My heart is so hardened

[Invalidusername]

Being admirable to man doesn't help our spiritual needs.

I know this but I have two choices. Quit my sin and search after God or turn back to my worldly ways. I have completely utterly repented of my worldly ways so that only leaves one option left and that's to search after God. Since He is not being found by me, I have to take action NOW. That means quitting my addictions.

 

[Invalidusername]

@Invalidusername you are going through what appears to be the dark night of the soul. You are not the first to go through this nor will you be the last. Here is a quote:

St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face, OCD, a 19th-century French nun and Doctor of the Church, wrote of her own experience of the dark night. Her dark night derived from doubt of the existence of eternity, to which doubt she nonetheless did not give intellectual or volitional assent, but rather prevailed by a deepening of her Catholic faith. However, she painfully suffered through this prolonged period of spiritual darkness, even declaring to her fellow nuns: "If you only knew what darkness I am plunged into..!"

While this spiritual crisis is usually temporary, it may endure for a long time. The "dark night" of St. Paul of the Cross in the 18th century endured 45 years, from which he ultimately recovered. The dark night of St. Teresa of Calcutta, whose own name in religion she selected in honor of St. Thérèse, "may be the most extensive such case on record", having endured from 1948 almost until her death in 1997, with only brief interludes of relief, according to her letters
​

Even Mother Teresa experienced what you are experiencing, hope is not lost. You may what to do some spiritual reading, take a retreat some monasteries offer such things so you an clear your head. Remember this:

Footprints in the Sand


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."
- Mary Stevenson

Wow 45 years. At least she persevered.

I don't know if it counts if it was begun by my willful sins.

 

[Bruce Leiter]

I fell into a long season of willful sins and when I realized what I was doing I tried to repent of it. I was able to physically repent of my sins in the manner of simply not doing them anymore. I was able to quit my addictions and etc. but my soul still has a void in the inside. I think I even remember a time when I sensed the Holy Spirit left me. I keep praying and praying and interceding but God does not answer. I search for him diligently but he will not be found by me.

When I quit all of my sins it just left a void in my heart. Since I have nothing to replace my sin since God left me, I can't enjoy my victory over sin. I think I have done Hebrews 6 where I cannot ever repent truly from the inside out again. There is a sin unto death and you should listen to the Bible warning about it. It's been 1 year now and I still have no resolution. Almost everyone else I see in the same predicament as me(truly born again and fell away) are in the same state as me feeling spiritually dead.

If you want to give me a story about a backslider who was restored, don't bother because most of those stories are only superficial believers who fell away. I think I am a true born again believer as described in Hebrews 6 and I truly fell away. I don't even feel fear anymore. Just consuming apathy. The second death is here and now.

What is that "void" like? Is it an emotional, intellectual, or decision-making void? If it is emotional, don't despair. Another question: Are a member of a Christ-believing church? If not, attend one and find a small group there to discuss God's Word. You need other people's confidential support in order not to return to your addictions. God is not a girl(or boy)friend God, but he uses people's love to help each other.

My advice is that you find a support group for your main addiction and an understanding church. God can help you by filling in your void through other Christians.

I don't believe that Hebrews 6 describes born-again people but people who have "tasted" of God's blessings in his church or their families but who left the Christian faith. If you are truly born-again, God will never let you be "un-born-again." He gives that miracle and will never undo it (John 6, 8, 10).

 

[Dorothy Mae]

Being admirable to man doesn't help our spiritual needs.

“Give honor to whom honor is due.”

 

[Invalidusername]

What is that "void" like? Is it an emotional, intellectual, or decision-making void? If it is emotional, don't despair. Another question: Are a member of a Christ-believing church? If not, attend one and find a small group there to discuss God's Word. You need other people's confidential support in order not to return to your addictions. God is not a girl(or boy)friend God, but he uses people's love to help each other.

My advice is that you find a support group for your main addiction and an understanding church. God can help you by filling in your void through other Christians.

I don't believe that Hebrews 6 describes born-again people but people who have "tasted" of God's blessings in his church or their families but who left the Christian faith. If you are truly born-again, God will never let you be "un-born-again." He gives that miracle and will never undo it (John 6, 8, 10).

It's emotional and intellectual.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

I think I may have a demon. I sometimes sense the presence of something evil. Especially after sleeping. Sensed it last night.

Rebuke it in the name of Jesus. Lead the blood of Jesus over your mind.

 

[Invalidusername]

What is that "void" like? Is it an emotional, intellectual, or decision-making void? If it is emotional, don't despair. Another question: Are a member of a Christ-believing church? If not, attend one and find a small group there to discuss God's Word. You need other people's confidential support in order not to return to your addictions. God is not a girl(or boy)friend God, but he uses people's love to help each other.

My advice is that you find a support group for your main addiction and an understanding church. God can help you by filling in your void through other Christians.

I don't believe that Hebrews 6 describes born-again people but people who have "tasted" of God's blessings in his church or their families but who left the Christian faith. If you are truly born-again, God will never let you be "un-born-again." He gives that miracle and will never undo it (John 6, 8, 10).

and yeah I'm going to a Christ loving church. Doesn't fill the void though. Only brings condemnation on me.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

The problem is he's right. There's a hole in me and that means something is drastically wrong. The part where he's wrong is saying I'm leaving God out. Unfortunately I've prayed and prayed but received no answer. My mind is now reprobate.



Doesn't Hebrews 12 talk about Esau searching for repentance?

I keep reading you want God to fill an emotional need. He won’t be used. As long as you want God just so you feel better, He won’t show up. So stop trying to get an emotional need met. Do what is right to others and ask his help to do what is right to others. Treat others as you’d like to be treated and forget thinking about how you feel. If you focus on living God and man instead loving yourself, God will like it.

 

[Invalidusername]

I keep reading you want God to fill an emotional need. He won’t be used. As long as you want God just so you feel better, He won’t show up. So stop trying to get an emotional need met. Do what is right to others and ask his help to do what is right to others. Treat others as you’d like to be treated and forget thinking about how you feel. If you focus on living God and man instead loving yourself, God will like it.

I don't want to use Him. I want to be used by Him but I know that if I am not born again, I am not a genuine believer.

 

[Michael Ward]

I don't want to use Him. I want to be used by Him but I know that if I am not born again, I am not a genuine believer.

I still think you are "trying too hard"....you probably have a background where you listened intently to many preachers. And Preachers are not perfect. They mean well, but they often put so much emphasis on getting "rid of sin" and "behavior modification".

I just had a thought for you. I recently read 1 John. Simple book, you can read it in less than an hour. You are probably familiar with most of it already. But my most recent observation comes from 1 John 3 and 4.

John talks about false teachers and people that just don't "get it" and he simply says that the Spirit from God is one that believes that Jesus came in the flesh is born of God.

So when I read that, I'm encouraged that John sees the "faith" as a rather simple situation. I'm sure you "believe Jesus came in the Flesh" and you can have faith that he was crucified and died, raised and ascended to Heaven.

So I suspect you believe that, and keep it simple. If you hear preachers talking about all kinds of sins that you feel guilty about, take a breath, ask God to help you with it, HE wants to help you with it more than any of us on this forum, because we are filled with our own sins.

So lighten up. Celebrate your faith. God is not putting extra requirements on you. This is a faith that acknowledges that we are all sinful, we have a sin nature, and yet he loves us, all of us and his view on sin is not that we are no longer worthy, but that HE desires that we work with HIM to reduce our own "signature sins" those sins that we especially struggle with that are unique to us.

Ok, don't stress to much, go outside, go for a walk, look around, think about the simplicity of the Gospel and rest in the Love, and Peace and Grace that God offers each of us.

Cheers

 

[ClementofA]

Reminds me of the advise of Jobs friends although not the same. It’s the modern, “hey, if God is not speaking to you cause your sin separates you from Him, no worries. Just tell yourself how much He loves you and tell yourself He’s testing you. No need to seek restoration as that is really troublesome. Just tell yourself what you want to hear instead.”

I don't know where any of that is coming from, since my post had nothing to do with what you have in quotes. But as for the love of God, Scripture says we love because He first loved us. It's a realization of His love that will bring one to love Him back & love others, with all that that involves. Not a horror flick fantasy of a god holding a baseball bat over our heads ready to swing the second we have a bad thought.

God is love, and the one abiding in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17In this, love has been perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment that, just as He is, also are we in this world.

18There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment; and the one fearing has not been perfected in love. 19We love because He first loved us.

Please note also that perfect love is referred to in both verses 17 & 18.

If you are still fearing "hell", you have not been "perfected in love" (1 Jn.4:17-19).

V.19 We love because He first loved us.

 

[Invalidusername]

I still think you are "trying too hard"....you probably have a background where you listened intently to many preachers. And Preachers are not perfect. They mean well, but they often put so much emphasis on getting "rid of sin" and "behavior modification".

I just had a thought for you. I recently read 1 John. Simple book, you can read it in less than an hour. You are probably familiar with most of it already. But my most recent observation comes from 1 John 3 and 4.

John talks about false teachers and people that just don't "get it" and he simply says that the Spirit from God is one that believes that Jesus came in the flesh is born of God.

So when I read that, I'm encouraged that John sees the "faith" as a rather simple situation. I'm sure you "believe Jesus came in the Flesh" and you can have faith that he was crucified and died, raised and ascended to Heaven.

So I suspect you believe that, and keep it simple. If you hear preachers talking about all kinds of sins that you feel guilty about, take a breath, ask God to help you with it, HE wants to help you with it more than any of us on this forum, because we are filled with our own sins.

So lighten up. Celebrate your faith. God is not putting extra requirements on you. This is a faith that acknowledges that we are all sinful, we have a sin nature, and yet he loves us, all of us and his view on sin is not that we are no longer worthy, but that HE desires that we work with HIM to reduce our own "signature sins" those sins that we especially struggle with that are unique to us.

Ok, don't stress to much, go outside, go for a walk, look around, think about the simplicity of the Gospel and rest in the Love, and Peace and Grace that God offers each of us.

Cheers

I understand and I really want to believe what you're saying. But I am so empty on the inside. I am nothing but a shell of what I used to be. I am having suicidal thoughts now.

 

[ClementofA]

He didn't sin after conversion though.

These had not only willfully sinned after conversion, they had also denied the faith & a good conscience, yet God was still drawing them to salvation:

1 Tim.1:19 holding on to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and so have suffered shipwreck with regard to the faith. 20 Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.…

Compare:

1 Cor.5:3b I have already pronounced judgement on the one who did this, just as if I were present 4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, 5 hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

 

[ClementofA]

Idk if I still have the Holy Spirit so if I don't then I cannot understand spiritual matters. And I always feel condemned when I read the bible.

Condemnation is not of God:

Rom.8:1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

It comes from another source:

Rev.12:10b For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. 11 They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; and they did not love their lives so as to shy away from death.

Jesus came to give you life & life abundantly (Jn.10:10).

We have forgiveness of sins according to 1 John 1:9.

 

[ClementofA]

and yeah I'm going to a Christ loving church. Doesn't fill the void though. Only brings condemnation on me.

Then I'd suggest switching to something more edifying & uplifting, e.g.:

 

[Tutorman]

I know this but I have two choices. Quit my sin and search after God or turn back to my worldly ways. I have completely utterly repented of my worldly ways so that only leaves one option left and that's to search after God. Since He is not being found by me, I have to take action NOW. That means quitting my addictions.

God never left

 

[Tutorman]

and yeah I'm going to a Christ loving church. Doesn't fill the void though. Only brings condemnation on me.

If one repents there is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). The enemy always tries to say we are not forgiven but we are.

 

[eleos1954]

God told us to love him with our minds. God is not anti-intellectual. Acknowledging him in our ways is an intellectual matter.

All of that requires the intellect.

It is an interesting read .... intellect verses intelligence

Matthew 18:2-4

2 And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, 3 and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven

 

[Yarddog]

I know this but I have two choices. Quit my sin and search after God or turn back to my worldly ways. I have completely utterly repented of my worldly ways so that only leaves one option left and that's to search after God. Since He is not being found by me, I have to take action NOW. That means quitting my addictions.

Are your addictions killing you? (Drug, etc) most addictions are life time addictions, unless God heals that addiction. When God takes your sin, they are forgiven. Even if you may relapse forgiveness remains.

If man tries to end his own addictions, God doesn't get the glory. Man is trying to bring glory to himself. This is what the Tower of Babylon is. Man trying to achieve heaven through his own efforts.

God is there. Pray as much as possible. He is the only one worthy of faith. He will answer.

 

[eleos1954]

God told us to love him with our minds. God is not anti-intellectual. Acknowledging him in our ways is an intellectual matter.

All of that requires the intellect.

This might be a duplicate post ... as this site has been very stable for a couple days (from he anyways) ... if so ... please ignore any duplication.

It is an interesting study intellect verses intelligence.

Matthew 18

2And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, 3and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4“Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven

God Bless