell is allowed to opt out, unless the rest of the body is full of cancer. In that case it is better to extract yourself from that to remain attached to the Head, and retain your good health.

In my opinion there's a lot of confusion in the church as to what it means for a man to be the head of the family. In truth, for a Christian man to be a true head of the family, he needs humility and a drive to please God in every matter, and stand for God's ways rather than bow down to any evil, no matter what he is confronted with and by who. To do that effectively he will need to study and respond to The Holy Spirit's counsel, and have a dynamic relationship with his wife that acknowledges her as his equal in Christ Jesus, and discusses with her all the aspects of life affecting them. He needs to work towards a collaborative understanding of where they need to be, and what they should be doing, and always in exercising godly attitudes and behaviour.

Male headship in a Christian marriage is more about spiritual headship, and therefore the man's obligation to find out Who God is, and what His expectations of us are in respect of our attitudes and behaviour within our relationships, and our faithfulness to Him. If we do that, not only will we be loving our God, but we will be loving our wife to the full, too. Similar requirements are relevant to a woman in marriage, so that she has the wisdom of God with her to help her manage the matters of family and home, and provide spiritual support to her husband.

Shalom, Tony