need help

[Kit Sigmon]

I'm asking on my behalf for myself and my marriage , what are the actions and such that need to be set forth for I and my wife so that we may look past this and learn to love each other just as Christ loved church and we as husbands are to love our wives.

The big thing is eliminating this being apart, like I said previously...that should of been discussed because if you can't travel with her and she's not curtailing how much she's going to be away, then you both are tearing down your own marriage.

Both of you need to get in agreement on doing what be best for the marriage and living god-honoring lives.

 

[Ander Rachel222]

Ephesians is a good book to read with regard to relationships; it is a short book: only 6 chapters, but worth reading and re-reading and taking to heart.

Thank you very much

 

[Rescued One]

You both have to put God first. Whether or not the two of you agree on that, you still have to love God more than your wife. If you obey God, you'll learn to trust Him with your life.

 

[Winken]

I think (I think) that her being away leaves you with the option to sin. You fear that she is sinning, then twist that into justification for you doing the same.
Once again: This is was I think, no specific word from our Lord. You can consider it, or boot me on down the highway.

 

[Blade]

Love ya... praying for both but this is NOT the place to ask. All you will get is a bunch of different answers from people that have no clue what is really going on but only from the few lines of text. There are real word Churches out there, that all you have to do is go call and they will want to help. That see this kind of thing and know how to help know how to pray.

 

[Ander Rachel222]

I think (I think) that her being away leaves you with the option to sin. You fear that she is sinning, then twist that into justification for you doing the same.
Once again: This is was I think, no specific word from our Lord. You can consider it, or boot me on down the highway.

Thank you for that , honestly that does make sense , I keep reading it over trying to get a better understanding each time

 

[disciple1]

I need help idk what to do, I'm married and have a wife , yet we've been away from each other for almost two years in different countries, over that time I have been in two relationships of my own in which I understand are very horrible sinful decisions, and now beat on myself everyday about it, and about half a month ago my wife was with a man who had previously abused her before I met her , (she was with him for half of October, and said she had kissed him)

I know that doesn't amount to what I have done , yet it is killing me on the inside that my wife had kissed another man, and now I feel depressed and betrayed and such like that even though she may have felt that way before with me, it is making me feel extremely depressed.

I need help please

It sounds to me neither one of you should be with each other, I don't understand how you can be it two different country's for two years to begin with.

 

[Hall]

I need help idk what to do, I'm married and have a wife , yet we've been away from each other for almost two years in different countries, over that time I have been in two relationships of my own in which I understand are very horrible sinful decisions, and now beat on myself everyday about it, and about half a month ago my wife was with a man who had previously abused her before I met her , (she was with him for half of October, and said she had kissed him)

I know that doesn't amount to what I have done , yet it is killing me on the inside that my wife had kissed another man, and now I feel depressed and betrayed and such like that even though she may have felt that way before with me, it is making me feel extremely depressed.

I need help please

Galatians 6:7-9
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

 

[thesunisout]

I need help idk what to do, I'm married and have a wife , yet we've been away from each other for almost two years in different countries, over that time I have been in two relationships of my own in which I understand are very horrible sinful decisions, and now beat on myself everyday about it, and about half a month ago my wife was with a man who had previously abused her before I met her , (she was with him for half of October, and said she had kissed him)

I know that doesn't amount to what I have done , yet it is killing me on the inside that my wife had kissed another man, and now I feel depressed and betrayed and such like that even though she may have felt that way before with me, it is making me feel extremely depressed.

I need help please

God can restore your marriage to the point that you would both be more in love with each other than you were on your wedding day. For this to happen you both need two things; a relationship with Jesus Christ and a willingness to change.

Do you both have these two things? If so then praise God because there is hope. If not, there won't be any hope until you do.

Why were you separated for two years in different countries? Is there a history of adultery in the marriage?

 

[Emmy]

Dear Ander Rachel222. If we need help God will always be here for us. Jesus told us in Matthew 22: 35-40: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy hearts, with all thy souls, and with all thy minds. The second is like it: love thy neighbour as thyself." In verse 40 we are told: on these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." God is Love, and God wants loving sons and daughters. Ask God for forgiveness, and mean it absolutely. God will forgive you, and help change you into the person you will be, loving and forgiving, always ready to help and be loving and forgiving. We are told: Ask and receive." Then we thank God and share all love and joy, and all care we have to live with. God sees our loving and caring, and God will help and guide us. In Matthew 7: 7-10: we are told: Ask and receive, we ask God for love and compassion, then we share it all with our neighbour: all we know and and all we meet. God will see and God will BLESS us greatly. Love is VERY CATCHING, and God wants our love. Jesus died that we might live, and Jesus will lead us back to our heavenly Father. That is simply wand easy to understand, and to remember. Why not give it all a try? I say this with love, Ander. Greetings fro Emmy, your sister in Christ. Love is very catching, remember dear Christian friend.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

You need to try to find a way to be together.It sounds like you are married on paper only atm. It may come down to she has to choose travelling for music or you. Maybe she can get a place playing more locally that doesnt require so much travelling. when you get married the Bible says the two become one. If you are not together that one has been torn apart. It makes it very difficult to have a proper relationship.

You also need to look at yourself and what causes the problems in you. I have recently had a breakthrough in this area. I never cheated on my wife but burned with desire, which I have now dealt with, with Gods help. I have been going on about soul ties for weeks. It is where you have not cut ties with the past that has a hold on you. When you have sex with someone it creates a soul tie that needs to be repented of and CUT, just repenting is not enough. Having ungodly soul ties give the enemy a weak point that he can use to gain entry to attack you. Once you have cut them it closes the door and reduces temptation. Then your battle is against the flesh, but the flesh that is not constantly being provoked by the enemy.

 

[Tom 1]

She know I have had these affairs,

What are the other steps I (and my wife ) need to take to keep the foundation of our marriage and build on it as jesus intended as with the church?

How shall we connect keep Jesus at the center of everything , and what shall we do so that we're able to build a relationship with God as with our marriage ?

I´d suggest slowing down, focusing on your relationship with God and taking small steps. My wife and I had some real difficulties some 7 years into our marriage and trying to deal with it all just led to a lot of arguments. What has worked better has been taking a more cautious approach, i.e. me focusing on God, dealing with my own sin, learning to live in a way that is more pleasing to God and be an example for my wife. This has made it easier to find ways to deal with specific problems, i.e. it creates an atmosphere where God is at the centre rather than emotionally difficult issues. You can´t really go wrong if you focus on being rooted in God and his word, but it´s very easy to go wrong if you follow your own impulses, whether that´s the temptation to sin or the impulse to deal with everything as it comes up, no matter how emotionally charged. There´s a time for everything, it´s important to bear that in mind I think.

 

[buzuxi02]

How long have you been together? This doesn't sound like a marriage at all. Cohabitation is one of the marks of marriage. It will never be the same now. Just divorce and find a local girl.

 

[eleos1954]

I need help idk what to do, I'm married and have a wife , yet we've been away from each other for almost two years in different countries, over that time I have been in two relationships of my own in which I understand are very horrible sinful decisions, and now beat on myself everyday about it, and about half a month ago my wife was with a man who had previously abused her before I met her , (she was with him for half of October, and said she had kissed him)

I know that doesn't amount to what I have done , yet it is killing me on the inside that my wife had kissed another man, and now I feel depressed and betrayed and such like that even though she may have felt that way before with me, it is making me feel extremely depressed.

I need help please

l
The scriptures teach that if one sincerely confesses to God and repents (turns away from the sin) that they are forgiven. If one sincerely does this then any guilt experienced (condemnation) is not from God but from the evil one. Once you "give it" to God ... Know you are forgiven.

John 8:11 -
... “Neither do I condemn you, Jesus declared. “Now” go and sin no more.

 

[fat wee robin]

If you have affairs when you are not living together, and you have no plans to live together, what is your plan to protect your wife from further affairs?

Continuing the marriage is not safe for her unless you change the conditions under which you had an affair.

If you cannot live together and have no immediate plans to do so, I would terminate the marriage on the grounds of your adultery and let her find a different partner she can live with. Otherwise she is not safe from you.

As for remarriage for you, that has to be pursuant to your convictions on what the Bible allows you to do.

Silence in some cases is golden .

 

[joshua 1 9]

How can and should I go about settling and putting peace in my mind with myself and other people especially my wife ?

We need to die to self so we can live for God. That means not living in the flesh but in the Spirit. Also the perfect peace of God surpasses all understanding. We need to live Holy Sanctified lives so that God will anoint us and fill us.

 

[lastofall]

[for me anyway] to be "in Christ" we must repent ourselves of our own will according to the Lord Himself, for we easily see the results of our own will which are loaded with sin: if we say we believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, then we will deny ourselves, which is the only way we can truly follow Him.

 

[Endeavourer]

Silence in some cases is golden .

@fat wee robin @RaymondG
And what kind of golden silence will you offer a heartbroken sister showing up on this forum next year stating the following:

"My husband had committed a criminal act so he couldn't live with me where I need to be. In the first several years of our marriage, he cheated on me twice. He said it was because we were not living together so he was tempted. It was the most devastating thing I have experienced in my life. My heart was broken and I shed buckets of tears because I loved him so dearly.

However, he received some advice on a forum to walk better in the Spirit and give it over to God and he vowed this would not occur again. I love him so much that I trusted him and his newfound dependence on God.

It is now a year later and I just discovered that he has cheated on me again. I am beyond devastated, and my trust in God has been destroyed. I question my sanity for loving this kind of man, my faith and my God. I am so devastating at this enormous loss to my heart that I have lost 20 pounds and cry for hours every night."

It is very dangerous to offer someone the advice to continue doing what he has always done and expect a different outcome.

 

[Endeavourer]

One option is for her to give up her musical accomplishments and career to come to live with him.

If it were me, I would not make this enormous sacrifice and change for a husband that had already cheated on me twice in a very short marriage that is without children.

 

[Ander Rachel222]

@fat wee robin @RaymondG
And what kind of golden silence will you offer a heartbroken sister showing up on this forum next year stating the following:

"My husband had committed a criminal act so he couldn't live with me where I need to be. In the first several years of our marriage, he cheated on me twice. He said it was because we were not living together so he was tempted. It was the most devastating thing I have experienced in my life. My heart was broken and I shed buckets of tears because I loved him so dearly.

However, he received some advice on a forum to walk better in the Spirit and give it over to God and he vowed this would not occur again. I love him so much that I trusted him and his newfound dependence on God.

It is now a year later and I just discovered that he has cheated on me again. I am beyond devastated, and my trust in God has been destroyed. I question my sanity for loving this kind of man, my faith and my God. I am so devastating at this enormous loss to my heart that I have lost 20 pounds and cry for hours every night."

It is very dangerous to offer someone the advice to continue doing what he has always done and expect a different outcome.

God forgives , and I understand what I have done , (please do not be so judgmental of me)