OCD/Scrup/unbelief thoughts

[Christian-Catholic]

Im gonna try to get my prescription filled today, actually in a bit as im trying to wait for my mom to get to church and my bro to leave the house. I feel like im in a prison and things are spiruling down very quickly.
I went to my church festival and felt so numb and out of place. I felt no Joy, no inner peace. Now I know what the agony of hell feels like. The thoughts wont let go, they wont stop pulling me into this viscious cycle of debating.

Please Jesus help me, Please release me from this bondage My Lord.

 

[frogtgif]

hang in there, i too am going through the pains of ocd and i have felt the numbness and scariness. i am praying for you and I know that the Lord is stronger than we can fathom and he loves us more than we could imagine, just hold tight to God, even when you feel nothingness. "Lord help me" is a powerful prayer. Sometimes we just need to admit the way we feel to God and know that He'll take care of the rest.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Frog ty so much for your prayers. I am so sorry that you are also going through this. If you ever need to talk please send me a pm. I feel close to anyone that is going through this torment. I feel like we are all close brothers and sisters.

 

[kaykay9.0]

hang in there, i too am going through the pains of ocd and i have felt the numbness and scariness. i am praying for you and I know that the Lord is stronger than we can fathom and he loves us more than we could imagine, just hold tight to God, even when you feel nothingness. "Lord help me" is a powerful prayer. Sometimes we just need to admit the way we feel to God and know that He'll take care of the rest.

Exactly, when we're in this kind of a battle with OCD, sometimes we just need to trust more in the Lord's ability to hang onto us rather than our ability to hang onto Him if that makes any sense!

 

[Christian-Catholic]

I will keep trying. Its as if the thoughts and feelings wont let go. They had themselves wrapped arund me for so long that its confusing me. Its there all day and when I wake up, I am crying and begging God to take it away from me. Im doing all I can do. Im gonna take your advice and leave it to God.

 

[kaykay9.0]

I will keep trying. Its as if the thoughts and feelings wont let go. They had themselves wrapped arund me for so long that its confusing me. Its there all day and when I wake up, I am crying and begging God to take it away from me. Im doing all I can do. Im gonna take your advice and leave it to God.

Sometimes when we've done all we can do, we have to just stand and leave the rest to the Lord. I've said this before and hope I don't sound too repetitive, but I know from my own experience that often the best thing to do (and the hardest) is try to ignore the thoughts and just keep walking best you can towards the Lord. Just keep walkin'... Not saying don't do what YOU need to do, but AFTER that....

Relief doesn't usually come in a flash or overnight. It's usually a process. Not to put the Lord "in a box." The Lord could deliver someone from OCD instantly if He chooses to do so. I'm just relating from how it was with me and I believe, for most others. Not to say I have totally arrived by any means, (I still battle OCD for sure, in areas) but I'm also not in that miserable state that you and some others are going through right now. That place is what I'm talking about.

 

[gracealone]

Hi KayKay,
I really like everything you said in this post. Especially your comment - "not to put the Lord in a box."
God works in our lives as individuals and we shouldn't expect that He should do everything for us in the same exact way He does for another. I remember wanting very badly for God to just step in and heal me miraculously without the aid of meds. or therapy. I wanted the spectacular or sensational healing because my OCD told me that if that happened then I'd know for certain that God was still at work in my life. I wanted to call the shots instead of just laying my life, my affliction, my pain .. ... just everything in His hands and like you said - just to keep on walking - obediently. In the end I learned that He always knows what is best for me and that He had a lesson of trust for me to learn in letting go of my own agenda's and expectations. So now...
"I expect the unexpected when God is working in my life.
His plan is often best effected, by the things that I have labeled strife.
He's not some small ingredient poured from a spoon within my hand,
For flavors that He's never meant as I my life try to command.
For He is the creating source of all those things I try to test,
And so it is I see - of course that He knows how to use them best."
( A snippet from a poem I wrote while learning this lesson.)
Thank you for your testimony of steadfast faith in the Faithful and True One even in the midst of this disorder. It's inspiring!
Love you,
Mitzi

Sometimes when we've done all we can do, we have to just stand and leave the rest to the Lord. I've said this before and hope I don't sound too repetitive, but I know from my own experience that often the best thing to do (and the hardest) is try to ignore the thoughts and just keep walking best you can towards the Lord. Just keep walkin'... Not saying don't do what YOU need to do, but AFTER that....

Relief doesn't usually come in a flash or overnight. It's usually a process. Not to put the Lord "in a box." The Lord could deliver someone from OCD instantly if He chooses to do so. I'm just relating from how it was with me and I believe, for most others. Not to say I have totally arrived by any means, (I still battle OCD for sure, in areas) but I'm also not in that miserable state that you and some others are going through right now. That place is what I'm talking about.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hey folks, thanks for all your prayers. Things have still been tough on me and I find barely any relief in sight, but I have been given sertraline and I have been on half dosage for the last 4 days. I have thrown up once allready, but my therapist (not sure if this one is religious) said it will take 3 weeks till i start seeing some good effects, so she said to hold on, but she is costing over 100 dollars per session.

I also placed a call to catholic charities and asked whether they have a catholic or christian therapist. They said they have one but that I would have to be put on a waiting list for a few months. I said ok, and also because of my low income and the fact that its nearly impossible for me to work in my current state (except for my small part time job) that I would only get charged 15 dollars per session. Please pray for me everyone that I can see this therapist as it could also lead me to find spiritual directors that I can later see also.

Sorry that I have been on and off lately, but its been very hard just getting any sleep at all. I have lost weight and my appetite has been very bad.

God bless u all

 

[kaykay9.0]

Hi KayKay,
I really like everything you said in this post. Especially your comment - "not to put the Lord in a box."
God works in our lives as individuals and we shouldn't expect that He should do everything for us in the same exact way He does for another. I remember wanting very badly for God to just step in and heal me miraculously without the aid of meds. or therapy. I wanted the spectacular or sensational healing because my OCD told me that if that happened then I'd know for certain that God was still at work in my life. I wanted to call the shots instead of just laying my life, my affliction, my pain .. ... just everything in His hands and like you said - just to keep on walking - obediently. In the end I learned that He always knows what is best for me and that He had a lesson of trust for me to learn in letting go of my own agenda's and expectations. So now...
"I expect the unexpected when God is working in my life.
His plan is often best effected, by the things that I have labeled strife.
He's not some small ingredient poured from a spoon within my hand,
For flavors that He's never meant as I my life try to command.
For He is the creating source of all those things I try to test,
And so it is I see - of course that He knows how to use them best."
( A snippet from a poem I wrote while learning this lesson.)
Thank you for your testimony of steadfast faith in the Faithful and True One even in the midst of this disorder. It's inspiring!
Love you,
Mitzi

Thanks, Mitzi.

Hey folks, thanks for all your prayers. Things have still been tough on me and I find barely any relief in sight, but I have been given sertraline and I have been on half dosage for the last 4 days. I have thrown up once allready, but my therapist (not sure if this one is religious) said it will take 3 weeks till i start seeing some good effects, so she said to hold on, but she is costing over 100 dollars per session.

I also placed a call to catholic charities and asked whether they have a catholic or christian therapist. They said they have one but that I would have to be put on a waiting list for a few months. I said ok, and also because of my low income and the fact that its nearly impossible for me to work in my current state (except for my small part time job) that I would only get charged 15 dollars per session. Please pray for me everyone that I can see this therapist as it could also lead me to find spiritual directors that I can later see also.

Sorry that I have been on and off lately, but its been very hard just getting any sleep at all. I have lost weight and my appetite has been very bad.

God bless u all

Praying for you. Also remember if one med doesn't work or has side effects, you can switch to something else. I think I had to try about 3 or 4 different SSRI meds before I found one that seemed to help AND didn't have side effects I couldn't tolerate. Glad you are pro-active about getting some counseling too. Praying for you to get the help you need.

 

[gracealone]

Hang in there like the therapist said. Also one good thing you can do in order to keep your blood sugar a bit more stable is to drink protein shakes. They are a little easier to choke down than food. When I was your age this disorder caused my weight to drop to 115 pds. and I'm 5' 8 " tall. Last big bout I used the protein shakes to supplement in between the small meals that I managed to gag down. That helped a lot. My Dr. ended up putting me on an antidepressant that helps with anorexiia also and although I doubted it would help me I was diving into the cookie bag within a week of being on it.
Any how the nausea and loss of appetite isn't fun but it's important to do your level best to get nourishment down and protein is better than carbs to stabilize blood sugar.
Praying for your situation that God will provide the necessary aid for you to get the best of help.
Mitzi

Hey folks, thanks for all your prayers. Things have still been tough on me and I find barely any relief in sight, but I have been given sertraline and I have been on half dosage for the last 4 days. I have thrown up once allready, but my therapist (not sure if this one is religious) said it will take 3 weeks till i start seeing some good effects, so she said to hold on, but she is costing over 100 dollars per session.

I also placed a call to catholic charities and asked whether they have a catholic or christian therapist. They said they have one but that I would have to be put on a waiting list for a few months. I said ok, and also because of my low income and the fact that its nearly impossible for me to work in my current state (except for my small part time job) that I would only get charged 15 dollars per session. Please pray for me everyone that I can see this therapist as it could also lead me to find spiritual directors that I can later see also.

Sorry that I have been on and off lately, but its been very hard just getting any sleep at all. I have lost weight and my appetite has been very bad.

God bless u all

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Thanks for the advice Mitzi, I dont know where I would be without it.
Yesterday night was my first ok one in 7 months. I actually got some sleep even though today the thoughts came back. Thank God for yesterday night. Anyways, when you mentioned protein shakes, it brought back the memories of when I was 26 and near death. My dad never gave up on me and kept stuffing these high calorie shakes down my throat.
It and my prayers ended up saving me.

115 pounds!! Mitzi, im so sorry that you had to go through that. YOu really are gutsy to make it through, The Lord really wanted you to make it through

Mitzi, what can I put in these shakes? Can I use eggs, eggwhites or? All I remembered from the last time I had one was that they tasted delicious.

Thank you so much again Mitzi and God Bless you, KayKay and everyone else here. In my prayers always

Hang in there like the therapist said. Also one good thing you can do in order to keep your blood sugar a bit more stable is to drink protein shakes. They are a little easier to choke down than food. When I was your age this disorder caused my weight to drop to 115 pds. and I'm 5' 8 " tall. Last big bout I used the protein shakes to supplement in between the small meals that I managed to gag down. That helped a lot. My Dr. ended up putting me on an antidepressant that helps with anorexiia also and although I doubted it would help me I was diving into the cookie bag within a week of being on it.
Any how the nausea and loss of appetite isn't fun but it's important to do your level best to get nourishment down and protein is better than carbs to stabilize blood sugar.
Praying for your situation that God will provide the necessary aid for you to get the best of help.
Mitzi

 

[bluesyboy1]

Hi y'all,
for some reason my extremely long thread with whole my story got deleted. I don't know how to take it, haha.
Anyway I have experience with general anxiety, panic anxiety and OCD. I've been fighting this with the Lord's help for about two years now. The key is not to judge yourself in the midst of crisis. We are living in a broken world and bad things are happening because of the curse of Adam to this race and this planet. Let's not expect that the prince of this world will want to bless it, bless the people and bless the people of God! But let's assume and believe that amid these bad things Jesus still loves us, although we may feel weak, vulnerable and "good for nothing." You are precious to the Lord no matter what's happening within you or to you. We are his beloved children and none will snatch us out of his hands.
Look, life is bizarre at times. God brought me through anxiety and panic attacks - I no longer have them (I'd been taking meds since early October 2008 till March of this year) and when I switched a doc to a real trained psychiatrist here in Slovakia she changed up my meds and the ocd got out of its way too. Some thoughts (I was obsessively scared of homosexuality in all possible contexts - scared of them, scared of the notion, scared of that possible happening to me, etc) come here and then, but it got significantly better. At the beginning of this journey, however, I felt like no one could help me and it was a status quo, that I'd end up in forever. When you're amid this horrid state, you feel there is no help to you and sometimes we tend to feel that God has forsaken us. But he actually didn't. he is patient with sinners, why shouldn't he be patient with his children being ILL???? No no no, he is so patient and long-suffering. His love is so abundant and lavish upon us. Hallelujah!
I came across this forum yesterday because some ocd thoughts have crept into my mind a few days ago regarding my faith. My wife and I were watching a movie Troy and this obsessive thought came to me saying that all faith are the same, that I'm believing non-sense, even that I don't believe in Jesus at all. And you know what? When these thoughts come, they seem so real and so tangible that you think that it is truly you. the Good news is that it's not the case. Especially hard on me was our service we held on Sunday. The church we attend is a very lively,growing, pentecostal-charismatic church and the experience was despite the fact that the church is so great and God-favoured, the experience was horrid. All the time the thoughts of unbelief and negating of my Christian truth and experience were racing over my head. It was tough. After my sunday afternoon nap I decided to do impossible - to pray. I started to pray, and prayed and prayed and the peace of God was so beautiful that a few moments that I thought took a few minutes ended up being three quarters of an hour! Yesterday was still not the greatest, but God is giving me more and more peace and it's getting better. See, sometimes when I'm reading a theology book and or listening to a sermon (which I do very often and enjoy greatly!) the thoughts would come "you don't even believe in this, you're always questioning it, it's non-sense, pure mythology, you're not a believer, just an outside watcher" but I rather ignore these and focus on the truth. Though it may seem that this is so real, it doesn't express your true devotion to the Lord, but just the discomfort of your chemical imbalance in your brain and also satan, who wants to condemn you. Remember, no one will take us out of Christ's hands. It's not that easy.
May the Lord keep us in his shalom.
Yours,
Peter alias bluesyboy1

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hello Bluesyboy, thank you so much and thank God for you finding this forum. Unfortunately my ocd is a very extreme form, and when it hits, it hits with a rage that is hard to explain (as you might understand). When it hits I just have to hold on and wait for the meds to start working and then for erp to start. I am praying almost every day and still going to church every Sunday despite the pain because as many of the awesome people here have always pointed out, our faith isnt always about feelings, thoughts or pure O OCD. Jesus Christ is beyond all of these and so is our faith. I was talking to a born again christian friend of mine 6 weeks ago and explained all this to him. He has had ocd and anxiety disorder most of his life (but on other kinds of thoughts unrelated to his faith), and he explained to me that every act he has seen come from my mouth and actions are the words and actions of a man that hasnt lost his faith, and that when you feel that your faith is gone or at its very low, that it is actually at its strongest because we are reaching for the lord despite the feelings and illusion that our ocd is creating for us.

Please dont be a stranger, and I would appeciate it if we could talk on pms also.
Your post really helped me my brother in Christ
God bless you

Hi y'all,
for some reason my extremely long thread with whole my story got deleted. I don't know how to take it, haha.
Anyway I have experience with general anxiety, panic anxiety and OCD. I've been fighting this with the Lord's help for about two years now. The key is not to judge yourself in the midst of crisis. We are living in a broken world and bad things are happening because of the curse of Adam to this race and this planet. Let's not expect that the prince of this world will want to bless it, bless the people and bless the people of God! But let's assume and believe that amid these bad things Jesus still loves us, although we may feel weak, vulnerable and "good for nothing." You are precious to the Lord no matter what's happening within you or to you. We are his beloved children and none will snatch us out of his hands.
Look, life is bizarre at times. God brought me through anxiety and panic attacks - I no longer have them (I'd been taking meds since early October 2008 till March of this year) and when I switched a doc to a real trained psychiatrist here in Slovakia she changed up my meds and the ocd got out of its way too. Some thoughts (I was obsessively scared of homosexuality in all possible contexts - scared of them, scared of the notion, scared of that possible happening to me, etc) come here and then, but it got significantly better. At the beginning of this journey, however, I felt like no one could help me and it was a status quo, that I'd end up in forever. When you're amid this horrid state, you feel there is no help to you and sometimes we tend to feel that God has forsaken us. But he actually didn't. he is patient with sinners, why shouldn't he be patient with his children being ILL???? No no no, he is so patient and long-suffering. His love is so abundant and lavish upon us. Hallelujah!
I came across this forum yesterday because some ocd thoughts have crept into my mind a few days ago regarding my faith. My wife and I were watching a movie Troy and this obsessive thought came to me saying that all faith are the same, that I'm believing non-sense, even that I don't believe in Jesus at all. And you know what? When these thoughts come, they seem so real and so tangible that you think that it is truly you. the Good news is that it's not the case. Especially hard on me was our service we held on Sunday. The church we attend is a very lively,growing, pentecostal-charismatic church and the experience was despite the fact that the church is so great and God-favoured, the experience was horrid. All the time the thoughts of unbelief and negating of my Christian truth and experience were racing over my head. It was tough. After my sunday afternoon nap I decided to do impossible - to pray. I started to pray, and prayed and prayed and the peace of God was so beautiful that a few moments that I thought took a few minutes ended up being three quarters of an hour! Yesterday was still not the greatest, but God is giving me more and more peace and it's getting better. See, sometimes when I'm reading a theology book and or listening to a sermon (which I do very often and enjoy greatly!) the thoughts would come "you don't even believe in this, you're always questioning it, it's non-sense, pure mythology, you're not a believer, just an outside watcher" but I rather ignore these and focus on the truth. Though it may seem that this is so real, it doesn't express your true devotion to the Lord, but just the discomfort of your chemical imbalance in your brain and also satan, who wants to condemn you. Remember, no one will take us out of Christ's hands. It's not that easy.
May the Lord keep us in his shalom.
Yours,
Peter alias bluesyboy1

 

[bluesyboy1]

Hi Christian-Catholic,
My OCD began in a very extreme manner as well. Let me tell you how it started. My wife and I started dating, I was in Canada studying biblical studies, then I came back to Slovakia for four months and had an amazing summer! In my heart anxiety feeling would start hitting on me and for some strange reason I was obsessively scared that we would break up - for no reason. I mean, we had the best relationship ever (and we still do and will!), everything was going awesome, we started prepping for a wedding to be in a year, etc. Yet this was piling and piling. One of breaking points (though not THE breaking point) was when I had to leave for Canada for about 4 months. This broke me down, the fears even intensified, I was missing ZUzka so tangibly, that I was sad, anxious, etc. At this point I SHOULD HAVE sought professional help. But I didn't. Things were starting to get worse and worse (and mind you, I was doing two years of college in one, plus two to three student jobs!), I started having mild panic attacks and at that point I decided to seek counselling, but it was too late. In a few days (if not just a day, actually) I woke up with a tremor at four o'clock and my head fell like a bunch of explosives went off. At the same time I was all confused about my relationship with Zuzka, was scared we'd break up, we would never get married, I was scared I would not finish school, I was scared that I would end up as a psycho all brain-washed at home, my mom having to take care of me, and I was scared I would become gay! C'mon, since I know that I know that I know, I'm as straight as an arrow, as they say This homophobia turned out immediately as obsessive and I could not get it out of my head. I would shake, I'd yell, I'd plead with God to take my life every morning (I also could not sleep as is your case. First two weeks I'd sleep almost nothing), I'd weep (which I had not done in eight years then), I'd break down, I'd have panic attakcs every day (sometimes up to five or six a day). It was terrible. but God was with me. A few days after my break-down on that morning, I saught a doctor. He was a GP, but in Canada, GPs prescribe antidepressant drugs. So he gave me Effexor (aka venlafaxine), but it did nothing at first. It took a while to find the right dosage, but it only dealt with panic attacks and anxiety, but not with ocd thoughts. Thus, After a few months things started slowly to look up. What was really therapeutic to me and mightily used by God was when upon the finishing of the first semester I returned for a month to Slovakia to be with my fiancee (I proposed to her at the airport when I came back to Slovakia!) and family, as well as my church family. Being with the people you love, that you can trust, is amazing. God is with us and his people are temple of God, so his presence is there, when the people of God gather together. Also, the second semester was MUCH easier, though I had more school work to do, but it was all good, things went by quickly and I didn't know how and here I was having wedding with the most amazing woman of the universe. When I came back to Slovakia a friend of mine hooked up me with this psychiatrist, a very good one. Immediately a felt the difference - the help was more professional and to the point. She immediately changed up my meds. From venlafaxine (effexor) to Anafranil for morning and Zoleptil for night. After two months, everything was virtually gone. Two months ago I stopped taking meds altogether. Isn't that great? Things WILL go better. God is on your side. Even though I was attacked a few days ago, now I'm doing fine again. Do the thoughts come? Yeah, they do. Are they as strong as they were in the beginning? Not at all? Does it matter if they are? NOPE. Jesus still loves me, no matter how dark a valley I go through. Be encouraged!
Blessings,
bleusyboy

 

[shelovesChrist]

You all have encouraged me today. Sometimes I feel so condemned, thoughts as you say bluesyboy 'you dont believe, this is nonsense' and sometimes you feel like do i really feel like this, but no i wont accept that they come from me. We love God and He knows and when they try to come i just roll my eyes and ignore them the best I can and keep doing whatever im doing, and sometimes thats things pertaining to the Lord like reading the Bible or just singing praises. He gives me a new song to sing everyday. I know things are hard CC and I just want you to know that it's possible to overcome this and despite these negative thoughts, live a God fearing life. My friend told me the other day something I wont ever forget, she said that we are good because we came from God, and that she has started believing it, and having confidence and stop being so down on herself, yes we make mistakes, but we have been redeemed of the Lord and because we have believed in Him, we have the right to be called the children of God. To others our situation may seem strange, but God knows more about it than us. And we desire to be good and we seek and thirst after pure things, not negative things and the Lords says those who thirst after righteousness shall be filled and He never lies. so just tell yourself He's not through with me yet. sometimes i find myself surprised when i do good )because of the thoughts i have toward him) like open doors and things for others and help people i say to myself hey i am a good person, and the Lord says that a evil tree cannot produce good fruit nor the other way around. the Lord is merciful and despite how things might feel twisted, the word of the Lord is true and we have to continue to look upon Him, and that even means ignoring false condemnations of ocd and the enemy because we are approved of God through our faith in Christ and they cant take that away! amen! praises to the most High, praying for you both and all others on the forum!

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Thank you again ShelovesChrist. Your so right, the good acts that come from us must come from the Lord. Its just so hard because I wanna let go of the thoughts and they keep bringing up the debates over and over and over like a broken record. I have been on meds for the last 7 - 8 days now, and the last 2 days I went on the full tablet. During the last 2 - 3 days the thoughts have intensified so greatly that I was having suicidal thoughts again. I know my therapist said that I would get some side effects at the beginning and that I would have to wait it out at least 3 weeks before seeing any results, but the hardest part is when you have a family member that is ready to scream down your throat and call you an idle devil because your not able to do anything right now but hold on.

I remember biting my pillow all last night to keep myself from screaming because I knew what my mom and bro would do if I did.

Praying caused so much stress pains during the last 2 days and I cut down a bit on that, I just hope the Lord forgives me for this.

Thank you again for posting

 

[bluesyboy1]

hi Christian Catholic,
Hang in there. It takes a while for the meds to kick in and also for you and your doc to adjust the right dosage. It may be a bit of a journey, but it has worked for other people and it will work for you as well! Mind, what meds are you taking?

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Bluesyboy, Im on sertraline and im on the 8th day of it now. I started by taking half a pill for 5 days . Now im on the full tablet for the 3rd day. It seems like when the thoughts come, the intensity is full blast and when they come its as if they bring back the debates and they always take the other side whether , even if the other sides argument was weak. Its as if the thoughts and feelings focus on any tiny doubt that most people just shrug off easily and it magnifies them a million fold. Yesterday night I told the thoughts that its ok if they come cause I never needed them for me to believe. I have always believed from within. It helped a bit, but true enough , this morning the thoughts came raging back. The thoughts are so extreme most of the time that I cant even watch star trek anymore or any sci fi movie because it doesnt have enough christian themes in it. Im just gonna try to relax and hold on until the meds kick in and I get some good erp therapy done. Like you said , the journey could take a while, but it will be well worth it when I can get back to normalcy again

 

[bluesyboy1]

Hi, from what I gather sertraline is a very commonly prescribed drug and it might be efficacious. Hang in there, it doesn't take a day, nor week, nor month to get out of this crap, but you will get better eventually. I totally understand how those thoughts work, they are ragingly racing and focus on the thing you fear the most and use the most irrational arguments to condemn you. The good news is that once you get with God's help this thing under control, when it comes back, it's way weaker. For instance, a week ago I got a real OCD attack with these unbelief thoughts - a week after - it's almost over. Don't lose hope as I did when I was amid this situation. It will probably be slower a process than you would wish, but trust me, you will grow stronger and it will get better. These meds are taking quite slow to kick-in, plus the dosage adjustment, etc. See, I had been taking a med that didn't work for my OCD at all for like 9 months! (though it helped with panic attacks and generalized anxiety, which I was suffering from as well) I'm sure, even from what I saw from your prescribed meds, you will get better sooner. Just be patient and surround yourself with people who understand.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Bluesy, the problem is that they use some logic in them, because they will go back to the debates I had and totally take the other side. I cant even watch most sci fi shows or star trek because they seem to atheistic to me, and yesterday I was seriously thinking of committing suicide as the thoughts hit me all night long.
I turned teh channel to a show yesterday and it started talking about how a scientist showed how he could induce a god experience in a subject witha machine, then i went berserk and my heart started racing.

Today i woke up to the worst news of my life. My good friend in India who i consider my brother (who is the kindest, gentlest, most innocent person I have ever known) who recently converted to christianity is in a hospital in critical condition with extreme pancriitas and his organs arent responding .

Please pray for him. I dont know how much more of this I can take .