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Featured Looking after widows (and orphans)

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Goodbook, Jan 11, 2017.

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  1. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    one time took a widow to the cemetery, with her daughter-in-law were her husband is resting in peace - she always talks about him like she misses him everyday which is touching. When she was at the gravesite she did talk to him as if he could hear but I'm sure a lot of people do this, its not uncommon. I don't think its necromancy though.

    I do think that widows that have peace are easier to get along with than those that might have unresolved issues with their spouses.
    I think I see some of that in the way they kinda complain about their lot in life when I think - hey at least you were married some people don't even get that opportunity!
     
  2. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Although I do say to divorcees/separated folk who complain hey at least your ex is still alive and supports the children you would be in dire straits if they died. (this was one toughie) I don't think divorcees are so bad that they would wish their ex dead. There is always hope for redemption while they have breath.
     
  3. Open Heart

    Open Heart Well-Known Member

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    It's not your job to be their family or their therapist. Just be good to them. If they think about their dead husbands, let them! If they are sentimental, so be it! They are old and have earned that right.

    The reason scripture commands us to look after widows and orphans is because they do not have the means to take good care of themselves--women back in those days were absolutely dependent upon men for support.

    So on one hand, if you have a widow who is filthy rich, she doesn't really need your help, except maybe for company.

    On the other hand, you may have divorced women with children, who are struggling to make ends meet. Children without fathers in the home are at the highest risk of poverty. What can you do to help? Is their lawn mowed or a mess? Do they have enough food, or are they eating a lot of Top Ramen? Is their electricity bill past due? Can they get to church, or is their car undrivable?
     
  4. Open Heart

    Open Heart Well-Known Member

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    True that.
     
  5. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    I wonder what Paul meant when he wrote look after widows who are widows indeed.

    Im sure he made a disctinction between thiose who genuinely needed help and those who didnt.
     
  6. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Hmm according to Pauls criteria...the widows ive been called to help shouldnt need my help!

    They have children who ought to look after them not me! Grr wish Id read this sooner

    1 timothy 5
     
  7. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    One widow was such a busybody about my life I had to cut off contact with her.
     
  8. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Ok am decided dont need to help this widow anymore her own children ought to help her.

    If God forbid my parents became widowed I would help them not expect someone outside of my family to take that burden.
     
  9. Open Heart

    Open Heart Well-Known Member

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    Indeed children are called to care for their parents, and many times the parents have saved up for their retirements (this will be less common for the next generation, which has debt rather than savings).

    Like I said before, the reason Paul singled out widows and orphans was because in his days they were the most needy, often going hungry.

    Today the children most likely to go hungry are those without fathers in the home, being raised by single mothers, meaning they are living below the poverty line.

    There are also real orphans and other foster kids who need mentors, because food and shelter are not enough. There are opportunities like Big Brothers where you can be a mentor to a child in need. My son needed someone like that, but couldn't get one, because the list was simply years long.

    It is the church's job to find out who is in need and help them. Often they are too embarrassed to come forward in a direct manner, so their prayer partners have to rat them out.

    I personallh know a husband and wife who both work for time at $12/hr jobs. It's enough to afford an apartment and a car that continually breaks down. But they can't afford to feed their six year old and pay for after school care, and so their child lives with cousins while they work on getting themselves into better financial condition. How awful for a family to be split up like that. Don't you think this is a case of "The least of these" that Christ was talking about?
     
  10. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Friend said widow may have been abrupt or cranky cos shes in pain. I dont know...shes been widowed about ten years. Maybe i start praying for her instead and see if next time see her shes not so bossy. Her daughter is doing her shopping but think she just not allowed to touch her stuff she just keeps everything. Like my mum.

    Shes not as bad as the widow who was a complete hoarder couldnt even enter her house. All we end up doing is moving stuff around cos none can bear anything being thrown away.
     
  11. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Friend said widow was married to a minister and they were active in missions so I take that back if I implied in any way he was not a believer...

    But I still think its sad that she now lives on her own with the dog and her children so busy with their own families and she was housebound so that its deteriorated into a tip.

    it seems like the house will just be sold off to the highest bidder who will bulldoze the place and turn it into a bunch of ugly flats so there really is no point doing any gardening at all. I just feel like there's no point in me even touching the stuff because she wants to keep it all despite the reality it will all be levelled, the garden totally destroyed and nothing to show for our efforts.

    If she was staying on then yes I would tend her garden but if she's not then just get the weedkilling mowerman demolition people to do it. Its exhausting being told one thing and then the exact opposite is going to happen. Oh don't touch that, I need that, even when its falling to bits.

    arrgh. What to do. Or not do. I don't think its fair on my friend to continue offering to help when she doesn't want it. I didn't go this week (relieved) I was called to go somewhere else. My friend had to even tell some white lies when she asked where something was cos she gets agitated when we move things.
     
  12. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Hmm well she was better today and even got out for a walk, with ther physio and we kind of kept out of her way and got on with it, and I guess am a bit less bothered now be everything as I was before, we still tending the garden as shes still living there and she enjoys the blooms from the roses so its not like our efforts are entirely wasted.

    I tend to get quite frustrated when told one thing and then get told another thats the opposite as often is the case with older ppl they end up confusing me cos their mind sometimes isnt all there. When they all over the place and out of sorts its hard to focus on whats best to do.
     
  13. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Im not helping this widow anymore but do see her at church sometime. My friend exhausted herself helping her but I think God saw the good she did even when this widow wasnt exactly appreciative.

    Im kind of wary of many widows now cos they can treat others really badly. :-( i have had a few really bad experiences with them.

    But yes you have to set limits with them. I dont know why this one was very moody, when she was happy she was lovely but when she was not she was horrible. Maybe its just their inability to cope without a husband? I mean we arent her husband and she cant expect us to be..but we end up doing all the things a husband would do...and this sometimes happens with divorcees as well.

    Sometimes you wonder if by helping them you just make things worse...its. It not fun being dumped on.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2017
  14. Lulav

    Lulav Older than ZIP Codes Staff Member Administrator CF Staff Trainer Supporter Staff on LOA CF Senior Ambassador

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    closed for review.jpg
     
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