I’ve heard about God all of my life but never had a drawing to Him. I remember back in 2012 watching several videos about hell and it didn’t even move me. My neighbor even gave me a gospel tract “this was your life” back in the summer of 2012 and it didn’t even move me. I remember back in June of 2013 discovering the unforgivable sin. It scared me and gave me anxiety about it. My mom wanted to take me to my psychologist to make me feel better. I looked up videos reassuring me there’s no unforgivable sin and that comforted me at the time and the fear of it went away. And I around that time I was into backmasking of songs as well and exposing rock music And king James only stuff. And around that time I read the book of Romans. I think God turned me over around that time. After that I just continued my life. And in 2015 I got into astral projection and things related to that and I remember getting into foot fetish as well. Back in November of 2016 I attempted to take my life because of this God stuff and around that time those bad thoughts against Gods spirit started coming in. No they were not intrusive. And in 2017 I started to listen to gospel music thinking it would draw me God but no. In late 2018 To April 2019 I tried it again but didn’t work. And starting back in 2020 strangers brought up Jesus to me at my job. I thought those were God getting my attention but I guess not. I am not afraid of any sin anymore not even the unpardonable sin. I don’t have any guilt like a normal human being should. I have a reprobate mind unfortunately. It’s driving me insane intellectually but not from the heart. I have no conviction of sin let alone guilt. I get irritated when things don’t go my way. I think I’m a narcissistic person. It’s terrible to know so much but can’t truly believe. I’ve had many opportunities to come to God but blew it.
I guess I was never meant to saved if God created me and knew I would become a reprobate like Satan.
I guess I was never meant to saved if God created me and knew I would become a reprobate like Satan.
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