need help

Ander Rachel222 said:

God forgives , and I understand what I have done , (please do not be so judgmental of me)

Click to expand...

Of course God can forgive, but that's beside the point of your question.

How do you think your wife will feel when this happens again? You don't have a plan to protect your wife from your behavior and you have no plan/ability to change the conditions that have already proved to been too much for you to resist - twice.

It seems you don't understand that experiencing infidelity in a marriage is one of the MOST PAINFUL experiences one can be forced to endure in a lifetime.

That you inflicted her with TWO affairs in such a short amount of time indicates you may have no intention of staying faithful, or that you have sexual addictions that preclude faithfulness to a wife. It certainly suggests that you do not control your impulses very well and the criminal history you have plays into that impression as well.

Further, in your writings, I don't get the sense that you appreciate the wrenching pain you have caused her. Do you know that some people who have survived infidelity in their marriage and lost a child have said that experiencing infidelity was the hardest of the two experiences? I haven't lost a full born child, so this seems incomprehensible to me, but I've heard this said several times by people who have experienced both sad events.

You start out this thread with concerns about your sin, later post a desire about your marriage and you worry about that she kissed someone because it hurts your feelings. Frankly, your posts are all about you and seem like you have ZERO appreciation for the pain you just put HER through. You didn't just kiss other women, you had sex with them! That as well makes me very skeptical for her safety in this relationship at this time.

The only way a marriage with you would be safe for her is for the two of you to be together nearly 24x7 so you don't have the opportunity to re-offend.

If I were her, however, I would not give up my achievements, source of income and tremendous investment of time to be married to someone who has cheated on me twice in such a short time.

I pray you grow in your walk with God and come to be richly blessed by his love and grace. There is nothing too great for him to forgive. I praise God there is no person that is too lowly for his grace - for that means it can include me too, just as it can include you.

This is an entirely different question on how to protect a wife from your behaviors, however. I'm being realistic about what you have to offer your wife in a marriage, which is not the same as being judgemental.

Ander Rachel222 said:

I need help idk what to do, I'm married and have a wife , yet we've been away from each other for almost two years in different countries, over that time I have been in two relationships of my own in which I understand are very horrible sinful decisions, and now beat on myself everyday about it, and about half a month ago my wife was with a man who had previously abused her before I met her , (she was with him for half of October, and said she had kissed him)

I know that doesn't amount to what I have done , yet it is killing me on the inside that my wife had kissed another man, and now I feel depressed and betrayed and such like that even though she may have felt that way before with me, it is making me feel extremely depressed.

I need help please

Click to expand...

You need to be living with your wife. What's going on? Why can't she move to where you are?

If you can't live together, you should divorce. Free her rather than subject her to this adultery.

Endeavourer said:

If you have affairs when you are not living together, and you have no plans to live together, what is your plan to protect your wife from further affairs?

Continuing the marriage is not safe for her unless you change the conditions under which you had an affair.

If you cannot live together and have no immediate plans to do so, I would terminate the marriage on the grounds of your adultery and let her find a different partner she can live with. Otherwise she is not safe from you.

As for remarriage for you, that has to be pursuant to your convictions on what the Bible allows you to do.

Click to expand...

Very good advice.

paul1149 said:

I think the best thing would be for the two of you to get together and start talking. There is going to have to be honesty from both sides. Then make arrangements to actually live together if at all possible. The relationship needs to be strengthened all around, and it's going to be hard to do that at a distance. Christian counselling should definitely be considered as well, to help the two of you get to the root of your issues.

Click to expand...

Ditto.

Ander Rachel222 said:

I need help idk what to do, I'm married and have a wife , yet we've been away from each other for almost two years in different countries, over that time I have been in two relationships of my own in which I understand are very horrible sinful decisions, and now beat on myself everyday about it, and about half a month ago my wife was with a man who had previously abused her before I met her , (she was with him for half of October, and said she had kissed him)

I know that doesn't amount to what I have done , yet it is killing me on the inside that my wife had kissed another man, and now I feel depressed and betrayed and such like that even though she may have felt that way before with me, it is making me feel extremely depressed.

I need help please

Click to expand...

Firstly the bible says:

1Co 7:5 Do not deprive one another, except by mutual agreement, and that for a season, so that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

We should have self control, but if we are lacking in persistence, in a time of separation from our partner we can fall into sin. Otherwise what is the purpose of the above verse, it is a warning to us that long periods of time away from our partners can lead to sexual sin.

God is a God of restoration, and would rather bring people together after a time of stumbling rather than separate them. But you need to be candid with your wife, and tell her what happened. Letting her know that you are truly sorry. Being sorry also means making every effort to restore things, even if she is angry. When ever a partner is angry, and wants separation, persistently showing love, and a desire for restoration is good. Don't be quick to just walk away, build a faithful heart.