Marriage - it may not be worth it anymore (for men)

[TheLastGeek]

Circles back to being more discerning in the type of women you attach yourselves to. A woman who's materialistic and entitled when you date her, is going to be the woman who fleeces you ruthlessly when you divorce her.

Pick better women.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Interesting that Christian men aren't immune to the woes of dating and/or, they mirror exactly secular dating pretty much.

I can't speak for other Christian women, but the two instances where I could have had legal means to drag an ex through the wringer or torture him financially, I didn't. I had zero wish to do so. I simply wanted a clean departure with no animosity on either side. In fact, I was the one who got gutted both times in the money arena, because I was naively trusting, kind, and generous. And before tongues set a-wagging, no, I have not been married and divorced twice.

I honestly believe most Christian women would be the same, in not being gold-digging harpies towards their exes.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Circles back to being more discerning in the type of women you attach yourselves to. A woman who's materialistic and entitled when you date her, is going to be the woman who fleeces you ruthlessly when you divorce her.

Pick better women.

Easier said than done, how can you even know a woman is "better"? She could be putting a front the entire time, and then perform a rug pull.

 

[NBB]

Interesting that Christian men aren't immune to the woes of dating and/or, they mirror exactly secular dating pretty much.

When I met a 25 year old divorce woman, I"m like "That was quick! Whatever happend till death do you part?!"
I was naïve to think that back then.

i actually not speaking about myself, just the current world state, because i firmly believe in biblical marriage, and single now but if i marry it needs to be for life.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Easier said than done, how can you even know a woman is "better"? She could be putting a front the entire time, and then perform a rug pull.

Don't marry her until enough time has passed that, if she were putting up a front, she'd have grown tired of the game and let it fall.

 

[Sketcher]

Don't marry her until enough time has passed that, if she were putting up a front, she'd have grown tired of the game and let it fall.

Given your assessment of women, how long would you expect that to be on average?

 

[Sketcher]

What exactly is a "top 10% man"?

Do men go around pursuing women of "their caliber" and ignoring the top 10% women? Also wondering what a "top 10% woman" is.

A top 10% man is a man in the top 10% of what women find attractive.

A top 10% woman is in the top 10% of what men find attractive. These are different things.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Given your assessment of women, how long would you expect that to be on average?

Oh, gosh lol.

I think a good rule of thumb for any couple is not to marry anyone you've been dating (not just known, but been seriously dating) for at least one year. I think most people who put up fronts and facades will have some cracks in them before that time is up. And it's important to be discerning and open-eyed the whole time. It's SO easy to ignore and overlook and justify red flags and warning signs when you're in the throes of infatuation and giddy, new love. It really is intoxicating and like a drug, and you don't think clearly.

 

[TheLastGeek]

A top 10% man is a man in the top 10% of what women find attractive.

A top 10% woman is in the top 10% of what men find attractive. These are different things.

What do "women" find attractive then?

This stuff just amuses me.

 

[Sketcher]

What do "women" find attractive then?

This stuff just amuses me.

First, tell me what you, your friends, the women in your family, and the women you've been around find attractive in a candidate for a husband. Then we can compare notes.

 

[TheLastGeek]

First, tell me what you, your friends, the women in your family, and the women you've been around find attractive in a candidate for a husband. Then we can compare notes.

I'm not the one making the assertion!

 

[Sketcher]

First, tell me what you, your friends, the women in your family, and the women you've been around find attractive in a candidate for a husband. Then we can compare notes.

I'm not the one making the assertion!

And here I am willing to put my assertion to the test by asking you this.

 

[TheLastGeek]

And here I am willing to put my assertion to the test by asking you this.

Since you're asking about private, personal experiences regarding myself and women in my family, that's not something I'm comfortable sharing in this forum. If you're really, seriously wanting a discussion about it, you're welcome to send me a private message.

 

[KJ91]

yep todays women will treat their husbands bad, and cheat on them, then dump them, then get a new husband the week after. its not worth it.

 

[Niels]

I am seeing more and more videos lately about how men are essentially screwed in the dating world. How women only pursue the top 10% of men, while being ignored by those same men, and with those women ignoring the men that are at their caliber.

It's called click-bait. They're looking for an emotional reaction.

Think about it. If more women went for genuinely high caliber guys, would there be much outrage? I don't think so. Men would take self-improvement seriously, treat others better, take care of themselves more, study harder etc. so they can become the best too. And there are lots of ways to shine. I don't see many men objecting when women fall for great guys who take care of themselves. But that's not what we're dealing with.

A top 10% man is a man in the top 10% of what women find attractive.

A top 10% woman is in the top 10% of what men find attractive. These are different things.

Don't forget who is doing the judging. Do they really speak for the "best" in either case? Along those lines, is fast food the best food? Is reality TV the best TV? Are viral videos the epitome of all that's right with humanity? Nope. Not even close. We need to avoid getting sucked into this cultural vortex that drags people down. It isn't a healthy place to be. Find something worthwhile to do, or strive to be in the top 10% of if you like to compete, and focus on that instead.

 

[High Fidelity]

yep todays women will treat their husbands bad, and cheat on them, then dump them, then get a new husband the week after. its not worth it.

If you think your looks aren’t attractive then your attitude is giving it a run for its money.

That’s a horrendous take that’s very broad-brushed, uncharitable and patently wrong to generalise.

 

[trophy33]

If you think your looks aren’t attractive then your attitude is giving it a run for its money.

That’s a horrendous take that’s very broad-brushed, uncharitable and patently wrong to generalise.

Though you are right that it does not apply to all marriages, the argument "its wrong to generalize" is not convincing.

If the risk is high, it does not matter that its not 100%. Would you eat something with a risk of getting cancer 40%? Would you happily go through a street with a 50% chance of being attacked? Would you buy a goods with such high price that its obviously not worth it, even though it has some few useful functions?

Instead, try to understand men (oh, you may even agree with them!) and if you have a solution to the problem (how to make marriages safer and more useful for them), you may offer it.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Though you are right that it does not apply to all women, the argument "its wrong to generalize" is not convincing.

If the risk is high, it does not matter that its not 100%. Would you eat something with a risk of getting cancer 40%? Would you happily go through a street with a 50% chance of being attacked? Would you buy a goods with such high price that its obviously not worth it, even though it has some few useful functions?

Instead, try to understand men (oh, you may even agree with them!) and if you have a solution to the problem, you may offer it.

You're defining marriage as something that's useful and based entirely upon self gain. Why? Are we not told to love our other half as Christ loves us? The value of marriage is not defined by what the person may lose, but that it is right and good in the sight of our God. If you want to be single then be single, that's good too; however, don't malign marriage on the basis that it might end up wrong. Especially given that as an assembly of believers our relationship to The Lord is likened to marriage.

 

[trophy33]

You're defining marriage as something that's useful and based entirely upon self gain. Why?

Quote my definition of marriage, thanks.

If you want to be single then be single, that's good too;

Its not "good too". Singleness is default, recommended by apostles and lived by Christ. Marriage is allowed.

don't malign marriage on the basis that it might end up wrong. Especially given that our relationship to The Lord is likened to marriage.

Have you seen the video? Have you read the OP? Its not about "maligning marriage". Its about the sad state of marriage, marriage and divorce laws, today.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Quote my definition of marriage, thanks.

If the risk is high, it does not matter that its not 100%. Would you eat something with a risk of getting cancer 40%? Would you happily go through a street with a 50% chance of being attacked? Would you buy a goods with such high price that its obviously not worth it, even though it has some few useful functions?

Its not "good too". Singleness is default, recommended by apostles and lived by Christ. Marriage is allowed.

"Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called. Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife."-1 Corinthians 7:24–27

The default is not singleness but that which The Lord has called you to. Singleness is better and preferred, however, both require grace in order to be established and sustained:
“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. “For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.” -Matthew 19:9–12

Have you seen the video? Have you read the OP? Its not about "maligning marriage". Its about the sad state of marriage, marriage and divorce laws, today.

I have seen the video and it was absolutely rough to watch given that he commended his Catholic upbringing based upon the successfulness of marriage rather than the truth marriage is based upon or it's reason for existence. The whole thing is laden with moral assumptions which treats certain morals as inherently true even though they can't be established within the paradigm the person is presenting. If he was to approach it from a Christian perspective there would have been no question of 'value' placed upon the successful of the marriage due to the biblical reason for & definition of marriage. It's not about gain.