My story in a nutshell

[seeker1999-]

I’ve heard about God all of my life but never had a drawing to Him. I remember back in 2012 watching several videos about hell and it didn’t even move me. My neighbor even gave me a gospel tract “this was your life” back in the summer of 2012 and it didn’t even move me. I remember back in June of 2013 discovering the unforgivable sin. It scared me and gave me anxiety about it. My mom wanted to take me to my psychologist to make me feel better. I looked up videos reassuring me there’s no unforgivable sin and that comforted me at the time and the fear of it went away. And I around that time I was into backmasking of songs as well and exposing rock music And king James only stuff. And around that time I read the book of Romans. I think God turned me over around that time. After that I just continued my life. And in 2015 I got into astral projection and things related to that and I remember getting into foot fetish as well. Back in November of 2016 I attempted to take my life because of this God stuff and around that time those bad thoughts against Gods spirit started coming in. No they were not intrusive. And in 2017 I started to listen to gospel music thinking it would draw me God but no. In late 2018 To April 2019 I tried it again but didn’t work. And starting back in 2020 strangers brought up Jesus to me at my job. I thought those were God getting my attention but I guess not. I am not afraid of any sin anymore not even the unpardonable sin. I don’t have any guilt like a normal human being should. I have a reprobate mind unfortunately. It’s driving me insane intellectually but not from the heart. I have no conviction of sin let alone guilt. I get irritated when things don’t go my way. I think I’m a narcissistic person. It’s terrible to know so much but can’t truly believe. I’ve had many opportunities to come to God but blew it.
I guess I was never meant to saved if God created me and knew I would become a reprobate like Satan.

 

[sandman]

I guess I was never meant to saved if God created me and knew I would become a reprobate like Satan.

You have free will to choose …..don’t lay it on God.

The thing I will say ….and maybe you gleaned this from Romans … I am thankful you are not conscious of sin (to a degree I make that statement)

So may Christians are sin conscious rather than Son conscious (being aware of what God made available through Christ accomplishments) …..sin consciousness it bondage. It makes me wonder about those who are sin conscious …. Did Christ go through this so we could be in bondage?

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[d taylor]

-​

Well from reading what you have written. Looks like you have been exposed to incorrect teaching, either from you, yourself trying to figure out this salvation, God, sin, etc.. Or from possibly youtube videos, of people.

Here are a few facts. First Jesus (God) came and took on human flesh, by being born into the world as fully human and fully God, The God,Man. He, Jesus died on the cross and took away the sin of the world, for every single human ever born. So sin is not the issue in where you spend eternity with God on the new earth or separated from God in the lake of fire.

The only condition God has given humans in receiving God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation (which is required for a person to spend eternity with God) is do you believe in Jesus. What does it mean to believe in Jesus, that is do you believe Jesus in the resurrection and the life, that Jesus is the only begotten Son of God, The promised Messiah from the prophecies of The Tanakh.

If you believe the above then you have received God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation and are now a permanent born again child of God.

Good written article explaining this
What Does It Mean to Believe in Jesus? – Grace Evangelical Society

 

[seeker1999-]

-​

Well from reading what you have written. Looks like you have been exposed to incorrect teaching, either from you, yourself trying to figure out this salvation, God, sin, etc.. Or from possibly youtube videos, of people.

Here are a few facts. First Jesus (God) came and took on human flesh, by being born into the world as fully human and fully God, The God,Man. He, Jesus died on the cross and took away the sin of the world, for every single human ever born. So sin is not the issue in where you spend eternity with God on the new earth or separated from God in the lake of fire.

The only condition God has given humans in receiving God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation (which is required for a person to spend eternity with God) is do you believe in Jesus. What does it mean to believe in Jesus, that is do you believe Jesus in the resurrection and the life, that Jesus is the only begotten Son of God, The promised Messiah from the prophecies of The Tanakh.

If you believe the above then you have received God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation and are now a permanent born again child of God.

Good written article explaining this
What Does It Mean to Believe in Jesus? – Grace Evangelical Society

Sin is the issue is separates you from the creator.

 

[seeker1999-]

You have free will to choose …..don’t lay it on God.

The thing I will say ….and maybe you gleaned this from Romans … I am thankful you are not conscious of sin (to a degree I make that statement)

So may Christians are sin conscious rather than Son conscious (being aware of what God made available through Christ accomplishments) …..sin consciousness it bondage. It makes me wonder about those who are sin conscious …. Did Christ go through this so we could be in bondage?

↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

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I am conscious of my sins I am just apathetic to them….

 

[d taylor]

Sin is the issue is separates you from the creator.

No sin is not the issue, you can not show one single verse stating that a person must stop sinning or sin less to be able to believe in Jesus for God's free gift of Eternal life. So if you want to keep believing incorrect information be my guest.

 

[seeker1999-]

No sin is not the issue, you can not show one single verse stating that a person must stop sinning or sin less to be able to believe in Jesus for God's free gift of Eternal life. So if you want to keep believing incorrect information be my guest.

Do you have to be convicted of sin before salvation or can you just believe on your own?

 

[d taylor]

Do you have to be convicted of sin before salvation or can you just believe on your own?

Look at these two examples of Jesus telling people what to do to receive God's free gift of Eternal Life, in The Gospel of John. Jesus never mention being convicted of sin, the two examples are John chapter 3 Jesus speaking to Nicodemus and in John chapter 4 the women at the well.

Both are told, to receive eternal life they must believe in Jesus.
chapter 3
Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.
chapter4
but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

The simple fact is you are a sinner and will be a sinner till the day you die. Now if you are a believer, then God expects His children to live lives not plagued with sin but that requires discipline. And as a believer if you let sin dominate your life as a child of God you will be disciplined by God, but that has nothing to do with your status as a born again child of God. In the sense of God taking away your eternal life, but God if you let sin reign in your life, God may take away your physical earthly life and you may die before your time. By either God letting sin run its course and the effects of sin in your life may cause an early death or God may take your earthly life. Example Ananias and Sapphira in Acts

 

[eleos1954]

I’ve heard about God all of my life but never had a drawing to Him. I remember back in 2012 watching several videos about hell and it didn’t even move me. My neighbor even gave me a gospel tract “this was your life” back in the summer of 2012 and it didn’t even move me. I remember back in June of 2013 discovering the unforgivable sin. It scared me and gave me anxiety about it. My mom wanted to take me to my psychologist to make me feel better. I looked up videos reassuring me there’s no unforgivable sin and that comforted me at the time and the fear of it went away. And I around that time I was into backmasking of songs as well and exposing rock music And king James only stuff. And around that time I read the book of Romans. I think God turned me over around that time. After that I just continued my life. And in 2015 I got into astral projection and things related to that and I remember getting into foot fetish as well. Back in November of 2016 I attempted to take my life because of this God stuff and around that time those bad thoughts against Gods spirit started coming in. No they were not intrusive. And in 2017 I started to listen to gospel music thinking it would draw me God but no. In late 2018 To April 2019 I tried it again but didn’t work. And starting back in 2020 strangers brought up Jesus to me at my job. I thought those were God getting my attention but I guess not. I am not afraid of any sin anymore not even the unpardonable sin. I don’t have any guilt like a normal human being should. I have a reprobate mind unfortunately. It’s driving me insane intellectually but not from the heart. I have no conviction of sin let alone guilt. I get irritated when things don’t go my way. I think I’m a narcissistic person. It’s terrible to know so much but can’t truly believe. I’ve had many opportunities to come to God but blew it.
I guess I was never meant to saved if God created me and knew I would become a reprobate like Satan.

The mind and the heart are connected. When one willfully accepts Jesus as their Lord and Savior He will help them overcome their sin through the work of the Holy Spirit.

All are sinners ... all need help to overcome sin.

One does not have peace until they come to Jesus and how they think (mind) is changed ... this largely happens by spending time in His Word and understanding His ways and in prayer ... walk as He walked. The work of the Holy Spirit last through out one's earthly lifetime.

The fact you are experiencing mental anguish shows the Lord is working on your mind/heart drawing you to Him, so you may enter His peace by thinking and living differently.

The law of God is written on everyone's heart/mind drawing them to a better way to live, but one must make a choice(s) .... God don't force Himself on anyone .... He's looking for people who are willing.

God doesn't want anyone to perish .... but if one continues to live in sin knowing what sin is .... then yeah .... at some point He will give them over to their sin .... because it was their choice and He won't violate anyones choice.

Study the bible for yourself ... what you have heard may very well be distorted teachings in some ... perhaps may ways.

 

[seeker1999-]

I hope so…

 

[seeker1999-]

You have free will to choose …..don’t lay it on God.

The thing I will say ….and maybe you gleaned this from Romans … I am thankful you are not conscious of sin (to a degree I make that statement)

So may Christians are sin conscious rather than Son conscious (being aware of what God made available through Christ accomplishments) …..sin consciousness it bondage. It makes me wonder about those who are sin conscious …. Did Christ go through this so we could be in bondage?

↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

View attachment 331060

I have no conscience anymore. I have a reprobate mind. I curse the day I was born. I am miserable already. It’s terrible to know you are miserable and know you are going to a place a million times worse that’s forever. I am basically a monster. I am going insane literally. If someone dropped dead in front of me I wouldn’t feel bad about it. That’s how messed up I am. I am a narcissist.

 

[sandman]

I have no conscience anymore. I have a reprobate mind. I curse the day I was born. I am miserable already. It’s terrible to know you are miserable and know you are going to a place a million times worse that’s forever. I am basically a monster. I am going insane literally. If someone dropped dead in front of me I wouldn’t feel bad about it. That’s how messed up I am. I am a narcissist.

I have met people as bad or worse than you …including myself who was a satanic priest …

There is nobody that God cannot rescue there are no lives that cannot be turned around … …God is able to save to the uttermost.

If you don’t want anything better for your life… that is your choice … Are you content where you are at? I don’t care what you are or what you feel or don’t feel right now…. that is irrelevant. Many of us came from places that really sucked and we were dead inside But God change that, miraculously … There is nothing God can’t do ….the question becomes what do you want? That is where it starts.

 

[Blade]

We all have a story and whats written is there is none righteous not one. Everyone has fallen short missed it. No one no matter how good or bad is going to get into heaven unless you know Jesus Christ believe in trust in Him. How we were raised or being made fun of or beaten growing up or abused.. we all need to believe in Christ. WE are the reason He came and died.

So we can hold on to this life with out Him or believe in Him give this life to Him and He WILL make it better. A free choice.

 

[seeker1999-]

I have met people as bad or worse than you …including myself who was a satanic priest …

There is nobody that God cannot rescue there are no lives that cannot be turned around … …God is able to save to the uttermost.

If you don’t want anything better for your life… that is your choice … Are you content where you are at? I don’t care what you are or what you feel or don’t feel right now…. that is irrelevant. Many of us came from places that really sucked and we were dead inside But God change that, miraculously … There is nothing God can’t do ….the question becomes what do you want? That is where it starts.

It seems the more I read about Jesus, the worse I get.

I really hope this is true. I get deliberate evil thoughts against God and doubts when I read about Him.

 

[seeker1999-]

We all have a story and whats written is there is none righteous not one. Everyone has fallen short missed it. No one no matter how good or bad is going to get into heaven unless you know Jesus Christ believe in trust in Him. How we were raised or being made fun of or beaten growing up or abused.. we all need to believe in Christ. WE are the reason He came and died.

So we can hold on to this life with out Him or believe in Him give this life to Him and He WILL make it better. A free choice.

It seems God hardened my heart. When I read the Word my heart and mind get resistant to it. when I read it it condemns me.

 

[seeker1999-]

I have met people as bad or worse than you …including myself who was a satanic priest …

There is nobody that God cannot rescue there are no lives that cannot be turned around … …God is able to save to the uttermost.

If you don’t want anything better for your life… that is your choice … Are you content where you are at? I don’t care what you are or what you feel or don’t feel right now…. that is irrelevant. Many of us came from places that really sucked and we were dead inside But God change that, miraculously … There is nothing God can’t do ….the question becomes what do you want? That is where it starts.

I have met people as bad or worse than you …including myself who was a satanic priest …

There is nobody that God cannot rescue there are no lives that cannot be turned around … …God is able to save to the uttermost.

If you don’t want anything better for your life… that is your choice … Are you content where you are at? I don’t care what you are or what you feel or don’t feel right now…. that is irrelevant. Many of us came from places that really sucked and we were dead inside But God change that, miraculously … There is nothing God can’t do ….the question becomes what do you want? That is where it starts.

I don’t think I can believe. There is a verse that basically says they could not believe. I can’t believe I’ve tried. I’m full of bitterness, anxiety, selfishness, hatred, jealousy, gluttony, strife, you name it. I have no conviction of sin let alone guilt. I think I only want the benefits but not God Himself. When I think about Jesus I get deliberate bad thoughts against the Spirit and all other kinds of bad thoughts.

 

[sandman]

I don’t think I can believe. There is a verse that basically says they could not believe. I can’t believe I’ve tried. I’m full of bitterness, anxiety, selfishness, hatred, jealousy, gluttony, strife, you name it. I have no conviction of sin let alone guilt. I think I only want the benefits but not God Himself. When I think about Jesus I get deliberate bad thoughts against the Spirit and all other kinds of bad thoughts.

As honest as you are being here ...You need to be with God....just lay it out for Him ....and ask Him for help ...tell Him what you need (don't hold anything back) and ask for help. I don't know when and I don't know how.... but you will hear from Him.

 

[seeker1999-]

i think my heart is so hardened I cannot legitimately repent. Like Esau, He only wanted the benefits but not God himself. Well they say even if you care intellectually you still care but I don’t know if that’s exactly true. I’m not scared of the unforgivable sin like I used to be.

 

[Strong in Him]

I have no conscience anymore. I have a reprobate mind. I curse the day I was born. I am miserable already. It’s terrible to know you are miserable and know you are going to a place a million times worse that’s forever. I am basically a monster.

If that was true you would not have joined Christian Forums.
You would not have written several threads, being honest about your life with complete strangers.
You would not be calling yourself a reprobate - you would be so lost in your sin, you wouldn't know that you were one.
When people write posts about God's love, you would not respond by saying "I hope so", or "I want to believe."

A lot of your posts seem to say "I don't feel ........"
The thing is that we can't rely on feelings to indicate how much faith we have, or haven't, got. Feelings change enormously, and might be affected by our health, the weather, circumstances, hormones, other people etc etc.
As a teenager, I relied heavily on feelings. If things were going well, I believed it was a sign that God loved me; if I did well in an exam/got a job/achieved something I believed it was a sign that he approved of me. When my hayfever/allergies were bad, if I did badly in an exam or just felt miserable, I believed it was a sign that he didn't approve of me. As things seemed to be bad rather than good most of the time, and as others were much better at things than I was, I believed I was unlovable.
I was an idiot.
Nice, happy feelings are not a sign of God's love and approval, and miserable, bad feelings are not a sign that you've blown it. If you want to know what God thinks of you, look at the cross. 1 John 3:16 says "THIS is what love is - Jesus gave his life for us".

You are conscious of your sins. Do you believe you are a sinner? Great - Jesus died for sinners, Romans 5:8.
There is hope.
You are loved - more than you'll ever know.