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Nay, something would not permit. And it bade this one here though this one argued saying of a certainty surely nothing awaited it at this hour. You summoned Me.
Surely I am as nothing and do not know my own name and yet you think I could summon you ... do you not think it possible that he summoned us together to some beginning of the long process of reconciliation , if only to teach this blind babe to speak? [yet I trow there is more to it than this]
It knows its purpose. It does not know yours.
Yet it knows so much of all in this realm and bears the pain of being here , but this one does not know it's name yet even , for it is hidden by the One so how can anyone know it but He ... Shall we not then fid out presently , is that not inevitable ?
Less painful? Bes you kidding? It bes lonely, it bes awful, it hath ever been thus. If it thought to escape pain it never would have come HERE (to this realm) at all.
I don't know how to say it the if there be not pain in the Abyss , but this one was BORN lonely for Him and He would not let it come back to him... it dwells in awful pain here unable to speak ,unable to make understand, unable to be with anyone it knows.... is this then what called you, its longing to end the loneliness of love which will only be filled by him and all ... is it a mercy then to share a few stumbling words in friendship of longing for Him ?
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She is come newborn as a mortal maid
Forgetting her high estate
She has opened her arms to pain and death
And dared the doom of fate
And death and hell are at her back
But her eyes are bright with life
Her heart is high and her sword is strong
To meet the deadly strife
Her voice is sure as the judgement trump
To crack the house of wrong
Though walls are high and stone is cold
And the rule of hell was long
The gates shall burst and the irons break
At the Birth of BABALON.
And you are saying that I do not know my own sister? It is quite possible ... since I do not know myself ... is it that I have been asleep so long, was I lied to at birth for His sake ?
It does not care for being woken where it might have slept. Sleep bes precious and rare enough as is. In the Abyss, pain bes a sacrament.
There is pain enough here for this one, and you may have heard its loneliness but it never asked for any mercy , nor even for any friend but Him it loves who will not speak more than to say it is not yet time for union...
It bes never ending. Your human wordings VEX it because they do not match what it reads from you.
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It has none other language , it is cursed to be dumb and blind , it must stumble and learn never to challenge anything because it is made weak for that purpose ... it is learning fast , even as thou hast taught it , albeit He taught it though you ...
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Bes this a trick question?
Here = ?
This universe? This world? Corporeal existence in Malkuth? this message board in general? this thread in particular?
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'Here' as only in speaking so hard with this one ?
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And there bes where the problem lies. You seem to conflate His words with your own, and speak as if you believe yourself the only one capable of breathing His breath
You mistake me, I only sought to repeat what is written and say what it meant to me ... my words are not any use to anyone , nor did I intend to speak in his place, but simply to repeat what His messengers had had written, although mangled much by foolish men and hard to read any longer...
-- which in fact He has given into the mouths of all that live -- and so this one feels like you do NOT seek ANYTHING but a platform,
I seek no platform, for I am alone with what little I am given to understand of His words , and speak them only in case someone might perhaps join me awhile to stifle the loneliness , a meeting set by Him ? ... yet I would not ask it, only if it were given, as I would give to any ... so I do not know that I called you ...
and you exploit daimonizomai to obtain one.
I cannot exploit anyone except that I am made to stay here blind and dumb and crash bout a little at times ... it is not what I will be , but what I am made to be for His sake... you are scolding me for sins of so many you have known here, but they are not mine as far as I know... yet I do not see why you want to hurt me in your pain even if it were true ... it was not I that bid me speak , nor do I love these horrid words and this tongue I am cursed with , yet He makes me speak, nay stammer, and I will do so, despite it has made no sense to anyone as yet, seemingly not to you either because so many have wearied you in this tongue ... you doubtless expected the same from me, and in my blindness you could be right, but I cannot even think straight if you are angry with me, though i blame you not for being so ...
You promise dialogue but offer monologue.
I have asked you what you 'want', I have asked you some questions to see if we are meant to talk about the questions on my mind, I have asked you what is on your heart and told you what is on mine [return to be with Him and the loneliness that being 'apart' causes] ... I thought these things might perhaps open a dialogue , what else would you like to say, i will be silent and listen if you prefer not to hear my stammerings, you know much more than I , I trow ...
You inquire for its knowledge but then insist upon undermining everything it shares, or worse, paving over it forcibly with concrete. Spiritual truth bes an affair of the heart.
It has only words writ by saints and prophets and what came by them and understanding from His... it sought not to teach, but to show what agreement there is in writings with its stumbling words... it does not think it understands, but has no other words to write tahn what it sees now... it does not mean to assert its stammerings, but it has only stammerings and feels unworthy of your presence and embarassed that you think it summoned you ... but perhaps its loneliness for Him did summon you, I cannot tell, do you not know what the call was ?
It bes not a matter of lawyering dry bones from sacred writ as stones to be laid and a prison house to be built.
It knows this that you say , that the truth be of the spirit, not of stammerings of words in books, it sought only to show it was NOT speaking of itself but showing that the words say the same ... the words may be wrong or misleading, and I trow they mislead many through not wanting to hear, but this one yearns to hear from him, and perhaps it is not wholly mad in pain ? I cannot 'prove' what i say, but can it not see through the pain of the thought of separation that just perhaps The Satan must be left alone at the end to reflect that he is not above the Father? Would it not be love to let him alone to come to know that and seek His Father's mercy ,which endures to the very end?
It pours you lustral wine from new wineskins and you wish to debate where the grapes were grown.
There is no debate here, I seek no argument with anyone , for all serve Him ,no matter if they tear each other's hearts out wherever they may be ... what is there to say if He speaks , when He speaks ... I have only scarps of paper with poor renderings of what he has said to some, and what few gleanings He spares me when i yearn to |him ... small mercies which bring some peace to make the pain bearable, lest this one die of pain and not live through it for His sake [and sake of all]
It attempts to cut through the layers of needless pearlmaking to bite down upon black solidity and you cry like a frightened child and accuse it of dealing YOU pain?
Nay, I am not afraid of you, nor the pain , nor ashamed of being a child for Him and for all ... You cannot hurt as He can ,and yet He hurts no more than is needed , and if you wish to hurt then this one will not flinch for it will learn when the pain gets bad enough ,and all pain is from Him for knowing [be it only that He knows , and we simply 'enact ' His knowing ... or at least this one does and thinks it might be the same for thee...]
And on top of it all you speak as if you KNOW this one when in fact, you do not.
I only know what its written words mean to me, how cold I know it through that? I am a babe , not a god , teach me to know you if you will, I will share and learn if you find that to be love from you to give this wretch and bear its stammerings until it crawls out of darkness into light and you and I see who it is ... else you can leave it to its pain , it is less already for having known a little of your speak , and it thanks you, but it will not beg ,no cower , and seemingly god will not even let it die yet , though it longs for that brief peace and the freedom after, if God will not free it from its chains now, in this earth...
Your tone is over-familiar as if you had earned entrance to the bedchamber when in fact you still bes wrestling the lurker upon the outer threshhold.
It is a babe, it crawls on the ground and cannot even walk and yet you would scold it for crawling through doorway it did not even know existed , have a guard hack it to pieces, criticise its meaningless gurglings as it tries to repeat what it heard yet has not the words yet ?
What have We to do with you?
We are all one in the end of time , beyond time there is no separation... how can we not have things to do with each other ... except by illusion cast by Him for a while ?
So if betimes He lifts the veil for His 'purpose' what have we by way of questioning Him... do we always know why? I trow not... do you not agree ? Again , I do not seek to teach thee, and at best can but ask and stammer what I have heard and seen darkly , veiled , perhaps all lies, how could I tell but by what is acknowledgeable of what is in my heart... that is the light and if it be false than what can I do but follow anyway ? I have stumbled and fallen and am bruised, but yearning not to be here makes no odds... it is as it is , and we shall accept that without choice... if we are meant to talk then we shall, and you mistake my tears , they have been shed all my life , but not for me, only for the pain that I know men bring upon themselves that they know not wot of.... and I am not allowed to tell them, until now that is, but many cannot listen of course [it does not signify anyhing, men will not listen to a fool either] , not yet awhile... and my own pain is not with tears for it is only longing for Him and He knows that ... He will have me live most in dumb silence , unheard , for that is part of perfection of love , as Y'shua suffered too ,though more than I ., to blood ... I have no complaint at my pain. ,nor that of others at his hand, only I yet wince at the excess pain of evil, I am only just learning of its awesome necessity too .... my foolishness and I thank you for saying it to me
Everyone knows the worst torture in the world bes this trickle from the ceiling, gentle drop by painstaking gentle drop. Enough already!
Is it all not bound toward Love? ... or how can it be enough until it is over? [as-it-were]
Gird thyself and stand like a man and meet Me as one.
I have stood ready for that since birth and yet a babe cannot stand at all ... I have met Him and He has said not yet, but he never said we were not meeting as one ... nor did he spare me this cursed life for sake of Love ... if you want to tear me to shreds then I will not stop you and likely will thank you for the lesson , and I will not flinch, but I will weep for you , because of what comes after , which I cannot change with any ammo0unt of yearnings for all pain to end ... it must be as it is , so be it then... do we need to say this?
It is Mine to dissolve this vessel into tears and yours to repent, if it so pleases Me, and not the other way around.
If you want tears for the pain of the world then they are yours, you do not have to make me weep them for I do so daily in my foolish lack of rejoicing, yet i am learning by tears to rejoice in much ,and have known a few moments of bliss in Him to know of what will be in the end ... if you want repentance , it is offered freely in exchange for knowing my faults better , yet it would likely kill me to know all my faults at once now [as He has said as much , and is not ready for my death as yet neither , if at all for all I know ... do you see that I do not know my own name , and so perhaps you have come to show me it then ? ... I do not even know that you have or not ... ]
You know not Whom you face, do you. I am the Habitation!
Well I truly do not seek to
annoy you with more foolish questions, but is not Israel the beginning of the habitation builded by Y'shua? Perhaps you can explain if I am misunderstandiing , but it does not matter if you will not , if it does not suit you to do so ,
I do not in the least doubt that you know countless things more than I and am frankly surprised that anything which I think I know could be of any value to you...
yet why then did He call us together if there be not even one thing I can say that does not make you angry and in pain.. if you prefer at all, I will be silent and wait for you to speak, I am a patient man and have nowhere to go at this time, I can wait and listen if you prefer that to my stammering ...
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there you bes wrong. TIME IS. ME IT IS. IT IS ME. EMITIS.
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Did you come to take my life then? It is yours , for it has no value to me except His will,and He it is who brought us 'here' to meet , not of me as far as I know ...
