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Featured need help

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Ander Rachel222, Nov 13, 2017.

  1. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    I need help idk what to do, I'm married and have a wife , yet we've been away from each other for almost two years in different countries, over that time I have been in two relationships of my own in which I understand are very horrible sinful decisions, and now beat on myself everyday about it, and about half a month ago my wife was with a man who had previously abused her before I met her , (she was with him for half of October, and said she had kissed him)

    I know that doesn't amount to what I have done , yet it is killing me on the inside that my wife had kissed another man, and now I feel depressed and betrayed and such like that even though she may have felt that way before with me, it is making me feel extremely depressed.

    I need help please
     
  2. RaymondG

    RaymondG Well-Known Member

    +1,180
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    You two are married by law only. I say, if you plan to not live as a married couple in the same location, why be married by law at all?
     
  3. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Active Member

    413
    +221
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Have you confessed to your wife that you had these two relationships?

    Why are you not living together?
     
  4. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

    +13,192
    Anglican
    Married
    You want your indiscretions not to poison your relationship with your wife. By the same standard, you must be willing to see her slip-up in the same way--past history.

    If she's sorry for that and has told you so, put it out of your mind.

    I know that's easier said than done, but if you do not do so, you will eat your insides out for nothing and dwelling on it will also damage your relationship.
     
  5. MyGivenNameIsKeith

    MyGivenNameIsKeith Member

    222
    +103
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    You know what to do, but you don't want to. You feel that somehow you want to justify your actions as being okay, when they aren't. You would assign blame, rather than admitting your own faults. Not only one "relationship" (which is really a lie, because these are not relationships) but two, which though you may actually feel remorse (which is unlikely, as you plan to continue), you don't accept as being all that bad, because you feel worse about her transgressions than your own. As the head of the marriage is Christ, none of these things that are going on in your marriage, in any way reflect that. You need a solid foundation of truth and God. Everything else is just false and smoke and mirrors. Confess your sins to one another, make God the center of your marriage. I mean, is it not obvious what the deal is? You are cheating on your wife. And you keep doing it. So quit doing it. It's called adultery.
     
  6. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +1,680
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    I think the best thing would be for the two of you to get together and start talking. There is going to have to be honesty from both sides. Then make arrangements to actually live together if at all possible. The relationship needs to be strengthened all around, and it's going to be hard to do that at a distance. Christian counselling should definitely be considered as well, to help the two of you get to the root of your issues.
     
  7. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member

    +850
    Non-Denom
    Married
    May I suggest you go to marriage councelling.

    That and in order to protect your wife from the previous partner who abused her, do not take employment that takes you out of the country..

    Or you could just admit your adultery and let her divorce you.
     
  8. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    How shall I settle this in my mind so, I can be mentally at peace with myself and my wife ?
    Also to connect with God , and Jesus as it used to be for me ?

    My wife is away because she has been with family and playing symphony concerts, (how can I cope with my wife being away for so long ?)
     
  9. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Active Member

    413
    +221
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    The first thing you need to do to develop a peace in your marriage is to confess your two affairs. If she chooses to continue on in the marriage, then you need to live together.

    If you won't live together, given your record of using that as an excuse to have several affairs, you should end the marriage on the grounds of your adultery.
     
  10. Kit Sigmon

    Kit Sigmon Well-Known Member

    +816
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Welcome to this forum!

    Could you clarify something for me please?
    According to your bio on here you're 18 years old?
    I copy/pasted it below....

    Ander Rachel222
    New Member
    Male, 18, from Brandon
    Is this information correct?

    Question: Why aren't you traveling with your wife, since you knew she was a musician and they travel lots?
    Wasn't this discussed prior to your marriage?

     
  11. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    Yea sorry got the age wrong, I'll update that its supposed to be 22 , kind of new to this setup thing.

    Anyways my wife can travel but I can't b/c of past thing that went on criminal record nothing bad tho, just I can't travel b/c of it
     
  12. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    How can and should I go about settling and putting peace in my mind with myself and other people especially my wife ?
     
  13. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    Can't change the info thing I guess, ugh all these details when signing up on things , (too confusing for me )
     
  14. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Active Member

    413
    +221
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Did you confess your several affairs to your wife?

    That's the first step.
     
  15. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    She know I have had these affairs,

    What are the other steps I (and my wife ) need to take to keep the foundation of our marriage and build on it as jesus intended as with the church?

    How shall we connect keep Jesus at the center of everything , and what shall we do so that we're able to build a relationship with God as with our marriage ?
     
  16. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    I'm asking on my behalf for myself and my marriage , what are the actions and such that need to be set forth for I and my wife so that we may look past this and learn to love each other just as Christ loved church and we as husbands are to love our wives.
     
  17. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    +10,730
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Hi; do you read God's Word together with your wife?
     
  18. Ander Rachel222

    Ander Rachel222 New Member

    11
    +5
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    Yes, but lately we have grown far from the word sadly , It would be greatly appreciated if you could supply me with the actions that I need to take and apply it my marriage with my wife.

    Thanks for your support so that I (and we as people grow closer with the Lord)
    To know that there are people out there who care is such a blessing it makes these times easier to deal with than on your own
     
  19. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    +10,730
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Ephesians is a good book to read with regard to relationships; it is a short book: only 6 chapters, but worth reading and re-reading and taking to heart.
     
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  20. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Active Member

    413
    +221
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    If you have affairs when you are not living together, and you have no plans to live together, what is your plan to protect your wife from further affairs?

    Continuing the marriage is not safe for her unless you change the conditions under which you had an affair.

    If you cannot live together and have no immediate plans to do so, I would terminate the marriage on the grounds of your adultery and let her find a different partner she can live with. Otherwise she is not safe from you.

    As for remarriage for you, that has to be pursuant to your convictions on what the Bible allows you to do.
     
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