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Men, would like advice on controlling lust, for a particular situation

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by loveandfear, Jul 30, 2012.

  1. TheyCallMeDave

    TheyCallMeDave At your service....

    +144
    Protestant
    Single
    US-Republican
    Unless a persons vision can be substantiated using (or not violating) Scripture, then it is only Ones opinion ; and in the case of Masturbation the Bible is silent on it and a good case can be made in favor of it since it doesnt involve sexual immorality because there isnt another unmarried person involved in the actual act. Further, i dare say that practically every single boy , out of curiousity, has masturbated numerous times ... and i suspect most girls have . Conversely, I do think it is possible using scripture to make a case for God designing sex of any kind to be between a man and a woman in the context of marriage only . Further, One can also speculate that the Creator perhaps wouldnt want THE most pleasurable biological event , IE... an orgasm , to be missed by any human being given its rewarding pleasure , post relaxation benefit, and possible lust-reducing end result .

    These are a few things for consideration, and its up to Each to come to a conclusion . Whichever is the correct God-intended avenue concerning this issue, so long as the Individual is a true Born Again Christian and has their name written in the Lambs Book of Life (Heaven) , they are safe from a GodLESS eternity such as Hell....and they will one day find out the absolute truth on the issue under discussion here.
     
  2. The Fire Rises

    The Fire Rises Via, Veritas, Vita

    +41
    Christian
    Single
    I'll pretty much reiterate what people above me have been saying.

    Yes, this is technically a "grey area" as far as scripture is concerned.

    But, the fact that we are even HAVING this debate about the morality of this issue should tell us something.

    While I cannot speak for God, I would say this.

    "And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell." Matthew 18:9

    Now, I'm not advocating that we men should cut off our...well, you know. I'm NOT saying that lol

    All I'm saying is that if you have any doubt on whether or not it's "okay" to do it, or whether or not you lust when you do this, then it's better to be safe than sorry. Pray to God to free you from the addiction (because that's what it is for many males) and He WILL do it.

    I asked Him to give me the strength to resist the temptation and He has delivered. I can now look temptation in the face and say "NO. My God is more powerful than you. No more will you rule me."

    Asking God to protect me from this temptation has been a decision that I've never regretted; I strongly urge others to do the same.
     
  3. Aijalon

    Aijalon Sayin' it like it is

    967
    +53
    Protestant
    Married
    My advice is to urgently seek a wife. Ask God for a wife. This too is a double edged sword.
     
  4. The Fire Rises

    The Fire Rises Via, Veritas, Vita

    +41
    Christian
    Single
    While finding a wife would probably solve his problem, please be careful about how you view women in this.

    Some people make the greivous mistake of viewing women as nothing more than tools they can use to satisfy their sexual fantasies.
     
  5. loveandfear

    loveandfear Newbie

    80
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    lol thanks.

    Btw, I made some progress, and found some ways to combat the lust.

    Simply start marching in place, for a few minutes. When I do this, I find the blood, flows from the groin area, and to other parts of the body (e.g. feet, hands, if you pump the arms). On both a physical and mental level, the lust / desires will now gradually lessen, and therefore will now become much more manageable.

    Also, if you keep your mind on heavenly things (Colossians 3:2). This is also greatly helps.

    I thought this was also a good tip. I read from another site, that someone suggested not to go to bed, until you're tired and ready to actually sleep. And when you wake up in the morning, get out of bed immediately.

    Also, recently I felt this tremendous joy, from knowing that I'll one day be in heaven. I never felt joy like this before. And I don't want to jeopardize my chance, from getting there, or committing sins that would ruin this joy.

    Regardless I appreciate all the advice, and certainly wouldn't mind hearing more. In hopes, I can find even better methods. I have to admit, it's still a daily struggle, and many times feel like a constant non-stop battle against myself, where I have to literally keep choosing each and every second to remain obedient to God, but it's now less severe. Sometimes, it feels like I'm using every bit of mental and physical strength to not sin, and 'crucify my flesh'. I've been in physical fights in the past, but, this fight against my own fleshly desires, is much greater and more difficult. I also work out, and lift heavy weights, and even this also, is nothing compared to fighting against these desires. All other sins, I find are much easier to conquer. This is without doubt the toughest one. My current homepage, shows 1 Peter 4 for motivation.

    4 So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin. 2 You won’t spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God. 3 You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy—their immorality and lust... 19 So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right

    Thank you all
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2012
  6. tbogunro

    tbogunro Newbie

    569
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    Christian
    Single
    Lol it's funny the Bible is silent concerning masturbation, but not on porn and other things. You might stumble but God isn't looking at your mistakes! Don't rely on your strength bcuz the devil will only tempt you more and as you can see it's already happening. Just keep thanking God that He's forgiven you each time those thoughts come! Don't be silent during temptations...speak to God and THANK Him for forgiven you EVERYTIME you're tempted..even while you're doing it! What's happening when doing this is you're relying on God's strength. You might mess up multiple times but NEVER stay silent and trust me you will OVERCOME this! The devil will try and keep your mouth shut but keep THANKING God during temptations and even when doing those things.

    *it's gonna be hard to focus on selfish pleasures when PRASING God at the same time lol
     
  7. MicahM

    MicahM Newbie

    23
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    Christian
    Single
    The bible says to not look for in lust after another man's wife, less you commit adultery with her in your heart.

    This opens up the question: what if neither of you are married? what if you're masturbating to your wife?

    The latter is totally okay, because it's impossible to commit adultery with your own wife. The former I'm not so sure because adultery =/= fornication.

    I'm an avid masturbator. And that's the reason why I even revisited this forum, because a couple of months ago I got saved, but I was thrown off by conflicting religious opinions, and excessive lust. Lately my lustful habits have been becoming more common and I've been giving in intentionally more. (of course, I never have been crystal clear on what counts as a 'willful' sin, being as no supernatural force can make you do /anything/)
     
  8. x141

    x141 ...

    +429
    Christian
    Married
    If you eat of the tree, you will wander, don't eat and the process ends.
     
  9. loveandfear

    loveandfear Newbie

    80
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    Thanks for this :)

    Btw, I've also found 4 things really helpful. Along the lines with what you said, is throughout the day, finding things to be thankful to God for. Too add some variety, I've also been doing intercessory prayers throughout day. Started learning some Christian songs, and will sing occasionally through the day. And many times, keeping my thoughts on God, Jesus, and heaven.

    It's still tough, but I'm making some progress.
     
  10. briareos

    briareos Well-Known Member

    +260
    Atheist
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Your testicles wont explode or cause cancer of you don't ejaculate frequently... really they wont.
     
  11. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

    +198
    Christian
    Private
    I will say, my dad became a christian at 20 I believe. At which point he fled from porn and NEVER MBed since then. Even while being married he never MB because he felt it would lead him to temptations of the flesh again. He also over the past 10 years or so has had no sex life because of medical issues with kidney stones.

    And yet last year he had his prostate taken out from prostate cancer. So it did make me wonder if what my doctor said about MB is true or not. Even his doctor who is a christian (and my doctor also) said he should of MB at least when married because it does increase your risk of cancer.

    Is this true? I don't know but either way I myself have tried to MB less. Its ashame Mb is such a grey area. >.<
     
  12. brenk

    brenk Newbie

    114
    +2
    Christian
    I found this, it might help......

    STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION


    Mark E. Petersen
    Council of the 12 Apostles

    Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

    This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

    But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

    After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

    A Guide to Self-Control:

    1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

    2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

    3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

    4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

    5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.

    6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

    7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act."

    The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

    8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

    9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

    As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

    Suggestions:

    1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.

    2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

    3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

    4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.

    5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

    6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

    7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

    8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

    9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

    10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

    11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

    12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

    13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

    14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

    15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

    16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

    17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

    18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

    19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

    20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

    21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan Never Gives Up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.
     
  13. tbogunro

    tbogunro Newbie

    569
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    Christian
    Single
    No problem, all wisdom is from God. You're on the right path and REMEMBER the devil doesn't give up easily and no matter how many times you slip, you've ALREADY been forgiven. So NEVER condemn yourself, but smile, shake it off, and keep PRAISING/THANKING God :). Can you imagine the look on the devil's face everytime he tempts you...you praise God, and when you mess up, you thank Him some more lol. At some point the devil will HAVE to move on lol.

    *Wow God is GOOD!
     
  14. briareos

    briareos Well-Known Member

    +260
    Atheist
    Single
    US-Constitution
    hmmm...
     
  15. loveandfear

    loveandfear Newbie

    80
    +3
    Christian
    Single
    Hi guys,

    Just wanted to share a really effective method I came across.

    My lust / desires were quite strong last night. I then, was thinking and feeling about the knowing I would make it to heaven. You can try this yourself, just take a moment, to really feel that knowing that you'll get to spend an eternity in heaven.

    I found this joy from knowing I would get to heaven is greater and deeper, than the pleasure from lust.

    I then quite easily chose not to look at porn, and feed the lust, which would ruin the far greater joy and knowing I would make it to heaven.

    So far, I'm finding of all the methods, this seems to be the most effective.
     
  16. loveandfear

    loveandfear Newbie

    80
    +3
    Christian
    Single
    Thanks for sharing this. Did some research, and found when a man hits at least 40, or ideally earlier, he may want to start taking these natural supplements, to reduce the risk of prostrate cancer and for overall prostate health:

    Saw Palmetto
    Zinc
    Lycopene
    Pumpkin Seed

    Also so you don't have to take so many pills, there's supplements that contain all these ingredients in a single pill.

    Also you mentioned he has kidney stone issues, here's some good ways to naturally dissolve them:
    http://thealoeverasite.com/can-aloe-vera-cure-help-treat-or-prevent_Kidney-Stones.php
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2012
  17. Aijalon

    Aijalon Sayin' it like it is

    967
    +53
    Protestant
    Married
    Even though prolonged lack of ejaculation probably does increase the risk, it is not the sperm that causes the risk. It is the lack of use of the prostate gland itself and the combination of two other things that increase cancer risk.

    #1 Sedementary lifestyle.
    Sitting around on the couch and in an office chair all day is horrible for your health later in life. It decreases bone and muscle density and makes you generally weak, including your immune system. Strenuous excercise decreases the risk of just about every disease.

    #2 Poor diet.
    Highly processed and preserved snack foods, shelf stable foods, sugary foods, heavy carbs, and prescription drug use flood your body with chemicals that are not found in nature, and pollute the body. These will increase your risk of cancer enormously, even without excercise. This is the utmost importance. People did not die of heart disease 100 years ago, it was almost unheard of, now it is common place because our diets are so poor.
     
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