- Jan 13, 2019
- 45
- 43
- 58
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
I’m new to the Faith. Just having being saved on October 22nd. 2018 I’m in LOVE with my new identity in Christ. I was a Buddhist, for thirteen years. I feel a tremendous since of guilt over the fact that I have brought many to Buddhism. Including my girlfriend. We have been dating for 11 years. We live apart. We do not have sex any longer, well since 2015 because I have congestive heart failure and I’m incapable of having sex. But more importantly I told her if I could have sex we could not.
At first she was accepting of my new faith but lately there have been “discussions” about how different I’am. Her greatest fear is that “my” religion is a religion of separation. And she feels distant and isolated from me. She gets mad when I’m around other Christians we seem to have a synergy together. In one of these discussions I told her that I would take her where ever this path takes me. I was the one who was doing most of the crying. For I feared the inevitable. That I could not take her with me. I was done with Buddhism and she reminded me of it. The passivity, the desire to be mentally numb and insecurity it fosters.
She has tried really hard. She goes to Church with me. She will listen intently about the books on Christianity I’m reading. I will pray with her. But I’m I’m afraid that the journey I’m on is leading us apart. A large component of this is she is very, very depressed now. She was recently in a mental hospital. She was suicidal. I feel guilt. I’m terrified if I leave her she will kill herself. It would devastate her. But Buddhism is failing her as it did me. Yet she won’t let go. She won’t take that last step to be saved. She will get real close - than a wall comes up. She just shuts down.
As of now she is living vicariously through me. She has no life of her own because the life we once shared is over. The person I was no longer exists. I’m a new creation in Christ. Yet the old habits of what we used to be haunt her. In her attempt to re-salvage the relationship she feels she must include herself in everything I do. But it is painful. We are not the same. She’s not the same. I’m not the same. The relationship is not the same. Distance is now our companion. We are like ghosts dancing around the relics of a dead relationship.
Sorry, I guess I should go to a Pastor with this. But I’m new to everything. I know that I still love her, but I love Christ also. I know that they are not mutually exclusive. But can I have a spiritual connection with a non-believer?
At first she was accepting of my new faith but lately there have been “discussions” about how different I’am. Her greatest fear is that “my” religion is a religion of separation. And she feels distant and isolated from me. She gets mad when I’m around other Christians we seem to have a synergy together. In one of these discussions I told her that I would take her where ever this path takes me. I was the one who was doing most of the crying. For I feared the inevitable. That I could not take her with me. I was done with Buddhism and she reminded me of it. The passivity, the desire to be mentally numb and insecurity it fosters.
She has tried really hard. She goes to Church with me. She will listen intently about the books on Christianity I’m reading. I will pray with her. But I’m I’m afraid that the journey I’m on is leading us apart. A large component of this is she is very, very depressed now. She was recently in a mental hospital. She was suicidal. I feel guilt. I’m terrified if I leave her she will kill herself. It would devastate her. But Buddhism is failing her as it did me. Yet she won’t let go. She won’t take that last step to be saved. She will get real close - than a wall comes up. She just shuts down.
As of now she is living vicariously through me. She has no life of her own because the life we once shared is over. The person I was no longer exists. I’m a new creation in Christ. Yet the old habits of what we used to be haunt her. In her attempt to re-salvage the relationship she feels she must include herself in everything I do. But it is painful. We are not the same. She’s not the same. I’m not the same. The relationship is not the same. Distance is now our companion. We are like ghosts dancing around the relics of a dead relationship.
Sorry, I guess I should go to a Pastor with this. But I’m new to everything. I know that I still love her, but I love Christ also. I know that they are not mutually exclusive. But can I have a spiritual connection with a non-believer?