non-believer girlfriend

boatJOURNEY

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I’m new to the Faith. Just having being saved on October 22nd. 2018 I’m in LOVE with my new identity in Christ. I was a Buddhist, for thirteen years. I feel a tremendous since of guilt over the fact that I have brought many to Buddhism. Including my girlfriend. We have been dating for 11 years. We live apart. We do not have sex any longer, well since 2015 because I have congestive heart failure and I’m incapable of having sex. But more importantly I told her if I could have sex we could not.



At first she was accepting of my new faith but lately there have been “discussions” about how different I’am. Her greatest fear is that “my” religion is a religion of separation. And she feels distant and isolated from me. She gets mad when I’m around other Christians we seem to have a synergy together. In one of these discussions I told her that I would take her where ever this path takes me. I was the one who was doing most of the crying. For I feared the inevitable. That I could not take her with me. I was done with Buddhism and she reminded me of it. The passivity, the desire to be mentally numb and insecurity it fosters.



She has tried really hard. She goes to Church with me. She will listen intently about the books on Christianity I’m reading. I will pray with her. But I’m I’m afraid that the journey I’m on is leading us apart. A large component of this is she is very, very depressed now. She was recently in a mental hospital. She was suicidal. I feel guilt. I’m terrified if I leave her she will kill herself. It would devastate her. But Buddhism is failing her as it did me. Yet she won’t let go. She won’t take that last step to be saved. She will get real close - than a wall comes up. She just shuts down.



As of now she is living vicariously through me. She has no life of her own because the life we once shared is over. The person I was no longer exists. I’m a new creation in Christ. Yet the old habits of what we used to be haunt her. In her attempt to re-salvage the relationship she feels she must include herself in everything I do. But it is painful. We are not the same. She’s not the same. I’m not the same. The relationship is not the same. Distance is now our companion. We are like ghosts dancing around the relics of a dead relationship.



Sorry, I guess I should go to a Pastor with this. But I’m new to everything. I know that I still love her, but I love Christ also. I know that they are not mutually exclusive. But can I have a spiritual connection with a non-believer?
 

Neostarwcc

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My mom has been married to my dad for almost 40 years. She's a Catholic and he's a non believer. Somehow they make it work despite their differences in faith. I think that you can be together despite your differences in faith. It just all depends on how much you both love and are committed to each other. I suggest you go to a minister you trust with this. They can help you a lot during your journey as a believer and in your relationship with your GF. I wish you guys all the luck in the world though. I think you guys can make it work. I will be praying for you.
 
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Mountainmanbob

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Bible states that it's best for us not to be unequally yoked.

I was there years ago, man that was rough!

She's going to church with you that is a good sign for in many cases faith comes by hearing of the Word of God.

M-Bob
 
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boatJOURNEY

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My mom has been married to my dad for almost 40 years. She's a Catholic and he's a non believer. Somehow they make it work despite their differences in faith. I think that you can be together despite your differences in faith. It just all depends on how much you both love and are committed to each other. I suggest you go to a minister you trust with this. They can help you a lot during your journey as a believer and in your relationship with your GF. I wish you guys all the luck in the world though. I think you guys can make it work. I will be praying for you.

Hello neostarwcc,

Thank you so much for replying. I think you are right and that a Pastor would be the best. I have been going to a Church here in Austin since I was saved. That would be a great start. Perhaps a public forum was not the best choice. But I have no other Christian contact in my life. I think the problem is me and how I view her. I disdain the Buddhism in her for it drove me crazy. It is driving her crazy. I love her. I love us. To make this work I have to forgive my past. Realize she is her own person. I believe the faith is healing her through me. That is sufficient. Thanks for the encouragement.
 
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boatJOURNEY

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Bible states that it's best for us not to be unequally yoked.

I was there years ago, man that was rough!

She's going to church with you that is a good sign for in many cases faith comes by hearing of the Word of God.

M-Bob
Hello M-Bob,

Thanks so much for replying. I was afraid of this. I did not know what the Bible said about mixed faith marriages. You are right it is rough. Daily. Like right now she is just fuming because I’m talking to “religious” people. Buddhist just want to numb out. I want to live. Live as close to Christ’s example I can. I don’t believe that Christianity is a religion of separation, but the reality is that people truly change when they are saved. When I took the Vow of Refuge at the temple there was nothing. No feeling. When I was saved I was drunk with the spirit for two months. It just gets to her that I can only get that way when I’m around fellow believers. Like now. And we never had that when I was a Buddhist, but now she sees the change and perhaps she will want that for herself. She gets real close to being saved but the draw to numb out is to great. Like Christianity is too alive for her. She would feel too much. And emotions, big no no in Buddhism. I’m telling you it is brainwashing.



Sorry, I’m just exhausted, at wits ends over this. Thanks again for listening. I just wanted to know where the Bible said about it
 
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Johnny4ChristJesus

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I was married before. While married, God woke me up. We had both claimed to be Christians before, but you never could have told the difference between those of the world and us--except we went to church when it was convenient on Sunday and said we were Christian. When God woke me up, I changed. Because I changed, my x-wife was afraid I was going to become a pastor and she didn't want to be married to a pastor. In short, one month into my awakening, despite me putting no pressure on her, she turned. Over time, she got angrier and angrier that I wouldn't turn away from God. But, she felt trapped, because she was concerned about public opinion. So, she started lying to everyone who would listen to her and turned on fake emotion to make them think her lies were real (that really happens, otherwise we wouldn't have Hollywood). She would chase me around the house yelling at me so violently that our 2 year old son grabbed her by the knees and said "Mommy stop! mommy stop!" One day I came home from work and brought her something and she told me that she considered poisoning my food. Yes, she got that crazy. And, I cried out to God and said "God she is destroying my testimony for You, can I leave?" He said, "no!" (which Scripture, given through Paul, also says in 1 Cor 7); So, I stayed through it all and continued to be let by Him to do special and nice things for her as if I didn't know what she was doing. God had given me a supernatural love that was above the natural storm that would have given me no reason to love her anymore. She was even lying about me to my own kin and trying to convince them I was crazy, worshipping the sun, and narcissistic all because I was trying to help others find what God gave me and she was trying to make sure everyone still liked her when she pulled the trigger on the divorce. Eventually, she went too far in God's sight when she said that what I was doing was being led by the devil. And God allowed her to file for divorce. She was already secretly seeing someone by that point, so she was hardened for divorce and rejected all godly counseling.

So, based on what you described, even though you aren't legally married, because you had sex, God sees you as married. So, you should not leave and it is good that you continue to love her and continue to love God above her. Hopefully, through your show of love, things will change for her. I know they did for Todd White and Dan Mohler, even though they didn't for me. Keep praying that God will change her heart. Don't give up. If God gives up on her, she will leave. Until then, don't give up on either God or her! For Todd White it was a process. For Dan Mohler it was an even longer process. You staying in it is being faithful to God!
 
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Johnny4ChristJesus

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Hello neostarwcc,

Thank you so much for replying. I think you are right and that a Pastor would be the best. I have been going to a Church here in Austin since I was saved. That would be a great start. Perhaps a public forum was not the best choice. But I have no other Christian contact in my life. I think the problem is me and how I view her. I disdain the Buddhism in her for it drove me crazy. It is driving her crazy. I love her. I love us. To make this work I have to forgive my past. Realize she is her own person. I believe the faith is healing her through me. That is sufficient. Thanks for the encouragement.

I do believe a pastor can be a great resource; but if the pastor gives you bad guidance and you follow it, you are still accountable for it; so, you need to know what God says through His Scriptures on the topic. Keep in mind that there are "pastors" who would tell you abortion is okay. There are "pastors" who would tell you choosing homosexual behaviors is okay. Not all who claim to be pastors give guidance from God. I remember my experience was mixed. I knew a lot of pastors. My wife and I got good guidance from pastors and we both got bad guidance from pastors. One pastor who claimed to be born again didn't even recognize the sign that she probably wasn't ever born again--because nothing changed in her life after she claimed to give her life to Jesus. That doesn't happen in a real conversion. I even was told by a friend that he saw one of the pastors in our church (the associate who was single) who my wife went to was caught hugging her with the door closed in his office. So, unless it is a good and healthy pastor, the help may be questionable.

You just need to know that you are accountable to God for what you do--whether or not you receive good guidance from the pastor you subscribe to.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Hello neostarwcc,

Thank you so much for replying. I think you are right and that a Pastor would be the best. I have been going to a Church here in Austin since I was saved. That would be a great start. Perhaps a public forum was not the best choice. But I have no other Christian contact in my life. I think the problem is me and how I view her. I disdain the Buddhism in her for it drove me crazy. It is driving her crazy. I love her. I love us. To make this work I have to forgive my past. Realize she is her own person. I believe the faith is healing her through me. That is sufficient. Thanks for the encouragement.

Right. Its her just as much her right to be Buddhist as it is your right to be a Christian. You should be encouraging her and showing her the right path despite your differences in faith. Like I said a pastor is the right way to go. They're educated in guiding new believers in the faith and with marriage counseling (were you saying you were considering marrying her in your OP? I forget! Sorry lol). If not they could do couples counseling with you guys and help make your relationship work. But I don't really know much I've only been married for 3 years and have been with my wife for 5. I only really dated one other woman in my life if you could call a fling when I was 17 that only lasted like a month dating XD.

Anyway I haven't really been reading the replies to this thread but I didn't mean to imply that there couldn't be any helpful ones. I just meant to imply that a pastor would probably be the most helpful in making your relationship work since they deal with that kind of stuff everyday. If you want there's a few pastors here on CF that you could talk to that could help you. I could give you their names if you'd like.
 
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boatJOURNEY

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Right. Its her just as much her right to be Buddhist as it is your right to be a Christian. You should be encouraging her and showing her the right path despite your differences in faith. Like I said a pastor is the right way to go. They're educated in guiding new believers in the faith and with marriage counseling (were you saying you were considering marrying her in your OP? I forget! Sorry lol). If not they could do couples counseling with you guys and help make your relationship work. But I don't really know much I've only been married for 3 years and have been with my wife for 5. I only really dated one other woman in my life if you could call a fling when I was 17 that only lasted like a month dating XD.

Anyway I haven't really been reading the replies to this thread but I didn't mean to imply that there couldn't be any helpful ones. I just meant to imply that a pastor would probably be the most helpful in making your relationship work since they deal with that kind of stuff everyday. If you want there's a few pastors here on CF that you could talk to that could help you. I could give you their names if you'd like.


Hello NeoStarwcc,

“I prayed to Jesus” Joni said. I started to cry…

It sort of came to a head last night. I was here on Cf and she started to get upset because I was with “religious” people again. I think she is just afraid. I had changed so much since I was saved. The act of Salvation was such tremendous event in my life. The effects are rippling out and effecting her. I think it is fear on her part. Afraid of the unknown. Fear that what happened to me won’t happen to her because she so desires that life affirming effect. But she believes that Jesus is with her. But she is clinging to Buddhism.

I told her that I had posted my concerns here on CF for advice and guidance and she was very interested in what you and other people here had to say.

So thank you for replying. After talking for a while we prayed together. It was really nice. After we had prayed we watched a video on YouTube about Justification, Sanctification and Glorification.

She said “Chris, you went right to Glorification”. I just laughed. She and I were really moved by the video. And moved by God’s word. She really desires God and his Eternal plan of salvation through His Son Jesus Christ.

I think that God is moving in her life. We decided to seek council at our Church for marriage counseling. I think she is real close to being saved. I have decided not to push it. Let God work in her life and just continue to be an example of the Faith for her. She is no fool. She has seen and continues to see how God has transformed my life and mind. She has stopped going to the temple. We recently got a puppy. She is sort of our mascot for our marriage.

I didn’t know how God views our relationship. I did not know that since we have had sex that I was accountable in His eyes. You are right, it is only fair that she can choose to be a Buddhist just as much as I can be a Christian. I love her. I love us.

Thank you for reading

boatJOURNEY
 
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Neostarwcc

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Hello NeoStarwcc,

“I prayed to Jesus” Joni said. I started to cry…

It sort of came to a head last night. I was here on Cf and she started to get upset because I was with “religious” people again. I think she is just afraid. I had changed so much since I was saved. The act of Salvation was such tremendous event in my life. The effects are rippling out and effecting her. I think it is fear on her part. Afraid of the unknown. Fear that what happened to me won’t happen to her because she so desires that life affirming effect. But she believes that Jesus is with her. But she is clinging to Buddhism.

I told her that I had posted my concerns here on CF for advice and guidance and she was very interested in what you and other people here had to say.

So thank you for replying. After talking for a while we prayed together. It was really nice. After we had prayed we watched a video on YouTube about Justification, Sanctification and Glorification.

She said “Chris, you went right to Glorification”. I just laughed. She and I were really moved by the video. And moved by God’s word. She really desires God and his Eternal plan of salvation through His Son Jesus Christ.

I think that God is moving in her life. We decided to seek council at our Church for marriage counseling. I think she is real close to being saved. I have decided not to push it. Let God work in her life and just continue to be an example of the Faith for her. She is no fool. She has seen and continues to see how God has transformed my life and mind. She has stopped going to the temple. We recently got a puppy. She is sort of our mascot for our marriage.

I didn’t know how God views our relationship. I did not know that since we have had sex that I was accountable in His eyes. You are right, it is only fair that she can choose to be a Buddhist just as much as I can be a Christian. I love her. I love us.

Thank you for reading

boatJOURNEY

If she's willing to pray with you and watch YouTube videos with you than there's hope for her because that's more than my dad will do for my mom. Maybe when given enough time she can/will be saved too? I was an atheist before I came to Christ but my wife didn't know me then. But yeah I was an atheist for a good chunk of my life before God called me to Christianity. So if there was hope for me there's hope for your girlfriend too. I will be praying for her anyway. Good luck.
 
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boatJOURNEY

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If she's willing to pray with you and watch YouTube videos with you than there's hope for her because that's more than my dad will do for my mom. Maybe when given enough time she can/will be saved too? I was an atheist before I came to Christ but my wife didn't know me then. But yeah I was an atheist for a good chunk of my life before God called me to Christianity. So if there was hope for me there's hope for your girlfriend too. I will be praying for her anyway. Good luck.
Thank you so much!
 
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