• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

Featured Looking after widows (and orphans)

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Goodbook, Jan 11, 2017.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,026
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Just wondering if theres any practical advice for looking after widows.

    Have a widowed lady in church and been asked to help her with her garden, me and another church member have been going once a week to clear her backyard.

    Shes recovering from an operation and so she cant really do much at all and is housebound.

    The only thing is I noticed that widows can be set in their ways and hold on to all their stuff!!! To the point where it almost becomes a huge mountain! We are not going to touch whats inside her house, but is kind of overwhelming to us esp when she says she wants to sell the house and move.

    Another widowed lady that I know has a house too big for her again and cant sell to a smaller place cos her son still lives with her and shes constantly talking about it but it wont happen and shes always battling with the next door neighbours tree.

    How do you deal with widows? Sometimes its like they just stuck in this place, and its probably reminding them too much of their husbands who have passed away.
     
  2. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    It specifically states "The person who has a kid with someone who already has a kid with some else is a sinner so needs Jesus Christ!" - The Holy Bible
     
  3. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,026
    Christian
    In Relationship
    ? what are you talking about. Your post doesn't make any sense. Please stick to the topic!
     
  4. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting Berean through and through Supporter

    +2,327
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Others
    I'm pretty sure that is not quoted correctly.
     
  5. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting Berean through and through Supporter

    +2,327
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Others
    Provide firm estimates on the value of the house full and empty.
    The longer she has those documents, the more likely she will come around.
    Include a rare picture of her and her husband on the estimates.
     
  6. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic Supporter

    +9,113
    United States
    Catholic
    In Relationship
    US-Republican
    I think the best advice i could give you is to clear gently and consult with her often, and aim for restoration.
    you will need to be her hands and feet, but she will need to be your eyes.

    as a widdow, the task of removing things is one of the most difficult things to do because it loosens the ties that have bound for many years, puts to bed all the hopes and dreams that she had for the place, and confronts one head on with the ultimate failure in the war with death.

    A widdow is left with the stark reality that things will never be the same again.
    Add to that the reality of not being able to physically do things for herself any more, and the future does not look at all bright.

    The second thing you need to know is that grief of this sort lasts far longer than anyone realizes.
    Don't think in terms of months, but in years-- as in multiple years-- before she will be healed enough to begin to live again.

    The hardest thing and what takes the longest to heal is the willingness to risk being hurt like this again.
    Going through the death of a spouse or loved one is the most difficult thing anyone will ever face in life.
    patience, love, and gentleness are always appreciated.
    knowing that people are concerned for her personally long after the death is priceless.
     
  7. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    I'm talking about The Widow when she already has a kid is OFF LIMITS to another guy who wants to force that situation on her so must be protected by a strong defender and that is that topic of this thread!!!
     
  8. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    So are you saying your are an atheist or an agnostic who believes a married person who have kids with multiple partners? Just a question if you are thwarting my religious Catholic views.
     
  9. rockytopva

    rockytopva Love to pray! :) Supporter

    +4,947
    Pentecostal
    Single
    My advice in dealing with all humanity is to set the example you expect to see in others!
     
  10. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Thank you! I just want to add words do hurt. However follow what I say and what I do is what I am accustomed to. You are right in saying how can someone expect others to listen when that person is doing something wrong. Thank you again.
     
  11. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting Berean through and through Supporter

    +2,327
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Others
    I'm saying you are not supporting your comment well enough to even consider the point.
     
  12. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,026
    Christian
    In Relationship
    well I don't know I've never been widowed so not sure what it would be like to live in a home without ones husband and have to maintain it all by myself.
    The widow in question has a dog so she's not totally alone and 3 grown up children and grand children but they have moved away and don't really help her out. She has to have home help come in but it's stressful dealing with so many people.

    one of my neighbours looks after his mum with his brother so she doesn't have to go into an old folks home not that she'd want to...but its stressful for him. She has nurse come in and help her shower etc. I guess we just do what we can.

    Even if the widows are mobile it seems like emotionally they can still be devastated even though their husbands may have passed away a long time ago.
     
  13. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,026
    Christian
    In Relationship
    To have your other half not there and still be in the same house with the bedroom you've lived in and share with all your married life would be kinda sad I think. I don't know how people cope and move on, I guess some literally can't move on.

    Many widows want to sell up and start afresh. But just can't because they have so much stuff and literally cannot pack up and move.
     
  14. TurtleAnne

    TurtleAnne Active Member

    335
    +292
    Christian
    Single
    Listen to them talk. Ask them questions about their lives (past and present) and listen to them talk, do the whole "active listening" skills thing. This means the most to many of them.

    I base this advice off of my experience working in memory care, I was a caregiver in a memory care nursing home for about a year (memory care nursing homes are specifically for residents with various severity levels and types of dementia).

    Practical things are of course always great, but it's the social/emotional care that means the most to people who are on the cusp of death (to put it bluntly), which includes elderly widows (nursing homes are full of them, as women tend to live longer than men).

    Also, with permission, appropriate physical affection is huge (hugs, holding their hand, firm but gentle shoulder squeeze or pat on the back for encouragement, etc).

    Even without severe dementia, something I observed in every resident I ever cared for, both memory care and regular during my clinical training, was the phenomena of how the full earthly life cycle tends to come full circle, mentally and emotionally (and perhaps spiritually, for at least some people), in that the elderly are often like children when it comes to their needs. Which doesn't mean that they no longer need or deserve the dignity of adulthood (they very much do), but as far as their social and emotional needs, as they are facing death on the horizon, their needs go back to the basics: affection, validation and general caring (when all of the superficial rat race distractions of modern industrialized life are falling away).

    Most of them have stories that they very much need to tell someone, which requires someone actually caring enough to ask and listen. Some of these stories are hilarious, as well, and some of them are rather emotionally deep, and some of them are "little things" stories that hold greater significance. And, sometimes the stories are angry or bitter, but you could wind up being the only person in their 60/70/80/90+ years of life who ever lets them know that it was okay for them to feel angry and that what they went through was definitely hurtful. Sometimes some pretty intense emotional processing happens at the end of one's life (I have seen it more than a few times), and all it took was for someone to really listen and genuinely care and think about what was being said, and then respond with healthy compassion.

    If you can offer that to someone who is elderly and alone, then you can offer them the most meaningful thing that a human can at that stage of their life. Of course, though, again all of the practical help is very helpful, haha. It's just that deep down most of them are happier that you are there, than they are about the chores around the house getting done, if you feel my drift.
     
  15. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Thank you! I often go about giving away what belongs to my family to others. Then they get annoyed and angry that I give away what belongs to me that should have gone to me. Then I wonder why they always rebuke me when I gave money time effort and hard work away to others that comes from their sweat and tears to bring us children up... I should be taking care of the house and waiting until my family comes home until I can grow up and take my turns. Instead I go out and meet those that are not my flesh and blood. So it is weird.
     
  16. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    The Holy Bible says try to consider others like your family; for what is it that you give to your own? If you give to your own you get no credit from God!
     
  17. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    What if my mom is at work and she needed help. The only person around are others not flesh and blood. They ended helping out; so thank you all!
     
  18. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Please try your best not to touch the lady's rare stuffs. My mom has worked for 63 years of her life for the little she has. It may seem she's rich however she slave labored earlier in her life suffering much abuse for that! You don't know what she went through to have her stuffs missing or messed up. I did work on an old lady's place and we moved her furnitures. However I tripped accidentally while walking backwards and broke her stuff. So I don't expect to get hired anymore.
     
  19. tienkhoanguyen

    tienkhoanguyen non-denominational Christian

    394
    +78
    Non-Denom
    Single
    My grandma seems always happy but sometimes tired. She eats and fast often for prayer and lived 89 years. I believe it is better to live at home. It is family. I went into a nursing home younger and got taking home by my parents and aunt. Nothing special like flesh and blood family! However people who are not your family can help. Just be careful either way. Thank you Jesus Christ most of my life if not all my life the people around me and especially my parents and sisters are good people.
     
  20. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting Berean through and through Supporter

    +2,327
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Others
    You don't get to take any of it with you, so the work you do is not to get the stuff.
    You work to benefit other people.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Loading...