Hey Christian-Catholic,
I remember when I used to feel the same way. All I wanted to do was believe and all the thoughts seemed like they were trying to do was to keep me from the Lord, the doubts, the aggression, the negativity toward Him it truly hurt me. And it felt like I was going to perish, it felt like I was alone, it felt like I was doomed. . .but I had to learn to rely on His word and not my feelings. It may feel like I'm alone, but He says that He will not leave us comfortless, it might feel like I'm going to perish but He says that we can't be plucked out His hand. It's hard and day and night, I'd be restless, tossing and turning, just so distracted from life. But you know, yes we are weak, but He is strong, and yes we are incapable, but the Lord is capable, so don't worry what you can't do, focus on what the Lord can do, has done, and will do. Look at how many hours He spent healing the sick and those who had hardships and illnesses that were keeping them from having joy. He wants us to be whole. And I used to ask if you have all the power, why not take this away from me now. It's because sometimes He wants us to know that He has enough power to keep us in a situation, that seems unbearable, that seems impossible, that is so painful. . .and I remember the thoughts, I remember the restless nights, the tears, the anguish, I thought He was mad at me, I thought it was over but honestly as much as it hurts to say this, I'm glad that they happened. Because they taught me to trust in the Lord, when all seems wrong, and my faith has increased. THey showed me that no matter what it seemed, the Lord knows my heart and won't punish me for something that I want deliverance from and that I don't want. They taught me that He is always with me, even if it doesn't feel like it, He hears us. I know this is a difficult time for you and I just want to let you know that I understand where you are, because when they first came and came on strong, I just couldn't think about nothing else but getting rid of them. But I had to learn to trust in the Lord and His word despite my feelings. And it's hard. But if you ask Him to help you, whether it's every second, every hour, He will. The Lord is with you. He doesn't clock in and clock off, He is there with you. Trust in His word. Don't rely on your feelings. Spend time with Him daily, read, and believe, no matter how painful and hard it is, and when those thoughts come, don't worry. They flash across your mind but He will print His word in your heart and that outlasts all. When they come, you just have to tell yourself, I know what is happening, but I know what the Lord says, feelings can be misleading but the Lord never lies. He never has, never will. He loves you so much and He is so proud that you continue to seek Him and fight against this, but give it to Him daily. Put it in His hands. And have faith and trust in Him. I know you're weak and you're time but is willing and able. Don't be discouraged. I read Acts and was just amazed at all that Paul went through. He went through a lot of hardships, but the Lord was constantly with Him, the Holy Spirit, guiding and directing Him. Giving Him encouragement and helping Him through it all. And He will do the same for you. Kay Kay is right, focus on the Lord. and Zingiber as well when he says feelings can be misleading. I know it's so hard because all you want is for them is to go away, and I still get some from time to time, but I know way more and have way more faith than I had before. I pray more than even before. Read the word more than ever before. And praise much harder than ever before. Oh He is so good and He will hold you in His hands. Even if it feels like you're slipping, He has you in His hands. Continue to seek Him with your heart and give it up to Him daily, He hears you and is with you.
I remember Mitzi posting on here that once Paul had a thorn in the flesh and he prayed for the Lord to remove it three times--this is in 2 Corinthians 12:8. And he just wanted it to leave Him and the Lord told Him in the next verse, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. The Lord's grace is enough for you as well, and although you are weak, He has enough strength to bring you through the situation.
Spend some time in the four gospels with Him and believe what He has done and that He can still do the same for you. His compassion, His love, fill your mind with these things, positive things, things of truth and substance, and be encouraged. I pray for you and will continue to do so. I don't know if you're going to church tomorrow but I pray that you find peace =]
Also, listen to this song by Donnie McClurkin "STAND" it is encouraging and uplifting. Gospel music is truly amazing and uplifts the soul.
I remember when I used to feel the same way. All I wanted to do was believe and all the thoughts seemed like they were trying to do was to keep me from the Lord, the doubts, the aggression, the negativity toward Him it truly hurt me. And it felt like I was going to perish, it felt like I was alone, it felt like I was doomed. . .but I had to learn to rely on His word and not my feelings. It may feel like I'm alone, but He says that He will not leave us comfortless, it might feel like I'm going to perish but He says that we can't be plucked out His hand. It's hard and day and night, I'd be restless, tossing and turning, just so distracted from life. But you know, yes we are weak, but He is strong, and yes we are incapable, but the Lord is capable, so don't worry what you can't do, focus on what the Lord can do, has done, and will do. Look at how many hours He spent healing the sick and those who had hardships and illnesses that were keeping them from having joy. He wants us to be whole. And I used to ask if you have all the power, why not take this away from me now. It's because sometimes He wants us to know that He has enough power to keep us in a situation, that seems unbearable, that seems impossible, that is so painful. . .and I remember the thoughts, I remember the restless nights, the tears, the anguish, I thought He was mad at me, I thought it was over but honestly as much as it hurts to say this, I'm glad that they happened. Because they taught me to trust in the Lord, when all seems wrong, and my faith has increased. THey showed me that no matter what it seemed, the Lord knows my heart and won't punish me for something that I want deliverance from and that I don't want. They taught me that He is always with me, even if it doesn't feel like it, He hears us. I know this is a difficult time for you and I just want to let you know that I understand where you are, because when they first came and came on strong, I just couldn't think about nothing else but getting rid of them. But I had to learn to trust in the Lord and His word despite my feelings. And it's hard. But if you ask Him to help you, whether it's every second, every hour, He will. The Lord is with you. He doesn't clock in and clock off, He is there with you. Trust in His word. Don't rely on your feelings. Spend time with Him daily, read, and believe, no matter how painful and hard it is, and when those thoughts come, don't worry. They flash across your mind but He will print His word in your heart and that outlasts all. When they come, you just have to tell yourself, I know what is happening, but I know what the Lord says, feelings can be misleading but the Lord never lies. He never has, never will. He loves you so much and He is so proud that you continue to seek Him and fight against this, but give it to Him daily. Put it in His hands. And have faith and trust in Him. I know you're weak and you're time but is willing and able. Don't be discouraged. I read Acts and was just amazed at all that Paul went through. He went through a lot of hardships, but the Lord was constantly with Him, the Holy Spirit, guiding and directing Him. Giving Him encouragement and helping Him through it all. And He will do the same for you. Kay Kay is right, focus on the Lord. and Zingiber as well when he says feelings can be misleading. I know it's so hard because all you want is for them is to go away, and I still get some from time to time, but I know way more and have way more faith than I had before. I pray more than even before. Read the word more than ever before. And praise much harder than ever before. Oh He is so good and He will hold you in His hands. Even if it feels like you're slipping, He has you in His hands. Continue to seek Him with your heart and give it up to Him daily, He hears you and is with you.
I remember Mitzi posting on here that once Paul had a thorn in the flesh and he prayed for the Lord to remove it three times--this is in 2 Corinthians 12:8. And he just wanted it to leave Him and the Lord told Him in the next verse, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. The Lord's grace is enough for you as well, and although you are weak, He has enough strength to bring you through the situation.
Spend some time in the four gospels with Him and believe what He has done and that He can still do the same for you. His compassion, His love, fill your mind with these things, positive things, things of truth and substance, and be encouraged. I pray for you and will continue to do so. I don't know if you're going to church tomorrow but I pray that you find peace =]
Also, listen to this song by Donnie McClurkin "STAND" it is encouraging and uplifting. Gospel music is truly amazing and uplifts the soul.
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I totally agree with what ShelovesChrist said about diagnosis. First of all, don't sweat it till you know something for sure and even then, just like she said, as Christians, we don't always have to just docilely accept something. Like one of my former pastors used to say, "there is the facts and then there is the truth!" When I was in my late twenties, for example, a doctor told me he thought I had progressive myopia which would mean my eyes would just get worse and worse. When I told my husband, he said, you know, we don't have to just accept that and he prayed for me. From that time on, my eyes did NOT get any worse than what they were. Actually, they improved slightly.
Hang in! If necessary, get yourself a good apologetic book and read it (NOT that forum you've been on! Avoid that like the plague!) Some would say that reassurance only feeds the OCD, but that (doing the apologetic book) helped me manage for awhile and settle down a bit. (If you need one to read and don't have access/finances to a good one, pm me an address, and I will personally mail one to you.) Just don't dwell on the intrusive thoughts too much and don't try to argue them out. That doesn't work. The OCD will just morph into other questions/issues. The thing is if you truly battle OCD, that will usually only be a band-aid unless you also seek further help...which you seem to be doing.
