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just kiddin'
- Thread starter visionary
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A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the western wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to Jerusalem to check it out. She found the western wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" "Morris Feinberg," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the western wall and praying?" "for about 60 years." "60 years ! That's amazing ! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims." "I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop." "I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man." "I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests." and finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a brick wall "
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" "Morris Feinberg," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the western wall and praying?" "for about 60 years." "60 years ! That's amazing ! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims." "I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop." "I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man." "I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests." and finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a brick wall "
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A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went..?”
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went..?”
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A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked the flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
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I thought this was funny:
In an episode of the television program 30 Rock, the overly pietistic character Kenneth reveals that he has no political views, because, according to him, "choosing is a sin". Instead, he always submits write-in votes for God. Another character, Jack Donaghy, then reveals that those count as Republican.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republican_Party_(United_States)
In an episode of the television program 30 Rock, the overly pietistic character Kenneth reveals that he has no political views, because, according to him, "choosing is a sin". Instead, he always submits write-in votes for God. Another character, Jack Donaghy, then reveals that those count as Republican.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republican_Party_(United_States)
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An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.
"Bartender! A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"
Everyone except the Jewish man receives a glass of premium scotch.
The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.
The Jew smiles back.
The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.
"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"
He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."
The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.
Furious, the anti-semite says to the bartender, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?"
"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
"Bartender! A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"
Everyone except the Jewish man receives a glass of premium scotch.
The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.
The Jew smiles back.
The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.
"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"
He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."
The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.
Furious, the anti-semite says to the bartender, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?"
"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
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MWood
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TRAVEL PLANS FOR 2015
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however , been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and job.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, I try not to visit there to often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. Maybe it was the laughter. They tell me it gets pretty damp there. And sometimes its down right wet.
Life is too short for negative drama and petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!
From one unstable person to another.......Have a blessed day.
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however , been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and job.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, I try not to visit there to often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. Maybe it was the laughter. They tell me it gets pretty damp there. And sometimes its down right wet.
Life is too short for negative drama and petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!
From one unstable person to another.......Have a blessed day.
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A
aniello
Guest
Woody 71,
Good observations all.
I can relate.
Back in my drinking days I was found in Sensate many times.
Good observations all.
I can relate.Back in my drinking days I was found in Sensate many times.
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Israeli PM calls for just solution to end the conflict.
Aboard Air Force Aleph (Reuters) Speaking to reporters accompanying Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on his long flight to the United States tonight, Netanyahu spoke of the injustice and hardship Mexicans have endured since American forces annexed Texas in 1845. Tens of thousands of ordinary Mexicans were driven out of their homes the only homes they had known for centuries - and forced to live in poverty and squalor south of the border imposed by American aggression, Netanyahu said. The Israeli and Mexican people agree on this: This festering wound will never heal until America takes bold steps to return to the internationally accepted lines of 1845. Clearly the settlement activity thats taken place occupied Mexico since then is illegal. When I meet the President tomorrow I will tell him to halt all building activity in Texas immediately. Two lands for two peoples, yes, but not on land taken by force from Mexico, the Prime Minister said.
Asked if his hard-line stance could hurt the U.S.-Israel relationship, Netanyahu reiterated Israels commitment to Americas security and the unshakeable friendship shared by the two countries, then added, But who was it who said, part of friendship is being able to tell your friend the truth. The ball is now in Obamas court.
Aboard Air Force Aleph (Reuters) Speaking to reporters accompanying Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on his long flight to the United States tonight, Netanyahu spoke of the injustice and hardship Mexicans have endured since American forces annexed Texas in 1845. Tens of thousands of ordinary Mexicans were driven out of their homes the only homes they had known for centuries - and forced to live in poverty and squalor south of the border imposed by American aggression, Netanyahu said. The Israeli and Mexican people agree on this: This festering wound will never heal until America takes bold steps to return to the internationally accepted lines of 1845. Clearly the settlement activity thats taken place occupied Mexico since then is illegal. When I meet the President tomorrow I will tell him to halt all building activity in Texas immediately. Two lands for two peoples, yes, but not on land taken by force from Mexico, the Prime Minister said.
Asked if his hard-line stance could hurt the U.S.-Israel relationship, Netanyahu reiterated Israels commitment to Americas security and the unshakeable friendship shared by the two countries, then added, But who was it who said, part of friendship is being able to tell your friend the truth. The ball is now in Obamas court.
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ron4shua
" ... each in our own order " , Hallelu-YAH .
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The Young blond in need of a new Television .
A Young blond lady enters the local appliances store . She looks around sees a man stocking merchandise on lower shelving . She address him saying , excuse me sir , could you tell me the price of this TV ? The stocker didn't even look up from his work but just replied , I'm sorry mam story policy we don't cater to blond women .
She turned without saying a word and rushed to the drug store , fuming all the way . Bought brunette hair dye and used it on all exposed hair , fuming all the time . Early the next day she traced her course . A different employee was in the same general area same position . So she address him & gets the same response , I'm sorry mam story policy we don't cater to blond women .
The young lady was steamed , she traced her course of the preceding day only black dye was purchased this time . A complete dye job . Early the next day she traced her course . Entering the store she seen a man in the same area ​, ​she took as a supervisor or owner , walking up to him she pointed to the appliance she asked about the first ​& second ​time she ​had ​entered the store . She addressed the well dressed gentleman " would you tell me the price of ​this TV " ,​pointing to her desire . ​With out looking where she was pointing ,​
​ h​is reply was " I'm sorry mam story policy we don't cater to blond women ." By this time She was just about to go postal . Sa​ying​ " how in the world do you know I'm a Blond ?" The Manager took a step backwards ​in a defensive move ​& replied " This is the microwave department , mam ."
The servant ron .
A Young blond lady enters the local appliances store . She looks around sees a man stocking merchandise on lower shelving . She address him saying , excuse me sir , could you tell me the price of this TV ? The stocker didn't even look up from his work but just replied , I'm sorry mam story policy we don't cater to blond women .
She turned without saying a word and rushed to the drug store , fuming all the way . Bought brunette hair dye and used it on all exposed hair , fuming all the time . Early the next day she traced her course . A different employee was in the same general area same position . So she address him & gets the same response , I'm sorry mam story policy we don't cater to blond women .
The young lady was steamed , she traced her course of the preceding day only black dye was purchased this time . A complete dye job . Early the next day she traced her course . Entering the store she seen a man in the same area ​, ​she took as a supervisor or owner , walking up to him she pointed to the appliance she asked about the first ​& second ​time she ​had ​entered the store . She addressed the well dressed gentleman " would you tell me the price of ​this TV " ,​pointing to her desire . ​With out looking where she was pointing ,​
​ h​is reply was " I'm sorry mam story policy we don't cater to blond women ." By this time She was just about to go postal . Sa​ying​ " how in the world do you know I'm a Blond ?" The Manager took a step backwards ​in a defensive move ​& replied " This is the microwave department , mam ."
The servant ron .
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You can't have all these jokes without one blonde one.
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
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A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead horse!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead.’
A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.’
Chuck grew up and works now for the government.
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead horse!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead.’
A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.’
Chuck grew up and works now for the government.
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