Need discernment about a situation?

[flowerforever7]

Okay,

I have been a candidate for two jobs. I wanted one more than the other. The one I wanted paid more. This morning, I am not sure why, but I responded inwardly to the Holy Spirit in response to some thought I think, by saying f*ck your Spirit. rrrrg.

I have really been wanting to make a website where I offer certain services to make money, and for ministry stuff. I have been really looking forward to building this site, but decided to wait until I get offered a job. This morning, I thought that if I get an offer from the higher paying position I will not make the website and just live off the money from the job, I made a vow to God that is what I would do. I don't think I wanted to make the vow, I just made it immediately, because not trying to make additional money seemed like the right thing to do. However, I have been wanting to make some additional money to be able to help my Mom out beyond my job income, and remembered that. I thought that the website would be a good ministry opportunity and I would hate to lose that, then I think I made a vow that I would only build and use the website for ministry purposes. At some point shortly after I asked God to absolve me of the vow regarding the website because I really want to do it (to offer services to make extra money and for ministry purposes). Right around that time, I got a call from the higher paying job and they offered me the position. I agreed to it; but now I feel like I cannot do that website anymore. That really sucks, because I have been so wanting to do it. I do not want to dishonor God.

What should I do, or does anyone have any insight????

Thanks.

 

[vortigen84]

I have been a candidate for two jobs. I wanted one more than the other. The one I wanted paid more. This morning, I am not sure why, but I responded inwardly to the Holy Spirit in response to some thought I think, by saying f*ck your Spirit. rrrrg.

When you swore at "God", how do you know it was God you were swearing at?

I have been really looking forward to building this site, but decided to wait until I get offered a job. This morning, I thought that if I get an offer from the higher paying position I will not make the website and just live off the money from the job, I made a vow to God that is what I would do. I don't think I wanted to make the vow, I just made it immediately, because not trying to make additional money seemed like the right thing to do.

Jesus died to pay for your silly vows to God. You are already forgiven of stuff like that; you are not required to hold to them.

In future though, don't make vows to God, or to other people for that matter (unless it's your wedding). The Bible does warn about making rash promises like that and it doesn't represent God's character very well; unlike you, God is omniscient and omnipotent and thus is in a better position to make vows. Weigh things up, consider them, then be decisive and make a plan of action and execute it. If you find out the path you're on isn't wise, well that sometimes happens because the fact of the matter is that we often have to jump into things without knowing all the details; we make mistakes. That's one reason we should avoid making vows in the first place.

However, I have been wanting to make some additional money to be able to help my Mom out beyond my job income, and remembered that. I thought that the website would be a good ministry opportunity and I would hate to lose that, then I think I made a vow that I would only build and use the website for ministry purposes. At some point shortly after I asked God to absolve me of the vow regarding the website because I really want to do it (to offer services to make extra money and for ministry purposes). Right around that time, I got a call from the higher paying job and they offered me the position. I agreed to it; but now I feel like I cannot do that website anymore. That really sucks, because I have been so wanting to do it. I do not want to dishonor God.

What should I do, or does anyone have any insight????

Thanks.

You can't do everything.

I'd say ask your mother what she wants. That way if you want to serve her, you'll know how. She may simply be cool with you doing what you want, in which case you can do that.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Flower,
First of all congrats on landing the job. That's wonderful news!
You said you didn't think you wanted to make the vow in the first place. Of course there is always going to be a measure of uncertainty as to the validity of the vow because you have OCD. But I'll tell you what the more you ruminate about this and try to figure it all out the more valid and weighty the "vow" will seem. The vow was actually just nothing more than an OCD episode. Your brain knows that making vows to God is a serious matter not to be taken lightly. You have OCD so the fear of doing anything to disobey or dishonor God is something that you are super sensitive too and horribly afraid of. So... the OCD causes you to have intrusive and unwanted thoughts which just so happen to shove in the form of vows or disturbing statements against God. Whatever we don't want to think is exactly the thing OCD makes us think, which is basically because we are trying so hard NOT to think that way. But you can't control these things. Your brain is capable of causing you to think all sorts of bizarre, unsettling and unwanted thoughts. Without the OCD you'd just ignore them but with the anxiety response of the OCD it feels very dangerous to ignore them. But that is exactly what you should do. If you don't ignore them you give them too much weight and validity. YOU make them seem valid by attending to them when they really aren't worth any attention what so ever. So my advice to you as a form of exposure is that you go ahead and do the website. Expect that the OCD is going to make you feel like you are doing something to anger God or threaten your salvation by going through with your plans. That's how it operates. But when you stand up to it and absorb all the fear it dishes out without backing down you score big time in learning to manage it. It's a bully... don't let it shove you around.
So happy to hear you got that job!! Been praying for that.
Mitzi
PS; please keep in mind that my counsel to you is always going to be given within the context of managing the OCD. This is what this forum is about so that's why I respond in the manner that I do.

Okay,

I have been a candidate for two jobs. I wanted one more than the other. The one I wanted paid more. This morning, I am not sure why, but I responded inwardly to the Holy Spirit in response to some thought I think, by saying f*ck your Spirit. rrrrg.

I have really been wanting to make a website where I offer certain services to make money, and for ministry stuff. I have been really looking forward to building this site, but decided to wait until I get offered a job. This morning, I thought that if I get an offer from the higher paying position I will not make the website and just live off the money from the job, I made a vow to God that is what I would do. I don't think I wanted to make the vow, I just made it immediately, because not trying to make additional money seemed like the right thing to do. However, I have been wanting to make some additional money to be able to help my Mom out beyond my job income, and remembered that. I thought that the website would be a good ministry opportunity and I would hate to lose that, then I think I made a vow that I would only build and use the website for ministry purposes. At some point shortly after I asked God to absolve me of the vow regarding the website because I really want to do it (to offer services to make extra money and for ministry purposes). Right around that time, I got a call from the higher paying job and they offered me the position. I agreed to it; but now I feel like I cannot do that website anymore. That really sucks, because I have been so wanting to do it. I do not want to dishonor God.

What should I do, or does anyone have any insight????

Thanks.