OCD/Scrup/unbelief thoughts

[shelovesChrist]

CC,

I'm glad that you were able to get out the house and clear your mind. And how wonderful is the Lord, that you crossed paths with another child of God on the way. I understand how you feel because sometimes people acknowledge the God in me and sometimes i'm taken back too because they dont know our story and we're so down on ourselves sometimes about having the thoughts that we have these negative images about ourselves. questions like how can we think that. i mean they truly suck . But I truly believe that the Lord sees us differently. He knows despite these unwanted thoughts that we are trying our best to press forward and no matter what is thrown at us that we are trying so hard to continue to walk toward Him and it feels good to hear those comments sometimes, not to puff ourselves up, but because it takes us out of ourselves and allows us to see how others see us and if they see it God has to see it. today i felt really close to the Lord . i talked to Him from the depths of my heart and i know He has His eye on us . He hears our cry . We are perplexed about our situation sometimes but He knows and i know He will keep us. im praying for you that He continue to give you strength and peace of mind .

Read the parable about the Father and two sons beginning at Luke 15: 11. The son who went away felt that he sinned against his Father and that he was unworthy, but the Father was glad His son was home and loved the son. The son's personal feelings about himself did not stop the Father from blessing the son with grand gifts. Sometimes we are down on ourselves and feel so ashamed and embarassed in the presence but that doesn't stop God from blessing us and loving us and I truly believe He has so much in store for us. Keep walking toward Him and believing. He loves us so much.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

hello ShelovesChrist, maybe your right. Its just my mind has me locked up in analytical mode and just wont let me go from its grip. I have gone off the herbs to see what effect it would have on me (they helped a bit but nothing spectacular) and sure enough the thoughts and feelings became worse. Yesterday night I spent I couldnt sleep so I filled the tub up with warm water and layed in it most of the night. The only good news is that I found a number of a primary care doctor that is also a believer. I will call him today if I can get some privacy from my mom and brother who seem like they have nothing better to do then to shadow me all day. I really believe now that I need real medication rather then herbs. These thoughts are the worse and whats also bad is living in silence around your own family because you know that they are not thinking first of the hell you are going through.

Thank you so much ShelovesChrist and everyone here for your prayers, I have never needed them more then now.
I have made a prayer list and I have included you all in it in my daily prayers.
God Bless you all

CC,

I'm glad that you were able to get out the house and clear your mind. And how wonderful is the Lord, that you crossed paths with another child of God on the way. I understand how you feel because sometimes people acknowledge the God in me and sometimes i'm taken back too because they dont know our story and we're so down on ourselves sometimes about having the thoughts that we have these negative images about ourselves. questions like how can we think that. i mean they truly suck . But I truly believe that the Lord sees us differently. He knows despite these unwanted thoughts that we are trying our best to press forward and no matter what is thrown at us that we are trying so hard to continue to walk toward Him and it feels good to hear those comments sometimes, not to puff ourselves up, but because it takes us out of ourselves and allows us to see how others see us and if they see it God has to see it. today i felt really close to the Lord . i talked to Him from the depths of my heart and i know He has His eye on us . He hears our cry . We are perplexed about our situation sometimes but He knows and i know He will keep us. im praying for you that He continue to give you strength and peace of mind .

Read the parable about the Father and two sons beginning at Luke 15: 11. The son who went away felt that he sinned against his Father and that he was unworthy, but the Father was glad His son was home and loved the son. The son's personal feelings about himself did not stop the Father from blessing the son with grand gifts. Sometimes we are down on ourselves and feel so ashamed and embarassed in the presence but that doesn't stop God from blessing us and loving us and I truly believe He has so much in store for us. Keep walking toward Him and believing. He loves us so much.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Praying for you.~

 

[kimberllyydawnn]

hey i have so much of the similar thoughts and things as you. this started a few years back when i doubted my sexuality, as silly as it seems cause i have always been boy crazy. i believe i really sinned then and confessed it over and over. but though i knew i was free but i still had the thoughts and it was like obessions, i was depressed to but i did not even think that was ocd cause i then thought it just meant germs and washing my hands like crazy. this started agian, with the same thought out of no where like the first time and i confessed agaian. now i ahve fallen from walk with Jesus and God and the Spirit. i went my own way, so i thought that the "sin was back to get me to him which i was like alright God help me i want to be close to you agian! as i started getting close to God all the doubts and thoughts began to fill my mind esp of the unbelief and the fear of being likg the world and not belieing in God and his power and most important his son Jesus and his love and that breaks my heart that i could think that i would reject Jesus and the gift of TRUE LOVE. but i wrestle with these thoughts daily. its two obessions, but i rather have the one of my savior and faith and everything be gone cause i cant take that one. i started counseling though and im praying that the things that happen there will be awesome and honoring to God and that he will show me and tell me and help me with what i should and handle this if it is OCD i think it is but still and read Psalm 13. i think it will help! just pray for me!

 

[gracealone]

Hi Christian,
I hope you are sticking with the Christian counselor too who has experience with teaching ERP.
I think it's great that you're going to the GP for medication advice. I'll be praying for you.
There were things that I'd wish I'd known about when I first started taking meds. so I'd like to share them with you.
Everybody reacts differently to meds. and what works for one person may not work for another so you have to be willing to be patient with the process. Some people, like myself, have a paradoxical reaction to starting anti anxiety medication. Other's don't. My first SSRI made my anxiety jump up 10 fold. The initial dosage was too high and I should have been put on a much lower dose and eased it up gradually. The next SSRI had a similar effect so I cut the dosage down to 1/4 of what was prescribed and worked myself up gradually. But then I ended up with a rash two weeks into taking it. Bummer!! Then I was put on a different medication called Buspar. The paradoxical anxiety started up after taking the first pill so once again I lowered the dosage and that really helped tremendously. I was able to get up to the full dosage in about two weeks. Then I was given a small dosage of a anti-depressant that wasn't in the SSRI familiy and had absolutely no paradoxical anxiety when starting it and it helped me tremendously for several years. My point is that you have to be willing to try something else if one drug doesn't help you and that it's best to start with a small dose and work up gradually. The other thing is that a lot SSRI's can take 4-6 weeks to have a therapuetic effect so you have to be willing to wait that long to notice any benefits.
You may not have even one of these things happen to you but having a heads up about them will help you to stick with it in case they should. A lot of other people I know didn't have any trouble at all starting meds. so I think that my situation is likely atypical. I still wish I'd known that this kind of thing could happen because my experience was really scary and discouraging until I became educated about the meds.
I know you feel isolated in your misery. No one can see the internal torture that you are going through and therefore it doesn't seem like all that big of a deal to them. Even though many family members understand I have OCD and have some level of empathy about it for me they still seem to regard it as less of a big deal than if I had some other type of physical problem. If I was hospitalized with a heart attack or something like that I know the outpouring of empathy and concern would be pretty amazing. Little do they realize that although a heart attack is a big deal, having a bad flare of OCD is horribly excruciating and so far in my life nothing else has compared to the mental pain that it causes me.
But all of us here know how you feel and we understand the torture. We are praying for you and are confident that God will continue His work in your life. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. You'll get there buddy.
Keep on keeping on.
Mitzi

hello ShelovesChrist, maybe your right. Its just my mind has me locked up in analytical mode and just wont let me go from its grip. I have gone off the herbs to see what effect it would have on me (they helped a bit but nothing spectacular) and sure enough the thoughts and feelings became worse. Yesterday night I spent I couldnt sleep so I filled the tub up with warm water and layed in it most of the night. The only good news is that I found a number of a primary care doctor that is also a believer. I will call him today if I can get some privacy from my mom and brother who seem like they have nothing better to do then to shadow me all day. I really believe now that I need real medication rather then herbs. These thoughts are the worse and whats also bad is living in silence around your own family because you know that they are not thinking first of the hell you are going through.

Thank you so much ShelovesChrist and everyone here for your prayers, I have never needed them more then now.
I have made a prayer list and I have included you all in it in my daily prayers.
God Bless you all

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hello Kimberlly, Just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through. I feel kindred spirit of friendship and empathy for anyone that has to suffer through so much pain and anguish, especially having thoughts of this nature about God. I have an almost 3 page prayer list that I have compiled for everyone here and for the kind people here and on a few other boards I am on. I will include you on this prayer list.

Kimberlly, the classic sympton of OCD is not knowing whether it is OCD or not. I have gone through other OCD symptons that had to do with religion but nothing like im going through now. My heart goes out to you because I too know of the incredible gift of true love given to us from our Lord and I too Dont want to have the these thoughts of not accepting this Love.

Kimberlly, when you say that you have started counseling Do you mean with a therapist or Doctor. OCD is a nasty little IMP, and you might need medication for this. I tried natural herbs but they just werent strong enough. When I got off of them things got even worse. You might need both counseling and Meds.

Take it from me Kimberlly, I can see from your desire and heart that you Love the lord. This is most likely OCD and I know you probably dont want to hear this now, BUT ITS NOT YOUR FAULT HUN. Whatever you do, do not give up. Stau on this thread and let us all know how things are going for you ok?
If you need to talk ever just send me a PM or anyone else here.
They have helped me so much, and that fact that Im even alive today is because they chose to be there for me
Believe me the people here rock and truely love Jesus just as we all do.
Ive added you to my prayer list, and will be praying for you starting today
God Bless

hey i have so much of the similar thoughts and things as you. this started a few years back when i doubted my sexuality, as silly as it seems cause i have always been boy crazy. i believe i really sinned then and confessed it over and over. but though i knew i was free but i still had the thoughts and it was like obessions, i was depressed to but i did not even think that was ocd cause i then thought it just meant germs and washing my hands like crazy. this started agian, with the same thought out of no where like the first time and i confessed agaian. now i ahve fallen from walk with Jesus and God and the Spirit. i went my own way, so i thought that the "sin was back to get me to him which i was like alright God help me i want to be close to you agian! as i started getting close to God all the doubts and thoughts began to fill my mind esp of the unbelief and the fear of being likg the world and not belieing in God and his power and most important his son Jesus and his love and that breaks my heart that i could think that i would reject Jesus and the gift of TRUE LOVE. but i wrestle with these thoughts daily. its two obessions, but i rather have the one of my savior and faith and everything be gone cause i cant take that one. i started counseling though and im praying that the things that happen there will be awesome and honoring to God and that he will show me and tell me and help me with what i should and handle this if it is OCD i think it is but still and read Psalm 13. i think it will help! just pray for me!

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hello Mitzi, and thank you again for the informative post. Things have taken a turn for the worse for me. It seems like the thoughts and feelings are worse then ever before. My pains are now not only on my sides and abdominal region but they are now in my upper chest. When I pray they get even worse, but i wont stop praying one single day. Im not scared of death right now, im not scared of pain. I just want the Lord to know I will not stop praying, no matter how numb I am, how painfull it is and even if it kills me. If this ever kills me I will die crying out the Lords name.

I had an appointment with my Therapist Monday but I postponed it because I finally got a hold of the new Doctor and I will see him instead on Monday. Once I see what meds he will want me to take, I will then reschedule another appointment with my therapist.

Mitzi, thanks for the heads up on the different meds, I will print that post out and keep it with me
God Bless you all, your all in my prayers

KayKay, thank you again so much for the prayers, I really need them

Hi Christian,
I hope you are sticking with the Christian counselor too who has experience with teaching ERP.
I think it's great that you're going to the GP for medication advice. I'll be praying for you.
There were things that I'd wish I'd known about when I first started taking meds. so I'd like to share them with you.
Everybody reacts differently to meds. and what works for one person may not work for another so you have to be willing to be patient with the process. Some people, like myself, have a paradoxical reaction to starting anti anxiety medication. Other's don't. My first SSRI made my anxiety jump up 10 fold. The initial dosage was too high and I should have been put on a much lower dose and eased it up gradually. The next SSRI had a similar effect so I cut the dosage down to 1/4 of what was prescribed and worked myself up gradually. But then I ended up with a rash two weeks into taking it. Bummer!! Then I was put on a different medication called Buspar. The paradoxical anxiety started up after taking the first pill so once again I lowered the dosage and that really helped tremendously. I was able to get up to the full dosage in about two weeks. Then I was given a small dosage of a anti-depressant that wasn't in the SSRI familiy and had absolutely no paradoxical anxiety when starting it and it helped me tremendously for several years. My point is that you have to be willing to try something else if one drug doesn't help you and that it's best to start with a small dose and work up gradually. The other thing is that a lot SSRI's can take 4-6 weeks to have a therapuetic effect so you have to be willing to wait that long to notice any benefits.
You may not have even one of these things happen to you but having a heads up about them will help you to stick with it in case they should. A lot of other people I know didn't have any trouble at all starting meds. so I think that my situation is likely atypical. I still wish I'd known that this kind of thing could happen because my experience was really scary and discouraging until I became educated about the meds.
I know you feel isolated in your misery. No one can see the internal torture that you are going through and therefore it doesn't seem like all that big of a deal to them. Even though many family members understand I have OCD and have some level of empathy about it for me they still seem to regard it as less of a big deal than if I had some other type of physical problem. If I was hospitalized with a heart attack or something like that I know the outpouring of empathy and concern would be pretty amazing. Little do they realize that although a heart attack is a big deal, having a bad flare of OCD is horribly excruciating and so far in my life nothing else has compared to the mental pain that it causes me.
But all of us here know how you feel and we understand the torture. We are praying for you and are confident that God will continue His work in your life. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. You'll get there buddy.
Keep on keeping on.
Mitzi

 

[kaykay9.0]

Continuing to pray for you. Please be sure and let the doctor know just HOW distressed you have been so he can treat you correctly.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Continuing to pray for you. Please be sure and let the doctor know just HOW distressed you have been so he can treat you correctly.

Thank you Kaykay, you have a brother in Christ if you ever need one

I will definately let him know as I am in a desperate way. The fear is too much right now.

 

[kimberllyydawnn]

I started counseling with a christian counselor. because of my thoughts of unbelief and other ones i feel more comfortable talking with her about this stuff. all of these thoughts scare me and it seems like nothing comforts me even Jesus, because im scared im going to have thoughts agianst. i know all these thoughts are irrational and then at times i wonder if have OCD but i know i do. it just adds up you know? thoughts out of no where that get stuck and dont want to leave and get stuck and torment you. thanks for praying for me and im not gonna leave this thread. your is similar to mine and so are others on this thread. it stinks but atleast we are not alone. i just wish the thoughts couild go away you know> i hate that im doubting my sexuallity and what i believe in. i almost i wish i could sleep so i cuoldnt think and over anayzle things. when i sleep the thoughts are not there and i love when i dont dream. i just feel so lost and i feel like my innocence is gone and i dont feel happy. i had a couple bad bad ocd days. i am thinking of getting on a medicine my counselor said that it would be best to as well. so yeah just pray for me

 

[brinny]

Hello folks, I have loved the lord all my life and still love him with all my heart. I have had some ocd all my life (number counting, walking inbetween the lines of the sidewalk, occasional panic attacks etc), but recently Ive had thoughts of unbelief that came pounding into my head. When it first started i kneeled down and prayed and felt this incredible numbness thoughout me (as if I felt nothing, and the thoughts kept coming into me). I have been feeling pains in my side, stomach and lower chest all day long for weeks with no end in sight ). I was a debater against unbelievers, but I was told that the OCD could have been triggered by anything.

I got to the point 5 weeks ago where I was shaking in my bed because I was fighting against the thoughts. It feels at times that I am not sure if these thoughts are mine or thoughts I dont want. During the few minutes of clearity I have had I thanked god for this momentary feeling of peace. It had gotten so bad at one point that I thought of comitting suicide because I thought that this was the best way to save my faith. First set of meds that I tried seemed to make the problem worse. I was researching hypnotherapy and Im going to try to find a christian hypnotherapist in my area that can help me with this. I had a consultation with a hypnotherapist in my area who seemed to explain the problem to me pretty well. He said that The left side of my brain (analytical and fight or flight side) seemed to have become the dominant side which is keeping me in a fight or flight cycle and just wants answers to every question whether they are rational or not).

I feel like I am in a living hell and it seems like there is no end in sight. I have spoken to a retreat advisor and she says that I have not lost faith, but that I need professional help. I have recently joined a 12 step ocd anonymus group, and when I talked about my problem they told that it was ocd for sure, but it would be nice to find a scrup/ocd group. I really do not know how I got the courage to post this . If anyone wants to pm me your also free to do so.

Sorry for the winded post everyone
God Bless you all

I'm lifting you to our Abba. He promises that nothing can snatch His beloved from His hand.

I listen/watch this. It ministers to me and reminds me of WHO our Abba is, and enables me to be still and to just know that He is God.

YouTube - ET LUX IN TENEBRIS ~ Chant Gregorian

 

[gracealone]

Mega Ditto's KayKay!
Mitzi

Continuing to pray for you. Please be sure and let the doctor know just HOW distressed you have been so he can treat you correctly.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

I'm lifting you to our Abba. He promises that nothing can snatch His beloved from His hand.

I listen/watch this. It ministers to me and reminds me of WHO our Abba is, and enables me to be still and to just know that He is God.

YouTube - ET LUX IN TENEBRIS ~ Chant Gregorian

Thank you so much Brinny, I absolutely love gregorian chants
Thank you so much. Its ironic that I have become alot better at taking church seriously now much more then when I wasnt having this problem. I now have joined a charity organization at my church too

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Ty so much Kaykay and mitzi, you ladies are truely my guardian angels
I have you both on my prayer list. That book is really starting to pile on the pages
God Bless you both

Mega Ditto's KayKay!
Mitzi

 

[kimberllyydawnn]

listen to set me free by casting crowsn!

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Listening to it now, thank you so much Kimberlly. Gosh I feel like I have a family here. Thank you so much everyone. You are all special blessings from above

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hey Folks, I feel so tormented now more then ever. I got out of bed at 5am (didnt sleep at all . I asked God today to take me to him . I know its up to him when I go, but I feel so numb, so hopeless and filled with so much despair. Im not even sure that meds will help but im holding out till my friday for when I can get them prescribed.

I feel so powerless to take the sadness away from my dads eyes
Please pray for me

 

[kaykay9.0]

Hey Folks, I feel so tormented now more then ever. I got out of bed at 5am (didnt sleep at all . I asked God today to take me to him . I know its up to him when I go, but I feel so numb, so hopeless and filled with so much despair. Im not even sure that meds will help but im holding out till my friday for when I can get them prescribed.

I feel so powerless to take the sadness away from my dads eyes
Please pray for me

Hang in there. Praying for you~ I know you're going through a miserable time right now. I had a bad episode like this when I was in my twenties. Didn't even know I battled OCD at that time. (I knew I was miserable, just didn't have a label for it!) Yes, I think meds will help, but realize, too, that they take awhile, sometimes several weeks, to start making a difference.

Just keep trying to walk it out one day at a time. That was what I felt like the Lord told me one time about it. Not easy, but just keep walkin'....

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Thanks KayKay, You and all the others here are a Godsend. I feel like your all my guardian angels watching out for me

Im hanging in there

 

[kaykay9.0]

Thanks KayKay, You and all the others here are a Godsend. I feel like your all my guardian angels watching out for me

Im hanging in there