Feeling hopeless

[Taylorjr94]

I need help desperately. I grew up in a Bible believing household, went to a Baptist Church, and made many professions over the years. Without dragging it out with too much detail I got into willful sin (fornication, drunkenness, profanity) from about 14-23 (I’m 29). When I got my first tattoo at 18 that night it felt like something was ripped out of me and I was in a state of dread. Eventually this went away and I went back to my sins. I was convicted many times about it but thought “I’ll repent later”. Also the guilt and shame of my sins began to pile on and make it seem harder and harder to even consider turning to God. Long story short I’m living it up with God being the last thing on my mind when my mother who is a godly woman told me “there’s pleasure in sin for a season” and that small comment sent me into a tailspin. I went forward at the next service I attended and knew I had to get things right, truly right. I did the only thing I knew to do and asked Christ to save me, but still something felt off. I had no peace whatsoever and thought maybe I had tempted God too long and felt completely condemned. This went on for months and eventually (I really can’t explain it) I started to feel some peace about it. My life had definitely changed. I was no longer sinning in a deliberate manner. Fast forward 6 years and I can across something (an article, website, sermon, something) and all this came flooding back but I would say worse. Was I deceived these 5-6 years? I would occasionally have just a general anxiety that I couldn’t pinpoint. Maybe I was being given a short rest only to resume it later. It’s constant mental torment of differing degrees. I literally feel like I don’t sleep anymore. Like something is keeping me up. I don’t know how I’m functioning honestly. It’s like I’m kept on the razor thin edge of sanity. Just constant dread. It just ebbs and wanes. I talked to a preacher and he said “so there’s a lot of anxiety”. I almost had to stop my self from laughing if I could have even laughed. I told him anxiety/depression would be a RELIEF compared to this. At times I quite literally can’t even think. I’ve been praying and reading Scripture it just feels like I’m talking to myself. I WANT to be Christ-like and have fruits of the spirit and witness to people. I’m just holding out for some hope that God will deliver me. I don’t think a person could endure this for very long. I’m married and my spouse just can’t understand what I’ve got going on and that makes it worse. It feels like dying every day the torment is relentless. I know I was a fool for sinning against God in this way. I don’t know what I’m asking for here, I’m just about at the end of myself.

 

[trophy33]

I do not know if you want answer specifically from baptists (I am not), however, you need to separate several things:
a) if you live a good enough life, objectively
b) if you feel good or bad
c) if you are healthy (mentally, physically)

You can be a Christian and live quite a sinless life and still feel bad because you may be unhealthy. Or because you do not feel fulfilled. Or because you are in a constants stress in work/family.

It does not mean you are condemned or something (or anything spiritual), it can just mean you should change your life a bit.

 

[65James]

Simon Peter knew Jesus Christ personally got to talk to Him face to face. Even told Him, I will follow you to prison or death, Luke 22:33
Why even prove it, he grab a sword and took off an high priest’s servant’s ear, John 18:10-11. But Jesus then rebut him, Peter is puzzled but continue to follow Jesus afar off. But as he followed even though he was willing to died for Christ it was in his plan system not how God had planned. So as he witness Jesus trial he denied Christ three times just as told by Jesus, John 18:17-27; Luke 22:34.
Peter was so distraught it took a special encounter after Jesus Resurrection to bring him back into the fold. Christ ask him 3 times if he loved Him. Peter being displeased with Him asking if he loved Him did not understand that every one of Christ do you love me was Christ way of clearing Peter’s mind of his guilt from 3 denials, John 21:15-18

Your sins have not token God by surprise. He is not counting your pass against you. If God did this to anyone save Jesus none of us would stand, Psalms 130:3. I believe Jesus maybe asking you over and over again to help clear your conscience do you love me as your mother is a Saint that His Father listens to greatly. But as Carmen a Christian Singer says if thevdevil reminds you to much of your pass just remind him of his future in torment.

 

[Richard T]

I am not Baptist either but I do believe in the Southern Baptist doctrine "once saved, always saved." I have listened to the late Pastor Dr. Charles Stanley on this and he and others make good sense. Some specifics you can look at in the bible is the "sin unto death." It is found in I john 5:16-17. many interpret this as a believer who is in gross sin and is unrepentant. It is so severe that God turns them over and I john says not to even pray for them. The example for this is the Corinthian that Paul turned over.

I Cor 5:5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

No you are not going to die for things in the past. Neither is God going to put anxiety and distress on you as punishment for your sins. You are not in gross (the worst sins that affect a large number of people)My point in showing this is that this man with gross sin still was going to have his spirit saved. What a relief to know. It is good news though that you are repentant. Perfect no, but you are trying to move toward God but just seem to have hit a wall. What is that wall?

I think it is self-condemnation. You simply refuse to forgive yourself because you are basing it on your knowledge of justice. You sinned and somehow you must pay. Could it be that your version of God's grace and mercy is not enough? You might base your condemnation on Heb 10:26.
Here is an answer for that. (Now sure if it is Baptist but I think most Baptists would agree with it) Does Hebrews 10:26 mean that a believer can lose salvation? | GotQuestions.org

I John 1:9 includes he is faithful and just... Faithful means he will always do it. Just means the heavens declare it so and it is perfect and accepted. Instead of stepping into heaven's system of justice, you have likely created your own with the accuser condemning you forever.

I beg you to stop, I'm sure others close to you want the anxiety to stop as well. Your going to have to do it by faith and not your feeling. Feelings may tell us we have to earn it, faith tells you, that you have the evidence. That evidence is that Jesus is enough. That his blood and what he endured on the cross is enough. "The chastisement of our peace fell upon him" (Is 53) take the peace, settle it in your heart that you are moving forward in God. The wood, hay and stubble of your past as a believer is going to be burned up, but you still have time for more diamonds and gold. (I Cor 3:12-15). God's grace is a license to serve and Satan has stole that from you, and it is time for payback. Your sins are as from the east to the west, ALL things are possible to those who believe, So praise God, you can receive his forgiveness and be used by God. All your fellowship rights, authority in Christ, and everything else God has for you has been waiting. Jesus loves you brother and your sins are forgiven.

 

[Taylorjr94]

I am not Baptist either but I do believe in the Southern Baptist doctrine "once saved, always saved." I have listened to the late Pastor Dr. Charles Stanley on this and he and others make good sense. Some specifics you can look at in the bible is the "sin unto death." It is found in I john 5:16-17. many interpret this as a believer who is in gross sin and is unrepentant. It is so severe that God turns them over and I john says not to even pray for them. The example for this is the Corinthian that Paul turned over.

I Cor 5:5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

No you are not going to die for things in the past. Neither is God going to put anxiety and distress on you as punishment for your sins. You are not in gross (the worst sins that affect a large number of people)My point in showing this is that this man with gross sin still was going to have his spirit saved. What a relief to know. It is good news though that you are repentant. Perfect no, but you are trying to move toward God but just seem to have hit a wall. What is that wall?

I think it is self-condemnation. You simply refuse to forgive yourself because you are basing it on your knowledge of justice. You sinned and somehow you must pay. Could it be that your version of God's grace and mercy is not enough? You might base your condemnation on Heb 10:26.
Here is an answer for that. (Now sure if it is Baptist but I think most Baptists would agree with it) Does Hebrews 10:26 mean that a believer can lose salvation? | GotQuestions.org

I John 1:9 includes he is faithful and just... Faithful means he will always do it. Just means the heavens declare it so and it is perfect and accepted. Instead of stepping into heaven's system of justice, you have likely created your own with the accuser condemning you forever.

I beg you to stop, I'm sure others close to you want the anxiety to stop as well. Your going to have to do it by faith and not your feeling. Feelings may tell us we have to earn it, faith tells you, that you have the evidence. That evidence is that Jesus is enough. That his blood and what he endured on the cross is enough. "The chastisement of our peace fell upon him" (Is 53) take the peace, settle it in your heart that you are moving forward in God. The wood, hay and stubble of your past as a believer is going to be burned up, but you still have time for more diamonds and gold. (I Cor 3:12-15). God's grace is a license to serve and Satan has stole that from you, and it is time for payback. Your sins are as from the east to the west, ALL things are possible to those who believe, So praise God, you can receive his forgiveness and be used by God. All your fellowship rights, authority in Christ, and everything else God has for you has been waiting. Jesus loves you brother and your sins are forgiven.

I've always been inclined to believe OSAS although there are some verses that seem to say otherwise. The thing is I don't know if I was ever saved. And I've not been able to discern whether the Holy Spirit drew my those 5-6 years ago or my own troubled conscience. This is what's been troubling me (to put it lightly) I've even thought that maybe that feeling of something being "ripped" from me when I was 18 was the HS departing. That's been almost 12 years ago now. I hope that's not the case, but I don't know.

 

[Richard T]

You are sealed with the Holy Spirit when saved. What Does It Mean to Be Sealed with the Holy Spirit? I do not think God rips the Holy Spirit out at age 18. You could have murdered several and still been forgiven. Only you can judge if you sere saved. It is a matter of your faith but if you asked him in your heart then he is not going to reject you over your past. Have you ever heard from God personally? That sure would really make a difference now. I guess i would just say God here I am, confess Jesus as Lord and just tell him you are willing and available. Ask others to pray too or even seek some counseling. I do pray you get the assurance you need but again, it does not have to be a feeling, but it is faith that you can rest with God.

 

[Taylorjr94]

You are sealed with the Holy Spirit when saved. What Does It Mean to Be Sealed with the Holy Spirit? I do not think God rips the Holy Spirit out at age 18. You could have murdered several and still been forgiven. Only you can judge if you sere saved. It is a matter of your faith but if you asked him in your heart then he is not going to reject you over your past. Have you ever heard from God personally? That sure would really make a difference now. I guess i would just say God here I am, confess Jesus as Lord and just tell him you are willing and available. Ask others to pray too or even seek some counseling. I do pray you get the assurance you need but again, it does not have to be a feeling, but it is faith that you can rest with God.

I don’t think I have ever heard from God personally. The only think I’ve ever felt was conviction of sin and fear. One of my earliest memories as a kid was me thinking that if I prayed enough, God would keep me from having these horrible nightmares. So I guess that continued to be my view of God as I grew older. It’s no excuse, just something I've thought about.

 

[Joseph G]

There is a way to be re-affirmed of your salvation. Ask Him to speak from His Spirit to your spirit. I promise He will if you ask in faith.

Romans 8:14-17 NIV

"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

 

[JesusFollowerForever]

I've always been inclined to believe OSAS although there are some verses that seem to say otherwise. The thing is I don't know if I was ever saved. And I've not been able to discern whether the Holy Spirit drew my those 5-6 years ago or my own troubled conscience. This is what's been troubling me (to put it lightly) I've even thought that maybe that feeling of something being "ripped" from me when I was 18 was the HS departing. That's been almost 12 years ago now. I hope that's not the case, but I don't know.

Listen, The Lord has forgiven you, you feel remorse that is good it is the first sign of repentance, the lord has forgiven you but wants you to sin no more. Stop worrying, it serves you not, move forward forget the past, we all did stupid things when young.. Confide in the Holy Father when you pray and ask him how to do better, if you ask with good intentions he will help, you are one of his children when you ask know that you have received just be faithful. If you sin again just try to do better next time, we all fail at some point but we have to get back on the narrow path the difficult one. IMPOTRANT get some sleep!

Blessings.

 

[Joseph G]

Something to meditate on to give you peace. Especially meant for those of us needing re-affirmation, experiencing a protracted dry spell, or walking through a valley of affliction seemingly alone:

His Eyes - Steven Curtis Chapman

Sometimes His eyes were gentle
And filled with laughter,
And sometimes they cried;
Sometimes there was a fire
Of holy anger,
In Jesus eyes.

But the eyes that saw hope in the hopeless,
That saw through the fault to the need,
Are the same eyes that look down from heaven
Into the deepest part of you and me.

And His eyes are always upon us;
His eyes never close in sleep.
And no matter where you go,
You will always be in His eyes, in His eyes.

Sometimes His voice comes calling
Like rolling thunder,
Or like driving rain;
And sometimes His voice is quiet,
And we start to wonder
If He knows our pain.

But He who spoke peace to the water
Cares more for our hearts than the waves,
And the voice that once said "you're forgiven",
Still says "you're forgiven" today.
Today.

Sometimes I look above me when stars are shining
And I feel so small;
How could the God of heaven and all creation
Know I'm here at all?

But then in the silence He whispers,
"My child, I created you too
And you're my most precious creation;
I even gave my Son for you."

And His eyes are always upon us;
His eyes never close in sleep.
And no matter where you go,
You will always be in His eyes,
No matter where you go you will always be in His eyes.

In His eyes.

Sometimes His eyes were gentle, and filled with laughter.

 

[Richard T]

I don’t think I have ever heard from God personally. The only think I’ve ever felt was conviction of sin and fear. One of my earliest memories as a kid was me thinking that if I prayed enough, God would keep me from having these horrible nightmares. So I guess that continued to be my view of God as I grew older. It’s no excuse, just something I've thought about.

Sometimes God is talking but we do not hear. It is like a plane trying to land on a busy runway. It's trying to get clearance but we might be too busy in our thoughts to listen with our spirit. Best thing to do is read the bible some, New Testament preferably. That can be a catalyst. On the fear thing, that is interesting. You might consider looking at a web search about the "authority of the believer" This type o f teaching is the belief that we can take authority over spiritual things such as bad dreams. Other fears too. Not all fear is demonic but sometimes it is. I was delivered from nightmares myself.

I will add that for me, going to church and singing praise brought God's voice on the scene. For me those aare the closest times I hear God. I encourage you anyway that you find to gain a better understanding of God's character and voice to you personally.

God bless!

 

[TPop]

I need help desperately. I grew up in a Bible believing household, went to a Baptist Church, and made many professions over the years. Without dragging it out with too much detail I got into willful sin (fornication, drunkenness, profanity) from about 14-23 (I’m 29). When I got my first tattoo at 18 that night it felt like something was ripped out of me and I was in a state of dread. Eventually this went away and I went back to my sins. I was convicted many times about it but thought “I’ll repent later”. Also the guilt and shame of my sins began to pile on and make it seem harder and harder to even consider turning to God. Long story short I’m living it up with God being the last thing on my mind when my mother who is a godly woman told me “there’s pleasure in sin for a season” and that small comment sent me into a tailspin. I went forward at the next service I attended and knew I had to get things right, truly right. I did the only thing I knew to do and asked Christ to save me, but still something felt off. I had no peace whatsoever and thought maybe I had tempted God too long and felt completely condemned. This went on for months and eventually (I really can’t explain it) I started to feel some peace about it. My life had definitely changed. I was no longer sinning in a deliberate manner. Fast forward 6 years and I can across something (an article, website, sermon, something) and all this came flooding back but I would say worse. Was I deceived these 5-6 years? I would occasionally have just a general anxiety that I couldn’t pinpoint. Maybe I was being given a short rest only to resume it later. It’s constant mental torment of differing degrees. I literally feel like I don’t sleep anymore. Like something is keeping me up. I don’t know how I’m functioning honestly. It’s like I’m kept on the razor thin edge of sanity. Just constant dread. It just ebbs and wanes. I talked to a preacher and he said “so there’s a lot of anxiety”. I almost had to stop my self from laughing if I could have even laughed. I told him anxiety/depression would be a RELIEF compared to this. At times I quite literally can’t even think. I’ve been praying and reading Scripture it just feels like I’m talking to myself. I WANT to be Christ-like and have fruits of the spirit and witness to people. I’m just holding out for some hope that God will deliver me. I don’t think a person could endure this for very long. I’m married and my spouse just can’t understand what I’ve got going on and that makes it worse. It feels like dying every day the torment is relentless. I know I was a fool for sinning against God in this way. I don’t know what I’m asking for here, I’m just about at the end of myself.

It sounds like you are not in Fellowship with God, or have been out of it so long you are no longer sure where you are.

You are either saved or you are not. Do you trust in Christ as your Lord and Savior? That if you die now, you go to heaven? Because of what Jesus did by his sacrifice, blood, death, burial, resurrection, and ascension? Trust ON Jesus for that and know that this is your salvation. That if you die now you know where you are going. To heaven. It is not complicated. It is simple.

There are good churches and bad. There are good Baptist churches and bad ones.

You need Therapy. See a psychiatrist and a Therapist. Consider medication and find the right therapist for you.

Peace and Blessings

 

[Joseph G]

Hey, Taylor. Just wondering how you're doing? Let us know if you feel inclined. Still praying for you! God bless.

 

[Taylorjr94]

Hey, Taylor. Just wondering how you're doing? Let us know if you feel inclined. Still praying for you! God bless.

Still feeling fearful and somewhat apathetic about the things of God. It’s like my mind is saying “Gods not going to help you so why pray, read the Bible, etc.” because they don’t seem to help. Even though I know I shouldn’t be that way. I don’t WANT to be that way. I don’t know…I don’t seem to have any control of anything. I prayed for so long it’s just hard to even pray.

 

[Joseph G]

Still feeling fearful and somewhat apathetic about the things of God. It’s like my mind is saying “Gods not going to help you so why pray, read the Bible, etc.” because they don’t seem to help. Even though I know I shouldn’t be that way. I don’t WANT to be that way. I don’t know…I don’t seem to have any control of anything. I prayed for so long it’s just hard to even pray.

I'd like to ask you a question which may seem to be from left field. When you feel moved with compassion for another human being, no matter how vile they may be, where do you believe that compassion comes from?