Very often, when I tell a Christian about my apparent lack of feedback from God, they find it difficult to accept that I am telling the truth. They try to persuade me that God did act in some ways, implying that I have either forgotten about these acts, or dismissed them in some way, or was unaware of them.
I suppose that's because many christians are able to look back before/ after conversion and are able to see how they view things differently? I don't mean to sound dismissive of how you genuinely view things at this point in time. That is my worldview right now talking.
Remember there were quite a few years that I felt, thought, believed that there was no way I would ever know that a relationship with God could be a real one I had "lost" the feelings you have never felt after my brain surgery. I understand the frustration of no spiritual experiences to help me through the difficult times. I dismissed all experiences I had before the surgery as hallucinations and therefore invalid. I remember the feeling of being ripped off, thinking I could never have been a real christian (when I compared myself with others). I remember the despair and hopelessness and I became resigned to my fate of never "knowing" God and I turned my back on religion overall. You may not be feeling that (because you have not experienced emotions at all) but you sure seem to be typing the exact thought processes I had back then.
Faith is about knowing God, and if I do not know God, something is wrong.
Hebrews 11:
1Now faith is the assurance of
things hoped for, the
conviction of things not seen.
Do you know who defined faith as knowing God? The earliest heretics that the early church had to deal with in the first century - the gnostics.
"The definition of Gnosticism.... implies that man's redemption and justification is not by faith in God according to the Scriptures, but rather in "mystical knowledge" acquired by a personal experience. This is the theme that is intrinsically intertwined in all the doctrines of the cults and occults."
Strange Fire:Gnosticism.
Either God chose not to respond and allowed me to fall into decades of hopelessness about my faith. Or there was some barrier that not even God could remove but I never found out what it was, so I could not do anything about it.
I understand the despair that you are currently experiencing. I am sure you have heard all the platitudes that if you wait long enough you will see an answer to you prayer one way or the other. I understand the frustration you hear when people say things like "God's answer must be 'no' then."
I recall nothing either of spiritual growth or of spiritual life during the time that I was a believer. I wish I could give a different answer, but I cannot. Nothing spiritual happened that I am aware of.
I think you mentioned before that if it wasn't for what you are currently experiencing you wouldn't have been able to help others. Can you see that a christian could view you as being a great servant of God because of your suffering? (Yes that is an emotional word but I can't think of a better one at the moment.) Uniquely qualified to minister in your own special way?
I look at what Jesus did and what Jesus said. When I was a believer my beliefs about Jesus were the conventional ones. Now I really do not know. I can conceive of ideas, but of course I have no way of confirming or denying them.
Have you looked at much objective factual evidence to support the christian viewpoint on Jesus yet? I don't normally give such an advanced link but I think you deserve some very good scholarly material that you would find more trustworthy than more beginner christian apologetics websites.
The New Testament Gateway | NTGateway.com | Dr Mark Goodacre
That is a big if. All I can say is that if God sees me as a child of God, then I have seen no evidence of it.
You've got a few christians who are genuinely trying to answer you as well as we can and with as much consideration for your current position as possible.
Can you view that as God maybe approaching you via us?
I was not expecting to get instant feedback from God as soon as I put my trust in God........ If there is no apparent change in a person after they become a Christian, even after a year, wouldnt you start to ask questions?
Yes I would.
And then as soon as I found out someone was in your situation I would immediately throw out that mental/spiritual guide book on how to tell whether a person is a real christian out forever, and trust that God is making allowances for you as well. (Yes I am a softie and that is why people are happy to confide in me because they know I am unlikely to judge them. I know how I have sinned in the past and I know my own personal weakneses very well.)
Every christian has their own cross to bear. Some have medical, some have family issues, some have financial. That is why christians should try to support each other within reason and within their own personal limits (e.g maintaining healthy personal boundaries).
Galatians 6:2
If the spiritual changes remain invisible to the human eye God is still rejoicing in those changes in that disabled child of God. Staying stable and unchanged in your situation is one thing, because objectively lack of emotion is a medical issue not a spiritual one in your case. However if a self-proclaimed christian was backsliding, knowingly commiting sin and not caring about the consequences (and without any mental illness to explain that apparent spiritual deterioration) that is totally different. Of course there are conditions e.g.
James 5:19-20.
Are you able to stop viewing your lack of emotion as a spiritual one and keep your objective "it is health issues only" glasses on? I am genuinely amazed that someone with your condition sounds so sane and in control of their thoughts and emotions. I was originally a registered nurse and worked in dementia/brain damge area of a secure wing. I remember very clearly a middle-aged woman who brain cancer in front and back of brain and that affected her emotions/judgement and her balance very badly. Same with other residents with severe brain injuries and conditions.
Can you possibly view that your stable condition is actually a miracle and a remarkable blessing from God? That despite your current situation and the fact you may never experience any feelings in this life that you have been greatly looked after and are blessing others through and despite your suffering?
For me, God would have to use a different way to respond to me. One of my concerns is that because the emotions are so often involved in the ways that God appears to act, then I would be permanently excluded. I am sure that God ought to be resourceful enough to find an alternative means of responding to me, but it has never happened.
God works where the person is at. If a person will respond to emotions I am sure God uses them. Same for circumstances. Same for people. Same for thinking like you.
However, there are some passages in the Bible that are clearly written for normal people people who are able to think, to feel, and to have emotions. Some of what is written in those passages inevitably will not be relevant to me.
That does not matter. Don't be so self-conscious. It is God's love, God's compassion, God's mercy that counts, not whether you feel that towards God or not. Remember that all-important verse
john 3:16 . Those who
believe, not know, not experience, not feel, not experience physical body sensations....
Indeed, I have to hope that some verses are not relevant to me, because verses such as 1 John 4:8 appear to exclude me from knowing God.
Do you trust that God could know whether you love others or not? Didn't He make you?
psalm 139 Do you show love in action? Do you remember what Jesus said about worrying?
Matthew 6:25-34