No interest in a romantic relationship, though prophesied to be married?

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I'll immediately say that I don't really know which category this belongs in, and for that I'm sorry.

So, a bit of background: I'm 21 years old and have never so much as experienced having a crush on someone. As a young child, I just had this gut feeling I'd never fall in love. Now, don't mistake this for a sad story, I was never bothered by it; I can't feel loss for something I simply never had. (I actually think the notion that you need a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled is narrowminded.)
I do not like physical touch, and I find verbally expressing affection very stilted and embarrassing (I'm autistic, and while we aren't all like that, I am). I much prefer to spend quality time with my loved ones... which isn't bad, though it's simply not wife material.
Before I converted to Christianity, I associated with the LGBTQ+ community, since their terms "asexual" and "aromantic" resonated with me. This now doesn't sit that well with me, and I'm trying to pull my oar out of the water in that regard (which is awkward given many of my old friends identify with it somehow, but that's a separate issue), though I still believe those words accurately describe me. I felt justified in my lack of interest given the seventh chapter in 1 Corinthians.

So, everything was fine until I go to church one day, and a visiting pastor tells me (while praying over me for a totally unrelated medical issue that I was struggling to even get a diagnosis for, to make matters more confusing) "God has a husband for you." I didn't even reply for a while; the first thought on my mind was, "There must be a mistake here." He went on to give me the instructions "dream about your wedding" (I guess he knew I had written that off quite early in my life), and "don't look [for a husband]" (good, I wouldn't know where to begin to).

So, I tried to keep an open mind. Maybe I'm straight with taste so specific, not even I know what it is. (It can't technically be disproven unless I just live and die single.) But time goes on, and I just... I don't see it. I'm not interested, no two ways about it. There's nothing I want from any given relationship that I can't find in a family member or friend.
There's also the issue that I've never wanted children, and actually I've had a doctor tell me it'd be a bad idea for me to get pregnant (I have a certain birth defect in my circulatory system.) In addition to the physical detriment it would wreak on my body, I am just a bad fit for motherhood mentally. I have autism as I mentioned (and I mean absolutely no slight against autistic parents, in fact I was raised by a pair) which in my personal case means some pretty bad executive dysfunction, and getting overwhelmed easily. This, plus my dysthymia (or I guess persistent depressive disorder nowadays?), and most importantly the sheer fact that raising children does not interest me in the slightest (I have many other things I want to do in life), makes me a truly terrible candidate for being a parent. I'd lose my mind quickly, I know this about myself—I can hardly babysit without needing a break to be alone so I don't snap. I'm not even an impatient person otherwise; childcare is just a particular weakness I guess.
Anyway, I don't see what the point of me getting married is; it seems obvious to me that I would do way better with a best friend/roommate. It's been 10 or 11 months, and I've had more inner turmoil over this than I'd like to admit. I feel like one of two things will happen: 1. I'll stay single, and therefore be going against God's plan, which obviously I'm not trying to do, or 2. I won't stay single, which is making me feel like I'm being pushed to be someone I'm not.* Yes, yes, there's the chance I'll meet someone who changes my mind and it'll actually go fine... but what are the odds? What Christian guy is looking for some eccentric who doesn't actually want a romantic relationship or a family? I don't know, I'm struggling to see it. Not to mention I have a list of things I wouldn't tolerate in a partner long enough to go around the equator (though I'm not being a hypocrite; I fit them all myself.)

I don't even know what to do with this. I don't fit in with the asexuals/aromantics even if I did want to associate with that community, nor do I feel totally honest agreeing with the Christians who assume I'll be a wife/mother someday—and as a 21-year-old, my peers are either getting engaged or seemingly obsessed with the idea of it, so I feel very little commonality with them. I try to just forget it, but it's actually getting bothersome to me having the Schrödinger's cat of sexualities.

*Yes, I know what you're thinking: if it's God's plan, it is who I am... but the operative word is "feel."

Honestly I’m responding without having read every response so I apologize if this has already been said.


When people try and say "God said this" or "God says that" to me or anyone for that matter you have to be discerning. Yes God can use someone to prophecy but sometimes it is just the person themselves talking. Not trying to say anything bad about your pastor I’m sure his intentions are good and I am NOT saying he is right or wrong, just to be careful to let what someone you do not know personally speak into your life something as serious as marriage to the point that you are experiencing turmoil over it.

I will speak from my experience, I have been single and I have been married and I am now going through divorce.

Marriage is a serious thing. If someone married me and I asked why and they responded with "Oh this guy said God said I should" but they actually didn't want to then I wouldn't feel loved. It's not fair to you or your future husband if you don't want to be married, that will cause more distress than it will positive experiences and more than likely will end in divorce. You need to prayerfully make your own decisions. Because the truth is not only will people claim to know what God wants you to do now, they will do that throughout your life and not even realize that they may not actually be speaking what God wants. You need to do something that you have prayed about and know is the right thing to do and you cannot say you did it because your pastor said to, you need to make the decision because you prayed about it and YOU decided to.


I will tell a true story to try and put in perspective something similar that happened to a fellow brother in Christ that told me this story, I will just change the names in the story to because frankly I can't remember any names besides this guys name:

Zack was at church sitting in the pews and someone got up in front of everyone to prophesy. The man started out by saying, "Is there a Tim in the audience? Any Tim here?" silence. Then he began to say "Oh well then I guess this word is for Zack. God is telling me that you are going through a really difficult time in your marriage but you will get through this I promise you." Then after the church service the guy who prophesied went up to Zack and said "hey man how did you receive that message?" And Zack replied "Look man I don't know who told you that message but I’m not having any problems in my marriage".

You see in that example the person didn't have the name right nor did they have the message right yet they prophesied a lie in front of everyone, a lie that caused Zack to be embarrassed in front of everyone causing them to think he's having marital problems when he's not. This man believed he was prophesying from God but he was in fact not.

 

[Anne Onymous]

Honestly I’m responding without having read every response so I apologize if this has already been said.


When people try and say "God said this" or "God says that" to me or anyone for that matter you have to be discerning. Yes God can use someone to prophecy but sometimes it is just the person themselves talking. Not trying to say anything bad about your pastor I’m sure his intentions are good and I am NOT saying he is right or wrong, just to be careful to let what someone you do not know personally speak into your life something as serious as marriage to the point that you are experiencing turmoil over it.

I will speak from my experience, I have been single and I have been married and I am now going through divorce.

Marriage is a serious thing. If someone married me and I asked why and they responded with "Oh this guy said God said I should" but they actually didn't want to then I wouldn't feel loved. It's not fair to you or your future husband if you don't want to be married, that will cause more distress than it will positive experiences and more than likely will end in divorce. You need to prayerfully make your own decisions. Because the truth is not only will people claim to know what God wants you to do now, they will do that throughout your life and not even realize that they may not actually be speaking what God wants. You need to do something that you have prayed about and know is the right thing to do and you cannot say you did it because your pastor said to, you need to make the decision because you prayed about it and YOU decided to.


I will tell a true story to try and put in perspective something similar that happened to a fellow brother in Christ that told me this story, I will just change the names in the story to because frankly I can't remember any names besides this guys name:

Zack was at church sitting in the pews and someone got up in front of everyone to prophesy. The man started out by saying, "Is there a Tim in the audience? Any Tim here?" silence. Then he began to say "Oh well then I guess this word is for Zack. God is telling me that you are going through a really difficult time in your marriage but you will get through this I promise you." Then after the church service the guy who prophesied went up to Zack and said "hey man how did you receive that message?" And Zack replied "Look man I don't know who told you that message but I’m not having any problems in my marriage".

You see in that example the person didn't have the name right nor did they have the message right yet they prophesied a lie in front of everyone, a lie that caused Zack to be embarrassed in front of everyone causing them to think he's having marital problems when he's not. This man believed he was prophesying from God but he was in fact not.

My thoughts exactly, thank you! I've long thought marriage would be nothing but a detriment to me; I didn't want to come off too harshly in my original post, nor too egotistical ("I know what I want, regardless of what others say") but that was what I was truly thinking. Honestly, the whole notion that I can't understand or think for myself (despite God giving me my mind) has irked me for some time now, but that's a separate rant.
And yeah, I had mentioned in a reply above that I think it simply wouldn't be good for either party if I were in a relationship out of some type of (perceived) obligation.
It's interesting to me to hear you say he might not even realize his error; I'd only really considered it either being true, or a deliberate lie in effort to seem "important" because he "hears from God."
And I agree with that opening paragraph there; it personally doesn't sit right with me that I'd be having the reaction I am, if what he said were true. The whole thing just threw me for a loop because nobody had ever said anything of the like to me before, and I'd really only been going to church for two months at that point.
Overall, I'm just gonna disregard what he told me... worrying over whether it's true or not has already wasted enough time of mine.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

My thoughts exactly, thank you! I've long thought marriage would be nothing but a detriment to me; I didn't want to come off too harshly in my original post, nor too egotistical ("I know what I want, regardless of what others say") but that was what I was truly thinking. Honestly, the whole notion that I can't understand or think for myself (despite God giving me my mind) has irked me for some time now, but that's a separate rant.
And yeah, I had mentioned in a reply above that I think it simply wouldn't be good for either party if I were in a relationship out of some type of (perceived) obligation.
It's interesting to me to hear you say he might not even realize his error; I'd only really considered it either being true, or a deliberate lie in effort to seem "important" because he "hears from God."
And I agree with that opening paragraph there; it personally doesn't sit right with me that I'd be having the reaction I am, if what he said were true. The whole thing just threw me for a loop because nobody had ever said anything of the like to me before, and I'd really only been going to church for two months at that point.
Overall, I'm just gonna disregard what he told me... worrying over whether it's true or not has already wasted enough time of mine.

Honestly if you're concerned about disappointing God just tell Him, "Hey Jesus, if that prophecy was from You I'd like to remain single please, and if it wasn't from You don't let it bother me"

At the end of the day yes Jesus is God but He is also our friend (John 15:15), and as your friend Jesus knows you're not trying to be disobedient and i'm sure Jesus grieves when people tell others unkowingly to do things in "His Name" as if He said it when He didn't.

Remember the Bereans, when Paul talked to them they didn't just believe him without thinking for themselves they actually looked up what he was saying if it were true.

What i'm saying is Jesus knows your intentions and that you mean no ill will to not get married. To be single is perfectly fine and in my opinion liberating.

In regards to being single Paul says "I wish that all were as I myself am." 1 Corinthians 7:7

 

[Anne Onymous]

Honestly if you're concerned about disappointing God just tell Him, "Hey Jesus, if that prophecy was from You I'd like to remain single please, and if it wasn't from You don't let it bother me"

At the end of the day yes Jesus is God but He is also our friend (John 15:15), and as your friend Jesus knows you're not trying to be disobedient and i'm sure Jesus grieves when people tell others unkowingly to do things in "His Name" as if He said it when He didn't.

Remember the Bereans, when Paul talked to them they didn't just believe him without thinking for themselves they actually looked up what he was saying if it were true.

What i'm saying is Jesus knows your intentions and that you mean no ill will to not get married. To be single is perfectly fine and in my opinion liberating.

In regards to being single Paul says "I wish that all were as I myself am." 1 Corinthians 7:7

I suppose I didn't realize I could simply go, "thanks but no thanks" to God Himself, but... good to know. That definitely removes some dread I have. Whole thing felt more like a sentence than a promise, so thank you!

I had a song called Think For Yourself on as I saw this reply; how timely.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I suppose I didn't realize I could simply go, "thanks but no thanks" to God Himself, but... good to know. That definitely removes some dread I have. Whole thing felt more like a sentence than a promise, so thank you!

I had a song called Think For Yourself on as I saw this reply; how timely.

in Genesis 18:16-33 Abraham reasons with God about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorah, and he asks "what if 20 righteous people are there" "What about 10 will you spare the city if 10 righteous people are there?" and God talks with Abraham for less and less.

There is another story in Ezekiel where God says he has to cook his food with human excrement (sorry for the description) and Ezekiel says "may it not be so!" and God says "fine cow excrement instead" there's a reason for this it's not like God just randomly asked people to do that it was a symbol of Israels punishment.

All i'm saying is God will communicate with us and let us reason with Him.

Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow..."

 

[Anne Onymous]

in Genesis 18:16-33 Abraham reasons with God about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorah, and he asks "what if 20 righteous people are there" "What about 10 will you spare the city if 10 righteous people are there?" and God talks with Abraham for less and less.

There is another story in Ezekiel where God says he has to cook his food with human excrement (sorry for the description) and Ezekiel says "may it not be so!" and God says "fine cow excrement instead" there's a reason for this it's not like God just randomly asked people to do that it was a symbol of Israels punishment.

All i'm saying is God will communicate with us and let us reason with Him.

Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow..."

Yeah, true enough. Well, that definitely makes me feel better, thank you!

 

[bèlla]

When a word of knowledge is imparted through another you'll know immediately in your spirit. It hits you like a torpedo with a resounding knowing that's unquestionable. Years ago before my reconciliation I went to church and spoke with an intercessor. I shared my concern and her response was an unexpected bomb I've never doubted. It was about a relationship. She said with the gentlest voice, "Sweetheart, the Lord put him away." I was flabbergasted and said excuse me? She repeated the statement and I knew she was right.

In respect to the opposite the sex, the Holy Spirit doesn't bring random men to my attention or mention people I'm not attracted to or interacting with. He doesn't convince me of someone's potential or nudge me in their direction.

I don't readily receive "God told me" and prophetic messages without much discernment. Agreement has consequences and we're aligning our will with the statement. If the message is false it's no different from seeing a psychic.

If someone prophesied marriage on my behalf my first question is why He used them to convey the message? Why didn't it come up in my quiet time or through a source I know and trust? He knows I'll be less receptive to a stranger. Let alone one claiming a prophetic mantle. But if that isn't the case and I've neglected our communion, refused to listen, or have an affinity for the prophetic it's possible He might use that vehicle.

Since you question its validity I would cancel all demonic declarations for your life, marriage and relationships and submit them to the Father verbally. Ask Him to cancel the assignments and return all you've lost.

God bless.

~bella

 

[Anne Onymous]

When a word of knowledge is imparted through another you'll know immediately in your spirit. It hits you like a torpedo with a resounding knowing that's unquestionable. Years ago before my reconciliation I went to church and spoke with an intercessor. I shared my concern and her response was an unexpected bomb I've never doubted. It was about a relationship. She said with the gentlest voice, "Sweetheart, the Lord put him away." I was flabbergasted and said excuse me? She repeated the statement and I knew she was right.

In respect to the opposite the sex, the Holy Spirit doesn't bring random men to my attention or mention people I'm not attracted to or interacting with. He doesn't convince me of someone's potential or nudge me in their direction.

I don't readily receive "God told me" and prophetic messages without much discernment. Agreement has consequences and we're aligning our will with the statement. If the message is false it's no different from seeing a psychic.

If someone prophesied marriage on my behalf my first question is why He used them to convey the message? Why didn't it come up in my quiet time or through a source I know and trust? He knows I'll be less receptive to a stranger. Let alone one claiming a prophetic mantle. But if that isn't the case and I've neglected our communion, refused to listen, or have an affinity for the prophetic it's possible He might use that vehicle.

Since you question its validity I would cancel all demonic declarations for your life, marriage and relationships and submit them to the Father verbally. Ask Him to cancel the assignments and return all you've lost.

God bless.

~bella

That makes sense, thank you. The phrase "if it's not an immediate yes, it's a no," comes to mind. It never sat right with me that something that I was so frankly opposed to would truly be from God.

 

[Lost Witness]

Sometimes the LORD keeps us for himself..

 

[OldAbramBrown]

Age 21. At age 21 I was struggling with studies and I'm an autie.

Visiting pastor showing off where he is not known? Who knows?

Middle sentence: dream about your wedding - don't "dream" if you don't want to. My instinct is to pigeon hole hypotheses of as yet uncertain status.

First sentence; does he say that to youngish single-looking women or will it turn out there will be something to it, far in the future? Will it be surprisingly metaphorical and not literal? Or metaphorical first and literal later?

Last sentence: that seems sound enough - again he may be relying on chance for that.

Thus the reactions of others to this man's words are good in themselves.

Now "asexual and aromantic". I don't know what baggage your acquaintances added. Be cautious of guilt tripping yourself because some of them consent to group themselves with "LGBTQ+" which isn't only one community.

I think the core "asexual and aromantic" value is a wholesome reaction by them against the apparently compulsory sex obsessedness inside and outside churches.

The reason to marry should be for additional company. No-one who does want children has any idea whether they will have children or not.

Any church that demands to give permission to sleep in separate beds, is teaching wrong on that point. Scripture says (for some applicability at discretion) let them who are married live (i.e sleep) as if they are not married.

Thus there isn't any contradiction to fulsomely claiming asexual and aromantic traits for yourself and hypothetically marrying some day outside hidebound convention.

At well before 68 I would have liked to find an "asexual and aromantic" (in the comically clunky phrase) good lady.

This from me is also a range of hypotheses of uncertain status!

I'm not good at sharing advice on staying in touch with a range of sensitive people of different spiritual styles, and praying yourself, about identifying God's timing in all your moves and identifying circumstances. I lost more and more chances of those things myself, the more isolated I became.

Some styles of church prize outsourcing discernment to personalities rather than getting us to cultivate it amongst ourselves. But certainly this good gent has left that with you.

 

[Anne Onymous]

Sometimes the LORD keeps us for himself..

True enough. I'd rather that, frankly.

 

[Anne Onymous]

Age 21. At age 21 I was struggling with studies and I'm an autie.

Visiting pastor showing off where he is not known? Who knows?

Middle sentence: dream about your wedding - don't "dream" if you don't want to. My instinct is to pigeon hole hypotheses of as yet uncertain status.

First sentence; does he say that to youngish single-looking women or will it turn out there will be something to it, far in the future? Will it be surprisingly metaphorical and not literal? Or metaphorical first and literal later?

Last sentence: that seems sound enough - again he may be relying on chance for that.

Thus the reactions of others to this man's words are good in themselves.

Now "asexual and aromantic". I don't know what baggage your acquaintances added. Be cautious of guilt tripping yourself because some of them consent to group themselves with "LGBTQ+" which isn't only one community.

I think the core "asexual and aromantic" value is a wholesome reaction by them against the apparently compulsory sex obsessedness inside and outside churches.

The reason to marry should be for additional company. No-one who does want children has any idea whether they will have children or not.

Any church that demands to give permission to sleep in separate beds, is teaching wrong on that point. Scripture says (for some applicability at discretion) let them who are married live (i.e sleep) as if they are not married.

Thus there isn't any contradiction to fulsomely claiming asexual and aromantic traits for yourself and hypothetically marrying some day outside hidebound convention.

At well before 68 I would have liked to find an "asexual and aromantic" (in the comically clunky phrase) good lady.

This from me is also a range of hypotheses of uncertain status!

I'm not good at sharing advice on staying in touch with a range of sensitive people of different spiritual styles, and praying yourself, about identifying God's timing in all your moves and identifying circumstances. I lost more and more chances of those things myself, the more isolated I became.

Some styles of church prize outsourcing discernment to personalities rather than getting us to cultivate it amongst ourselves. But certainly this good gent has left that with you.

Yeah, that seems fair. He was visiting from a church a couple hours away that the church I went to was in some affiliated with, but it was my first interaction with him.
And yeah, I don't dream about it—I mentally hear the lyric "making all his nowhere plans for nobody" every time it crosses my mind. There are way too many uncertain variables (who is this hypothetical guy? what continent does he even live on?) to do that regardless.

Regarding "asexual and aromantic" (which I totally agree is comically clunky, I always disliked the sheer quantity of labels they had when so many seem superfluous): I always had this gut feeling, even as a child, that I would simply never fall in love (which is perplexing, given that's too young to detect the absence of it.) As a tween/young teen, this continued, and it was becoming clear that all my peers had crushes whereas I simply didn't. I assumed I was the only person in history to be that way, until I was 14 and stumbled upon the labels "asexual and aromantic", and went, "Wait, that's totally me!" I did enjoy the sense of recognition, admittedly.
I take no issue with asexuality in itself (as I mentioned above, 1 Corinthians chapter 7 seems to back it up), but the larger LGBTQ+ community is... well, let's not mince words, it's ungodly. Even atheists would agree it has some really... sketchy associations, too.
Not to mention that the members (especially my generation, good grief) are very anti-Christian, our politics totally clash (which I ordinarily wouldn't really care about, but they make it such a big deal), and I just... I don't fit in at all. So that's why I say I'm leaning back from associating myself from them, despite still not actually being straight.

Do I think that a lot of asexuals' attitudes are shaped by the oversexualized world we live in? Definitely; in fact, I'd say it has negative effects on people across the board. However, to have gone this long and find nobody attractive is an abnormality, for sure.

I agree that marriage would be for company, which I do want (I mean, who wants to be lonely?) but I just think it's foolish to, frankly, falsely advertise myself as looking for a husband, when what I want is a best friend to live with. I mean, who wants to hear "You may now kiss the bride," just for the woman in question to go, "No thanks"? If there'd be no difference between a marriage and a friendship, I and whoever I end up with might as well just call it what it is and say we're roommates, and skip the wedding entirely. Then I won't feel like I have to measure up to something my heart just isn't in, and he won't have expectations that won't be fulfilled. That'd be miserable for both parties.

I do agree with you in that I can't see the future, and this stuff might happen, but it's... I don't see it. I really don't. And I can't help but wonder what the purpose of giving me this intuition that that simply wasn't my path in life at such a young age would be, just to overturn it.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

... Regarding "asexual and aromantic" (which I totally agree is comically clunky, I always disliked the sheer quantity of labels they had when so many seem superfluous): I always had this gut feeling, even as a child, that I would simply never fall in love (which is perplexing, given that's too young to detect the absence of it.) As a tween/young teen, this continued, and it was becoming clear that all my peers had crushes whereas I simply didn't. I assumed I was the only person in history to be that way, until I was 14 and stumbled upon the labels "asexual and aromantic", and went, "Wait, that's totally me!" I did enjoy the sense of recognition, admittedly. 1

I take no issue with asexuality in itself (as I mentioned above, 1 Corinthians chapter 7 seems to back it up), but the larger LGBTQ+ community is... Even atheists would agree it has some really... sketchy associations, too.

Not to mention that the members (especially my generation, good grief) are very anti-Christian, our politics totally clash (which I ordinarily wouldn't really care about, but they make it such a big deal), and I just... I don't fit in at all. So that's why I say I'm leaning back from associating myself from them, despite still not actually being straight. 2

Do I think that a lot of asexuals' attitudes are shaped by the oversexualized world we live in? Definitely; in fact, I'd say it has negative effects on people across the board. 3

However, to have gone this long and find nobody attractive is an abnormality, for sure. 4

1 . For me here, "comically clunky" means it is a good thing.

2 . Your attitude is refreshingly rebellious to the imposed spiritual tyranny.

3 . The body theologians started this as substitute for supplicating and actual Holy Spirit belief.

4 . No it is not abnormal!